Feels thread?

Feels thread?

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>Be 25, broke, no money, no job, can't pay rent, no food left in the fridge
>Mom lives on the other side of the country, says "Come here, give it a shot, user"
>Figure fuck it, I've got just enough money to drive there if I sleep in my car
>Throw away/donate everything that I can't fit into my tiny korean hatchback and drive 30+ hours across the country
>Fucking hate it there
>Eventually find a good paying job, though, making more than most of my friends back home, even the ones with a degree
>Get a kick ass apartment, fix my life
>Or at least, the money
>Homesick as fuck
>Start talking with old girlfriend back home every day
>Arrange a visit, use all my vacation and sick time to take two weeks off to go see her

Go on...

>Finally get up there, so excited to see her
>The first night, she's busy with work and stuff.
>No big deal, it's almost christmas, she works retail
>Second day she can't get time to see me until 10 PM
>Hang out for a few hours in my hotel room
>Third day, same thing
>Fourth day, blows me off entirely
>Fuck.
>Drove across the country to get fucking ignored

>Get message on facebook from old female acquaintence, haven't seen her in years
>Go to her house, get drunk, have a really good time
>Do it again the next day or two
>Really fucking hit it off, it's cool
>Drive back home
>Talk to this girl every. single. day.
>Every day I tell her how much I hate it on this part of the country
>Every day she tells me I should move in with her.
>Want to, but I know I can't handle living with a girl as beautiful and amazing as her platonically
>One day she finally says, "user, if you come up here, we can start a relationship"

Damn, that sucks. I spent 4 years sitting right next to the girl of my dreams; all the while I was nothing more than a breeze on her shoulder. Finally got gf, she's black. Grandparents don't like her. LIFE is out to fuck you and you basically spend your entire life trying to unfuck your self.

>Pack my bags
>Same thing as last time, get rid of everything that won't fit in my shitty korean hatchback
>Drive the 30+ hours back across the country
>Things are amazing, we get along so well
>Relationship starts moving really fast, but whatever, I really like this girl, might actually be falling in love
>Shit was fantastic
>For a while

I hate how things only feel good for a time... then the sad reality sets back in, it settles in like a cancer that never kills you.

>Been working shitty bouncer job to pay the bills until I can get back into my field
>Girl's been acting weird, not responding to texts, staying at her mom's house
>Come home after working grueling 10 hours shift
>House is a fucking mess after I spent hours cleaning it earlier
>Half of my booze is gone
>Flip out, text her, stop being a bitch, we need to talk
>I know, she says
>What's going on, I ask
>I'm not really comfortable with this arrangement anymore
>Do I need to find somewhere else to live? I ask.
>Yeah.

Damn

What did you do to fuck up so badly?

>Go to my dad's house, 6 hours away
>Gotta go somewhere to collect myself, that's all I wanted
>She takes that as me moving out immediately, tells me to come get my shit and fuck off
>I have nowhere to go
>She's acting hysterical, I don't want to go there by myself, have my good friend come with me to see that I'm not hitting her or some stupid shit
>She and my friend talk the whole time I load my car up
>He can't fit in my car to take him back home
>She gives him a lift
>I go to the park, get ready for some homeless bullshit
>She texts me, "Where are you staying, user"
>I don't have anywhere to go, I tell her
>Come back home
>Fine
>Go back, unload a little bit of my shit
>She agrees to let me stay till I find a place
>Few days later
>"user I'm going on a date tonight"
>"Alright, I'll find somewhere else to be for the night"
>Call my good friend, who had come along with me before
>He's the one she's going on a date with
>Fuck

>She suggests he just comes over and we all hang out
>Whatever, I'm already getting drunk at this point
>Starts out cool
>Quickly degrades to me being the third wheel on the first date between my best friend, and the girl I'm fucking in love with
>Later that night he asks me if it's cool, and if I had feelings for her
>Tell him no, it's not fucking cool, and I do still have feelings for her
>Says okay man
>Next day, he's still there, we start drinking again
>He steps out of the room for a minute
>Girl turns to me
>"user, you need to, well, go somewhere."
>"Why?"
>She wanted to have sex with my best friend
>I fucking lost it
>Stormed out of the house
>Drove to the park about 20 miles away, totally fucking shit faced drunk in the middle of the day
>Park, break down, call my mom on the other side of the country, ask to come back
>Dont' really remember, but apparently said some messed up shit to the girl and my friend
>Packed my shit up
>Went back to the other side of the country

