Anyone on the brink of suicide here? Tell your story and maybe other anons can provide some comfort

Anyone on the brink of suicide here? Tell your story and maybe other anons can provide some comfort.

I've had PTSD, OCD, generalized anxiety and depression for nearly 9 years now and this past year and a half, it has robbed me of just being human. I can't do anything, I don't know if the meds I'm on will work, I don't know if I'll ever be normal. And I've been seriously contemplating suicide recently, moreso than ever. First time I nearly killed myself was back in 2010.

I figured as a last ditch effort, I'll turn to the place that was the home to the friends with no names that have been there since the beginning, and before my illnesses came about.

So tell me my Sup Forumsrothers, what ails your mind?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/embed/s4M8GjgfG9k
twitter.com/AnonBabble

I'll post some wallpapers in the meantime

I've nearly killed myself on various occasions, and I've gotten to the belief that death isn't to be sought out, if you want it he won't respond like a dog.

Death comes when it is necessary

Very true, user. Death comes for us all, but only at the appointed time.

At this point I wanna get a shotgun and just take a blast directly to the face, no dick puns intended. Completely disregarding all that mumbly jumbalo.

sorry user, i have attempted suicide as well, only reason im alive is because of my beautiful, loving, girlfriend, she is really the light of my life. do you have anyone like that op?

The feelings are always strong, that is what they are supposed to be, the compressed matter of the ego influenced by the outside circumstance. Maybe a change of circumstance can make it all better ?

No. I only have my mother and she says "there is hope" but treats me like a lost cause.

Change of circumstance how? I can't really do much of anything.

At this point anons, I'm afraid of never being normal, and I don't want to live a life like that. Despair has its grip on me and it sucks.

How is always the question, it can be minor, it can be major. I'm not trying to give you some hogwash about "be happy with what you have", I'm just trying to tell you that YOU are the only that is imorptant and know what you need, anything else is secondary.

What do you see as possible for enjoyment in your everyday-life ?

Only thing that keeps me alive is the idea that God has some reason for me to be alive. If it were not for that, I wouldn't be here.

Just sitting and having a clear, peaceful, tranquil mind and heart. I can be doing almost anything. At this point I don't even know what I would enjoy beyond that because I haven't gotten any further than that...

Then go and travel, as it sounds, you might as well work a dead end job for a greater goal.

When my schizophrenia was at it's highest I started working 12 hours a day a ta themepark to save up money, I did that for half a year and then I went travelling for the money for 1½ months, went to continuation school on my own fee, travelled again for a month and then went to another continuation school. you live at home anyway, so the expenses aren't too high.

Just do whatever the fuck you want, but don't do anything too dangerous

I thought I wanted to give up on life but realized how selfish I was, and tried to change for my mother. She died not long after I left. Always thought I'd off myself as soon as she passed. But I changed and improved myself. I learned how to conversate, how to do a lot of things, became a welder, then joined the Army. A lot of people looked up to me. Got /fit/ish for a small time.

It's up to you bro. I went from homeless to here. I've had thousands of obstacles bro. I still have social anxiety, but I work on it daily. I still get depressed as fuck and am tired all the time, but I fight it. I miss my mother, the only person I had and the only person who will probably ever love me.

Life can and will get harder. And life will end bro. Make what you can of it.

the reason i wanna kill myself is because my amazing girlfriend of 6 years left me for no real reason and is already starting a relationship with someone else its only been two months and it hurts like fuck

This is the Sup Forums I remember. This is the exact kind of helpful words I hoped for.

To give a little insight on my mental state as of late, it's like I'm almost constantly wanting to jump out of my skin sort of feeling, had de personalization and what not, and it drove me nearly mad.

Also, I have trouble just standing up out of bed at this point, there is no way I can work. My doctors agree..

And if I did not have these problems, life would be easy for me. No doubt about it. All these other usual problems people deal with are nothing in comparison. I pray that a day comes when I am better, and the entire world is at my feet.

If that's all you got on your plate right now user, the last thing you wanna do is kill yourself. Live for yourself, let the emotional pain run its course and embrace a new reason to get up in the morning, even if the reason is to find a reason.

