Why do I always feel alone? Even when surrounded by friends and family, I always feel so distant from them. I can hold conversations, but I can never really start them. I have my own ideas and ways of doing things, but I feel so bland and generic. People have told me before that I make them happy, that when they needed someone there I was their go-to person. Yet, I never feel like I ever make an actual impact on someone's life. Like I'm a ghost. It could be because no one ever actually stays in my life for long at all.
Most friends in my childhood came and went within a couple years, girlfriends never stay for more than half a year, and I've never really had any family. My parents never talk to me, even though we live in the same house, and my brother does the same. I realize this is half my fault, since if I really wanted to talk to them I would start conversations. But again, I find it extremely difficult to start conversations, which is no excuse, but it's the mental state I'm in right now.
I feel like I have no real place, no real home, just places I can go to and people that will be there for the time being. I barely even feel like I make sense half the time when I'm speaking. I don't understand how other people understand me. Does that make any sense? Idk. I just feel so lost all the time, with only brief moments of joy, which I quickly deconstruct in my own head.
Is anybody else similar?
>pic unrelated google image bullshit
Why do I always feel alone? Even when surrounded by friends and family, I always feel so distant from them...
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>Why do I always feel alone?
Because you are Not Like Them. You are Special. You are a Unique Snowflake. You will Do Great Things. You are Destined for Greatness.
yeah me too OP
get stoned and listen to music like the rest of us
No I'm not. I refuse to believe some shit like that. Am I a cog in the machine? Probably. Is my life going to lead to anything spectacular? More than likely not. I feel as though I will simply experience life, survive, make it to the end, and it will simply end. The middle part is fuzzy, but I don't see it going anywhere great. I've wasted a good chunk of my life on videogames and memes. I don't see that taking me anywhere. I don't see myself taking myself anywhere, simply because I feel as though i have nowhere to go. I was born, I will die, and that is all that will be of me.
Sadly it's probably what I'm best at doing at this point.
OP, go to therapy and not Sup Forums if this is a super serious problem for you.
this
also try spending some time finding yourself, look for hobbies or pass-times. Get a job save up some money and try new things in your life. Meet new people and make new memories.
I used to feel like this and communication still isn't something I do well but what helped was just setting a life goal and focusing on that. For me right now, it's graduating college and finding a decent job. Distraction helps but don't forget your feelings, it just means you're still searching for something.
OP I'm gonna have to ask you not to describe me anymore. It's getting a little weird. Just... when you figure shit out let me know the answer too
maybe you don't like yourself op
See but I don't necessarily even see it as a problem. It's just the way I am, and it's what I have to deal with. A problem is something I would have to overcome, this is more something I have to work alongside. Plus I can't afford therapy. My parents probably could, but the last thing I need is someone thinking I'm going crazy. If I can handle it myself, I will. I'm simply just trying to get more ideas into my head, positive or negative. Mostly just an idea that might resonate with me.
I smoke quite a bit, actually. I'm trying to quit cigs, and I "have" in the past (really more of a hiatus, right?) But no I know, I do need to meditate more, or something or other. But I already feel like I'm wasting my life on videogames, but I find it hard to occupy myself with anything else. My mind just doesn't want to deal with it at all. I try to read things about various subjects that interest me, or even listen to podcasts or whatnot, but my mind simply doesn't tune into it. It only accepts the same regurgitated crap that I've been feeding it.
I was the same op, just change your mind, try to be more friendly with everybody, if you don't know what to talk about then talk about weather or some regular shit, eventually you will get to know the person and it will make easier future conversations
Think of it like this user
>several million years of human history (or several thousand, depending on what you believe)
>billions have lived and died without much of an impact to human history
Being "bland and generic" isn't a bad thing user, just go enjoy and enjoy your life
But see we should be talking more, right? Maybe we're holding pieces of the puzzle that others need to have. Or maybe we're all just crazy and will end up in similar coffins. Who knows? Can't hurt to talk about it though.
It varies from day to day. I tend to not dwell on the past too much, and when a thought of my past occurs I quickly swipe it away and forget about it. I carry two burdens with me, however. A girl I hurt very much, for very idiotic reasons. I won't really get into it too much unless someone asks about it, since it'd take up a whole post in itself. The second burden being stealing from my parents. I didn't take money or anything, just cigarettes. I've stopped since, but I use it to remind myself of how shitty of a person I could allow myself to be. Idk if it's positive or negative, but it's helping me avoid certain actions.
I call horseshit
You can ask people how they are. It doesn't need to make sense, they think it's completely normal and then they start the convo. Or ask them: Hey what's up Soandso, do anything cool lately?
I don't know how autistic it is, but it will make you friends.
hey nerd shut up
What answers could we possibly have for one another? The only thing I know to do is keep living and don't be a prick. Funny enough I fail at the second part.
you need to dwell on the past and come to a positive conclusion, whatever that may be. if you repress negative thoughts they will resurface
i could have made all that up but it makes sense
See and I don't see any dishonor in being another faceless person throughout history. 99% of anybody who's ever lived never made onto the television, why should I care about being in a spotlight? I find content in the fact that I don't have to stride for anything amazing. I'm okay with just being someone working manual labor, if that's what it truly comes down to. Because at the end of it all, it'll all be wiped out anyways, so who cares? All I expect is to experience what I end up experiencing, and I'll be more than satisfied with it. I just can't get these weird concurring feelings out of my system. Like there's just some part missing, some wiring that was cut out, someone didn't read the manual all the way when assembling me. I don't care if I make a great impact, I just wanna feel like I make ANY impact. Yknow?
I can't handle small talk, it bores me to death. It even just feels fake to me most of the time. I can't explain it too well other than that. I do try to be friendly though. Co-workers apologize, I reassure them. Somebody needs help on the street, I help them. Like I said, people have told me I'm great for talking to about their problems, I just can't process it I suppose. It's just this really odd feeling I always have.
If bad memories keep coming up, then you know what you did was wrong to you, and you should reflect on those memories. Try to change yourself into the person you want to be. It sounds cliche but it's true. If you aren't happy with your current self then find ways to change that.
Where do you live OP and also how high are you right now?
Idk, I suppose I'm relying on the joke from Bill Burr. All the races have pieces of the puzzle and everyones missing a piece. White people missed the skin lotion seminar, and black people missed the register your guns summit. We're all similar but have experienced different events in life. Maybe one of them is of importance to another, and we simply have to translate it? Again, I'm just talking bullshit right now. I really don't know what's to come of all of this. Probably more than anything this is just another thing to pre-occupy my time with. I'll probably forget about it once I wake up.
And it does make sense. If I don't come to positive conclusions, it will naturally turn into negative ones, right? Any time those thoughts pop into my head, I feel a jolt of... whatever the feeling would be called. Not regret... just... whatever it is. I just can't find a positive spin on telling a girl I used her for sex, when in fact at the time I loved her. And I can't justify stealing from my parents. There's a lot of things I've done that I'm not proud of, I just tend to avoid them in my thoughts. I still take the lessons, I just try to avoid the pains.
And it very well could be. Who could prove a damn thing on this website? It's not like I can timestamp my thoughts. You can believe me or not believe me, at the end of the day I can't influence you in either direction.
>I will simply experience life, survive, make it to the end, and it will simply end.
Okay then. Quit your navel gazing and do shit until you die...LIKE EVERY OTHER HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET, PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE.