I heard there is a safe way to use tapeworms for weightloss is this true? I'm so sick of being fat...

I heard there is a safe way to use tapeworms for weightloss is this true? I'm so sick of being fat. Anyone have any experience with it? Need some tips before I finish my order, I'm getting 3 of them.

this is a joke right?

How about you stop eating so god damn much you fat shit

Safe? Not that im aware. It causes severe abdominal pain. Like more pain than youll get at the gym. Not saying that judgingly, fat bastard here too, have thought the same thing

not safe bro

You could always try eating less and moving more?

You'll get scurvy or something else. Just invest in worms that improve your willpower instead. It takes longer to get a degree in university than to get in shape.

Exercise more and stop shovelling food into your fat face you lazy cunt.

eat only vegetables and starve yourself for only a few days
after that your stomach should shrink a bit and you'll be able to feel full with eating less

I lost 15 pounds doing this so I can confirm that it works

Medfag here, tapeworms are not safe for weight loss. I surely hope you are joking.

Tapeworms mostly feed on your waste. You be giving yourself a parasite that makes shitting uncomfortable, causes lesions and ulcers, risks septic shock, and causes random horrible pains and you'll still be fat.

They can lay eggs and those end up in your blood stream and can wind up in all sorts of different body parts.

You could always set yourself on fire...

while probably true, this tactic will only cause you to bring weight back on in 6 months. You need to retrain your eating habits.

Use DNP

Just consume less calories than you burn of burn more calories that you consume, it's very simple.

Speed or crack would be a better option. Or coke if you're rich.

Eh?

Green coffee bean pills.
Take me before you eat, and they increase your metabolism.
Combo that with any exercise, walking if you're gunna be lazy, and you should start to lose weight pretty easily.

Can confirm, coke is a great way to lose weight. Though i have met a 300lb tweaker lol

just drink water and eat fruits and vegetables it's not rocket science

Wuss poppin b

go and ask /fit/.

When I say speed I mean putty. Fuck meth.

When i think about doing this, it's safety is not what stands out to me. Like, i think it would be "safe". But it would hurt like hell.

tapeworms have inherent risks involved. plus it is fucking disgusting to have a worm living inside of you.

i mean what the fuck. just get exercise you fucking idiot.

Not all of us can just up and exercise, bros. Some of us fattys have let it go so long we physically CANT move that much anymore. I cant walk for more than a few minutes without being in searing agony, because my weight has fucked up my ciatic nerve. And yes, im entirely aware its my own fault.. most of us are.

medfag here

>no dont do it

youre going to end up in serious discomfort, and weight loss may not even end up happening.

also, the problem is that the tapeworm can end up hatching in other organs, compromising your whole fucking body.

>"but im fat as fuck and lazy and want a quick fix to being fat"

Then I highly recommend walking into your primary care's office and complaining to them that you cant focus, and attempt to get the highest milligram adderall you can possibly achieve from such physician.

the added boost in motivation, and loss of apetite will knock off quite a few pounds.

This reminds me an episode of 1000 ways to die, in which a woman took a tapeworm in order to loose weight. It didn't end well for her. It was gruesome.

so work on the diet instead of the activity. Stop coming up with excueses.

Since we have a medfag here, tell me something. Ive told my doc that if i can get a painkiller, like something serious, to overcome the pain and get moving, it would work. He gave me ibuprofin. What do i need to do/say to convince him to put me on a decent painkiller?

terrible idea OP the amount of weight loss they would cause would be negligible.

Cycle.

Its not an excuse. I eat salad for 2 out of 3 meals a day, diet is useless without exercise.

Sure, thats less leg impact...do you know of any bikes/stationaries that will support 450 lbs?

Enjoy its eggs hatching inside your brain

Safe? Where the hell you hear that shit from? I saw a lady die from a tape worm on a 1000 ways to die.

My guess is he saw that episode of house. Keep in mind that girl had a brain disorder where she didnt feel pain

just get the highest rated one you can find. After you get it, add support beams to the seat. If you somehow cant figure out how, hire a welder.

i assume he dropped you with an ibuprofen 800.

well thats your docs way of saying "I REALLLLLY dont want to give this guy an opiate, but am willing to compromise his stomach over getting him hooked on painkillers"

if you really do have pain, then you need to be more specific with your doctor, and willing to "jump through hoops" (go to phhysical therapy/yoga/chiro, whatever for whatever pain). if he sees you making, or at least wanting efforts to stop the pain, then he will give you a painkiller. even pepper in the reverse psychology ("I dont like them but i cant take this pain anymore").

if youre younger than 30, and dont have much a recorded reason for the pain, then tramadol is coming you way.

over 30, or have a recorded reason (car crash, work accident, hospital visit), and you work with your doctor with tests and whatnot, then he will most likely end up throwing you a percocet to help you stop the pain and see where other treatments can help.

theyre just cracking down on people walking in and grabbing painkillers, it takes a few visits

there was this guy on here of course that would eat his gf ass with tapeworms some weird fucked up fetish still have those haunting images on my head.

>>/FIT/
srsly, read the sticky there, take 10 minutes away from your RATEMAHDICK thread and just go read it.
Quick Summary:
force yourself to go to the gym or just start running (look up couch to 5K)
Eat correctly, count calories
Stick with it.

Thank you, thats about what i figured, it would take him seeing me a few times to realize im serious. Im over 30 (31), but no record of opiate use or history of dependency

basically this OP you don´t want an ulcer or gastritis it will bloat your stomach even do you´re not fat.

>doesn't understand nutrition
>doesn't self-control
>thinks putting a parasite in his anus will help

yeah then depending on other medications you take, along with a real reason for pain, and he will help you out.
reluctantly, but he will.

I highly advise against using opiate painkillers as much a possible, but if you got pain, you got pain.

at least be open to other options of treatment, because those fucking pills will ruin your life.

You mean like morbid obesity will? Damage done. Life ruined. Just want to live to see my kids graduate, man...

before I got into anything medical, I was a heroin addict, I just preach the whole "stay away from it as much as possible" like every other Med prof, considering im incredibly thankful for my turnaround.

but in you case, I understand. and it does make life a hell of a lot easier to deal with.
with the regiment kept on track, your life may damn well get much better.

its times like these where I wish I could practice selectively, or just be able to practice on whoever i met. like a Sup Forums in-home Doc.

Id be one fucked up doctor but man, I know what pills you need.

And exercise is useless without diet. You'll hit a plateau that just seemingly can't be crossed, I speak from personal experience. Went from 325 down to 307 working with a trainer in a gym 3 times a week, going the other 2 days and doing the workouts she gave me, tried for 4 months and never dropped under that horrible number 307.

Do you think offering to have a limited supply would help? Or maybe to be willing to be monitored? I mean, i just one one dose so i can work out for 30 mins a day.

Or you can just eat less and exercise...

fuck that you'd be better off losing weight by becoming a meth or heroin addict

They live in your intestine and eat all the nutrient you ingest but leave the fat. Your body would go into panic mode and digest its own muscle and bone tissue in attempt to keep you alive. You lose weight but the fat stays and you probably won't live very long.

that might be risky.

remember, your physician is a human being.
he is making a judgement.

I would really just say that the ibuprofen isnt touching it, and youre getting discouraged having to keep feeling pain.

or, for whatever pain youre referring to, if you can say also that youre losing sleep because of the pain, he will be more apt to give you something.

docs dont like when you lose sleep, it opens up more doors for more problems.

He ready knows i dont sleep well, im getting a cpap machine the 14th