>Be me, 15 >Attend a semi-decent school in South England
Now before I continue i should point out, I fucking love peanuts. Not the sort of shit where "oh yeah I like nuts", i fucking love peanuts.
>For atleast 3 years had been eating a bag of 200-300 peanuts a week. >Often took smaller sandwhich bags into school with me for lunch. >Yummy yummy in my tummy >Normal Thursday lunchtime, I am gaggin' for a bloody nut and take out my bag. >Smaller Year 7 kid (thats ages 11-12) walks up to me and asks me what i' eating >Hes from Zimbabwe or something >Never seen a peanut before >Explain to him the joys of peanuts >Offer him one >About a minute after he eats it he throws up into a bin >The retard is allergic
>Fast forward 2 days
>Signs around the school pop up saying things like 'This is a nut free school' >What the fuck >An assemby is formed on how that Year 7 is highly allergic to nuts and we must now be causious about what we take to snack on >my only joy in life is now gone and its my fault >I realise I cant go without my nuts so I decide to be sneaky about it from now on >Only eat my nuts when no one is looking >Hide from teachers and cunts so I may keep my nuts
Blake Lewis
>Fast forward a month
>It has been 30 days since the nut ban >So for no incedents >However, one dark day I get caught with my nuts out by some fat cunt teacher >Reports me to Head Teacher for eating nuts >Gives me warning on my nut habits-- 'it could make someone seriously ill :(' >Nothing will stop me and my nuts, continue nut habits like a fucking madman >Get caught again, my mother is called asking to make sure I don't bring nuts into school. >My mum checks my bag the next morning to make sure I have no nuts >7 days of nut free school days and i cant take it >I need my nuts >Begin hiding bags in my pants so she cant find them >Works well >Continue the nut habits >4 days later the nut kid sees me with nuts in the canteen >tells the fat cunt teacher >motherfucker >I am actually fucking given a punishment for eating nuts >Am thoughly searched each morning by mother and school staff >No nuts >Cant sneak nuts in anymore >Am always being watched now >Nutless :(
>I need to take action >A protest >Not just for myself >But for the nuts
Chase Brooks
>Its been a month since my last nut in school >I am growing tired >I make a plan >I take my dads wire clippers from the shed >After school that day I go round the back way and cut a hole in the fence surrounding the field >The next day I take all my nuts >I have around 1500 individual peanuts because I a fail to eat them now without snacking at school >Woke up early so I could leave the house before mum woke up >Left note saying I left early because I wanted to go to school and revise in the breakfast club >Dumb cunt >With my rucksack filled with nuts I was ready >Climbed through fence hole >Hid nuts up tree and under leaves >Walked through gate-- was checked and I went on my way >At break time I snuck down to the field to retrive my goodies >Pick up the bags and put in my rucksack >At lunch I called my mum saying I had a detention because of 'behaviour issues' >She is mad buts its worth it
cont
Carson Carter
>After school, I left my final period and went to hide >Toilets it too obvious >Have a mate who has a locker >Is fairly big and I was about 5 foot 4 at the time >Hide in locker after school for about 2 hours >Cleaners finally pack up >Last of staff go home >Im ready >Take nuts out of bag >Go to kids form room >Scatter around the room, so he will get proppa' nutted >Pour through the gaps in his locker so will get proppa' nutted >School is poor and keeps dry food in stock pile >Infest all foodstuffs with nuts >Infest fat cunt teachers room with nuts
>Come next day >All nuts from rooms have been removed >They instanly suspect its me >However, what they don't know is that the kids locker is filled with nuts >Little kid can't eat because all food is nutted >Goes to get bag from locker as he needs to call his dad to ask for a sandwhich
cont
hang on im writing now give me sec
Colton Allen
i am waiting nutmun, it's enjoyable
Lincoln Baker
All hail nutman
Levi Stewart
bump
Easton Gomez
type faster peanutboy, i wish for you to enlighten me further about this nut adventure
Noah Kelly
Hail the nutman
Cameron Young
>Wasn't there because in head teachers office, however locker friend told me what happened >Once he opened the locker the nuts avalanched upon him >He had a smaller locker so it took less to fill up >Multiple touched his mouth and eyes >Threw up >Stopped >Threw up more >Wont stop >Fucking faints >Multiple teachers come storming in and start yelling at me >Shit i went too far >Is taken off in ambulance >Last I hear of nut kid >Was told I was expelled from the school that night for 'physical attack on a pupil' >Mum is pissed >Dad is laughing >Dont mess with the nut-kid >Few weeks later hear his heart stopped in hosipital or something >Might be a roumor
This is just the begining let me fast forward a year and a half.
>New school is ok >Doing better grade wise >Nuts arn't banned >All is well
>In Lidl to pick up my weekly supply of nuts >Is now recognised as the nut kid because I keep buying nuts from lidl >(I am known as nut kid in school because of my tales) >Nut cunt kid is at a bustop outside >Shit
Easton Butler
if this 404's please make another thread. this is gold
Dominic Myers
Bump
Connor Richardson
If anyone makes a screencap, I guess I'd like to be in it.
