How do I fuck up my work laptop so that IT wont be able to fix it nor suspect anything nor pull any files from it...

How do I fuck up my work laptop so that IT wont be able to fix it nor suspect anything nor pull any files from it. I want this thing to contract that fucking virus from the movie outbreak and never return. Figure this would be a good place.

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Install a ransomware on it

'Spill' coffee on it

dariks boot and nuke

spill soda on it. Or "leave it out in a rain storm"

How to break laptop
>delete system 32
>run magnets along the hard drive
>smash that mofuggin hard drive
>microwave it
>flood it with water
>blow it up
>bury it in a deserted area
>nuke it
nobody will find your cp if you follow these steps, op

All great ideas, the liquid death makes will make me look somewhat irresponsible. I'm hoping for a what the fuck this worked yesterday moment. Would I have any luck with running a magnet on the HD or blowing the power out?

Assimo I need help with my supporisy

setup a syskey and encryt/lock the drive. and tell them you forgot know the password.

i'm a IT guy

sevenforums.com/tutorials/243880-syskey-set-startup-password-lock-unlock-windows.html

does sys 32 work 100%? So they cant reinstall windows?

there is no backdoor w/o expensive software tools

delete system32
memes aside, this will kill it

then smash the hard drive with a hammer or light it on fire

Pass over it with some welding magnets. Won't be infecting other computers which might be your goal, but it will definitely brick the thing.

cook it in the oven for 4 hours at 450 degrees.

absolutely not, you can plug the drive as slave in another computer and recover all the data. furthermore you can repair windows if only sys32 is missing.
your best bet is to encrypt it or install a ransomware, as other anons said before me

if you destroy your labtop thats negligence on your part and will come out of your bosses pocket. if you lock the harddrive they can just stick in a new one and theres nothing they can do with locked one unless they reformat the drive fully

memz virus

Thanks for the reply. Can anyone suggest a good spot to dl ransomware aside from looking at shady porn sites and clicking all the ads?

just use a syskey im out

Why do you need to do this? Been using it for "not work"?

Install NavaSheild, videoxxx.exe, and fucking memz.exe

I agree, this is out of character for me but desperate times are calling for desperate measures. This loss is absolutely marginal in the grand scope of things.

install windows 10

An idea, OP: open it up, and 'remove' one or two capacitors that look important. Or, just break their leads.

Oh my, what happened, this worked yesterday!?

Dumbarse ideas, they can just replace the hard drive and it works again.

I figured he wanted the data gone since he was doing non work related activities on in or something. He could just dban it, I guess, if I'm correct. Blowing the mainboard would leave the hdd intact.

Then nuke the hdd

why would someone want to destroy a computer if it wasn't to make the data stored on it irrecoverable by IT?
You dumb, nigga.

Turn laptop on. Place on top of stick welding machine crank up amps and reverse polarity till the screen goes shitty

How bad do you want it destroyed? Like, you want a new laptop, or you want the bad shit you did on it to go away?

Make a killer flash drive. Just look it up

Long story short, I've been working on an excel project, didn't save it, backup copy wont do. 20hrs of work down the drain, I'm not going down like that.

Just want a clean slate. Start my project from day 1 again. This is like getting a doctors note to postpone an exam.

Then DBAN it. "Oh shit, it says my hard drive isn't working". They replace the hard drive and it isn't your fault you lost that data.

How bad does it need to be bricked? Without physically destroying the hdd it can be fucking hard to destroy all information stored on it. If you're worried about it being turned over to the cops, it might be best to report it stolen and toss the computer in a river or something

You could buy a new harddrive and keep the old one, of course this quirks also mean you'd have to buy another copy of the OS, but you don't rub the risk of the IT people pulling data from the hdd.

That's it?
Damn it OP, just take the fuckin hit or get back to it and do a major cram session on that bitch.

IT Tech Reporting in
First Mistake: Thnking you an outsmart IT

KEK you will get rekt

youtube.com/watch?v=ahKH19iN2SM

Related Vid

Bad enough that IT will just say fuck it and get me a new one. I work for a huge company, burdening the IT guy on my floor for anything longer than an hr will result in a new laptop. Cops wont be involved. I guess the more intense the damage to the OS/HD the more suspicious it looks.

wow fuck you, you don't deserve our help, i thought the story would be much more juicier, but you're just an idiot who can't save his own work

i hope you get fired

Static to motherboard might work depending on how much you can give.

Still going with the stolen idea then.
Done it before... now I have 2 shitty laptops instead of just 1. Course, might want to make sure there isn't a tracker installed somewhere. That can put a fly in the ointment pretty quick

No autosave in 20 hrs? Isn't that standard? Why'd you turn it off?

thats not the whole story. I don't want to turn this into a bawl thread

mental retardation

makes sense.

This is the most cowardice thing i've ever heard. You desk jockeys really are so smug and self entitled, no wonder you arrogant cunts hate yourselfs.

You need to man up and tell your boss you made a mistake and you wont be able to present your work for another day.

I've made mistakes and caused thousands of dollars in property damage and almosf put someones life in risk. I knew i fucked up because of a simple mistake and owned up to it amediately, i got reemed so hard and copped a lot of abuse from work mates for a couple of days, but it was a simple mistake and i did everything i could to make up for it and fix it and everything worked out fine.

Any linux distrobution, run a live copy on USB/DVD

For the hard disk run dd on the whole drive with /dev/random followed up with a second pass of /dev/zero

For the laptop itself, depending on the model, update the BIOS/UEFI but do a hard shutdown (hold power button) in the middle of updating.

Your average IT guy would be able to tell the drive got wiped but not recover any files and would assume it was a bootsector virus, laptop itself they'd most likely toss or return under warranty if they can

can you explain exactly how confessing to his boss will fix anything?
if his boss is supposedly going to just let him start over, wouldn't it make more sense to just "lose" the data so he doesn't get in trouble over some petty shit?

Thread is dying down. Just wanted to thank everyone for the replying (even the negative comments, well deserved) I got in a jam, one way or another I'll get out.

You could do this if you really wanna fuck with them.

"Install Windows 10" is a fucking funny answer. It is a big piece of shit for sure.

To answer the OP your fucked because it's all in the cloud weather you want it there or not.

In the bosses eyes losing your data and not saving it is the same thing, he will feel better and his boss will respect him even more if he owns up to it and does the overtime it shows how you can recover from mistakes which is important in job sites, he will get in trouble but he will get a tiny bit of respect if he does the overtime and powers through it.

The boss will be more pissed off if he shows he cant look after his property and loses a whole bunch of work regardless.

Tl;dr the boss will care more about him doing overtime to fix a small mistake thejn buying him a whole new laptop

I totally agree with you. I'm not pot committed, the consequences of getting caught are far worse than admitted I fucked up. I wouldn't say cowardice, I just want a to use my one mulligan this one fucking time

here op, this will solve your problemo

usbkill.com/

The boss will get pissed of you regardless, maybe even more if he has to buy you a new laptop.

>losing 20 hours of work < losing 20 hours of work + laptop

OP you know this is the right thing to do.

break car window, file police report saying laptop was stolen

install folding@home and then cover up the cooling vents. it'll overheat and the RAM and then the CPU will die.

throw it down a few flights of stairs till you hear the hdd platters rattling around. tell them it was an accident.

Install Windows 10. Wait 1 week.

go to any site in the .ru domain and look for download links for anything ending in .exe

op: run ipconfig and then tell us what your IP is. we'll do the rest.

Totally. Can't blame a guy for weighing his options,

2edgefag4me