Because if you don't have something like I have, the world is open to you, there are places you can go, things you can do, don't squander it over a female.

I would probably cut off my legs to have a heartbreak over what I have now every day.

you just need a change of pace, to stand on your own for a while without a mother that treats you as a lost cause. To be honest, if your mother thinks you are a lost cause there is nothing to warrant you from leaving anyway.

I stick by my advice of working a dead end job for a while and earning some money, money let's you get out of the rocks you're stuck between

I blame your med bro. Before my mother passed she had gone through dozens of different types if meds for bipolar, wrongly diagnosed depressive disorder, steroids for paralysis, etc. She had all kinds of manic state breakdowns, all kinds of weird neurological effects. Slowly taper off them bro. They'll kill you on the inside

i dont mean to belittle your situation fella but she was my whole world i was gonna marry her have kids with her the whole thing i adored her

>taking meds
>not dealing with ur problems like a man

you deserve all the misery you get

You're all a bunch of fucking crying pussies.

Please kill yourselves.

If you're on anti-depressant medications, and you're still feeling depressed or suicidal, or if you're having mood swings from depressed to extremely upbeat -- CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR WHO PRESCRIBED YOUR PRESCRIPTIONS NOW.

Also, I've had heartbreak before. I actually wish I was going through that instead, and still, it was horrible. But I'd rather just feel that intense sadness for a couple days, than what I feel now.

Money won't give me peace.

Also, anons. I am a Christian, which makes suicide generally a non-viable option...

Right now, I'm trying increasing the dosage of the meds I'm on right now, if it doesn't help I'm switching to something else.. In the meantime I'm desperately trying to cling on to the will to live.

I've had a handful of girls like that in my life already. I wasn't with them for that long but still.

2 years from now you will be over her and it will be a thing of the past, you might look back on it and feel some sadness, but it will pass. It hurts now, I know. But cling to life and let the pain run its course, because life WILL go back to normal.

My parents forced me when I was still under 18. I really hope you don't get the misery you deserve.

I'm on zoloft, only 50mg though, gotta leave it for a time before doing anything. There's a chance it can get better too.

Most of us are here because we don't want to kill ourselves, we want life to be ok.

I'm not saying money grants you peace, you completely misunderstood the point there. What money generates grant you peace. In this day and age it's impossible to underestimate the value of money unless you live in papau new guinea

I forgot to post a wallpaper.

I can't possibly comprehend how pieces of paper will stop the illnesses I have. The feeling of achievement? Hookers? Or what? Either way, I'd be happy as a homeless man with none of these illnesses. I would sit atop my plastic crate and hold up my cardboard sign that says "Without love, life is meaningless." or something of that nature.

I can't talk about my own problems anymore, it just makes me feel worse. I feel better when I pretend there is nothing wrong and laugh at random youtube videos.

I'll try to help out you anons for a bit though.

You haven't tried sitting as the homeless man, I'm schizophrenic, I've been homeless, I've tried commiting suicide 4 times, and I've always wound up at the same route.

Hold a job for half a year and work your goddamn ass off, live the other half year without doing absolutely nothing and living as cheap as possible. It's an endless cycle of accumulating value and spending it all, but trusts me, it works out in the end

You get new friends, you get sense of achievement, you get experience in various workfields, and you are your own master.

I just get sad from seeing the best years of ones life being wasted

any of you know how I can cover up some scars I have on my leg? got a class tomorrow in which people are gonna have to touch my leg and i don't want them to see em, perhaps even search above the scars for where my muscles are located

>Anyone on the brink of suicide here
Oh yeah probably like half of us, other half on standby.

You may also like to know that deep down most people are, in fact, miserable.

Well, I know of someone that offered me a job that I can do from home. Maybe I should put what willpower I have left into that job. I really appreciate your words, friend.

Don't let anyone see your leg or touch it, that way you don't have to worry about them seeing stuff.

ohhhh you have ptsd ?

Then embrace it, the worst you can do is fail, and then you're stuck at planar 1 anyway, I believe you can do it

DXM cured my schizophrenia. Try it out.

