Ok, Sup Forums, I did it again and it pisses me off

Ok, Sup Forums, I did it again and it pisses me off.

ITT: bad drug experience and feedback (bad trip, addiction, health issues, ...)

Story time :
>Depressed since last october.
>Started slowly, becomes harder and harder to wake up every morning, felt aimless and unmotivated
>Began to skip 1 class, 2 classes, 1 full week ...
>Began doing drugs alone at home, during the weekends.
>Sometimes DMT, sometimes DXM or Codein, weed & alcohol some other nights ...
>Eventually, I ordered 10g of speed off the darknet, and my life went straight to shit.
>I suddently stopped going to school altogether, spent all my time in my room, snorting speed, browsing the web, fapping or doing nitrous
>A typical week consisted of 3 days doing speed non stop, without sleep, followed by 2 days of sleep to recover, and for the weekend, any non-stimulant I could get my hands on (usually OTC from a pharmacy, like DXM, opiates, or hypnotics).
>Some days I thought I might OD, so I glued a post-it on my forehead listing all the drugs I had taken, in case I fainted and my roomates found me.
>I was a fucking zombie from january to february. I ate around 3-4 meals a week, lost almost 10kg during those 2 months, started getting severe panick attacks.
>I realized I was going to kill myself if I continued, so I tried seeking medical help
>Get prescribed SSRIs, begin to see a psychologist. Shrink is very cool, I start to talk about my issues to him, I open up more and reconnect with friends
>At that point, I still have a stash of drugs, but I decide I'll be strong and don't touch it.
>Fast forward 2 month, I'm clean, I'm feeling better, and going back to class.
>School year ends and I have to move back to my parents' house. I can't see the shrink anymore, but I feel ok so I don't care
>Begining of June, I have exams incoming. Lots of presentations to prepare, catch up projects for classes I missed, thesis due soon, ...

Cont.
>I feel overwhelmed, decide to take speed to "help me focus"
>1st relapse. I get high everytime I need to work, take benzos to be able to sleep
>I start seeing another shrink. He acts like a fucking mad chemist, and prescribes a shit ton of SSRI, benzo, and even Ritalin (he diagnosed me with ADD)
>June, July, and August are very rough. I need to find an internship, have a load of late work to do
>Amphetamin usage is constant. Job hunt yield nothing. Almost no progress in my assignements. One night, I try to an hero by ODing on Oxycodon and DXM.
>Finally decide to talk about my drug use to my parents.
>They are extremely comprehensive, come with me to explain the situation to my school, try to confort me and set up daily To-Dos to help me focus
>Things start to get better, I get my assignements done one after the other, get several job interviews.
>Curently working in a great place, with nice colleagues, and almost all my scholar work is finished


But the craving fucking came back. Last weekend, I decided, for the first time in 3 month, to take some drugs with friends at a rave party. I took a Calvin Klein (0.5g Ketamine, 0.5g Cocaïn during the night), and pretty much enjoyed myself.
When I returned to work on monday, I had additional boring tasks assigned to me. I already had other less urgent (but more interesting) shit to deal with, so I kinda panicked and procrastinated all week long.

I don't know if it was an aftereffect of the Ketamin/Cocain cocktail, or the fact I felt guilty about not doing shit, but I was anxious and always on edge for the last few days.
The urge was growing so much I snapped and snorted 140mg of ritalin tonight. "To work".

Any feedback and/or tips from a recovering addict ? I'm fucking pissed about not being able to control my urges, and very scared by how fast I conviced myself to snort the ritalin...

Not an addict and I don't like drugs, but keep working hard bud, you said you're in a nice place now so make that your goal to keep it

What's up man. I got big into psychedelics and molly in college and it fucked with me a lot. I was already a frequent drinker and weed smoker. Started hearing random shit in classes because I was mixing shrooms and acid in moderate doses on weekends and going to concerts and parties. Started to realize I was just taking them to get fucked up, not to actually experience life. Quit that shit. Barely graduated with a degree in statistics, but I did finish it out and now have quit all drugs and have a decent paying 9-5 job.

I had to read a lot of self-help books and do some soul-searching. Took a solo camping trip to these dunes out in west michigan and just kinda hiked around and sat on the beach thinking about shit. No drugs. One conclusion I made was that I got bored with everyday real life because I was only ever looking forward to being back on drugs. There's always gonna be those things you want to procrastinate on in life. At every job, no matter what. But you have to learn to love the idea of living life in general, the good and the bad. And drugs are a crutch that you can't lean on forever or it will catch up to you.

