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I'm a nigger.

Im a failure

I've been off work for 8 weeks so far, due to a bullshit doctor who saw me for 10 minutes where I put on a fucking great act. I'm being paid 100% of my salary and just getting drunk and stoned.

I'm a millionaire.

For what.

im a white south african male fearing for the future of my country

Then how come you couldn't afford trips, assneck.

I'm a personal trainer and I give my gf free workouts every day just because...

I sucked my friends dick when we were 12

DItto

Check'd them satanic trips, beelze/b/ub.
Stress and anxiety. It's costing me all the sick leave I accumulated, but fucking worth it. I get 12 days a year, I never take more than 2, so they added up. Doc gave me ativan too, amongst other drugs. Way too easy.

As a nigger (OP) I am afraid for what your country is becoming and continent for that matter.

I wish that happened to me. This really hot chick in class started bullying me age 14 onwards, but nothing ever happened. I'm a boy btw. Yes, I know, I was really wimpy. Even got bullied by the chicks.

Way to go disability case Sup Forumsro. Enjoy that sick time.

Do you think this might be longterm?

I raped a girl at a party I think
She was fat so I was able to dismiss anyone's accusations with "no fat chicks"

I'd fear for my personal safety more. Americans think their niggers are bad? Yours take it to a whole other level.

please elaborate

all around the world, there's a name for them

and no one likes them

I only date teens :D

i am a sand-nigger

12 aswell?
At least she was hot

12 isn't teen.

shits slowly building up and our government is too corrupt to give a fuck

somewhere between 11 and 13

If it goes longterm (12weeks here), then my insurance kicks in, at 70%. It's tempting. I'm at 8 weeks, so I'll bide my time and probably head back at the last minute. I work for the government, so my position is guaranteed.

I jerk it to giantess shit I'm not proud of it at all

Is it still the murderous ANC? Haven't followed SA politics in a long time.

I raped a coworker. She gave in eventually and let me use her, but didn't want to be doing it. Luckily she never reported me.

That's like saying a picture is not one.

Government of Canada here. Pulled that shit once I really needed it. I'll pull it again if I need it too much stress in this world.

What do you call them where you're from?

yeah we still have the anc running this shithole

Me too. Cbsa

Any name?

Fuck. I don't know how you guys do it. Fucking surrounded by literal animals.

No go zones. Millions and millions of poor uneducated, hungry, self centered people. ANC and other movements that punish the successful when we should praise them, follow them to success.

I wish her name was Mine.

when i go over a girls house i try to sneak into her dirty laundry and smell her dirty panties

that's just good business sense

Greentext that shit dude

I almost fucked my cousin

shit i just gave away my secret to success

I almost got fucked by my cousin.

Wish he hadn't been such a pussy.

its taking a toll on my welbeing
not animals just uneducated and impovrished
>>the worst part is that i cant even afford to game anymore because our money is in the shitter fallout 4 seasons pass is almost R800 bux thats a third of what most people make

Is that your story or are you implying I was a pussy?

Fucked my aunt while she was on Ambien, and she kept calling me by her son's name

I don't think he's implying anything, he's straight up saying it.

That's hot!

Well we undressed but her mom suddently cme downstairs. We would have fucked otherwise.
So duh, he was implying.

It was nuts, yeah. Made me cum buckets. He just turned 10 so I know nothing is going on with them but I am damn sure gonna keep an eye on the situation.

I'm a jew.

iv been dating this girl for 6 months. she still lives at home , we are both in college. She was really sketchy about me meeting her mom, her dad left when she was 3. But after the first 3 months or so she brought me to her house and i had dinner with them. After that her moms been flirting with me hardcore. shes bent over in front of me exposing her tits (fukin big nice titties) and has even put her hand on my thigh when we were talking and touched my cock.. I kinda want to fuck her but I really like my girlfriend. I know she would find out, her moms been kinda a bitch to her lately and she would prob tell her out of spite.. What should i do Sup Forums?

Mom might have a pattern of doing this, if gf didn't want you to meet her. Probably ought to bring it up to her so she knows you can be trusted.

I frequently smell my own dick scent, and sometimes butthole

I'm a bit in the same boat. I'll leave my hand cupping my balls for like 5 minutes, then bring it out and smell it.

