Be me

>be me
>suicidal since 8th grade with no real desires from life besides enjoy vidya and mu
>pursue computer science because I'm a subconscious tech wizard and programming is kind of interesting/has much potential
>mainly pursue to get out of poverty and provide for my single parent mother and siblings
>enter uni, excited to get away from mom (she was abusive growing up and I wasn't very close to her. I now resent her very much as she seems to only make me miserable)
>also excited to meet my wifu because college has women for all, right?
>excited to make friends and get laid and all that
>nothing happens; i'm more depressed than ever and start struggling with CS during junior year
>figure my struggle comes from my true lack of desire to work for it; I don't really want the degree that bad
>decide to pursue psychology/philosophy, and eventually just philosophy because i'm a poorfag with just enough scholarship from the extremely overpriced private university I was attending
>end up submitting a medical withdraw last semester and wallowing away in my on campus apartment, barely eating as I was barely making money and couldn't work much more than the work-study hours provided to me
>Didn't want to get a job elsewhere because I barely want to live and school is stressful and I figure I shouldn't have to add an additional block of unwanted stress to my day if I can't do it at my somewhat enjoyable work study job as a computer lab attendant
>Completely withdraw again this semester as I had irrationally switched to web design, then fell behind while subconsciously trying to die
>Figure I will actually pursue philosophy but now I'm too behind at this uni and the scholarship isn't shit and I'm a poorfag so I will transfer somewhere that will hopefully fully fund me
>Get kicked out of on campus apartment because "students only". I did not see this coming

cont.

Bump

Kid grow the fuck up. None of us want to do anything. We have to to live. Either man the fuck up and do shit or kill yourself.

Please go on

post more pls

>Should mention that I have been using marijuana as an antidepressant and stimulant for my mind/studies. It really is the only reason I've been able to move forward and utilize my mind
>She kicked me out/barred me from returning home during last semester/summer for using reefer though I've been on it since 11th grade and i'm sure she knew
>Says I can't stay with her but I'm find, have summer work study and my campus apartment cause i had only did a medical withdraw/not complete withdraw (dropping uni)
>Is suddenly kind during one point of my exile when she wants me to return home and help her with her immigration application (I was born here and she's been planning to file through me)
>I reluctantly do this and she procrastinates on this to the point where I end up deciding not to return to campus for summer-work study
>Figure the money isn't really needed by me/won't make some ultimate difference to my poorfag situation.
>Obviously can't get job elsewhere around home because reefer in my system but it doesn't matter
>help mom with her immigration shit eventually
>seemingly that process is going through and now she starts getting shitty again
>Finds some petty reason to kick me out of the house (I don't even want to explain it because it's so entirely petty and embarrassingly incriminating of her in my opinion)
>Accuses me of not desiring to be a part of the family or some bullshit. I do not know what to make of her irrationality and decide to just leave/head back to my on campus apartment
>Had no meal plan/no food/no money but was luckily caught by a friend while I was walking for the bus. He drives me to campus and buys me some food.
>I say fuck my mother and I'm tired of her shit
>This concludes the end of my summer where I was essentially prisoner to my mother and saved no dollars to sustain (I wasn't expecting my mother's actions and we're poorfags so I'm pretty reliant on what little help she can contribute to my uni life)

Eat cock. I'm getting to why I think this is ultimately wrong

cont.

>Anyway back to the beginning of this semester, which I kind of touched upon
>I end up deciding fuck web design because truly I can just learn this shit on my own without the university stress of affordability and such behind me
>All this time I've just gone mad researching into succubi and metaphysics and just thinking and using my mind to draft possible origins of the universe and such
>Decide I'll pursue philosophy elsewhere and hopefully be funded (my grades in university my first 2 years we're pretty damn good, Deans List and such)
>Say fuck mom and decide not to return home
>Don't wish to move back in with mom because she downsized to a 2 bedroom apartment and keeps me in her basement like a spider
>Harasses and mentally abuses me probably because I'm 6'0" now and she can't really beat my ass anymore
>I know it sounds kind of like im being spoiled (maybe not though cause I think a 21 year old boy should have his own bedroom and privacy at home) but it's like she's just been planning to do away with me
>She grosses over $33,000 so I'm not sure why proper saving/budgeting is being done to finance 3 or 4 bedroom house or something
>It really isn't hard to budget for life and things like this didn't start clicking until after I'd get stoned and just ask myself why I'm suffering
>Would request to help her balance the budget/reduce bills but she'd just ape out (sorry to say this but she's black and just.. I don't know if that's why she acts like this but jesus christ I will never get with a black woman I don't think)
>Decide to accept a friend's offer of me staying on his couch while I apply to his university
>He has an off campus apartment near the uni I am applying to
>His grandpa married some rich grille and his education and lots of stuff is paid for this way so I'm not much of a financial burden

OP is a fag kill yourself

sorry this isn't pre written but I type pretty fast I think

cont.

