What's the most Larry David-esque situation that ever happened to you ?

what's the most Larry David-esque situation that ever happened to you ?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=CXj0nC1iRag
youtube.com/watch?v=eGnUGFwraL0
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laurie_David
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

>go to bar
>ask for a drink
>argue with the bartender for 10 minutes whether water is a drink or not
>sad trumpet starts playing

some black guys were following me at the mall, harassing me and telling me i was dressed like an old man (i dress somewhat similar to larry david, v neck with suit jacket and jeans with white sneakers, functional and decent looking clothes).
they actually grabbed my arm firmly and made me stop walking so they could take a photo.
looking back i probably should have called the cops and had them arrested for assault.

> looking back i probably should have pulled out my .44 magnum and blown their heads clean off.

Pretty much anytime I go outside.

>Attend artist alley at ComicCon for the first time
>A shitton of problems beforehand
>No pass for my friend, co-creator and writer
>Literally no information
>We e-mail Gary (our contact) a shitton of mails
>Noanswers.jpg
Fucking Gary
>Call the HQ several times
>Always the same answer
>Gary is not here at the moment, he will call you back
>Not happening
Fucking Gary
>Finally get short mail from Gary, saying everything is okay, we can get everything when we check in
>First day on the ComicCon
>My friends name is not on the list
>We don't have a table
>No problem sir, Gary will be here in a minute
>My friend and I are riffing on Motherfucking Gary
>Probably a Dudebro
>Popped-up collars
>Iced hair
>The hate was real
>Hear that Gary is coming through the door
>It's a dwarf in a wheelchair with brittlebone disease

Not me but when I was a baby I got a fever or stn and they took me to the doctor, my mom was all worried and shit and I guess my dad was really tired and like "He's gonna be fine, he's not like a midget or anything."

Camera pan two seats over to a very angry looking midget.

From Larry David to Falling Down in .44 seconds

>Camera pan two seats over
what
how is that possible IRL

>see someone I barely know through a few friends passing by in the street
>Give the nod of recognition as we pass
>didn't see the need nor have the time for a stop and chat
>find out later from the same mutual friends that the faggot took it as a sign of disrespect

What the fuck is actually wrong with people and their delicate sensibilities? This isn't even an isolated incident for me. Even normies are touchy autists these days mang

>at a bar with friends in a writing group of mine
>discussing favorite comedy movies
>someone mentions Blazing Saddles
>I quote the scene where the old woman says "Up yours nigger" and then later gives him a pie and says "Sorry about the up yours nigger"
>everyone is quiet and staring at me as I have said "nigger" twice in public
>"What? I didn't write it, Richard Pryor did"
>silence
>topic awkwardly changes

My sides

not that im against you in that situation but how did that scene even comes up
seems hard to naturally bring it up in conversation

>Having drinks with friends.
>Everyone's telling edgy 'dead baby jokes' abd getting on my nerves.
>Decide to destroy everyone with the edgiest joke I know.
>'What's balck and eats pussy? Cervical Cancer.'
>One of the girls lets out a little whimper of shock.
>Her mom was a cervical cancer survivor.

kek

I would say 'up yours nigger' is a valid form of an answer in that case. I would've probably done the same thing in Anons place

of all the scenes you choose that one, good going you stupid bald fuck!

I get that the whole point of that movie is picking apart race relations and whatnot, but that still seems like bad form.

this indian lady came up to my house to sell us avon makeup magazines

i thought she was shilling her religion and avon was some hindu god because she had a dot on her head and she had a very thick indian accent

i told her my family was irish catholic and we werent interested in switching sides so i closed the door on her

I don't do stop-and-chats

That's fantastic. Keep being yourself.

pretttty pretttyyy good

kek

sides are in orbit

That same situation where Larry calls that effeminate guy a cunt when they're playing poker, change cunt to faggot and everything else pretty much went the same

Stop and chats are the worst.

Every time I've been trapped in one my mind wanders to this;
youtube.com/watch?v=CXj0nC1iRag

>cold day, go to cafe to warm up
>menu is on the counter, server asks what I'd like
>order without looking up
>say "Niggedly today, isn't it?"
>look up
>he's black

>told her my family was irish catholic and we werent interested in switching sides
kek, this is my response now, next time someone tries to soliciate me

who dat grill on the right of larry?

That's Adam Sandler

I had this kind of situation with a guy from highschool

i complimented his shoes and asked him what brand they were and he said he didn't know

how do you not even know the brand of your shoe, you never stopped to look at it, not even once

that and it killed the conversation

why would you ever say that in public to a stranger?

made me laugh a lot

>>>
> Anonymous 06/27/16(Mon)11:20:26 No.71304895▶
>
>why would you ever say that in public to a stranger?
I thought I was a genius of the English language at the time and said stupid shit like that constantly.

in highschool senior year i finally got a girlfriend

i was in economics class and texting the whole time and the teacher called me out on it, she was this milf with big tits

"tom what are you doing are you texting"
"nope"
it was obvious but i just denied it to the end and brought great shame on the whole class

Sup Cliff Clavin.

