Hi Sup Forums, my life is a mess

Hi Sup Forums, my life is a mess
>be me, 19 years old
>i hate my family
>only two family members that i had a good relationship with died this year
>i have no friends, i feel like i don't belong anywhere.
>kissless virgin, fat and ugly
>was bullied in high school for being gay
>guy that i like is straight
>currently in my second semester of chemical engineering, doing poorly
>i have an alcohol abuse problem
>i have no motivation nor energy to do anything
>i feel numb, i used to feel very sad and angry but now i feel nothing
>i'm not eating well, i have no appetite most of the time
>i sleep over 10 hours a day and i still feel tired

What is wrong with me? what should i do?

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theebookhunter.com/im-thinking-of-ending-things-iain-reid-fepub-pdf/
youtube.com/watch?v=iYJKd0rkKss
independent.co.uk/life-style/cult-or-cure-the-aa-backlash-1160113.html
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End yourself, and spare the people around you from your self-pity.

Kill yourself faggot

is there a painless way of killing myself

Fuck them Op, i feel your pain

Carbon monoxide.

I don't have a car

Plenty of other ways. Disposable Grills ect ect. Easily researched.

Do you read any Op? This was a great book, it really hit home with me. you should also read it. of course there are alot of painless ways to kill yourself, but you should do it. you know what the most common thing said from people who survived jumping of bridges/long fall, they immediately regretted as soon as they jumped.

*Shouldnt, is what i meant

where can i get it? (for free if possible)

Choose life. Choose adventure. Stop stewing in your self pity and browsing the internet in hopes of finding some happiness. Spin a globe, close your eyes, and put your finger down. Get a job, any job, and save up for 6-12 months. Once you have enough money saved, go.

Honestly, there's no right answer as long as you have no motivation. Hope to god you find some.

theebookhunter.com/im-thinking-of-ending-things-iain-reid-fepub-pdf/
here op, its a quick read only about 200 pages it took me 2/3 days.

...

i don't know if i can last 6-12 months more

Dude, do you know what? Fuck everybody, you don't have to be depressed. Just grab a book and read it, get an xbox and play online, keep studying. Right now is a phase, but that just end in a moment, after you finish your studies all gonna change, and for the lord, keep you out of Sup Forums with this kind of posts.

here i am on the internet, how can i get something for free

i don't know if it's a phase, i've being feeling down for about 7 years now, it's only getting worse.

Thanks for the non-requested sarcastic comment user, i really appreciate it

Yo user, you should watch the movie into the wild, or look up alone in the wilderness with Dick Pronneke.

Anyways the point is I felt like shit & I went on a bicycle tour from LA to Canada & now I'm going from LA to New York on another adventure bicycle tour.

Once you really don't give a shit about yourself enough, you set yourself free to possibility.

Also I made a bucket list that is essentially the only things in life I shall do. If I'm not doing something on the list then I shouldn't be doing it.

After my cross country tour, I'm going to climb the 10 tallest mountains in the continental usa.

youtube.com/watch?v=iYJKd0rkKss

No Op watch Donnie Darko instead, it teaches us all a valuable lesson. We all die alone.

go to become less beta fag, turn into alpha. will fix 1/3 ur problems that will be 2/3 fixed.

i watched it, i really like this movie
I'm kinda resigned that i will die alone at this point

TBH I thought this thread was on /fit/ so I assumed you lifted OP.

This is also a HUGE habit to do.
being /fit/ is fantastic.

pic is a piece of my list. I've done a few things on it since then.

Self conscious... I have no clue what you're talking about.

true this man, I stopped for a while... just being fit in general and noticed less attention from people.

I started up late in college and couldn't keep girls away. weird how quickly people look and pay attention when you have some figure.

O lol it was more of a guidance vs. go become an alpha cuck. lol not everyone is "I PICK THEM UP AND PUT THEM DOWN" alpha-ish person lol

Try to relax a find a way for your life. Being an activist or help charity could give a meaning or raise your existence.

go see a fucking therapist

Most of that shit costs money, user. A LOT of money. Most people here don't have that much money, user. Your post triggered me aanon.
>We are the 99 percent
>We R Leejun
>We do not work
>We whine about poverty
>Expect us

So one, you're 19, that's not even close to life being over territory, you have ample opportunity to fix it. As a recovered alcoholic I can tell you that abusing alcohol will only continue to cause you problems. Maybe think about reviewing your relationship with alcohol, hit some AA meetings.

Nothing is going to change in your life if you don't change. That's the fact of it. Get a fucking job, and start to be a person people like. If nobody likes you then there's probably a reason for that. Figure out what people don't like about you and change it.

>Have multiple firearms
>lift
>learn how to knit

independent.co.uk/life-style/cult-or-cure-the-aa-backlash-1160113.html

The only skill of value on this list is
>Just learning, science, history, math

yeah a suicidal person should totally own firearms, you're a genius user

Yeah, I'm well aware of the public perception, but as someone that has been in recovery a long time and worked in substance abuse treatment I've seen much higher success rates than are typically supported and have only seen that in AA NA

Where do you get money to do all of that user? are you a drug dealer?

Lol 19, just try harder in your studies, one bad semester or even a bad year wont kill you, I know this because I failed almost an entire year of subjects due to needing surgery and recovery.

dude try lookin into sleep cycles and base your sleep schedule around that. Honestly it helped me out and I bet it'd do you a favor too.

funny how a bunch of strangers on the internet seem more concerned about me than everyone i know

i love you anons

Yeah that'sthe caveat honestly.
But like anything in life things don't always go to plan.

An example is my Bike tour up to canada. I did it with 100$ in my bank account when I left. I wanted to go with more, but I hineslty was just ready to die in the wilderness alone at that point.

I met a guy who has traveled the world with never having spent a cent on travel expenses.
literally hes like christopher mcandlass from into the wild on a world level.

4U
Well first off everything on my list in the usa to visit would cost me nothing travel wise as I already have my mountaineering equipment + touring bicycle.

What's the top 3 things you think would be the most expensive on my list?

Move to NYC. Chelsea area. You will fit right in and immediately be accepted. Don't believe me? Visit and see

>Touch a penguin in Antarctica
>make love in Paris
>visit Dubai

so you want me to move 4000 miles away from my home?, i don't have money user

Well with Dubai & Paris that's actually on my euro-asia tour 2 years from now. I'd be spending around 60-100 euros a month. It'll be a lot less since I met this Czech couple on my tour in Washington, & they are the founders of a large touring group. so I have my food helped along with them.

Remember I already have my mountaineering gear, so my shelter & water is always going to be covered.

Antarctica is probably going to happen by meeting someone either on expeditions or boat help. I did meet a climatologist who worked at one of the stations in Antarctica, & was introduced to his hubby who is a captain of their research vessel later on.
I still need to touch base with them over the next year or so.

Honestly I don't know how exactly, but you meet the strangest people that have ties with something you want to do later in life. Six degrees of separation is a real thing I learned from my travels.

.