Post stories that have actually happened to you that sounds made up and you can't tell people because they're "THAT...

Post stories that have actually happened to you that sounds made up and you can't tell people because they're "THAT happened" esque

bump, sounds like a fun thread

Add
>>location
>>age/height/weight
>>overall look

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I've had so many that happened stories and it's fucking me up because everyone thinks I'm constantly lying which I am but then the times km not they think I am

wow so funny joke

lol

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>me living in clearwater fl
>interview for a job on the beach
>new boss is running late so i sit on my phone at a table waiting
>hulk hogan and some guy walk past me
>hulk looks at me and says "sittin there with all your friends?"
>hulk hogan made fun of me
>mfw I have no face

Hello?

lurkin, sup?

This. This has actually happened to me twice. Once in the back of a car, first shot hit the window, second hit my fucking face. Chick laughed til she almost puked. Second time was in my first apartment and girls was on top and I told her to hop off because I was going to cum. She did and I blasted myself right in the fucking face.

My good sir what was that amazing story.

true story, no shit

Why are their dicks so far down?

They're not humans, but actually giants.

This has actually happened to me
>>have her on top,cowgirl style
>>facing me,having a conversation while shes grinding with my dick inside her
>>comes close and cups my face in her hand
>>she's trying to be sexy and sensual when all I have in my mind is Muqtada memes for some reason
>>gets off and jerks my dick right next to her varguba
>>cum
>>flies up and lands right on my lips
>>Shes shocked and instantly starts laughing
>>me,processing
>>processing
>>finally figure out what just happened and laugh so much I start crying

All in all it was fun she kissed it off and we went to work

No why is your dick so far up huh HUH

bumpsssssssssss

Me (14, 5"11, ~180 lb) and my friend (14, 5"8, ~165) were in the woods behind his house smoking weed out of a damn socket attachment because we're little faggots. We were sitting on a log and a huge fucking black bird or some shit flies right over our heads making some loud ass noise that I can't describe. It fucking nosedived into the ground and slid about 20 feet. I swear this thing had at least a 6 foot wingspan. We booked it the fuck outta there fast as hell back to his house. Then we played video games.

Anything ,people I'm at work and it's so fucking dull

A:how do you smoke from a socket attachment???I've never seen the weed,a weed,weed
B:you gon die

Don't think I've got time to type these all out, but off the top of my head:
>Chased down a nigger purse thief at the Renaissance Festival and got the purse back like fucking Batman
>Got a lesbian college friend to open up about her secret dick fetish and kept a pretty hot, forbidden FWB relationship for about a year
>My fiance once swallowed my cum infront of her mother/adoptive aunt and it was fantastic
>Nearly had a play I'd written in high school get produced and shown by one of the largest theaters in the country, but got fucked out of it at the last minute

Like the piece you put on the end of a socket wrench. It's got a hole all the way through and if you don't break down the weed you can smoke out of a longer one.

Why am I going to die?

Use voice typing.

Here's another one.

Me (18, 6'0, 240 lb) and the same friend (18, 5"10, 200 lb) are dicking around at the mall. We go into "Sunglasses Hut" and we're looking around at, well, sunglasses. I look at a pair of Oakley's or some shit and they're like $150. At this time I say something along the lines of, " dude they want $150 for these, they're trippin." The proprietor of the establishment looks at us and says, "are you guys trippin right now?"
We tell him no, I was talking about the glasses.

Then, he asked us if we would like to trip.
He writes down his number on a Sunglasses Hut card, we meet up later when he gets off work, and me and my friend tripped balls that night.

>Be first semester of college
>Outing to bowling alley
>Go to restaurant with friends afterwards
>About 35 min wait for table
>Hold outer door open for all patrons while waiting, just how I am
>No thanks whatsoever
>After about 30 minutes one of my friends decides to hold inner door open for an elderly couple coming through my door
>Couple completely ignores me
>While they walk through friend's door, the man shakes his hand, looks at the group of our friends, and says "what a fine young gentleman"
>Entire group looks at me and starts laughing
>>This is quite common for me

dude the nigger theif made me remember something

>be me
>two years ago
>be with sister
>she wanted to go to a haunted house
>take her
>not that scary, people jump out at you
>halfway through, nigger jumps out from the curtains
>rips drawstring bag off of sister's back
>nearly fucking breaks her collar bone
>the monkey speaks
>"dis mahn now nigguh"
>fucker runs behind the curtains again
>i don't fucking think so
>chase him
>dropping boxes and shit
>the monkey can run, ill give him that
>but i'm faster
>finally catch up to him
>jump, grab the nignog's neck
>goes down faster than a fuckboy
>rip the bag out of his hands
>say in the clearest voice i could
>"no, this is mine."
>sister tells family, mom actually bursts into tears
>we still talk about it to this day

this election

be in college, make friends with a marine back in school. he gets me a gig working security with him for concerts and stuff. end up doing security for some crime syndicate. within 6 months I was making money by camping out on a rooftop with a 7mm magnum watching weapons deals. just stumbled my way into (what I thought at the time) was the coolest job ever.

How'd you get out of the business?

he didn't...
*ominous music*

everything went through Lourne. (the marine) he ended up going to prison on a drug charge. I just seized the opprotunity and moved away. still scares. me sometimes though, I think I saw the gf of one of the guys once. we just stared at eachother for awhile and she left. I moved again that night.

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