Halp. Am stuck

Halp. Am stuck

cut hole in bottle to relieve suction

Good luck faggot

You fucked up

amputate only option.

Coke bottle? More like cock bottle!

blast it with piss!

I think that's an old bottle.
Timestamp

sharpie in pooper to relieve suction

oh shit user you fucked up, i literally just read about a dude that had to get a bunch of holes put in his dick expel the blood for putting a ring on his dick

Butter the opening, lots of butter. Cut a hole in the bottle to allow air-flow and reduce suction. Wiggle the bottle and twist it to lube up the opening with butter (unsalted) and pull dick out slowly while thinking of Alex Jones nude french kissing you (to reduce blood flow to cock)

Squeeze on the bottle, pull gradually but don't let up. I fuck Gatorade bottles all the time, been in your shoes a few times before. Lube helps btw.

Step on bottle to increase air pressure on dick and force blood out while thinking of your grandmother shitting on a squirrel to reduce blood flow

this seems like it would work

>I fuck Gatorade bottles all the time

gets me off better than my hand, idc. feelsgoodman

>...all the time, been in your shoes a few times before.
do you not learn?

the tree people are watching, and they laugh at your misfortune

You accidentally the whole thing?

You must have a very thin dick

you spelt dad wrong

Hahaha this

/thread

I only get stuck when I push my dick all the way inside and let it sit there for a little while. Pulling it back off makes a lot of suction on the newly engorged glans and feels nice. I just sometimes overdo it and have to take it nice and slow so that I don't lose my dick.
the openings are something like 1.5-2 inches in diameter, and it's a tight fit. I by no means have a large dick, but it's not tiny.

>in your shoes
>not bottles

no, thats a tiny fucking dick.

Hey guys, I love to see cocks of all sizes. I also love to see big hairy butt holes. Please send me yours? Here's my snap chat name king.matt7 I can't wait to imagine your cock in my mouth

>2014

>thinking i was real to begin with

Not really. I'm above average, so that must be pretty sad for 50% of the population.

Nigga just get a fleshlight like a real person

No. I can't drink from fleshlights

Sure you can

the very fact that your head even gets in such a tiny hole is impressive. you have a tiny dick mate

thats where your wrong kiddo

Maybe he jellys it in soft then gets hard inside

still tiny mate

but, is the coke safe?

That is exactly what I do. If I try to put it in while hard it doesn't work. I've tried to force it a few times and it just makes my dick white from circulation loss and hurts.
get a 32oz gatorade bottle from the store. they have an opening of 2.15 inches. that's diameter, not circumference. 2.15x3.14 = 6.75 girth. Not huge, but above average.

And even then, I can't get it in while hard. I have to put it in while soft with plenty of lube.

these?

is that 32oz, you fucking illiterate cretin?

Cut hole in bottle for air flow, lube your dick at base, put ice cubes inside bottle for shrinkage

They must have small dicks at your local get together, to get that average.

32oz gateorade bottle opening is 1.5in wide. Snapple opening is 1.25in.

My dick's diameter is 1.5in flacid. I remember trying to use 'em when I was younger, but they were too small for me to use.

>I fuck Gatorade bottles all the time
>been in your shoes a few times before
>few times

flaccid = malleable
you can still do it. the key is to tuck your head down inside your foreskin, press the foreskin up to the entrance of the bottle, and let the unraveling of your skin slide it inside the bottle. just make sure to use lube.

When I was younger I tried to fuck bottles, it didn't work.

I did find a vase that was perfectly shaped for my cock, and fucked the shit out of it more times than I care to tell.

going to fuck my bottle and go to bed. have fun everyone
-sir "tiny dick"(even though above average kys fags)

Tell?

Sure I could force it in there while it's flaccid, but what's the point? If I get erect then I wouldn't be able to move it any longer. Iirc I go up to 2.5in diameter when erect.

im sorry for not being an expert on bottles like you

Exactly how many times I rammed my dick in a vase? I couldn't tell you if I wanted to.

Its worth noting my mother gave the vase to her mother, which I thought was funny.

just use a chainsaw and cut the tip off

...

hahah, best