>be working at store in the mall
>coworker girl has crush on me, she’s 19, naïve, single mom
>we flirt pretty heavily for awhile, eventually start making out when no one else is around
>we work in the backroom most of the time so we get lots of time to play around
>one morning we’re the only ones in store, have at least an hour to ourselves, so while she’s putting her lunch into breakroom fridge I follow her in and pull my half-hard cock out
>we’ve fooled around but never anything like this
>”cmon, put it in your mouth”
>she blushes, says “no! user, they have cameras in here, they’ll see!”
>well A) no they fucking don’t, dummy, and B) suck this fucking thing
>I’m standing at her side, I’ve closed the fridge, she’s shaking her head no while I wag it in her face, “open up, just suck me for a second”
>pushing it up on her cheek, her lips
>she says “user, this is RAPE” and I slip it in her mouth before she finishes
>her eyes pop wide open in shock but she doesn't bite down so I get a hand in her hair and fuck her mouth slow, make sure she’s taking everything, getting harder in her mouth
>she sucks it a few times and keeps trying to pull away, but I won’t let go of her hair and force it back in her mouth, no stopping now bitch
>five minutes sucking me on her knees in the break room, staring up at me with wide hurt eyes, drool on her chin
continuing

If I havent showered in a few days, Ill pral my foreskin back, rub the under part of my head with my finger, and smell it.

I don't like trump

I live in a very blue state so opposite. I don't like hillary and am voting for trump but I can't say shit about it.

It's not a secret if everyone already knows.

I steal my cousins socks when I visit her.
I get so hard from massaging her feet aswell

>finally she pulls back enough to get off my dick, pushes at me, gets to her feet, “OK enough!”
>I let her up and she rushes out of the room, wiping her mouth, into the women’s room
>I honestly don’t know what to do, stand there for a few seconds trying to decide, but I haven’t cum so I figure: fuck it
>hitch up my pants, follow her into the ladies room, she’s bent over at the sink, washing her face
>looks up at me in the mirror and freezes
>step up behind her
>she doesn’t speak, still watching me
>put hands on her hips
>she doesn’t speak, still watching me
>hook fingers into her leggings, start pulling down
>she doesn’t speak, still watching me
>leggings around her knees, cock up against her ass
>she closes her eyes and lowers her head
>put my hands on her thighs and spread her, she spreads her legs as best she can
>find her cunt, press inside, she’s tight. Hot. Soaking wet.
>fuck her bent over the counter, she’s moaning into the sink, wet slapping sounds echoing in the bathroom
>grab her hair, pull her head up, watching each other in the mirror and her mouth hangs open as she pants and I start thrusting harder and she’s grunting with every push and it isn't long before I start to cum inside this girl
>pull out slow, wipe my dick on her pussy lips and ass, get her back on her knees
>she cleans me off with her mouth with her pants still down and my cum dribbling down her thighs, dripping on the floor or into her panties
>put my cock away and leave, let her clean up

You Monster

I collect pissjugs

like ALOT of pissjugs

I'm voting for Gary Johnson.

more about piss jugs how did this start? Have a plan for all that piss?

Hot except the rape factor.

Hey Sup Forums it's the guy whose parents have been using restraints on him for past couple of months, today wasn't so bad.

glad to hear that its wasn't as bad!

How did the restraints thing start?

Background b/ro here gets restrained to a bed. He has a year and half left until he is grown up and can leave home.

Please don't tell me they got your pissjug collection

That would break my heart

Sounds like a winrar to me.

long story but basically it happened over time, slowly. Been doing really bad in school, been pretty verbally abusive to everyone in the house, was getting into fights with my parents every day pretty much. I tried choking my brother so they had enough. Not sure whose idea it was to use them tho, came home to them one day. It sounds dumb when I typed this but hope you understand.

not me, my parents might be fucked but that's even worse

You guys need to drink moar water. Dark colored urin is a sign of dehydration.

I also sucked your friend's dick

Well at least you've had a better day. Maybe with good behavior they may not restrain you as much?

