Sir the singles only seating is right that way!

>sir the singles only seating is right that way!

Do you faggots actually go to the movies by yourself?

>He goes to shitty movies just to impress his gay friends

lol

>that's blood
>the singles line leads to a giant meat grinder

>2016
>only covering a PART of the hallway with mercury
Poor cinemas are the worst

>had a job where i worked opposite a cinema
>uncle's shop, took as long as i wanted for lunch
>used to go and watch films, as long as i was back in an hour i'd be okay

It was great, until I fell through the floor one day and ended up in hospital for a month.

>do you faggots actually read books by yourself?

why do I hear screaming?

I fucking hate this

Do you invite friends over every time you watch TV?

>wade into the singles only seating area
>after sitting down only my head is not submerged
>slowly the room fills up with other singles
>the film starts
>unknown to us all, the noise awakens something
>throughout the film people are snatched under the water to never return
>their gurgles of terror don't last long
>dont want to leave because the film is alright

I don't get it.

>niggerkino right this way

i usually go watch movies with my sister because we mostly like the same stuff. i dont really see the problem with watching alone though, i mean the only difference is sharing popcorn and talking about it afterwards right?

Did you fuck her?

kek

I want a refund - this isn't the chemical fire I paid for

why do I want to go into that?

why would i fuck my sister?, i think you have been reading too many chinese cartoons.

we only hang out, watch movies and sometimes give massages, you know normal stuff!

>The Life Of Pi goes 5D

>go to film
>saved up enough NEETbux for crab legs
>came to watch the Lobster because I thought it'd be empty due to capeshit
>two others in the singles only section, a white highschooler and a muslim
>ask to move up to the couples seating
>get scoffed at by the theater staff
>leave to go to the bathroom right as the highschooler opens fire

It was better than nothing

yeah ok bud, I know you fucked her

Did he shoot the muslim or was he able to detonate his vest first?

>tfw when you fall into your cinemas floor trap and land on the punji sticks

Don't investigate, It's the water drawing you in.

>yfw the floor is actually polished black stone and it's the carpet that's spreading

>tfw you have to use the backup vape zone

What was a hospital doing in the basement of a cinema??

>triggered a trip wire
>huge log swings down and kills the woman next to me by mistake
>tfw the Cinemaster brands my penis with a 'do not serve' sigil that will be obviously be noticed during penis inspection
>tfw I also inherited the dead woman's anvils

haha don't worry bros, just step into the theater! Oh, and if you want, you can close your eyes for a surprise!

>want to use the bathroom at the theater
>didn't get the deluxe seating ticket which includes bathroom priveledges
>need to play a an extra surcharge to urinate because I'm not a gold member
>bathroom attendant wants a 20% tip
>20% of what? My piss?? I give him a crumpled up 5 I have in my sock in case of an emergency
>need to pay 7 bucks for theater reentry
>the projectionist rewinds the film back to the soda ads because I missed them
>everyone in the theater boos at me

>never had GF
>drop out of university and move home to become a neet
>walking down to kfc one day when I run into this QT3.14 that I was into back in high school
>she seems excited to see me even though we hardly ever talked
>add her on facebook, talk for a bit and she asks if I want to go see The Conjouring 2 with her friend
>never really been into cheap jump scares but if I've got a shot with her I'll give it a go
>she messages me before the movie and says her friend can't make it and asks if I can pick her up
>pick her up in my mom's car which has baby seats in the back for my sisters kids
>sitting there the whole time thinking its awkward as fuck
>buy her ticket
>as soon as we sit down, she lifts up the arm rest between us and puts my hand on her lap
>grabs my head after a scare and puts it on her chest
>everything is going much better than expected
>end up laying with my head on her stomach while she strokes my arm
>tfw her belly rumbles right on my ear
>tfw remember she has poo in her
>feel disgusted and leave without saying anything
>block her on facebook and never speak to her again

It was an American cinema.

Used to work in a theater. What most people don't know is that the seemingly retarded man that rips your tickets is legally required to be an attorney. If you have the Deluxe Platinum package, he can serve as your lawyer when dealing with Anvil Inheritances.

its sewage

your cinema doesn't have a hospital next to it's popcorn mines?

it's awfully dangerous work in those mines, people get injured quite often

Good choice.