Thanks, dude! I've invested myself quite a lot in my new job, as it is a very interesting and friendly environment. This has become one of the principal reasons I wake up in the morning

Maybe that's why I felt so guilty when I somewhat "let them down" by wasting time on tasks I didn't liked

Any book you could advise for introspecction & soul searching ? I've been looking into it, but I don't really know how to use the results of my self analysis on my day to day life.

Usually, I'll get, the analysis right, but I rarely act on it. For example, I know I tend to easily lose focus. To address that, I should probably use self-organisation tools, to define clear goals at the beggining of the day, time my work sessions, etc ...

But I've never done it, because I had something else to do, was too tired, ....

You probably already know this but if you quit, quit. dont start again just for once. prevent the afterurges

>lost almost 10kg
Least you're not so fat.

I was never fat. I weighted 55kg before this, and 45kg by the end of february

Opiate addict here, I've been clean for about half a month and get more soon. With the withdrawals gone, at least life doesn't suck TOO bad but if I'm being honest, I just want to feel "happy" again. Life sucks, drugs make everything feel better. At the same time, you have to remember that it can't last forever. The pain you'll feel without the drugs is motivation enough for me not to relapse.

>But I probably will
>one
>last
>time...

How did you get clean? Anyway of doing it and minimize withdrawals?

Honestly, without my dealer being out of the stuff, I'd prolly be on it still. After going through horrible withdrawals at least once every month, I decided the pain wasn't worth it. I (like everyone else) had a shitty childhood, adolescence and life. The pills made me happy but you can't depend on them to be happy.

I've been doing this a while so yeah, I've got a few tips. Do your best to take it day to day because you WILL feel like shit; it's up to you on how bad you feel or how bad the cravings get. I took immodium, kratom (only slightly helps if you have a high tolerance) and recently got adderall. To ride out the storm, try to get out on the second or third day. From there, try to hang out with friends or keep your mind occupied. You'll be in pain, yes, but keeping your mind distracted from all of the bullshit your body is going through to detox is definitely worth it. I've got more tips but this is the general idea.

You'll thank yourself for it. Seriously.

I'm really glad i didn't have to experience opiate withdrawal symptoms. Amphetamin withdrawal wasn't fun, but in your case that must have been a shitty moment to go through... Good job for managing to resist !

Regarding the need for hapiness, that's exactly what triggered my drug abuse. Without the depression, I would most likely have kept doing drugs recreatively, and certainly not alone. Waking up in the morning with going back to sleep as the only thought that makes you somewhat happy is especially dreadful, and drugs certainly helped me to enjoy and find interest in my every day life again (even if that turned out to be a shitty decision afterwards)

I definitely get what you mean. I've actually never tried amphetamines (unless addys count). What was that like?

And dude, you're in control of your life, you choose what makes you happy. I'd say you're definitely on the right track man

I've read several reports from opiate users that said that DXM was very helpful to them, both to counteract the withdrawal effects and the craving

I smoke weed to help with some pain issues. My body has next to no response to opiates, for which I'm glad. Otherwise I'm sure I'd be where you are.

DXM probably would have but I had a girlfriend who was addicted and nearly died in a car accident and THEN from hypothermia in the same god damn day. I'd like to try to stay away if I can but I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious about the high.

I'd smoke up too but I generally have a lot of drug tests I have to take. I'm glad to see the honesty though. I'm just not that into weed but who knows? That could change. I tend to smoke once in a blue moon.

Not really drug problem but it's a problem that's consuming my life. I'll share
>be 14
> watching porn x3 a day
>slowly get into more bizarre porn to get aroused
>start watching incest porn
>get hooked
>incest porn becomes the only porn I watch
>no arousal when watching regular porn anymore
>watching incest porn on average x5 a day
>slowly losing arousal in incest porn
>Can't get hard when I'm with a girl
>realize it's a problem
>Can't stop though. Become so accustomed to porn
>jerk off to feel happy but instantly get depressed after I've busted

I've jerked off so much my hair is extremely thin now :(

I honestly can't stop though no matter how hard I try. It's depressing

I'm 23 now btw

Actually, rtialin, adderal, concerta, ... are all from the family of amphetamin, but come in much lower dosages than common recreative use.

