>be jobless >receive ~1200€ temporary pension(inb4 Wellfare country) (im 22) >have serious psychological issues >therapist told me today she can't help me and we shd stop therapy >i have friends who expect so big things from me(which are normal to others) but im not able to withstand the pressure of their expectations >hate myself because of it, lie to them, acting as if i want to do it >my first therapist 2 years ago fucked me up badly. She actually caused everything to become worse and then wanted me to accept it, which i ofc didnt do. >posess such deep inner hatred against my family and therapist that every progress i make would justify the bad shit that happens to me. >I identify myself with that anger inside me, every attempt to ease that anger by my therapist feels like an attack on my own identity. >MFW I identify myself with suffering. I am stuck between infinite Sadness and Ultimate hatred and anger. I can't get out of it, as I said, every progress would justify the shit that happened to me. What am I supposed to do Sup Forums i can't get over it without giving up my Ideology. And I am someone who doesn't give up his ideology ever. I only see solutions that aren't legal :/
Colton James
hang in there, buddy
Adrian Howard
Its hard but by doing small things to improve your situation you're making yourself better and you should be happy about that, just every day, do one thing to make yourself better and improve your situation, yes it's hard but other people have done it and you can too
Jack Morris
Wait what?
>first therapist fucked me up >this therapist... fired you?
Man. Sounds rough. My thereapist was just a cuck and i was lucky enough to find good friends that made me feel good about myself. Force meme feelgood shit on myself every day. Exercise eat better make myself be social etc. Never want to do it but always feel better for it.
Not sure what all has happened to u. But personally i spent my first 30 years of life simply ignoring feelings. Then my best friend killed himself and i felt like i let him down. Its a daily battle to tell myself he is in a beeter place and it wasnt my fault. Some days are easier than others. Also began to hate myself and feel like shit all the time. Started drinking hard every day. Was highly considering shooting myself in the face until i forced myself to cut back on the booze and go on a diet. Spent a few days with good friends and convinced myself that somehow their lives were also better because i was there. And i may bot be perfect bit i do try. It took several tests and proffessionals to convinse me that i care wtf people think. So much so that ive modeled my speech around it. I had lied to myself to the point i actually believed i didnt car what people think while being 100% people pleaser.
Was a fucked up thing to learn about myself. Now that i know though i finally feel like i can breathe. Like i can be myself and im better friends with people because of it. Ive also dropped several faggots from my life and dont feel a bit bad.
Life is good user. And its not easy but u can fix your shit somehow. Im just not sure how.
Jaxon Phillips
lets do some heroin itll make us both happy
Sebastian Hill
Op here, these are some good words man. The only thing i can look up to is sueing my first therapist. Im already in contact with ethics department and shit. Its pretty simple i have childhood trauma, and instead of giving me the time to process it, my first therapist rushed me as fuck and made me associate the anger with sexual arrousal. Now every time i get angry i can't live it out properly because i get this feeling of sexual arrousal. It drives me so fucking crazy. I don't want this. Im suffering from this shit every day. This is actually the biggest part that prevents me from at least trying to go on again. This shithead of therapist crossed borders and abused me. I'll probably do something to her if this can't be done away.
Chase Perry
Life with synesthesia is absolute shite. >no one understands/understandably can't >sell affliction as excuse >ignore the difficulty of (insert here) constantly >think it's great being a fucking wunderkind >hate you becaue they think you're a tumblrite >this is your life for now and forever >the only off switch is death or loss of self via brain damage
Boy howdy, I sure do want to kill myself. No one takes me seriously.
Ayden Bell
>tfw when you actually feel happier at school than home >tfw it still hurts in both places
I just lost it man, i feel like there is almost nothing that makes me happy anymore, i dont feel like doing anything at home. I usually go to gym but it only eases the pain for a while, also i feel bad because i have made almost no progress im there. Also i have to see someone who i had and probably still have feelings for but it seems like she has totally forgotten all those good memories of having fun together. I feel like i dont want to care about her but i still do, i just cant let those memories go, how im i going to just forget my first kiss. I just sometimes Wonder would things be better if i had chosen different school and never have met her. Also i still gotta live with my parents which sucks because they make me so depressed, and they think i still have severe OCD, and in reality i dont have that anymore, and besides they know nothing about me. Might be better that way anyway.