> I fucking hate the dog next door, it shits on my lawn, barks all the time and is aggressive towards me and my friends.
> Neighbours told me to get fucked when I asked them nicely over and over to keep it under control.
> Local dog control can't do anything.
> Decide to try something.
> Buy dog whistle online.
> Try it on my side of the fence.
> Dog goes bat crazy. Running around, barking, getting aggressive.
> Wait for weekend and hear neighbours outside having a barbecue. Dog is there.
> Go outside with whistle and blow it really hard.
> Dog goes craycray.
> Neighbours are running around being chased, trying to calm it down but I kept blowing whistle.
> Decide to step things up.
> Dig up an old fish pump I had in my attic.
> Rig it up with battery and gaffa tape to the whistle with on.off switch,
> Turn it on, silent dog whistle sounds off.
> I hear yelling from next door. Dog is going mental running around the house chasing everyone. Laughed my tits off.
> Decide to leave for work one day. Fucking dog shat on my lawn again. Go back inside.
> Setup pumpwhistle with rechargeable batteries and connect it to small solar panel.
> Go outside and set it on and place it in a tree, right next to my neighbours window.
> Hear dog going crazy.
> Leave for work.
> Return 9 hours later to complete silence.
> Speak to different retired neighbour who tells me police turned up and took dog away after it attacked the owner, escaped and started attacking people on the street. Dog was taken away and was put down.
> Still laughing, I now have pumpwhistle wired to my car battery and located right near the front grille of my car.
> A small switch on the dashboard turns it on.
> I turn it on whenever I see anyone walking their dog near my car while I am out driving.
> Seen so many dogs go flipping nuts.
> Good times.
>

ya, been trying.
thanks user, you're so nice

I'm currently dating a former pornstar who is 12 years older then me she's pretty cool i love her

Is her pussy like a cavern?

>live in Texas - Middle of nowhere
>start job where boss is an asshat
>total fucking control freak
>treats everyone like shit
>enough is enough
>catch a copperhead in yard
>they're everywhere here, no biggie
>put snake in his shitty camero before clocking in one day
>he doesn't show up next day
>heard he got snake bit
>fucked him up bad, 2 weeks in hospital
>he was diabetic so +50 Crit Dmg
>No fucks given

I sucked my friend's dick and fucked him at my girlfriend's birthday party.

BULLSHIT

reminds me of a poster from a couple days ago who killed his neighbor's dog and then ate its ribs in front of them/bbq. Told us how they are still waiting for the dog to return as they thought it got loose.

No it's actually not bad there's times I have had trouble getting off and she has her tricks let me tell ya she knows what's she doing

Post pics

> I got tired of everyone's mobile phone and text message rings going off all the time at work.
> Everyone has a different one and they are instructed to put them on mute while at work but everyone ignores it.
> So I buy a cell phone jammer from China.
> First day I trial it for 5 minutes and it literally stops every phone in our office bot upstairs and downstairs.
> I kept it in my bag and whenever i had to make a phone call I just reached in and turned it off.
> I was the only one who's phone work.
> Literally 50% of the people in my office went to their mobile phone provider and got a replacement phone.
> Zero fucks given.
> I sometimes take it with me when I go out to dinner and clubs.
> When people aren;t distracted by their phones, they actually talk to you more.

I stabbed a hobo in a sewer. I doubt he lived.

I don't have any pics of us or of her really her porn name is Dominica leoni it's kinda hot jerking off to her getting fucked by someone sometimes she's a damn good cook too

I am that hobo

I did live and it was the stabbing and hospital stay that got me sober and my life back on track

thank you

Careful user. That ther's a felony.

No problem buddy :)

>What should i do Sup Forums?

Threesome, obviously.

>Dating a porn star
>No pics of her or you together
I'm calling bullshit

thats brilliant. I bought some tiny recording bugs from China once as I was worried my boss at work was trying to get me fired.
> I ended up finding out so much stuff from big meetings that happened in thr work boardroom
> Turns out he wasn't trying to fire me, he was just dealing cocaine and was suspicious that I was some straight laced nerd or something.
> I would sit at my desk at work with my earphones on and people would think I was listening to music but I was actually hearing everything that was being said in the meeting room.
> I knew before anyone when other staff were about to be fired and what they were going to say about me in my annual review.
> It allowed me to maneouvre myself around any isses and ended up getting a raise.

Been having sex with my uncle in law since I was 13

Think what you want but it's true not like I'm gaining anything telling you guys

I agree with You're not fucking her, you're not dating her, you've never met her, and your hand is not as good as her flabby, used pussy.

Not where I am from user.

I'm dead serious but like I said I don't have to prove anything to anyone

I fucked my exgirlfriend on my new girlfriends Mum's bed.

I buried her face so hard in their pillows and wiped my semen covered cock on the blankets.