You know what Ray? They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but when I look up all I see are fucking lemons

You know what Ray? They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but when I look up all I see are fucking lemons.

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They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but you know what Ray? I have a gun, and now no one is saying anything.

the shit apple doesnt fall far from the shit tree

They say the house always wins in the end, but I'm the one payin' the fucking mortgage.

My grandfather told me you can discover everything you need to know about everything by looking at your hands. I've been looking at mine all my life, every day since I was 5, and you know what I've just realized? They're fucking feet.

my god, what a shitty dialogue

You know what Ray? They say you shit from your asshole, but I shit from my mouth, Ray. I shit from my FUCKING mouth!

Never sneeze Ray, your heart can stop

They say you've gotta look both ways before crossing the road. But you know what Ray? I'm road, and I tell you what - I've been stepped on too many times

This is actually a pretty good line.

kek

Never eat a steak well done, Ray. Never well done, HOWEVER

They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Guess what? One spoiled apple ruined the bunch, and now the doctor is in. Caspere knew this.

They say you only live once Ray, tell that to my twin.

always down for a good Vinceposting thread

Some people say it's not the size of the boat but rather the motion of the ocean. Well guess what, Ray? I can't even swim. Never even had a bath. Caspere knew this.

A woman once told me Jesus is in all of us. So I nailed her Ray.

Life's like a box of chocolate? Well guess what Ray, I'm a dog. I'll die if I eat chocolate. Caspere knew this...

This is my favorite thread on Sup Forums

goddamn

They say two's company and three's a crowd. But you know what, Ray? Three's just one more than two.

Mr Lahey, your drunk again.

Apparently there's 3. Consider yourself checked, Frank.

They say in the land of the blind the one eyed man is king Ray. And I'm all out of contact lenses.

Caspere knew this

You Ray what know? They say autism isn't contagious, but kiss me, and you'll see why that's incorrect.

They tell me five a day keeps the doctor away. I tell them, Ray, just one restraining order does the trick.

Fool me once shame on you Ray. Fool me twice shame on HBO.

Three's a company, but quads is an orgy.

When I was a kid, my old man would get drunk and beat me like a rented mule. Well, now I run the fucking mule car dealership Ray and it's time for you to take a test drive.

they say the early bird catches the worm but you know what Ray? ah nevermind forget it

Early bird catches the worm, right? Well, from where I'm standing, Ray, it's just a plumper dish for the night owl. Caspere knew this.

oh my fuck

you got four crowds right there

Y'know how they say it takes two to tango, Ray? Well I just realized my partner is sleeping behind my back and I've been doing the fucking waltz this whole time.

They say you are what you eat, well I've never eaten anything, I guess that's why I don't know what I am.

I came here to do two things, Ray. And you know what, Ray? I'm all out of things, Ray.

They say one bad apple spoils the bunch. Let me tell you something Ray, I fuckin hate apples it's all the same to me

They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die, yeah, a bullet does too.

They say dead men tell no tales. I've been dead for years Ray, and I'm here to fucking tell you about it. Caspere knew this.

When I was a kid I opened up a lemonade stand. Now this other kid down the street, Joey, he opens up a lemonade stand right next to mine. Now I start to notice he's cutting into my profits, so you know what I did Ray? Well lets just say I ain't ever been able to drink a glass of lemonade since. Caspere knew this.

You got to keep your head above water here Ray, and I mean it or you'll fucking drown in my pool.

They say dog is man's best friend Ray. But I don't know if I'd let my best friend watch me masturbate and have sex.

They say a man that doesn't look beyond himself misses the whole world, well I'm looking Ray, and you know what? I really need to get some glasses.

It's like dating niggers Ray, you never want to date one, but if you have to, at least let it be a rich basketball nigger

It's a dog eat dog world Ray, but I'm the fuckin' Chinaman

Life is beautiful, Ray. Really, it is. Full of beauty and illusions. Life is great, Ray. Without it, you'd be dead.

I fucking loved Season 2. God damn. Vince and Colin killed that shit. John Carter and What's-Her-Face were also on point.

You know what Ray? They say pride goeth before a fall, but when I look up I realized I never had a horse at all.

All these assholes are out here playing nothing but fucking checkers. Guess what Ray? I've been playing chess for fucking years.

They say behind every successful man is a woman Ray, but I tried pegging once. Not a fan Ray.

Kek

They told me flipping a coin can only have 2 outcomes. Well I flipped the whole fucking world upside down, Ray. What happens next? Take your fucking bet.