>Been here since mid october and was frantically looking for work to sustain myself without my mother's help
>Be basically completely broke from all my funds having ever gone to school or food and just basic life necessities
>didn't save jack shit over summer cause of reasons aforementioned
>Basically I'm homeless and broke because my mother fucked me over sideways and is somehow eating money and has always been
>Get texts every other day from mom asking "hi how are you" as if she doesn't know I'm homeless and broke
>Actually tried contacting my father who lives elsewhere with my shit tier step mom and her kids for help but he's just an unsupportive dick
>Got a job at McDonald's to flip burgers and graciously accepted thinking I'd love it and just hang
>It's actually super stressful and the opposite of my inclinations and such (I'm really slow paced physically and maybe mentally, unless I'm stoned)
>Just quit because I don't feel like I should have to work a job I don't enjoy/that stresses me out
>Decide to look for better job and just move forward with school application (everybody gets accepted into this school but I'm waiting to see about the aid)
>Don't even think I'm going to be able to afford it with or without my mother's help.
>I can't apply as independent/without my mother's information because I don't have documentation from homeless shelters or bs like that to describe my situation
>Other person who might attest to my "fleeing an abusive parent" as indicated on the FAFSA was a middle school teacher who once questioned me about my home life/if I was being abused
>Don't even know how she figured something but I had then told her no out of fear
>Email this teacher asking for her input on my application but get no word back; forced to apply as a dependent of my mother

>And now I'm just banking on the Uni to allow me to live since nobody else will.
>If I was smarter or had known I would be dropped residentially I would have just saved/maybe even put school on hold or something and just gotten a roommate.
>I had better job opportunities available to me/more related in my field in/around downtown Pittsburgh where this happened.
>My friend and his uni are about an hour away however and I also have no car/reliable transportation to pursue these better acclimated jobs because my mother sold the second car/the car I would use.
>It was apparently inspected and would cost more to repair than it's value. but still thinking about her finances she probably could afford it.
>She is now funding my sister's car payments partially and helping her pay her car insurance, which they applied for on my credit while I just sat there like a dumbass trying to figure how she can afford it if we're so poor.
>it's a nice car too like a 2010 and payments are maybe ~$600 a month and insurance ~$200 iirc.
>So I'm homeless for no reason when I could be residing peacefully at home and working part time instead of having gone off to uni as if i could afford it to be my mother's breadwinner
>As soon as I slipped up in uni and decided to do philosophy she did away with me

ITT; OP is a shitty, millennial crybaby who legitimately believes his mother making $33k (which is barely above the poverty line) a year is "eating money" and should be fully supporting his 21 year old ass.

That's nearly $10,000 above the poverty line. Honestly, besides residence and food, internet and some cable, what else do you need money for? There should be no reason why proper budgeting wasn't effected here. I'm not even calling for full support for my mother; what I was trying to outline is the unfairness of the situation that suddenly left me broke and without residence. I wasn't expecting to suddenly have to come up with enough funds to pay rent and such; this was guaranteed by my mother and by the school I had decided to attend

The mortgage on a house around here is something like $400 for a 3 bedroom. If she had been doing life right she could have gotten a loan for a house and I could have went to work part time somewhere instead of going to uni and we could be in a house for us all. I didn't have to go suffer and accumulate debt at an expensive school, but she truly desired for me to do so.

Now that that isn't worked out I don't see why she has sudden reasons to kick me out and do away with me. I'm sure she was planning to live it up off my degree money anyway, and I would have gladly let her. but when this role is reversed she does not want to be the provider, or even partial provider for me till I can get myself on my feet.

I just feel shammed and fucked my the system and my mother and abandoned all around. I'm in the middle of a city foreign to me because it was the only place of residence I could afford to suddenly take up at free.99 and I'm being told to suck it up when I didn't do this to myself.

Truly even if this is spoiled sounding, I didn't give birth to myself. Shouldn't my parents be forced to take some responsibility here? The least I'm asking for is residence and opportunity to acquire those jobs I once had and were much more suited for me (I have IT help desk experience and such downtown, I could have gotten a similar job at the university of pittsburgh if I was around)

If you're worried about money at all, then stop pursuing the philosophy degree. Even if you do graduate, there isn't a job for it. You'll have to go into teaching.... which means more school!

I only plan to pursue this if the school will make it affordable/near free for me to do so. I don't really feel entitled to seeking free/cheap schooling as many there places like Germany and decent first world nations afford their people this opportunity. I'm very intelligent and my grades from my college experience showed it until I collapsed under excess stress, which was really only induced by financial worries

I don't really know what my plan is if I cannot go to this university. I'd like to return to the city and pursue those jobs but again I've been dropped and left with no resources. Just got a check from my partial time at McDonalds before I left for ~$200 and beyond food I don't know what it could benefit me for.