Usually, peoples take between 0.1g and 0.25g during a party for regular users, or between 0.5g and 1g for more tolerance.

I'm an absolute fan of the effect. It's a bit of mix , with a stimulant effect slightly stronger than cocain, and you enjoy everything you do (doing the dishes, cleaning your room, ...). You also become very focused at low to mid dosages, but at high dosage, your thoughts go too fast for you, you start speaking alout, about every subject that come to your mind (that's why I've made lots of long sentences during this thread...)

Basically, speed is more stimulant than cocain, lasts longer, is cheaper, is less neurotoxic, ....
But it has a quite long and anoying come down. I've been to sleep 20 minutes after coming down from a cocain trip, but for speed, it takes me at least 2-3 more hours, feeling extremingly tired while not being able to fall asleep.

>fucking love drugs
>cant afford drugs
>been sober for like the past year

shit fucking sucks. lifes boring as fuck without drugs. i used to just smoke a shit ton of weed, drink like every week or so, and popped a shit ton of pills. now im just sober doing nothing playing video games and shit and it fucking sucks. everythings just the same all the time.

I know that's a super dumb question to ask, but have you tried no-fap November ? Also, if you have a gf, have you spoken about it to her ?

No gf and I've tried doing nofap but I always break my promise.

It's a stupid thing to complain about because I can easily change it, but I just can't break the habit. That's the sad part, I do no fap then break my own promise

Don't have to be a buddhist or anything but "The Tibetan book of living and dying" by Sogyal Rinpoche helped me with immensely with my anxiety.

It delves deeply into how fucked up our daily motivations and goals are and teaches you how to meditate.

Also, how is fapping related to hair loss ? Because you feel depressed afterward and you have a psychosomatic reaction, or because of high/low hormones in your body ?

I feel sorry for you btw, that's an addiction like any other, and not being able to become hard in front of girls must suck ...

>Check'd

I have the $ to get as many drugs as I want but the problem is that I live in a smallish town, so choices are really slim. Weed and meth mainly. I've cornered the opiate market because I'm the only one who gets them in town basically. More for me I guess but when my dealers run out, I bunker down and get ready for horrible withdrawals.

Many thanks, dude, I'll give it a read

this was a really good reply, happy to hear you're doing well brother, and congrats. OP, it sounds like you have a good support network, and it's important to staay strong. best of look to you maan

If you want to have more choice available (and are not deciding to stop using drugs atm), you could have a look at some black markets on the deep web. You usually get cheaper, higher quality stuff that is available and delivered to your house within ~10 days, and i have had 0 problem from neither the post office nor the police during 3 years of use

I recently picked up butane, whenever I feel depressed I unload half of a lighter refill bottle in my mouth, makes me feel really stupid and makes me forget thing, that's what I like about it. When you are high you can forget to eat, and be entertained by the smallest of things, finding the stupidest bullshit hilarious.
Do i need to stop?

i never got withdrawals. took opiates and opiods for like 2 years straight everyday. weird.

>Began to skip 1 class
and off you go underage newfagg

Read the rest of the fucking post retard, he's a college student

I've thought about this but I'm nervous I'll fuck it up somehow or get ripped off. Otherwise, that's probably all I would do.

>Mind if I ask how you did it?

Fuck, tough luck... Was she tripping, or did she she only have afterglows while driving ?

Dissociative drugs are very weird to handle, you can lose depth perception, extrem body stiffness, and various effects on your perception of your environement (seeing everithing in 2D, thinking you are in another place, thinking you live another live or feel like you stopped existing altogether). It will turn you into a zombie almost all the time, so I would especially recommand against DUI.
I've tested Ketamine (very similar to DXM in terms of effects) in a party for the 1st time, and I would absolutely not recomand it in a social/dynamic environment. However, I would absotuletely do it again with some friends in a flat.

that was this year, during my last year of M.sc. Not my fault you quit school at 16 y.o., don't expect everyone to have done the same

Tripping while driving, afterglows while in the hospital from the crash, trying to go outside in the snow with fucking flip flops and a thin shirt.

It's part of the reason I left tbh but looking back, I shouldn't have been so harsh. Oh well.

I don't know if that sounds good for me or not.