Got a paternity test scheduled for next week. How do I cheat the cheek swab Sup Forums?

Got a paternity test scheduled for next week. How do I cheat the cheek swab Sup Forums?

theres only one known way to do it.

it wont be easy but there is no other option.

you must drink another mans cum before showing up.

I heard that drinking bleach is the most efficient way to avoid any sort of responsibility

kek

I think he's right.

ya but you have to drink a lot

Don't show up. It's probably the best method of avoiding it.

Stand on your head in the chair so they stick the swab up your ass by mistake.

That won't work at all. You don't stand in chairs, they will get suspicious right away.

Good point. But I feel I have a good plan, just need to work out the details.

could sit in the chair backwards, shave head and draw a face on the back of it. You'd just need to smear the dogs DNA on the mouth section

Only realistic answer

it's funny because it's true.

This

Fill your mouth with another mans cum, simple.

put me in the screencap reddit!

>you must drink another mans cum
Maybe not drink. But just cover the inside of the mouth with it. No?

And you can't just immediately swallow either. You gotta swish it around, make sure plenty gets on your cheeks.

Dont use your own. That wont work at all.

Send somebody else there... A friend or pay someone to do it for you

Same as a drug test. Just keep someone else's clean semen in your mouth.

To get a better coating you may need to swill around more than one load.

Kek

send someone else or rinse with someone else's saliva.

dead men are liable for no payments

Saliva pills. Get non soluble pills and inject them with saliva (like blood capsules from a Halloween store but instead of blood empty them and fill them with saliva. On the test bite them and swish your new "spit" onto your cheeks. Then go for the swab. Maybe put a baggie in your bottom row of teeth that's mostly closed off but can be pushed open with a qtip. Push it and get their saliva on it in order to cheat the test and make it likely they report their data instead.

Either trick might work but it would rely on your ability to bullshit the fuck out of the testers. To increase the odds of success dehydrate yourself so your saliva doesn't interfere with the other person's sample as much to lower production of it so more of the sample will be from your friend and not you. So don't drink anything for a day or two before the test as you make your sample. That might do the trick.

Maybe have another qtip ith saliva on it as a backup you can sub out for the one the tester is giving you if they don't stare at you. Dip it in a different saliva sample right before you enter the office. keep it up your sleeve by your wrist and make the trade off real fast and nonchalantly.

That or come in with a lookalike or a friend who looks similar to you (makeup helps a LOT and this is likely your best bet) and get them to do the test because fuck it. Also give them your ID to take the test with while you're at it in case they ask for proof of ID.

Fake the sample or the person. The person is easier.

Plot twist: The friend tests and it's positive.

Best bet has to be finding and paying a doppelganger to take the test for you. Keep in mind you are looking at something like $100-200k over the next 18 years for support, so its worth it even if you have to take a substantial personal loan to compensate your ringer.

My flatmate did swabs of our flat once. I had 5 mins before so jacked it, put my cum in my mouth and then did the swab just to fuck with them.

That's my thought too.

Makeup can make you look so much like someone it's pathetic. Just get a large makeup kit and some hair products, make your double and you're golden.

Does this actually work swishing it in your cheek beforehand?

Couldn't this work with blood, saliva, or some other DNA?

Lick a toilet bowl or eat out a hooker first.

Nope. You'll dilute those too fast. Cum really is your only option

i second this. i've done it, it works. you have to keep the man's cum in your mouth which could be difficult.

i'd suggest a practice run. one, to see how you're going to do it and two to get decent at giving beej's so you odn't spend all your time trying to make the guy cum