I am modern Jesus. Need any miracles, I'm your guy. Ask away

I am modern Jesus. Need any miracles, I'm your guy. Ask away.

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need a house with bills paid for life. praise kek

FUTURE JESUS, GET ME DUBS!!!

Make the miracle of stop being a faggot

Holy bump

Make mydick huge modern Jesus.

In the modern time we see that size does not matter

One day child. All is my plan

Blessed bump

Can you make her come back to me pls...

How many holy hand grenades do you own?

Jesus, my feet hurt

If she loves you and you love her, my path may lead you together. If she is dead, she is not coming back because lol people don't just come back from the dead.

77 brother.

jesus, who will win the next Indianapolis 500 ?

Well your sins hurt me.

Alexander Rossi

No we are both alive sadly
Idk tbqh...

Have faith that everything will be fine. Things get better, or you die. Either way it doesn't matter.

My friend sells art and isn't doing well, help her out please. Amen.

Please get me an acceptable job close to home Jesus, I hate my commute.

>No holes in hands
>not middle eastern in decent
2/10 would not praise

Your prayer will be answered faithful dude.

You my hard working child, will be blessed.

Help me not die alone

>modern
Nothing modern about being hand hole Arab

My faith is gone, but I will try to forge on. I just would have liked it if she wanted to share the journey with me ya know?

Make my dick bigger.

I can help you if you help yourself

Jesus is eternal.
Now stop coming back and bring us Beelzebub once in a couple thousand years.

Never give up

Purge the Earth of Islam.

They hath slandered thy name in thine absence, oh lord.

Make her love me

All in good time, heretics will perish

The power of free will is beyond me

When, lord?

They are at our gates and in our homes. They wander our land, eat of our food, drink from our wells, layeth with our women. They posteth on our internets, and sway the minds of unwise kings. Save us, Jesus, from this plague.

I want to be happy.

Death will come to all those who are evil

One must first love themselves

Well, you tried... I guess... T-thanks.

Use your slender fingers to help me do well in my exams pls.
Also, no second coming just yet

kys

Dear Jesus, I want some Hispanic pussy

dear modern Jesus, i want legalized marijuana all across the USA, all 50 states and US territories too,

First dubs, then kill my family, then blow up the banks fight club style, then naked children to fuck everywhere

I can only prolong my return for so long

You know that's gonna happen. Sure would benefit me too

Some things are too extreme to be called a miracle.

Omg i cant believe i just got dubs

You're welcome

Are you a god

Check my trips

I check only arrogance my child

About 200-300$ for a replacement xbone for me n' my little brother, maybe? Or a job that is more than just volunteer work so that I may make an Honest living myself, Jesus.

Fuck off

Hard workers will always be rewarded in the light of good. Keep working and you will soon see the path

Can't even grow a beard. Failure.

Who is chosen nation this time? Mexicans?

Modern Jesus must shave occasionally.

If you are Jesus, then who was phone?

I'll give you a hint. It's not Islam

Thank you Jesus

...

youtube.com/watch?v=cssc7IQtc5U

you made me want to kill you because i had to figure out a good track for your bullshit post and then... i closed winamp and had to open it and i wanted to kill you again, and then i felt right wanting to kill you and just want to kill you.

Dope song

Can you give me a miracle? Something that would legitimately help me with my situation and ease me of skepticism towards you? Is there anything I can do to return thy favor?

Open your eyes I will help you

Thanks Jesus

>white
>long hair
>beard

Jesus was a Jewfro'd manlet from the middle east, fam. The only thing you got right was the beard for being a laborer.

Grant my miracle by killing yourself.

The modern Jesus straightens his hair

sharpie in pooper with timestamp, do it faggot op

if you are jesus spawn me a million quid and a new wifi router
i will go out and spread your name

also why did it take 3 days for you to respawn
was it lag

That is not a miracle

New fappening please.

Yeah trust me my ping was awful. Connection to heaven is always bad

All in good time

knew it

id like my transgender dreams to come true..

>middle eastern decent
>decent

...

You got it

More like Judas.

Hey j. I once met this nigga on craigslist and fucked his ass. If donald trump would deported me for that, would he go to hell? Because i really really like his hair.

There are no traitors here

Don't pray for us.

Deporting you for just that would put a strike on his he card I assure you

You do the praying

I need to make it to Masters in Overwatch in less than 10 days. Ty

Kek

fuck off albino nigger

I got your back

No blessings for you

Please make humanity solve the AI Control Problem

Some of my strongest followers are working on it

make my mother survive her cancer please.

could you make my empty bottle of rum be always full?
i need it for, medical reasons.

lmao fuck yes I thought no one knew what it was

According to recent studies, buying a house is a poor investment, renting is the way to go.

I think it'd be a miracle if people like OP didn't exist. But, alas, miracles don't fucking exist.