LICK HERS FEET AND PERFORMS SEX ACT

>Local cinema closed after an exploding beaker in the science lab killed the rhino

>Go to theatre for Captain America movie
>24.99 for Apple Juice and 4 Popcorn bags
>Get insulted on my way to the movie by Chad standing near the bathroom
>He doesn't like my Initial D shirt
>Pour my apple juice all over his "Special Seat"
>That'll teach him!
>Movie starts
>Three falconry experts are sitting in my Cineplex Deluxe movie lovers seats™
>Assert my rage into my throbbing penis
>start moving down the seats
>Trip and fall on Chads leg
>He swipes the carpet off the floor and rolls all 425 pounds of me into a roll
>Picks me up and starts pretending i'm his penis in the shadows
>The women are laughing
>The "Theatre Asians™ are laughing
>The Falconry experts are laughing
>The Lizards in the Lizard pit aren't laughing but eating my popcorn
>Jokes on them i'm the master driver
>Stumble back to my car
>Fined 25$ for leaving before the movie is over.
Would still rate movie a strong 6/10.

Anyone else always piss on the floor when they're at the movies? I've done it since I was a kid and I literally can't stop. Even if I have kept from drinking anything on purpose I still get this overwhelming need to piss and I can't miss any of the movie so I just unzip and pull my dick out and softly piss on the floor.

>tfw directed into the singles-only seating
>step into strange shimmering liquid
>immediately feel intense pain and pleasure simultaneously
>instantly driven to madness as the voices consume my mind
>body slowly dissolves, joining the pool of liquid
>we are one
>a single entity
>join us
>join us
>join us
>join us
>join us
>join us

>you will never see a cinematic adaptation of Sup Forums cinema stories

Watching film and Ian McKellen comes out of the screen dressed like the spooky skeleton of death in this black and white film.

I get out of my seat with my friend who's a cop from LA and Iain sets after us walking slowly, touching people. They seem to fall down and cough when he does.


He gives people AIDS as I later find out he's gay...

The black floor looks really good in that setting, they should think about redecorating.

what else are you meant to do? if you left the cinema to go to the toilet you'd miss part of the film

I get beckoned into the black liquid. scarjo is waiting for me there. One day.

Lesson here, Bey. Mirrors can help to give the illusion that a smaller room is much larger.

I usually just go into a bathroom stall and piss on the toilet paper rolls

I just piss in my drink and roll it under the seats in front of me. Then I get the joy of knowing the theater worker had to touch my pissbottle. It makes the prices much more reasonable.

At my local kinoplex, the seats each have three shells, so poopoopeepee is not a problem.

I sometimes half way through the film go to the toilet and piss all over the cubicle I'm in.

it's strangly satisfying.

I hate it when that happens.

thats interesting. I only come to Sup Forums to troll and lurk these threads. Best part of Sup Forums imo

it's clearly oil/sludge

A sewage leak would be more brown

>Tfw work as a Cinema Assistant
>Have to reset the air conditioning gas systems every day
>Have to deal with revolutions in the arcade
>Have to use the wall flamethrowers sometimes
>Sometimes have to disarm the improvised firebombs in the bathroom stalls
>Have to constantly feed the dogs unruly customers
And all for 15 an hour.

>try to sneak into Finding Dory 3D after my movie ends
>security falcon stares me down during the pre-screening penis inspection and cavity search
>I don't have a ticket, and the corporal searching me is getting suspicious
>he finds the anvil I hid under my cape
>it hits the floor with a loud bang
>security falcon goes apeshit (he's been trained to attack nearby gunshots)
>gouges out my left eye
>to prevent a lawsuit they give me a $5 gift card and let me go see Finding Dory 3D anyway
>can't even notice the 3D since depth perception is gone and eye socket hurts

>He doesn't pissbottle the theater

I bet you don't have a pissbottle shrine in your house either you philistines. Enjoy allowing your essence to escape to the reptiloids waiting in the sewer pipes.

...

>tfw the audience think they are watching a movie
>they're actually just facing the other audience next door through a screen-sized hole

Saved hundreds on film reels this year

I bet Lisa fucked some Chad falcon while he was passed out.

Dont ever order the soup special if youre a single.
You DONT want to know what they do to it.

