Going to go shower
Sup Forums decides how I masturbate
(Am obviously a dood)
Going to go shower
Use Head and Shoulders as lube
You don't.
Smear shit on your moobs, and masturbate while sniffing your moms dirty panties.
Don't tell me what to do if it does not involve touching myself
Rollerino
Already tried that, seriously not that fun
Rolling
Try again
Use Hot Cheeto's dust as lube
Stick your dick in the drain
Roles Royce
Shove the bar of soap up your ass
Romain Rolland
shower head up butt. soap is lube
Winrar
Reroll
Winrarrr
Use habanero hot sauce as lube.
Slap yourself with a chainsaw in the face than run outside along a road of some sort with only a bloody hairnet, six pairs of rescue bots binoculars, and a bar of soap clenched between your buttcheeks.
Do it op
Auto erotic asphyxiation, minus the erotic part
Win rar
Double winrar
While reciting the Canadian version of dust in the wind in your best Gary Busey impression
upside down with your dick in your mouth