Luke Clark
all hail the nutman
Hudson Thomas
>Decide to speak to him >Tap on his shoulder and say hello >He looks at me in a funny way >Doesn't recognise me >IM HEARTBROKEN >Tell him im the nut kid >His eyes widen >If he tries to fight me I don't care because I have a fistfull of nuts in my pocket >Lil bich doesn't suspect a thing >Turns to his left >Yells down the road to a mate >oshit.webm >Fucking most ripped guy ive ever seen >at least 6 foot 7 (im 5 6 now) >Nut cunt tells him hes the one who sent him to hospital >Tall guy stares at me and says something in some kind of snake tounge >Sounds like 'jew angmost kicked mah jiggle smother' >You almost killed my little brother >Say it was just a joke, shitting self >Clearly doesn't think its funny >Raised hand >THROW NUTS AT NUT CUNT >RUN FROM LIDL, INTO AN ALLEY ON THE RIGHT >BIG NUT CUNT IS CHASING ME >"IMMA BANG YOU OUT YOU LITTLE PRICK" >fuckfuckfuckfuck >Im not too bad at fighting but this guy >This guy is a fucking beast >Hes sprinting toward me at 300 mph >Take a wrong turn into a dead end street >Fml.png
cont
Carter Cruz
Agree. Continue OP, please.
Jason Reyes
op here please bump if replys are inactive, word crashed and i no longer have the start of the tale
Colton Brown
Wowsers dood! That's nuts!!
Charles Howard
No ice
Carson Brown
always pre-type and make back up files of your nut stories OP, it's common sense
Zachary Rodriguez
please Mr. Nutman
Nolan King
...
Henry Thomas
bump for you
Josiah Flores
this story is NUTS, ha gottem
Matthew Martinez
Nice
Parker Gonzalez
I'm invested in this saga. Carry on.
Charles Price
keeping bumped. all hail the nutman.
Daniel Perry
>All i have on me is a lidl bag with 3 packs of peanuts within it >Big nut cunt starts chuckeling to himself >Says some shit about hitting me idk >Younger brother follows behind me, looks pissed >heck >Nut cunt starts to go pale >Is sick again >Big nut cunt spins around to help him >Nows my chance tear open my second bag of nuts >empty upon nut cunt a leg it >big nut cunt begins to follow me >stays with nut cunt because is coughing his lungs up behind him >"im gon gechyu ya cunt" >Turn corner and run back home as fast as i could
>Fast forward a week
>In school, eating nuts, the usual >Look out of canteen window-- see a figure by the astroturf >Enhance.jpg >Its big nut cunt >Hes about 23 i think, he doesn't go to school or work anyway >He stares back at me with hard scowl >we are but a few meters apart as the astroturf is next to the canteen >oh fuck
>run from canteen- to try and avoid him at enterance >hes quick >teachers and students stare as i am chanced around the school grounds by a 20 year old black man >some younger teachers try to help >cant stop him >hes a fucking tank >run into science toilets >lock self in cubical >baging on the door, screaming at me >He goes into next cubical along and begins to climb over the wall using the toilet seat >im trapped >i look down >a hope >a sign from god >a way out
cont ;)
Brody Baker
Bump for the nuts
Aiden James
Bump
Luis Gray
bumping thread. keep going OP im loving this
Hudson Evans
bump
Dylan Sanders
11/10 already
Jordan Perry
THIS THREAD IS NUCKING FUTS
Jaxon Cox
>within the yellowy-white bowl of toilet >laying in the golden river >a singular log of shit >He has one leg over the cubicall >teachers trying to pull him down >from outside tells me police have been called >im still fucked >a grasp my turd firmly with my hand >he drops down into my cubical-- blocking the exit >says some sort of black trash talk >holing shit behind me >as he rases his fists once again >i raise mine >he looks at me >"whad duh fucc" >"boi" >Turns around the open door >Is an old school, is jammed >"boi let me out of here" >Smear shit upon his head >wiping it down to his >fucking screams >is tearing up >his tences his jaw >turns around >horse kicks the door open >knocking over a teacher >fucking hits me into the 4th dimention >i fall backward and hit my head on the toilet >i get knocked out
>fast forward to a few hours later in hospital >mum and dad by bed looking worried >nurse with them >i open my eyes >"we hear you got attacked in school today sweetie" >"dad smirking-- i hear you threw shit at someone today" >I explain what happened >Tell me I shouldn't have made nut cunt throw up again >however, theyre just 'happy im ok'
more to come cont
Aaron Williams
tell me more op
Evan Young
bump.bmp
Connor Wilson
The dad is a fucking champion.
Jackson Reed
Nasty little cunt, I'm fucking crying
Elijah Sullivan
Bump Bump nigger
Aiden Jenkins
Far more entertaining than I bargained for. Ten outa ten, keep going OP
Hudson Turner
Don't stop the bumps you cucks. Nut boy needs us and we need nut boi
Juan Powell
Bump. maybe there is still hope for this board. Less porn, more greentext you gay retards
Julian Butler
Havent kek'd this hard for a while
Nathan Myers
BUMP
Thomas Edwards
I hope a girl someday lets you "nut" in her. 11/10 thread me m8
Tyler Nelson
bumperino
Wyatt Nguyen
...