Does anyone else have to deal with the Cinema vultures constantly pecking at the rotting corpses in front of the screen?
IT's really distracting for me, But they have to "Keep the necrophiliac audience pleased"

The funny thing is that if you read it as though he's Indian, it seems like a completely plausible story

WE CUM IN IT

I always go with my bro, but he's turning 18 soon. He will get a job, a car and probably a gf. I will have no one to go with. I'll probably have to start using my cinemas escort service.

OR YOU COULD HAVE A DREAM ABOUT DROWNING IN OIL

Time for a real theatre story.

Do you ever wonder why do corpses pile up in front of the screen in the first place? Do they just naturally happen to be there or does someone move them?
The cadaver pile in my local kinomae is so huge that it starts overlapping the screen a little bit

It's pretty obvious the pissbag finally popped

oh my kek

Can someone explain to me why Vue Cinema exclusively employ only midgets and the unusually tall? It's really disconcerting.

I went to see the international by myself because I was waiting for my girl to get off work. It was nice, actually.

Fucking normie. He deserved it.

I wish I could, stupid no singles policy ruins everything.

It gets harder as an adult to convince other adults with varying interests to spend time and money on a movie, let alone obscure "weird looking" shit. Plus, I don't always want to work around others' schedules just to see a 90-180 minute feature.

Make sure you get your own popcorn.
Unless you want to catch something.

Havent you seen that PSA before movies start?

My favorite parts of TV and film discussion is also the drible lmfao

>tfw after brexit my local theatre has banned british anvils

for fucks sake i just imported mine since you can't get platinium -rated anvils from my home country

Dude just shaved the serial number off.
SHALL

>mfw your anvils are worth half what they were a week ago

Should have bought American anvils.

Oh I know 'xactly how they get there.
Our cinema places lights on the top of the building so it looks like a runway at night. They sell the planes and metal and drop the bodies through chutes in the roof.

>tfw fucking Normies are co-opting Anvil Culture and putting it on t-shirts they wear to "Do sex" with "Hot babes"

>american
>made in China.

Change the AA to EE and you got a 10/10 shirt.

>go to see Godzilla with some black friends
>theater pretty packed but we are all chillin in the back
>they start unloading their trousers and gym shorts
>suddenly KFC buckets, McDonalds, 20oz bottles of Coke, and packets of skittles start being passed out
>yoo bro, I see you forgot to bring snacks, Jefro will hook you up
>get handing almost a full meal of chicken tenders, fries, potatoes and a drink
>we are making an absolute ruckus but no one seems to care
>movie starts and we quiet down
>everyone watching the flick
>halfway through some child starts crying near the front of the cinema
>someone in my group shouts out
>AYOOO SHUT THAT BABY UP SOME OF US ARE TRYIN TO WATCH THE MOVIE
>instantly some lady jumps up and turns around lookin back towards the rear of the theater
>WHO SAID THAT
>kid is still crying audibly
>Jefro stands up
>I SAID IT BITCH WHAT YOU GUNNA DO
>DONT YOU TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY KID
>this is a packed, shoulder to shoulder theater being interrupted with a shouting match
>I WOULDNT HAVE TO TELL YOU IF YOU WERE RAISING IT PROPERLY WHO THE FUCK TAKES A BABY TO SEE GODZILLA
>thunderous applause from the theater
>lady gets up and storms out of the theater with crying child while the theater claps, someone else yells THANK GOD
>get back to watching the movie

really, why do people take children and babies that cry to see movies

European Epparel?

what the fuck is wrong the floor

There is nothing more American than slave labor my friend.

How did you manage to keep your anvil out of the water? You can't enjoy the film with a wet anvil.

Johnny is coming

Fuck you, You don't know what it's like.
I cry all the time at the movies. everyone hates me doing it but I cry and cry and cry but the Security usually beats me with batons until I stop.

Fuck I laughed.

No. So it can say REE

But why didn't she use her personal trained falcon to calm the baby down?

>after sitting down only my head is not submerged
>slowly the room fills up with other singles

With the extra intake of people the water-level would have risen, submerging your head. So this obviously didn't happen. Stop making things up on the internet fag!!

YES

I think the falcon is there for a snack
Not for a babysitter job.

>tfw normie Chad and would wear that shirt

Is that mercury or some sort of oil? My theater usually uses chlorine gas to kill beta singles Around only 45% come out alive so it's pretty effective but that's only during the week days On the weekends it turns to hydrogen cyanide capsules that are handed out to the autistic children Half of the capsules contain the poison while the other half contain LSD