They say the biggest of them is what's really off of there when it never even had a shot, Ray. Caspere knew this.

They say you should never look a gift horse in the mouth, but you know what Ray? Maybe if we were watching its feet we wouldn't be picking up our teeth right now

I started getting wise to their game. Started figuring out that I'm gonna get the shit end of the stick. But you know what I realized, Ray? It was my shit on the stick in the first place.

Same. Evey post is funny.

I guess the turd doesn't fall far from the faggot's ass

I'm at a fork in the road, a major life decision ahead of me, but I'm not a utensil Ray, never forget that.

They say laughter is the best medicine Ray, but my dick didn't feel any better after my wife laughed at it.

They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away. You know what I make of that, Ray? If you get sick, don't eat apples. Caspere knew this.

They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, Ray. But if I'm the bird, I'll take the fuckin bush.

They say you should never judge a book by its cover Ray. I judge it by page count. No fat chicks Ray.

They say the bigger you are, the harder you fall, Ray, but what they don't tell you is that the last man standing's just Danny DeVito in platform shoes. Caspere knew this...

I'm always told you should never bite off more than you can chew, want to know something, Ray? I've been wearing dentures since day one.

They say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions Ray. Well we live in Southern California. Hell's roads are looking pretty good.

KEK

This isn't a game Ray, if it were, I would have brought all my issues of Nintendo power.

They say the night is darkest before dawn. Well I got a fuckin' flashlight Ray. Come at me.

Shit, that sounds like an actual line from the show.

You know what Ray? They say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but I don't see a check for all the shit I've been eating

You know how the older you get the stronger the wind gets? I'm the wind Ray, I get stronger the older you get.

...

They say two wrongs don't make a right. Is that why my wife and I can't make a baby Ray?

They say two heads are better than one Ray, but I checked it out, tranny porn isn't for me.

I feel so bad about watching the entire s2

I miss Vinceposting.

caspere knew this

All this time Ray I thought I was winning at life. Now I look back and see I was playing the wrong game. Everyone else was playing chess while I played checkers. You say I'm in checkmate, I say "King me."

You know they say that it's always the darkest before Ray? Well I'm an insomniac, do you think I give a care?

It saddens me that I can never get that time back.

They say they miss Vinceposting Ray, they say it in a thread full to the fucking brim with it. And this post is the fucking brim. Caspere knew this.

Season 2 was nowhere near as good as season 1 sure, but was it really that bad if you judge it on its own? I liked S2

Curiosity killed the cat Ray, yeah, well I'm a fucking lion.

They say that when in Rome, you do as the Romans do Ray. Well here I am in the desert Ray... roaming... youtube.com/watch?v=EWIiiF-OocE

Never eat, Ray, not even ice cream.

Never bend, your back can break.

He said I was a big guy Ray. I said for you. I still don't know why I said that.

This is it, we are going down the rabbit hole.

I hope you like stew because in the end I'll be cooking the fucking White Rabbit and making a hat out of its fur.

But this is California Ray, what the hell am I going to do with a fur hat.

They always said shaking more than twice meant you're just jacking off ray, well I've always been a dick, and I'm sick of being jacked around. Caspere knew this.

They say I'm swimmin' with sharks Ray, and you know what? It's makin' me hungry for a god damn tuna sandwich

You think this is a lost cause, Ray? Well call up the fucking lost-and-found, cause Caspere fucking found it. He also knew this.

The say a stitch in time saves nines, but how's that saying go when it's my scrotum that needs to be sewn up? My balls are about to fall out Ray, and that's the end of fuckin time as far as I'm concerned

Never do anything out of hunger, Ray, not even starving.

They say the house always wins in the end, but who owns the house ray? Bankers got the mortgage, bankers got you. All I got is a single chip and I'm playin against the house and the bank.

And for that reason, I'm out.

Don't cry over spilled milk, Ray. That's what my mother taught me. But this? They just killed the fucking cow. Casper knew this.

My father told me I should always try to kill two birds with one stone Ray. But it took years for me to realise that it's the stone I wanted gone, so where did that leaves me? That's right, a fucking huge pile of dead birds and nothing to show for it.

Its never just the straw that breaks the camels back ray, it's the fat Fucking Egyptian who fucked up my land deal with the Russians

It's a show called True Detective Ray. But I'm not even a detective, and here I am, a protagonist.

They say there's plenty of fish in the sea, Ray. Well I'm out here without a fishing license because I couldn't produce documentation of the state where I live. Problem is, I haven't felt alive in years.