Then I must admit that I believe you weren't schizophrenic in the first place... already tried it

well I can't, we all have partners that we have to feel the different leg muscles on

Nigga what the actual fuck! Let's trade email information, your mom would be absolutely devistated if you killed yourself. You have 1 existence, you can still enjoy it, I FUCKING promise you that.

Naw man, I was hearing voice and shit out the wazzo. I decided to trip one last time before I was gonna kill myself. Halfway through the trip, the voices disappear. Sorry it didn't work for you.

Lol what....

I hear you on the voices, but I also have visual, tactile and ollifactory hallucinations. The voices stopped for a while while the others got stronger. It's a killer disease

Waking auditory hallucinations?

What do tactile halucinations feel like?

Apparently its caused by having larger ventricles, which contribute to a shorter attention span. So I figured, if I just focus on something for several hours a day, it'll shrink my ventricles. So I played video games for entire days and that also lessened my symptoms. Its armchair psychology at its finest, but it worked for me.

Yup. They kept telling me that people I knew were dead, and that I raped people. Shit was horrifying. They also would incessantly, like every 5 seconds, comment on my thoughts. That was fucking aggravating. Imagine having twice as many thoughts, but half of them aren't yours.

I already know a lot of people suffer in this world and I don't like the fact in any sense.

I do. I also have a a penis that is larger than I originally thought, so I have that going for me.

I can't think of any words to respond to this, just negative feelings.

Then either just let them look and feel, or tell someone you cannot do that and go on with your life. If it's necessary, tell your partner beforehand that you have scars from a previous injury, and leave it at that. They'll probably assume you tripped and fell into a barbed wire fence or something.

Now that sounds awesome man. I'm glad someone out there has found relief in all their pain. :D

Yeah she would be. Because everyone feels bad about their actions when they can't reconcile anymore. She is emotionally distant now because she can just say sorry later.

And I don't know if I can enjoy a normal, calm life. I hope so. Several people tell me I will get better, but being in the midst of suffering, it's hard to cling on to.

For me it feels like people gripping me from behind, and there was this strange old woman that always jumped on my back and pulled me down. it'd feel like walking with a backpack of 60 Kgs, she was very thin, luckily. Sometimes when I sleep someone pulls my feet, and prick my fingers with what feels like needles.

well sounds like a bad excuse but allright I'll just say i fell as a kid in some thorn bushes

It's the negative feelings you need to fight, for they are the ones preventing you from living

Your problem is that you have too many labels..."I'm ptsd...". These are excuses to hide behind. Excuses for not giving yourself a better life. You do this because you are a worthless lazy pussy. You see the same problem prevalent in black people as well. Their excuse is the white man and oppression but in actuality they are worthless lazy pussies.
>you probably should kill yourself if not...please don't reproduce. We don't need the offspring of week cowards

Weak*
I hate to spell a word wrong

My fantasy

I'm the guy that wanted to trade emails. I'm sure there are still options and routes you have not tried yet. I would love to try and assist, I've been in impossibly bad places in my life. It's very possible to pull through no matter how damaged you feel.

Don't need to lie, but still you can just say it was an injury.

With your flawed logic, we should kill off everyone who can't differentiate between "week" and "weak". I hope God brings you happiness and peace and love in your life.

Suffocating would suck quite a bit I imagine.

What options and routes do you speak of?

I have anxiety issues too. Mine make me really irritable and depressed. I don't feel comfortable around people and then I get mad that they make me feel that way. It's really hard for me to keep a job. It also makes me mad that people think anxiety disorders aren't real mental health issues. I can't even get on disability if I wanted to (which i dont) because my countries government doesnt recognize it as a legitimate disability. There's not even that much to do in this world. There's a whole universe with interesting things to do and see, but we're trapped on this tiny blue dot. The best thing I could think to do on Earth would be skydiving or something, but even that is like meh. And traveling is too expensive. Life sucks

There has to be some hope. There has to be. I refuse to say or think otherwise.

i was pretty sure that i was just acting like i was crazy because i was boring for the longest time,then i realized after having a heated argument with myself that ,wait im alone who is this for? Then i realized i actually believed half the nonsense i spouted and had actual issues comprehending basic human emotions now im confused how much of my life is a lie so I try to ignore it

Email guy here, just ganna call myself Sebastian.