>Try to get my job back
>They refuse to re-hire me because of a write-up a year and a half ago, that was for a violation that is no longer enforced
>Fuck
>Been sleeping in my mom's house ever since
>Living off what little bit of money I have left
>Can't find fucking work

The killer part of it is, I still spend all day texting back and forth with her. She's the only friend I have anymore, and really, talking to her is the only thing I have to look forward to.

I tell everyone that I'm gonna get some work, save up money, and go back to my home town, be around her and my friends again.

But honestly, I don't know if I'm gonna be around that much longer.

Literally, the reason she gave me was that I told her I loved her.

Shit dude.
user I know this'll sound stereotypical but please do not give up. I know it's hard everyday but you have to push on. If you can't do it for yourself do it for those you care about even if they don't care as much as you do.
Are there any other employers by you?

Try lying to work about family drama or some shit? Or is that really far-fetched. Beg?

I don't know how it works, but tysm for the read, going through something like that but not nearly as fucked or risky.

I don't want to go the bad way out, but it's tempting. It would destroy my mom, though. So far as employers go, not really. I have a lead on a job in my field but I'm not really holding my breath; moving across the country twice in three months looks kind of bad.

Good luck man. Shit sucks.

I don't know you, user, but I love you, dude. It'll be okay. You've done your suffering, things will be much better sooner. Much much better. You'll get things you never even knew you wanted. Hang in there.

Yeah. If I can just save up a few thousand dollars, I can go back, and try again. But do it right this time, living by myself.

I don't know if that's every going to happen, but the fantasy keeps me going.

user you got this dude. You don't know me and I don't know you, but you got this. You can talk to me on kik as well (SiberianBanana) if you want to vent more, though.

ill throw in a couple pictures

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aand im done goodnight anons

Anyone in here who is super depresed, try drugs and alcohol
Whole lot better than killing yourself!

alcohol is good yep
I also eat a lot of really rare steak
I also have been hoping to suffer a massive heart attack more and more each day as Im too much of a pussy to kill myself otherwise.

just started drinking heavily when I can, helps when I'm too drunk to comprehend anything but after that I just feel even worse

They only help for so long, I did drugs to deal with bullshit for a solid 5 years, now they just make me anxious and spiral me further down. Only thing left is herion and im way too smart for that path

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Wow, I feel so bad for her. I wonder what people did with people like this before the industrial revolution.

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We'Lloyd get better one day. That's what everyone says, time with health all wounds

How's it going, anons? It's been a while since I stopped by one of these threads, but I'm feeling pretty shitty tonight. Anyone still here?

sobbing in a bathroom at 1 am with my laptop, eyup.

I know the feeling. It's been a while now, but I had almost the exact same experience earlier this year. God bless feels threads. What's got you down, user?

I feel like I let myself go. I am only 19, so I know it isn't too late for me. I'm getting a little fat and I just don't feel attractive any more. All I've ever wanted in my life is to feel as attractive as these instagram people.
I feel so ugly right now, like nobody likes me, or nobody will like me. I've been single for a year now after breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years who the more I think about, I realize she was kind of ugly too. I always knew I could do better, but now I feel like I can't. I'm going to hit the gym soon. I can't let myself waste away. I need to make positive changes. I want to be attractive, and I want people to want me, but I think this mentality will be the end of me.

The fact that you're trying to change it means a lot, though. You may not realize it, but as much as you beat yourself up, taking real action to fix your perceived shortcomings as among the best things you can possibly do. And hey, if you're able to stick with it, nothing feels better than watching yourself improve.

I also spent 3 days studying for an exam and had to get it deferred cause I still felt lost. Fuck logic courses. I went outside that night and starred at the stars at the lake and just cried my eyes out. It was one of those nights I just wanted to cry. My whole body ached of stress, and I got high as fuck to try to calm myself. I've been smoking weed every day for the past two weeks. I wanted to experiment again and see how it feels, and it really really helped me sleep, which is something that is usually very difficult for me. I think I have to quit that too.