Dylan Gutierrez
You are truly the nut King
Jace Taylor
NUT BOI
Andrew Jackson
HURRY UP NUT KING WE NEED YOU FOR KEKS
Grayson Harris
This post is making me nut.
Samuel Harris
More nut cunt
Brayden Martinez
NUT BUMP
Ayden Wood
All hail the NutLord, who Is, Was, And always will be.
Wyatt Sanders
put me in the screencap
Kevin Howard
Does any else like nuts? I feel the topic is being avoided...
Camden Reed
>they tell me big nut cunt was arrested >also say that im in the local news
>a few days later i return to school >am welcomed by a group from my year chanting my name >im a hero in the local paper >"student of 'school name' attacked and hunted, fights back with excrement!" >life is good >am now know as nut kid throughout the county
>big nut cunt is given large fine and community service >i am given a warning by police and an asbo point >im ok with that
>one day i find big nut cunt litter picking >he cant touch me otherwise he could go to jail >walk up to him >"no hard feeling yeah?" >"fuq you fam you rubbed shit in my hair" >"you attacked me" >"you attacked my bro" >tell him why i attacked him >he looks at me >"you hate my brother because he got nuts banned in your school >"yes" >"you crazy" >"nuts dont even taste than good" >what >what did he just say >yell at him about how nuts are the greatest food ever >you's mad, attacking a kid over nuts >yell at him more, he wont do anything >hes pissed now, being shoved around by me >i can see it in his eyes >i want him to get mad >he fucking shouts some shit and kicks my fucking chest >hes like a ninja >I fall to the floor >he realises what he did and runs away >its time for big nut cunt to be locked away
conclusion to come
Gabriel Collins
Say something worth saving
Hunter Sullivan
Nuts are the greatest
Jacob Nelson
>Reese's Peanut Butter Cups I would eat them non-stop until i died of malnutrition or lack of oxygen.
And you?
Joseph Johnson
I bust my nuts daily, user
Noah Allen
i don't like nuts but this thread is gold.
Joseph Hall
Cashews fucking rule.
Leo Smith
I like almonds
Benjamin Lewis
this whole thread
Grayson Stewart
It hurts
Anthony Hill
du nu nu nu nu nu nu nu nutman!
Joshua Sanders
I seek death on the daily.
Nathaniel Hill
i eat nuts everyday, my favourite nuts are hazelnuts. roasted. and almonds what are your favourite nuts Sup Forums?
Nicholas Moore
/fit/ here going to snack peanuts anywhere I go for my winterbulk because of your little story. I've never been this motivated.
Jordan Bell
Deez
Kayden Moore
>So its 5 years later now and big nut cunt was sent to a minimum security prision for 6 months for mulitple assult charges on a minor >His family hates me >he hates me >but hes not allowed within 500 meteres of me >once saw him in a park he stared at me but didn't say anything >he learnt his lesson >not mess with the nut kid >i know have a beatifull fiance and i a house of my own >i looked in the cubord just now and ive currently got 19 bags of nuts >all for myself :)
Don't you just love a happy ending?
fin
Gabriel Cook
Checkem. My personal favourite is hazel, walnuts and pistachio are also pretty good. Almonds are ok but peanuts and cashews are shite.
Daniel Miller
pistachios are my shit. 10/10 would fuck if I could
Jason Thomas
Thanks nut kid
John Baker
I've got screenshots for a greentext but I'm tired so I'll do it in the morning. Goodnight nutbro, may you nut forevermore.
James Turner
story was pretty good, thanks for the laughs
Julian Gray
Beautiful story
Andrew Hall
Include me in the screenshot Fuck you Josh
Jose Reyes
I hope your fiance blows you every night and your give nut all over her, you beautiful bastard. A L L H A I L N U T B O I
Brody Martin
timestamp of bags
Owen Rogers
Someone make a screencap of this
Jackson Rogers
Indeed. And walnuts
Brandon Diaz
Someone post a screenshot of this with reaction pics and discussion of nuts.
btw, peanuts aren't nuts.
Henry Sanchez
Truly a beautiful story
Nathaniel Brown
Incredible story. So happy.
Jacob Rodriguez
I've heard of getting a nut in school, but this is ridiculous
Connor Rogers
Holy crap 2nd best green text i've ever read. best was a drug story and I remember there was a guy named Sethe
Gavin Lee
You're top knotch fellow. Thanks for cracking me up nut kid
Jacob Phillips
Nothing like a good nut.
Jace Scott
Thanks for the keks, Nut kid
Oliver Long
This is one for the ages.
James Peterson
this fucking thread
you and beanboy should team up
Ryder Hall
please, timestamp with the bags to end it off, i would die happy
Caleb Scott
someone got a screen of the whole greentext ?
Also, thanks for the keks OP and do this noice thread nutboi
Jaxon Roberts
Sup Forums isn't dead
Charles Johnson
Let me make you a baseball bat out of peanuts so you can go thump the nut cunt kid