So 2 bet routes.
What I would call a lifestyle approach.
>change diet
>heavy increase in exercise
>force social interaction
>travel

The main goal here is finding something you love enough to hold onto. Took me about 3 months to really get into this but it really does work.

The alternative is drug therapy.
>Ketamine
>mdma in small doses, while being socialized.

I know this sounds trivial, but if can make all the difference. There is hope.

Yeah, there's always tomorrow. And I mean life isn't great, but were very lucky to experience it at all. We just got to make the best of it. That's what gives me hope. Hope you feel better

I'm on my phone. It was auto corrected. So kill off Samsung for auto correcting words that are actually words. Dipshit.

I've tried suicide, slit my wrist and survived. Since then I've done everything I can to change my life for the better. No matter how hard it looks, with a bit of effort life can be enjoyable again. Just takes time.

Me again.
Also I'd like to let you know I've seen and lived through more fucked up shit than you can imagine you WEAK faggot. Go call your mom and hug your pillow you fucking cry baby pansy assed faggot. Stop feeling sorry for yourselves. Make changes to make life better or kill yourself..but don't sit on a message board crying like a fucking toddler would over a lost toy.

I can't change my diet. I can only eat what is here.

Exercise is a great idea though. I need to give that another shot.

I got weed laced with pcp once, I hate dissociatives to say the least.

Hatred poisons you from the inside. I suggest ridding yourself of it and turn to God. I AM weak, but God isn't.

These are encouraging words that I hoped to see. Thank you so much user. This gives me hope.

No worries mate. Tell me how your life's been so far, what's got you wanting to end your life?

battling PTSD anxiety and depression for last 8 years. Watched brother die. No SSRI meds only Xanax or alcohol when i feel like self destructing. Lost job early last week month before that broke up with gf of 8 years, we wont be getting back together.The other night i thought about taking a bunch of pills and stabbing myself in the stomach over and over. Life sucks dude.

My posts are all the ones including wallpapers in this thread. I've talked about it already.

An army vet, I assume. Anti-depressants are crazy addictive, and have long lasting crazy neurological side effects when you stop after taking them for a long time. But they can help, I've seen it. I've felt it. I was ok for a time. I've seen others be normal.

I have multiple personalities and PTSD, I was cold before my accident, but then I almost died and I started thinking everything was trying to kill me. It's not something that goes away either, It's like hearing everyone you know, and some people you don't, telling you to kill yourself inside your own head, like someone has a microphone that your hear the same way your hear your own voice in your head, like someone else is inside your skull. I know that's not true though that's why I'm not schizo. It doesn't help when I lose track of which voice is mine though because after a while they all start sounding the same to me. Ive lost track of how many of them I've made and how many people I created to keep myself from facing reality. I might just be too far gone to ever be grounded in reality long enough to feel like an actual human being. No one around me can help me and the few people I live with are just as delusional as I am. I feel like I'm a psychopath but I know I couldn't hurt anyone but I can't say the same for anyone around me. One day someone's gonna shoot me in the head and for 10 seconds I'll watch the fucker die with me, watch all the fantasies and defense mechanisms dissolve into something briefly human, and then i would get to know what quiet is like again. Its not just a voice, or voices, it's like having many consciences you can't stop from talking over each other that are constantly fight for control over my mind and I feel like all I can do is fight back. I'm fighting against nothing, by myself, with 40 people in my head telling me I'm doing it wrong, to make themselves feel better about being just as wrong as I am. If I could actually tell which voice was mine it would probably be alot easier, but whenever I try this my head makes up so moral high ground Douche bag that pretends to be the one voice who'll keep me stable. That why I use Sup Forums, if I can compare the breaks in my head to people who actually exist I can work on changing them.

There is no god

Oh I'm sure there is a God. And I wish He would be like.

AHUEY!

And just like that, I am made well, and I can go be a normal human being in this world. Have normal happy times, normal sad times... Have a wife, a dog or something.

