Heres a good one

Heres a good one

>Be me, 15
>Attend a semi-decent school in South England

Now before I continue i should point out, I fucking love peanuts. Not the sort of shit where "oh yeah I like nuts", i fucking love peanuts.

>For atleast 3 years had been eating a bag of 200-300 peanuts a week.
>Often took smaller sandwhich bags into school with me for lunch.
>Yummy yummy in my tummy
>Normal Thursday lunchtime, I am gaggin' for a bloody nut and take out my bag.
>Smaller Year 7 kid (thats ages 11-12) walks up to me and asks me what i' eating
>Hes from Zimbabwe or something
>Never seen a peanut before
>Explain to him the joys of peanuts
>Offer him one
>About a minute after he eats it he throws up into a bin
>The retard is allergic

>Fast forward 2 days

>Signs around the school pop up saying things like 'This is a nut free school'
>What the fuck
>An assemby is formed on how that Year 7 is highly allergic to nuts and we must now be causious about what we take to snack on
>my only joy in life is now gone and its my fault
>I realise I cant go without my nuts so I decide to be sneaky about it from now on
>Only eat my nuts when no one is looking
>Hide from teachers and cunts so I may keep my nuts

>Fast forward a month

>It has been 30 days since the nut ban
>So for no incedents
>However, one dark day I get caught with my nuts out by some fat cunt teacher
>Reports me to Head Teacher for eating nuts
>Gives me warning on my nut habits-- 'it could make someone seriously ill :('
>Nothing will stop me and my nuts, continue nut habits like a fucking madman
>Get caught again, my mother is called asking to make sure I don't bring nuts into school.
>My mum checks my bag the next morning to make sure I have no nuts
>7 days of nut free school days and i cant take it
>I need my nuts
>Begin hiding bags in my pants so she cant find them
>Works well
>Continue the nut habits
>4 days later the nut kid sees me with nuts in the canteen
>tells the fat cunt teacher
>motherfucker
>I am actually fucking given a punishment for eating nuts
>Am thoughly searched each morning by mother and school staff
>No nuts
>Cant sneak nuts in anymore
>Am always being watched now
>Nutless :(

>I need to take action
>A protest
>Not just for myself
>But for the nuts

>Its been a month since my last nut in school
>I am growing tired
>I make a plan
>I take my dads wire clippers from the shed
>After school that day I go round the back way and cut a hole in the fence surrounding the field
>The next day I take all my nuts
>I have around 1500 individual peanuts because I a fail to eat them now without snacking at school
>Woke up early so I could leave the house before mum woke up
>Left note saying I left early because I wanted to go to school and revise in the breakfast club
>Dumb cunt
>With my rucksack filled with nuts I was ready
>Climbed through fence hole
>Hid nuts up tree and under leaves
>Walked through gate-- was checked and I went on my way
>At break time I snuck down to the field to retrive my goodies
>Pick up the bags and put in my rucksack
>At lunch I called my mum saying I had a detention because of 'behaviour issues'
>She is mad buts its worth it

cont

>After school, I left my final period and went to hide
>Toilets it too obvious
>Have a mate who has a locker
>Is fairly big and I was about 5 foot 4 at the time
>Hide in locker after school for about 2 hours
>Cleaners finally pack up
>Last of staff go home
>Im ready
>Take nuts out of bag
>Go to kids form room
>Scatter around the room, so he will get proppa' nutted
>Pour through the gaps in his locker so will get proppa' nutted
>School is poor and keeps dry food in stock pile
>Infest all foodstuffs with nuts
>Infest fat cunt teachers room with nuts

>Come next day
>All nuts from rooms have been removed
>They instanly suspect its me
>However, what they don't know is that the kids locker is filled with nuts
>Little kid can't eat because all food is nutted
>Goes to get bag from locker as he needs to call his dad to ask for a sandwhich

cont

hang on im writing now give me sec

i am waiting nutmun, it's enjoyable

All hail nutman

bump

type faster peanutboy, i wish for you to enlighten me further about this nut adventure

Hail the nutman

>Wasn't there because in head teachers office, however locker friend told me what happened
>Once he opened the locker the nuts avalanched upon him
>He had a smaller locker so it took less to fill up
>Multiple touched his mouth and eyes
>Threw up
>Stopped
>Threw up more
>Wont stop
>Fucking faints
>Multiple teachers come storming in and start yelling at me
>Shit i went too far
>Is taken off in ambulance
>Last I hear of nut kid
>Was told I was expelled from the school that night for 'physical attack on a pupil'
>Mum is pissed
>Dad is laughing
>Dont mess with the nut-kid
>Few weeks later hear his heart stopped in hosipital or something
>Might be a roumor

This is just the begining let me fast forward a year and a half.

