Be me, 24 yr old kv

>be me, 24 yr old kv
throughout school when girls would show interest in me I'd get excited. once i was certain they were interested in a relationship or sex I would get angry, worried, confused
>"shes a whore, theres nothing good about me"
>"she only likes me because Im funny, she doesn't know anything about me, we wont get along"
>"she obviously has no self respect or is just using me to make herself feel better"
Everytime i went after a girl and it got close I would get similar things, usually more anger though. Physical intimacy is a fucking alien experiment to me. It makes me uncomfortable to think about no matter how much i desire it. I can barely jerk off to porn anymore. I get so depressed knowing i can't do it. Women are a complete anomaly to me, i don't want anything to do with them but i cant stop the feels. How do i make them go away?

You don't want to stop the feels because you're programmed to want to fuck girls. There's no shame in admitting that. Just go find yourself some self-respecting girl and hit it off with her. It's not hard.

I can't stand them though, and I can't handle all the stuff that goes into doing it or talking to them or anything. But people have done it in the past I just want to know how

It's not like all girls are some kind of hivemind or anything. There are plenty of different types of guys as there are with girls. As long as you exist in this world, there has to be some kind of womanly counterpart to yourself. There are 7 billion people on the planet, after all.

To start, what do you think is important in the attributes that a woman must possess?

no men and women are different, and i don't like any of the differences. I'm too messed up in the head for that stuff. But idk how i can just accept being celibate like people in the past have done.

>no men and women are different
no shit you think that. look at where you are right now. because of your beliefs, you're girlfriendless with absolutely no direction. Now come on. List me some attributes you wish to see in a girl. You can't fix your problem if you don't acknowledge that you have one.

I have direction, just trying to figure out how to maintain it. And I have no idea. I've never met a woman that I liked beyond physical attraction. All my guy friends are just like me. I don't really have much that I like, just an absence of all the things i dislike. which is a lot. I am acknowledging my problems, obviously i have a viscious paranoia/hatred towards women but im not trying to fix it, im trying to just deal with it

And obviously im a huge judgmental asshole, but that doesn't stop the other ones from having friends and enjoying life. And its all in my head anyways, im nice to everyone

>>"shes a whore, theres nothing good about me"
>im nice to everyone
>>"she only likes me because Im funny, she doesn't know anything about me, we wont get along"
>im nice to everyone
>>"she obviously has no self respect or is just using me to make herself feel better"
>im nice to everyone

No you're fucking not and quit lying to yourself. You can not possibly be an asshole in your mind but be kind to everyone around you "just because". Right now, you have a huge issue with understanding yourself, and as long as you have this issue, you're going to have trouble finding the girl that you truly want. First you have to fix that problem if you want to find a girl that is just right for you. And no, assuming and creating shortcuts for scapegoats is not going to help you in any way possible.

I can be nice to people to make sure i stay out of their way and not piss them off. I don't like it when people dislike me so i am a kiss ass. It might not be genuine, but its still nice. I can hate people and still be nice or help out of principal or because i feel bad. You don't have to be good to be nice

And i'm not looking for a girl, im trying to find out how people in the past are just like fuck everyone ill just sit in the corner by myself and are ok with that

>no you're fucking not

I'm not the (clearly unstable) sperg you're talking to, but treating people well despite thinking badly of them is absolutely commonplace. It's an essential life skill for just about everyone. Is it really that hard to believe that OP can do that? If you genuinely can't think one thing and say another you should probably stop giving advice and make your own thread soliciting it.

There is no way to get rid of physical intimacy. Unless you legit lobotomize yourself, it's just not going to happen. People in the past have gotten as far as they did without the dependance of women because of the fact that women didn't go around acting like sluts as compared as they do today. But still, those people eventually went to find wives because it's something you can't ignore forever.

And no, what you're thinking of being nice is actually being apathetic. There is a difference between the two. Your mind is telling you that their flaws exist, and your physical reaction to it is to ignore them. You see a flaw with them, so you stop caring about them.

Look at today's society. Look how absolutely everyone is what you call "nice."

Except it isn't what being nice actually is. That's called being apathetic. To show little to no care about the others around you yet resent them in your mind is the prime definition of being apathetic. It's what everyone does.

I'll give you one, since I only touched up on that subject with my next comment, but still, you're attempting to put words in my mouth.

Why not? it goes away once you get old anyway, why cant i accelerate it? I don't see why the drugs that kill libido arent widely available without consent. I mean if transgendered people are gonna be considered not mentally ill and can get hormones then why cant i just go get chemical castration done? I mean fuck if i am this crazy they shouldnt want me running around making babies

Can you focus on one fucking topic and stick to it? Right now you're venting. I'm not here to listen to your ludicrous vents about how those "poor little trannies" should all get the shit they want. I'm here because you're having girl problems.

I'm saying the exact opposite actually, but i dont have girl problems. I have a loneliness problem. I dont need help getting girls. That's not hard, I just go do it and not be a sperg or just rape a bitch. Im trying to figure out how to be celibate and not be miserable

And that's what I'm trying to tell you. It's not possible. The closest you'll ever get to that is being some autistic /r9k/ poster who doesn't even try to understand anything in life. You'll be wallowing in your own filth by the time you get to that point where there's absolutely no redemption for yourself.

well then how do i get the balls to kill myself then if im just gonna be miserable forever?

Instead of killing yourself, you could, I don't know, just learn to not be a fucking sperg.

but i like being a sperg, im not gonna be happy forcing myself to be different just to appease some physical desire. That's no different than men trapping themself into marriage because their dick can't find anything better and then theyre miserable

And that is where the source of the issue lies. All you want to care about is yourself. You're self-entitled. You only care about what others bring to the table while never considering to yourself on what you bring to the table. The only reason you've gotten in this far in self-loathing is because all you believe life is supposed to be about is being happy.

Let me tell you that it's fucking not.

Life is the exact opposite of fair. There's a reason as to why there are billions of starving children in both Africa and China, and that reason is because life isn't fair. You won't get what you want just because you wished upon some gay fucking star. It's either you accept life for what it is or you take your own life because you reject it like some autist, and I would highly suggest you do the former.

People all over the world have to do things they don't want to do. Oh, you don't want to do something because it's going to be hard? Well boo fucking hoo. Cry me a fucking river. I don't give a shit. Either learn how to accept the world or just kill yourself.