>some days

all days

Welp. Today would be my gf's and my 6th anniversary. In a little more than a month it'll be 3 years since she died.

I try and pretend like I've healed and moved on but around this time of year I start hearing her voice and seeing her in the corner of my eye, always just faster than I can catch her. Logically I understand that she'd want me to move on, that holding onto her for so long isn't healthy, that I didn't know it would happen, and had no way of preventing her death. But there's just that disconnect from the emotional that makes it so fuckin hard to accept.

How're y'all anons tonight?

i feel like im wasting my life, like i could be doing something right now. im very much a night person, i am most motivated at night, and i feel like laying here i could be doing something.

i'm also really into photography if anyone's interested. pic related, when i visited new jersey. i didn't mean to center the couple in the photo at all, but it just came out that way

I'm 22. Dad passed away 3 years ago. And mom passed away last year exactly the day after my birthday, live only with my 10 y.o little sister. Trying to save money for her school and our bills. Life is sucks

It just sucks knowing that there's just some things you'll never be because of genetics. I'll never be that beautiful without plastic surgery. I'll probably never be asian coke whore skinny again.

always a hallmark of a good plot

that's a pretty big fuck up

can't be that coincidental

fake and gay

I know.

Yeah. There's no way it could be the guy she had just been reintroduced to the other day. Totally fake and gay.

I am gonna be nice here.

You 'friend' sounds like a selfish whore. Ditch her and go out and make new friends. Seriously.

End me

I know how you feel, user. Sometimes logic and emotion just don't mesh. I'm going through something similar. Like when you logically understand there's no reason to be sad, but you are anyway. Or when there is absolutely no way you could ever be with that girl, but you can't force the feelings away. Goddamn human brain. Sometimes your own head can fuck you over.
Yeah, I'm also feeling like wasted space right about now. What's got you down? Also, photography is a pretty nice hobby to have, bro. I took a course last year and fell in love, though I've not had time to pursue it since then. Keep making photos, user.
Not with that attitude. Every American action movie always has to have that one point where the hero is completely beaten down and broken, but then they win against insurmountable odds. It makes for one hell of a victory dance, let me tell you.

Here's some feels music for all you sad anons out there youtube.com/watch?v=5aZh261KZWI

Yeah. I agree partly. She did apologize, though, and has practically been begging me to come back up there. Even going so far as to help me apartment hunt.

Sucker for punishment, I guess.

I'm ready

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I wish that I was never born. I have no use on this planet.

Oh you better return you glorious mf for slapping us all around with those feels.

you think any of us had a choice to be born? stop being a stupid faggot

another one for good measure

Nigger

I second this, user is being a retarded nigger

You're morans.

youtube.com/watch?v=49Gz0Jfp-jI

It's a very frustrating thing being self-aware of your emotions, but unable to do anything about it (it doesn't help that I'm Bipolar). It's like you can stand on the tracks and point and yell "Train! There's a train coming!" and you can even rationalize whether it is being powered by coal, steam, or electricity, but if you don't have the willpower to get off the fucking tracks, then that knowledge doesn't prevent you from being mowed over by the train, now does it?

What exactly are you going through user?

God this shit gets me every time.

While they're a little fuzzy, I think it adds to the charm of the photos. I think you definitely have an eye for beauty user. Keep up the good work.

thanks, you're legitimately the fist to say this

>i was a clown once
>a happy clown
>the happiest clown in the world
>at least i felt like it
>i used to bring joy to kids
>everyone was happy
>until... THAT DAY
>a kid's Bday party on Halloween
>what a bless
>went to bring joy and happiness to this kid
>but he was not happy
>he was terrified
>but why? why wasn't he happy?
>nobody was happy
>everyone was scared... scared of... me.
>they started trowing stuff at me
>kids pointing out and screaming SCARY CLOWN
>that day i became unhappy...
>that day i became... a sad clown.

