Feels thread?

Feels thread?
Feels thread

Thought i would share a story of my life, i am at the very edge guys this isn't how life was supposed to be
>be me
>live with parents and younger bro in a small village whole my life
>parents hate each other since I remember, had arguments everyday for nearly 10 years straight
>dad stays with us anyways, tells us we will benefit from that
>like fuck we will
>basically all the older kids in my family hate me because i would cry a lot and all that sensitive stuff
>preschool No.1
>everything goes well as long as I remember, other village kids do not mind me
>but then at the age of 6 i went to the other preschool, this time in a city
>shit got started
>basically, i'm redhead and little chubby
>other kids start to laugh on me, plus goes the addiction that i am from village
>feel defenceless, parents used to beat me whenever i did something wrong and always put a pressure on me
>cannot fight back because of fear
>cannot beat the bullies because teachers would tell my parents
>start cying, what else to do
>got bullied even more
>time goes by, I enter the elementary
>shit's like hell
>get in the class with the band of 5 chads, good with sports etc
>i was never good in sports, dad is a nerd and doesn't like it and not many kids my age in neighbourhood
>basically suck at every teamsports
>absolutely no social life whatsover, never speak to anyone at school or at home
>whenever i try to tell parents about my situation they tell me not to get bothered by that
>but they always put a pressure on me if it goes for grades
>between the devil and the deep blue sea
>do not stop crying even by now, begin to do that even more often
>getting really fckd up, hate myself, thinking of suicide at the age of fucking 9, however funny would that sound to you guys
>6 years pass like that
>but then comes junior high
cont?

Always cont
You should have written it our before you posted the first one though so we don't need to wait half an hour for the next bit

stop saying fukcing cont either way you write it whole or stop writing

thanks man, appreciate that you would listen

btw sorry for english not my native language

>junior high school
>think to myself: man the fuck up boy, now or never
>get to know some of people, a lot of them were from elementary i went to, but they do not seem to care about my past even though they knew about it
>life gets a little more brighter
>until scars from the past arrive again
>it was the beginning of era of social media like facebook or other shit
>everyone was basically texting each other
>figure i would too
>think who would i tex to
>there was a preety girl, she knew me since preschool in the city and always was nice to me
>start texting

>everything goes nice
>suddenly someone told her i fell in love with her
>shit wasn't even true
>we lose contact
>I was aroud 13 that time, that shit really hurt me
>she doesn't even want to see me
>basically hates me for thing i didn't even do
>like how unlucky can a man get
>after that try to text with other people, but always fear they would turn their backs on me
>so never go full out
>start alienating myself, talking to people only in school
>some guys would text me from time to time, to check if i am alive but mostly it was about school stuff
>basically be a class nerd
>i would like to add that i never liked my father, never wanted to be like him because of my mom's influence, now i really regret it
>become a class clown too, do stupid shit just to get people's attention
>boring ass life, there wasn't a month I wouldn't think of suicide
>then I met another girl
>10/10 angel, some guys said she's not so pretty but for me she was an angel
>Me myself wasn't so gross at all, would say that by appearance i am a solid 6.5/10
>get to know her

Bump

Pretty boring normie shit so far

>because of my fears and complexes never get to know her better
>she's always nice but I see she doesn't want me
>did hurt, like everyone's first big love
>after rejection, start alienating myself even more, life goes on on me sitting all alone while others partying and stuff
>high school
>cut off all the contacts from jnr high, i had the feeling they do not want to talk to me
>feel bad, but also be a man pussy and don't do shit about that
>get used to being alone
>parents do not give a shit (i kknow they really do, but it's hard for me to understand that)
>basically be complexed, mentally ill weirdo with no deep friendships, no social life and fucking Bipolar disorder diagnosed
>now
>be me, 21.5 years old
>nothing to expect from life, only thing that i have is education, i do not want to live
>why is life like that, why am I this fucked up ido not wanted this but i have no control whatsover
>don't want to live

you want your love stories go search in other thread m8

I used to say life's a cunt and then you die, Thats why i studied philosophy in my own time and became a stoic

how does that help? I never was into philosophy

Changes your perspective on the world.
My favorite Stoic was Epictetus, this is a quote.
"Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.

The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed."

Everyone may be ragging on you annon but I feel for ya. Hang in there bud.

thanks m8, if you're in such situation alike, hope everything goes good for you, no one deserves such treatment

well then, you tell me to stop caring what others think about you, which i do now
But i blame myself for everything bad in my life, tis my fault that i failed, no one elses and i should be punished

In my coutry there is a saying, that literally means: You brewed a beer, then drink it up, so I do now, what would you say to that?

Understanding the ideas of Stoicism have made it so contrast to my old self pitying self, I came to the conclusion that nothing external can ever have a negative influence on me, and live my life to become a virtuous and happy person.
If you are depressed, you have to look at the causes and realize they are not the thing that harms you, but you harm yourself with them. then find a hobby that you find fulfilling and enjoy your life

If you feel you are responsible, then look at your failings and improve yourself. However you will not change the past by sitting there depressed, improve yourself and then move on

Do you really think you can't say: tomorrow will be a new day and the day after that etc.
I believe you can lift your head and say: tomorrow might suck and the day after that mught be worse, but at some point I will be a happy man, because I want to be happy.

The philosopher Baruch Spinoza when asked "why do you philosophize, although you were cast off from your community and have to endure such hardships?" he answered " all I truly want is happiness; true, lasting happiness."
I believe in you! You can be a happy man and you can work for it.

well i suppose it is the only way, believe me or not i tried it
I appreciate you support after all user, god bless
Was it hard getting your mind to think like that?

i used to think like that a lot in hig school, i pray it's not too late for me yet

Goddamn, if only i knew Sup Forums earlier, you guys are the fountain of wisedom

Hey friends, my left leg hurts and I have that existential angst again and realise I may have alienated one of my best friends.

How is everybody doing?

sit with us, we all know you have nothing better to do

Yeah I was gonna sit here tonight. Feels threads helped to keep me alive one night so the best I can do is (hopefully) return the favour.

An hero

I had to really think it through logically, but yes it is an idea that is hard to accept at first since our cultures usually would be very self pitying