So I guess more towards the point of why I came to vent, I am wondering if any feminist breadwinners are around and seeking a lovely philosophical pet. It is my dream to be taken care of by my senpai step mother figure and I don't really see why I couldn't/shouldn't ask for such in 2016. I'll still work and pay rent but this whole thing has just really made me wonder why I was expected to go out and accumulate enough to provide for a family for myself and my mother and etc etc (the reason I had gone for the degree) when I could have just gotten a simple job and did most of those goals much more simply, most simply with another partner to split rent with

I'm sorry of rambling but is it not the most unfair thing to be born into a world, made to suffer all your life, and maintain no means of being able to provide for yourself? Or at least having been under the impression that you couldn't and suddenly when you need to you're at your most vulnerable?

Just to acquire food right now is maybe a hundred dollars for the month if I squeeze. How can I be expected to suddenly acquire that when I have to even work on obtaining fund for residence?

Again I was lucky to have a couch offered from a friend but I cannot stay here forever. I don't even imagine I can stay for another month.

I think I am done venting. If someone can give practical advise that doesn't require me to return to my mother's domain that would be great.

stop feeling sorry for yourself

Not really feeling sorry for myself as asking for some opportunity. This wasn't my fault; I didn't place into effect all the causes that brought me here and nobody should have to find their selves in this sort of predicament. If you can't see that you're probably living it up or okay with being passive while you get shammed too

that doesnt sound like someone who doesnt feel sorry for himself

well then maybe feeling sorry for myself is irrelevant to the actual point of discussion, if you're just giving my point of discussion some label, huh?

Maybe I'm being very imaginative here but at the end of the day there's no reason for anybody to be having a shit life. In all reality there's no reason for anything outside of what i imagine for myself as happening to be happening, but they've even got you shammed out of your ability to will and imagine, huh?

This is simply not true. If you look at graduate employment rates, they aren't necessarily professional philosophers, yet they are not impoverished by any means.

Find a shitty customer service job in a call center.>Not really feeling sorry for myself as asking for some opportunity.
OP how many applications have you put in? If you really wanted this you'd be working at McDonald's still till you find something else. It's not your mom's fault you suck at life.

I lost my scholarships too for fucking up, up i found a shitty call center job that I hated because it paid the bills and offered tuition assistance. It sounds like you've had plenty of opportunities, but you keep fucking them up and then have a woe is me attitude.

Also this; I am very confident in my ability to philosophize to succeed at the program and find employment literally anywhere afterwards.

fuck off; I should be permitted to put applications in where I want, not suck McDonald's dick. I don't really want it that bad is my point. I was good and depressed before deciding to fuck around at college for my mom's sake when I could have hit up GameStop or wherever and rode up management.

>OP how many applications have you put in?
I really can't do a lot cause I'm in the middle of the stix with no reliable transportation. McDonalds was walking distance luckily so that's why I jumped on it. I'll probably look around for similar shit at this point

>Same situation
>Started school 4classes two jobs at Uni paying for tuition training for triathalon at uni
>Can't go military--Medical
>Live with single mom retired military for free
>I meet girl date girl parents love me
>She kicks me out I show girl too much attention + not home enough
>No drugs no record, I do not party
>Live with girl for 9months, her parents don't ask for nothing but to stay in school
>Willingly return back after friends and family friends tired of mom complaining about how she misses her son.
> She leaves for Carribean says i can move back in while she's gone, wants me watch house
>Agreed.
>She comes back, she lays down rules says I'm good as long as I'm in school she just wants "old son back".
>Next month makes me pay to stay
>Next month tells me to leave when 21
>Paying her becomes difficult runnign out of tuition $.
>Save for tuition not rent 16credits left
>She manages to lawyer up to evict me.
>Her defense was her son illegally occupied space in her house without consent
>Son doesn't pay rent
>I payed her cash so court agrees I didn't pay, she won through mediation didn't see judge
>Evicted early spring semster couch surfed spring and sum semest
>Friend co-signed apartment
>Living cost too much can't afford 1 bedroom
>Eviction day today
>4 classes left in Cyber Forensic Degree
>No family to turn to
I have paper for proof

Advise this.

That really sucks dude. Same deal with me and the military tbh as I considered it. But fuck that too.

>She manages to lawyer up to evict me.

Louis CK made a joke about how he couldn't give 1 flying fuck if his daughters wanted to stop going to school and just stay home forever.
>"Stay with me, I make more than enough money for all of us." and all that.

Whats with this nonsense of throwing kids out on their ass? Even if I couldn't stay with her "forever", considering she's responsible for my birth, why not be patient and give us a second to get our wings adjusted?

I can't imagine doing this to children if I were to have them