Ayden Perry
I still dont want to kill myself but feeling like shit about 80% day isnt fun. I just feel like im stuck in a loop. All those memories from other old friends that i cared for have come back
Caleb Miller
>i can't get over it without giving up my Ideology. And I am someone who doesn't give up his ideology ever. I only see solutions that aren't legal :/
This is the punkest shit I ever read in a while. You're awesome the way you are dude. Fuck them, fuck everyone. You're awesome
Connor Sullivan
...
Gabriel Hill
What is Synesthesia exactly? if i understand it correctly i have this aswell when i read it on wikipedia, for me is a 2 red, a 1 blue, a 4 orange and so on.
Kayden Allen
synesthesia is a roll of the dice tbh for me my hearing and taste are linked to i taste sound if you get what i mean? its unusual but i can live with it although people never stop asking me what certain sounds "taste" like
Julian Jenkins
oh and thank you somehow lol.
Julian Collins
...
Austin Clark
That's how i felt until i let it get worse.
What u need is a change of some sort.
You need a new friend/hobby/sport/school/ anything.
Cant "break the cycle" just living through it over and over again. Take a differednt route to school . Skip a day at random and just go ina woods or something. Or chain watch movies at the mall.
Any seemingly positive change will help.
Hell i soent a few hundo on a guitar and amp. Suck the biggest at cocks but its different. I practice maybe an hour or 2 like twice a week and dont stress about it . Good luck OP
Jose Wood
theres alot of different types im the user with sound-taste based Synesthesia but its essentially 2 things being linked in your mind so if you hear a certain word ie Wednesday then you see a flash of blue. for me if i hear sounds then i taste something ie a cat meowing tastes like tuna
David Ortiz
Essentially. It's different depending on the case.
My problem is that everything I see is audible. Even closing my eyes; sound.
I will never have a normal life- I can't pretend I don't perceive or hear anything. I can't cope. This is world was meant for people who don't have that going for them, this world isn't formatted for "the sound (red) makes; there is no life manual for what's eating me alive. I've had to fumble with the nonsense since I can remember, and now it's only getting harder for me, because the majority of things one needs to do in life depend greatly on vision alone.
My brain is not equipped to handle this extra dimension of qualia. Depth, contour, tone, light, everything is something of a literal note. Sure, it means I pick things out more easily. Sure, it means I have fun looking at art. Sure, it means I have a better sense of timing, and a better sense of space. That I have better memory.
Driving at 80 MPH and hearing >everything is not great. Being able to pick out every detail, and having every inch of your vision play out as a collage of ambiance, with certain spots being more visceral than others, is not great when you need to focus on one sole thing.
Having to explain why you can't function like a normal person is just awful when what you're explaining sounds insane. It's worse when people just assume you're trying to be special.
I never asked for this.
Asher Garcia
I cant skip a day m8, i do usually sports but im bit sick atm. Also i have done all sort of things but im too lazy/ i dont feel lile that because of school. Nothing really cant change the situtatuon randomly i belive, i either live in misery or more misery. Also its hard for me to find any friends to talk with, i have many but i dont know what to talk about and seeing them is hard because of time. I get what you mean but it at the best keeps me from hitting the rock bottom. Also i cant just leave everything behind, that would hurt even more, im quite literally stuck.
Im just confused and depressed.
Liam Fisher
I often find that clearing up the practical issues in life paves the way to a healthier psyche and a overall better mindset. Make a list of all of the day-to-day issues that bother you like your room being untidy or if your hairstyle bothers you, basically anything you can come up with. Put them all on paper and get to work. Resolve the smaller, more trivial issues first and work your way to solving the bigger ones. In time, you'll start to feel much more in control of your life and you'll get better, I guarantee you.