Go ask him then

Hi user. I've suffered from OCD from a very young age and starter to really impact my life when I was 14. That year was hell as it stopped me from communicating from my peers and made me very socially inept and anxious, but I pulled through. After my 15th birthday I had different forms of OCD which made me think differently and I thought I too was fucked for life. Around 8 months after being 15 I became very close to killing myself but the thought of my mother and my father losing so many people stopped me from doing it, which i'm very pleased with. After being 16 I met a new group of friends which made me a new person and boosted my confidence which really helped. And within 4 months I couldnt believe I was close to suicide. user, I know it seems like your fucked forever, and everybody says you can get through this and they don't know jackshit, but from a fellow OCD sufferer don't give up, please.

...I have.

Yet here I am.

I know what it looks like.

Just.


JUST.

God help me.

>I'm fighting against nothing, by myself, with 40 people in my head telling me I'm doing it wrong, to make themselves feel better about being just as wrong as I am

chekced

>I can't change my diet. I can only eat what is here.

It's this line of thinking that you need to change. You have power to change the things in your life.

For foods eat:
>vegetables
>leafy greens
>fruit (blueberries are a must)
>root vegetable
>fish once a week, high quality is better (salmon)
>nuts
>beans

Exercise: aerobic is king,I can not stress this enough. But it fucking sucks getting started.

running is the best hands down (in terms of neurogenisis), but it's really hard to do if your out of shape so you have to trick yourself.

Start playing a running heavy sport, soccer or ultimate frisbee is my recondition. They are free and so much fun, and you are forced to socialize. And don't worry, people understand if you are new, they will help you.

Nigga that drug combo is nuts don't do that lol. But look up K for depression, people are starting to use it for therapy.

Also mdma for ptsd

You can do this man. I want to help, having someone who can talk you through stuff and help keep track of progress is a life saver.

...

Might sound stupid but whatever, greentext time:
>Be me, socially awkward teen
>Meet a girl that is a perfect 11/10
>Start talking and she actually thinks I'm funny
>This goes on for a year of us being great friends
>I'm falling in love more and more as we talk
>I'm a solid 5/10 tall, blonde and she's a perfect short brunette goddess
>Tell her that I loved her, and long story short, we're going out
>Over a year of the best time of my life passes
>Start getting into small fights for no reason, always starting them myself
>Pretty sure I have an issue
>Start seeing psychiatrist
>Better, but once in a while it happens
>Being the typical teens, we do what teens do while talking
>Eventually get into another issue where I start feeling different
>We end up talking about us and how I didn't feel the same
>We stuck it out, and began to get a little better
>About two months ago, her crazy mom takes her phone and reads all of our messages
>They basically told me to fuck off and I haven't talked to my goddess since
>Get diagnosed with depression in the mean time and start falling behind in school

It's been a while, but I have high hopes that we'll talk again sometime soon. At least that's why I haven't killed myself yet. I just wish that our last bit of time wasn't spent on our crumbling relationship, but of me telling her how much I love her.

There is no god

Now that has made me feel the best I've felt all day. I still believe in God, but MAN that's funny.

I sometimes wish I had a beautiful girlfriend that loved me. That sounds like it was nice. But life is greater than bitches and hoes, dear user. Seek true eternal peace like me, gives you a greater sense of purpose in all things. Even though I suffer every day, I still cling on so I can help those in need with their mental issues.

it's kind of hard getting past your first girl, especially if you got really lucky and she just made that social awkwardness a moot point. sometimes people are just kind and it's not something you'd ever expect again. dw though user, once you realize that the was the best year of YOUR life, you can figure out how to be that happy without her

i have never been less afraid of death than i have been for the past few weeks

im 28 and soon to be 29

i lost my job, my life is really dull

i barely enjoy anything anymore

i am very very close

i am practicing noose knots

Thank you fellow anons, it means a lot

A slipknot, is it called?

I suffer every day. Every day.

But music at times gives me a moment of relief. I recommend you try listening to some slipknot friend. Those guys are familiar with pain, their music shows, and reflects what we go through. Get to know God too. Living by the BIble has kept me alive thus far.

normalizing the idea is worse than killing yourself. you have to do so much to convince the human mind it doesn't want to exist anymore.

youtube.com/embed/s4M8GjgfG9k

...