>New school is ok
>Doing better grade wise
>Nuts arn't banned
>All is well

>In Lidl to pick up my weekly supply of nuts
>Is now recognised as the nut kid because I keep buying nuts from lidl
>(I am known as nut kid in school because of my tales)
>Nut cunt kid is at a bustop outside
>Shit

if this 404's please make another thread. this is gold

Bump

If anyone makes a screencap, I guess I'd like to be in it.

all hail the nutman

>Decide to speak to him
>Tap on his shoulder and say hello
>He looks at me in a funny way
>Doesn't recognise me
>IM HEARTBROKEN
>Tell him im the nut kid
>His eyes widen
>If he tries to fight me I don't care because I have a fistfull of nuts in my pocket
>Lil bich doesn't suspect a thing
>Turns to his left
>Yells down the road to a mate
>oshit.webm
>Fucking most ripped guy ive ever seen
>at least 6 foot 7 (im 5 6 now)
>Nut cunt tells him hes the one who sent him to hospital
>Tall guy stares at me and says something in some kind of snake tounge
>Sounds like 'jew angmost kicked mah jiggle smother'
>You almost killed my little brother
>Say it was just a joke, shitting self
>Clearly doesn't think its funny
>Raised hand
>THROW NUTS AT NUT CUNT
>RUN FROM LIDL, INTO AN ALLEY ON THE RIGHT
>BIG NUT CUNT IS CHASING ME
>"IMMA BANG YOU OUT YOU LITTLE PRICK"
>fuckfuckfuckfuck
>Im not too bad at fighting but this guy
>This guy is a fucking beast
>Hes sprinting toward me at 300 mph
>Take a wrong turn into a dead end street
>Fml.png

cont

Agree.
Continue OP, please.

op here
please bump if replys are inactive, word crashed and i no longer have the start of the tale

Wowsers dood! That's nuts!!

No ice

always pre-type and make back up files of your nut stories OP, it's common sense

please Mr. Nutman

...

bump for you

this story is NUTS, ha gottem

Nice

I'm invested in this saga. Carry on.

keeping bumped. all hail the nutman.

>All i have on me is a lidl bag with 3 packs of peanuts within it
>Big nut cunt starts chuckeling to himself
>Says some shit about hitting me idk
>Younger brother follows behind me, looks pissed
>heck
>Nut cunt starts to go pale
>Is sick again
>Big nut cunt spins around to help him
>Nows my chance tear open my second bag of nuts
>empty upon nut cunt a leg it
>big nut cunt begins to follow me
>stays with nut cunt because is coughing his lungs up behind him
>"im gon gechyu ya cunt"
>Turn corner and run back home as fast as i could

>Fast forward a week

>In school, eating nuts, the usual
>Look out of canteen window-- see a figure by the astroturf
>Enhance.jpg
>Its big nut cunt
>Hes about 23 i think, he doesn't go to school or work anyway
>He stares back at me with hard scowl
>we are but a few meters apart as the astroturf is next to the canteen
>oh fuck

>run from canteen- to try and avoid him at enterance
>hes quick
>teachers and students stare as i am chanced around the school grounds by a 20 year old black man
>some younger teachers try to help
>cant stop him
>hes a fucking tank
>run into science toilets
>lock self in cubical
>baging on the door, screaming at me
>He goes into next cubical along and begins to climb over the wall using the toilet seat
>im trapped
>i look down
>a hope
>a sign from god
>a way out

cont ;)

Bump for the nuts

Bump

bumping thread. keep going OP im loving this

bump

11/10 already

THIS THREAD IS NUCKING FUTS

>within the yellowy-white bowl of toilet
>laying in the golden river
>a singular log of shit
>He has one leg over the cubicall
>teachers trying to pull him down
>from outside tells me police have been called
>im still fucked
>a grasp my turd firmly with my hand
>he drops down into my cubical-- blocking the exit
>says some sort of black trash talk
>holing shit behind me
>as he rases his fists once again
>i raise mine
>he looks at me
>"whad duh fucc"
>"boi"
>Turns around the open door
>Is an old school, is jammed
>"boi let me out of here"
>Smear shit upon his head
>wiping it down to his
>fucking screams
>is tearing up
>his tences his jaw
>turns around
>horse kicks the door open
>knocking over a teacher
>fucking hits me into the 4th dimention
>i fall backward and hit my head on the toilet
>i get knocked out

>fast forward to a few hours later in hospital
>mum and dad by bed looking worried
>nurse with them
>i open my eyes
>"we hear you got attacked in school today sweetie"
>"dad smirking-- i hear you threw shit at someone today"
>I explain what happened
>Tell me I shouldn't have made nut cunt throw up again
>however, theyre just 'happy im ok'

more to come
cont

tell me more op

bump.bmp

The dad is a fucking champion.