Great song.

wrong one fuck

keep on, you and her deserve something better

I really feel that train analogy. Well said, user. My story's not really as grand as some of the others here, but here's the short version. I've messed up a lot of my relationships with people close to me and I'm constantly reminded of it when I see their faces on a near-daily basis. I feel like every day spent in this town is killing me, but it's still nearly a year before I'm leaving for good. And as if it wasn't already cliche enough, I've fallen in love with a girl who doesn't love me back. My brain's all fucked up. I don't think I have any certifiable mental disorders, but sometimes the emotional instability can interfere with normal function, and the chaos in my mind can border on physical pain. I don't know, it's hard to articulate...

Overall I'm Feeling sorry for myself for a bunch of normal shit that people go through, and feeling even worse when I think that people survived far worse than what I'm going through, yet I'm living a relatively good life and am strongly contemplating suicide.

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I go thrift store shopping a lot. I like to wear vintage clothes, and it's always fun to find random things. Today when I was at a Thrift Town, I found someone's old Law degree from the University of Michigan. He graduated in 1950. It was only $3, and it looks rad, so I got it.

Later when I got home, I decided to do some Googling and see what this guy did with himself. I also wanted to see if he had any living relatives that might want this back. I figured he had to be dead, because why would a living person dump his law degree at a thrift store? Anyway, when I put his name in Google, only a few pages popped up. His memorial page from the funeral home, a digital copy of the Michigan yearbook with his picture, and some random briefs from some law cases that he worked long ago. He was apparently a lawyer at an oil company.

His memorial page depressed me. Only a few scant comments from old coworkers and friends. No living relatives. Never married. No kids. No brothers or sisters. It only listed that he was survived by a cousin and his "best friend". I tried Googling those names and found nothing. At that point I had a realization, that this man probably worked his whole life, without anything really to show for it. He lived 92 years, without ever getting married. How lonely that must have been.

How close are all of us to that point though? I mean, eventually all of our shit is going to end up in a thrift store, or a maybe a landfill. Eventually there will be no one to remember us. We will be forgotten, just like this man. He had no one. I wanted to give this degree back to someone, but there is no one to give it to. I will be just like him some day. We will all be like him some day. I'm already depressed, but now I am more so. I don't want to end up forgotten, but I suppose it is inevitable.

Here is the only picture of him that I could find online. It's from the Michigan yearbook from when he graduated. I will keep his degree as a reminder of how fleeting life is.

Keep on user, your little sister needs you more than ever. You can do it, I know it.

dang bro. sad but true. fucking sad but true.

Hang in there user

Thank you. Shit came to me during one of my few lucid times in the year after the bae died, and I have yet to come up with a better way to explain it.

>Overall I'm Feeling sorry for myself for a bunch of normal shit that people go through, and feeling even worse when I think that people survived far worse than what I'm going through, yet I'm living a relatively good life and am strongly contemplating suicide.

user, somebody else having a broken leg does not somehow heal your broken arm. People have problems, some 'worse' than yours, some not so much; that doesn't delegitimize your own issues. While, yeah, if you were complaining about your yacht not being big enough I might be skeptical, but problems are problems, regardless of how 'good' your life may be. From what I'm reading I think, if you're in a good enough financial place, therapy would be good for you. It might not be the holy fuckin grail a lot of people make it out to be, but it's a great way to have a neutral sounding board for your thoughts, and it helps put a lot of things in perspective. Plus, if you really do have any mental illnesses or such (which I have a feeling you might), knowing what you have and being put on medicine for it (if applicable) definitely helps.

Oddly enough, you're basically in the same situation that my best friend is in, albeit she's moving much sooner, and she has a significant other to move in with.

Why the year before you leave?

Love the nightly "I should just drop out and live a shitty life, that's what a fraud like me deserves" thoughts.

> 33, fat, gynecomastia, got a nice grab bag of issues from lupus, virgin, never even had a gf, family is insane, I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of crying unless I'm distracting myself with vidya or porn, concentration is shit, can't talk to people I don't know especially women, occasionally (like every 5-7 yrs) get some woman's interest who I don't like and end up fucking things up anyway, got intrusive thoughts all the time, slowly realizing that my fucked up personality traits are from insane shit my parents did or said when I was younger
> I'm trying to save for a shotgun to blast my brains all over my tiny apartment

i feel this. even better when accompanied by the "I should destroy all my relationships and isolate myself so I can off myself in peace" thoughts.

Classic combo. I choose to not even make too many relationships because why would anyone want to spend time with me?

You are a giant fucking pussy

Why are girls so complicated? I don't understand them. It's like one moment they want something and then a few seconds later their feelings are gone. I don't understand. Currently out of alcohol wish I had more :(

Of course user

I feel like I need someone to control my life. I want to do things but I have no motivation to do anything myself.

I want to be helpful and always tell people to give me a call if they need a hand with anything but nobody ever asks for my help.

So instead I just sit and wait and do nothing while the days pass me by.

Maybe I should get a life coach.

My roommate stopped me from cutting myself again today. She definitely doesn't know that, and I'm not going to tell her. I pulled out a fresh x-acto blade from the drawer and loaded it, and was about to go to town on my legs when she texted me and asked if I wanted to get coffee. I had been more depressed than usual today, and I made the only good decision I've made and decided to go.

We talked a lot. We came back to the apartment, chatted, and stuff. We're both single right now, although she has guys over every so often. It was a little weird at some points, because we were saying a lot of the same things about how it seems a lot of the good people are already taken. For the record, she's 25 and I'm 28. I was with a girl for 6 years before she broke my heart, and she was with a guy for 3 years before he broke her heart. I've been with girls since then, but nothing really serious. Anyway, I've always thought my roommate was cute, but today in particular I really wanted to be with her. After talking for hours, and hearing us share all these similarities we have, it just felt like in my mind that we belonged together in some weird way. I don't think it's going to happen, though. There's no way that it would as long as we are living together, and she's best friends with a girl that I dated for about 5 months, which is how I ended up living with her in the first place.

It's so frustrating. I don't feel that there are many women that I am genuinely attracted to, and she's one of them, but I don't think there's any way that we could end up together. She appreciates a lot of the things that I deal with, like my anxiety, being depressed, difficult family dynamics, and a host of other things. I know that she isn't the only one who can appreciate these things, but she's right here and definitely available. It's not going to happen though.

I'm just so lonely. All I really want is someone to cuddle with me, I don't even care about sex anymore.

Oh man you're so right about the inkling of doubt in every relationship. It kills me, prevents me from ever getting out of bed some days.

I thought this was a feels thread, not ylyl.

I know the pain, just want to someone to be with, don't even care about sex or anything.
Question: How long have you been cutting for? I myself have gone back to it 2 months ago. Thinking about admitting myself because I keep on getting worse and worse.

The worst part is who do you talk to about it? No matter what they say, you'll be doubtful of it, so you end up playing soundboard pong in your own mind, and then you just 'confirm' everything you're thinking as right because, hey, it's not like anyone is showing you any verifiable proof otherwise.

The brain is a fickle bitch

>I don't think there's any way that we could end up together.

You could just try asking her. In fact you better fucking try. Think of all the people who would kill to even be in a situation like yours. I have spent 12 years without being emotionally attracted to a single person and here you are living with someone that you are. Literally a golden opportunity and you better fucking take the shot or you will spend the rest of your life regretting it.

why did I read that

You're putting to words what I've felt for years, thank you so much for that. I tell myself I need to probably try to form a relationship with someone, especially a girl, because that'd help me gain some self confidence, but I lack any faith that anyone would even want that with me, so I just hang at home alone telling myself I am a useless fraud

>18 yo girl
>Has a roof, food, moms pays for everything
>Has a boyfriend
>Nothing feels like enough
>Depressed as fuck even tho i have nothing to complain about
>Hates everyone, mostly myself.
>Is a dumb fucking bitch that is never happy
>Fucking wish i was dead.
+ im fat as fuck cuz i always eat fucking junk food.

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Girl question: I find this girl cute, we've talked a few times, met up at a few parties before, and had her and her friends over once for a little party. I think I want to ask her out to just see if anything COULD happen. Do I just text her to ask her out on a date? Or do I have to wait until I run into her again in person?

too soon

in person is more meaningful