Nasty little cunt, I'm fucking crying

Bump Bump nigger

Far more entertaining than I bargained for. Ten outa ten, keep going OP

Don't stop the bumps you cucks. Nut boy needs us and we need nut boi

Bump. maybe there is still hope for this board. Less porn, more greentext you gay retards

Havent kek'd this hard for a while

BUMP

I hope a girl someday lets you "nut" in her. 11/10 thread me m8

bumperino

...

You are truly the nut King

NUT BOI

HURRY UP NUT KING WE NEED YOU FOR KEKS

This post is making me nut.

More nut cunt

NUT BUMP

All hail the NutLord, who Is, Was, And always will be.

put me in the screencap

Does any else like nuts? I feel the topic is being avoided...

>they tell me big nut cunt was arrested
>also say that im in the local news

>a few days later i return to school
>am welcomed by a group from my year chanting my name
>im a hero in the local paper
>"student of 'school name' attacked and hunted, fights back with excrement!"
>life is good
>am now know as nut kid throughout the county

>big nut cunt is given large fine and community service
>i am given a warning by police and an asbo point
>im ok with that

>one day i find big nut cunt litter picking
>he cant touch me otherwise he could go to jail
>walk up to him
>"no hard feeling yeah?"
>"fuq you fam you rubbed shit in my hair"
>"you attacked me"
>"you attacked my bro"
>tell him why i attacked him
>he looks at me
>"you hate my brother because he got nuts banned in your school
>"yes"
>"you crazy"
>"nuts dont even taste than good"
>what
>what did he just say
>yell at him about how nuts are the greatest food ever
>you's mad, attacking a kid over nuts
>yell at him more, he wont do anything
>hes pissed now, being shoved around by me
>i can see it in his eyes
>i want him to get mad
>he fucking shouts some shit and kicks my fucking chest
>hes like a ninja
>I fall to the floor
>he realises what he did and runs away
>its time for big nut cunt to be locked away

conclusion to come

Say something worth saving

Nuts are the greatest

>Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
I would eat them non-stop until i died of malnutrition or lack of oxygen.

And you?

I bust my nuts daily, user

i don't like nuts but this thread is gold.

Cashews fucking rule.

I like almonds

this whole thread

It hurts

du nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nutman!

I seek death on the daily.

i eat nuts everyday, my favourite nuts are hazelnuts. roasted. and almonds what are your favourite nuts Sup Forums?

/fit/ here
going to snack peanuts anywhere I go for my winterbulk because of your little story. I've never been this motivated.

Deez

>So its 5 years later now and big nut cunt was sent to a minimum security prision for 6 months for mulitple assult charges on a minor
>His family hates me
>he hates me
>but hes not allowed within 500 meteres of me
>once saw him in a park he stared at me but didn't say anything
>he learnt his lesson
>not mess with the nut kid
>i know have a beatifull fiance and i a house of my own
>i looked in the cubord just now and ive currently got 19 bags of nuts
>all for myself :)

Don't you just love a happy ending?

fin

Checkem. My personal favourite is hazel, walnuts and pistachio are also pretty good. Almonds are ok but peanuts and cashews are shite.

pistachios are my shit.
10/10 would fuck if I could

Thanks nut kid

I've got screenshots for a greentext but I'm tired so I'll do it in the morning. Goodnight nutbro, may you nut forevermore.

story was pretty good, thanks for the laughs

Beautiful story

Include me in the screenshot
Fuck you Josh

I hope your fiance blows you every night and your give nut all over her, you beautiful bastard. A L L H A I L N U T B O I

timestamp of bags

Someone make a screencap of this

Indeed. And walnuts

Someone post a screenshot of this with reaction pics and discussion of nuts.

btw, peanuts aren't nuts.

Truly a beautiful story

Incredible story. So happy.

I've heard of getting a nut in school, but this is ridiculous

Holy crap 2nd best green text i've ever read. best was a drug story and I remember there was a guy named Sethe

You're top knotch fellow. Thanks for cracking me up nut kid

Nothing like a good nut.

Thanks for the keks, Nut kid

This is one for the ages.

this fucking thread

you and beanboy should team up

please, timestamp with the bags to end it off, i would die happy

someone got a screen of the whole greentext ?

Also, thanks for the keks OP and do this
noice thread nutboi

Sup Forums isn't dead

Let me make you a baseball bat out of peanuts so you can go thump the nut cunt kid

Thanks for the keks nutbro, I needed that today

Carlos.