Kate Mckinnon is on Larry's left.

This guy's right.

>yfw Sadaam Antler is Adam Sandler backwards

Was at a concert with my stepsister. Her grandma was in the hospital. Her phone died and I was the one who got the bad news she died.Waited until after the concert to tell her the bad news.Everyone asks what took us so long to get home. I become the bad guy. I am confused on what is so horrible about not going home immediately. Like why not go through the whole concert and enjoy yourself? She's not going to be any less dead in an hour

I have the same mindset user. Sadly people don't often recognize that kind of thinking

thank you i have another one


i was 18 and i stopped by teavana and it all smelled really nice so i decided to get some dank tea, some cinnamon and ginseng combo anyway the clerk asked me how much and i said "about a pound i guess" and then she asked if i wanted a carrier thing and i said yes and she rings it up to $80 fucking dollars and my face went completely white

i didn't have the nerve to tell her to stop so i just fucking blew eighty bucks on fucking tea

Water is clearly a drink you sad cunt.

>be 16 just got drivers license
>let my friend drive my car for 10 mins
>he runs over some fucking machine in his garage and halfway tears the bumper off
>no visible damage. we are able to reattach it
>two weeks later, driving my mom to grocery store
>accidentally graze over one of those concrete parking blocks and unhinge my bumper again
>mom: user WTF
>wait no mom my friend is actually the one who tore it off
>user I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET ANYONE ELSE DRIVE THIS CAR
>had to take money out of my college fund to repair it
>sad trumpets

>In line at concession stand at movie theater
>It's finally my turn to order
>Cashier looks at the guy behind me and asks him "What would you like, sir."
>"Excuse me, but I'm next in line."
>Worker still looking at the guy behind me. >And, what can I get you sir?
>Start to get pissed.
>"Yo! I'm next and I'll take a medium coke!"
>Worker gets my coke and starts to ring me up.
>He looks up and I realize he has a lazy eye and was looking at me the whole time.
>Realize my mistake. And start bursting out laughing.
>I'm laughing more at myself, but the guy knows exactly what happened and I can tell he's stewing in rage.
>Pay and grab my coke. Can't stop laughing at myself, but I'm laughing in the poor guy's face.
>Walk away with a huge grin on my face past an entire line of people who all think I'm laughing at this minimum wage worker's disability

>girlfriend's brother is graduating from college
>invited to the ceremony, have a baseball game planned that day with a few friends
>tell her I'm not going to the graduation, it says it takes four hours and its not like he'll even know I'm there, there are like six thousand people in the stands
>she gets mad and tells me to do whatever I want
>go to the baseball game
>meet up with her family for a graduation dinner
>walk in, greeted with complete silence
>mom says "oh, so you'll show up for a free dinner but not to see __________ graduate?"
>try to make a joke that falls completely flat
>awkwardly pick at my food for an hour, girlfriend won't let me leave
>try to justify my position, she shuts me down completely and tells me she's not talking to me for a few days
>go home and jerk off

That last part is my twist on a Larry David situation

I'm from Germany, so there aren't a lot of black people around. Grew up in a white-ish community with some occasional muslims. Very sheltered and was a huge nerd for the most of my childhood. Never done drugs, etc. Went on Sup Forums early on, read often that black people 'smell funny'. Moved with my parents to a bigger city. Took the train more often as a result. Saw some black people in the train then. They do smell funny though.

Fast forward a few years. Living on my own, studying. Hanging around friends that do drugs. Offer me weed.

...

Oh my god, it smells like black people.

I have a lazy eye. Shit sucks

this thread is pretty pretty pretty pretty good
thanks for the laughs anons

>go to store for beer
>cashier recognizes me and strikes up a conversation
>suddenly Mexican guy behind me says something in Spanish
>look back and nod
>cashier says he's asking where I got my boots from
>spend like two minutes wondering where I bought them from
>end up telling him a whole fucking city is where I got them from
>grab my shit and leave because I realize I'm holding up the line and being awkward
>a minute after leaving I remember what store it was
>rush back in, see Mexican paying for his shit
>blurt out a little too loudly "FOOTLOCKER! It-it was Footlocker, can you tell him it was Footlocker?" to the cashier
>everyone behind him is smirking at me because I look and sound like a spergburger, Mexican nods appreciatively
>go home and get drunk alone

holy shit lmao

kek i heard the curb your enthusiasm theme when i read this

I wonder if Larry David is browsing right now and writing down this stuff for future episodes.

>freshman year of high school
>make friends with a hulking football player senior
>go to biology
>senior walks by classroom and sees me
>proceeds to walk into class to do a fistbump with me
>teacher sees him
>GET OUT NOW
>he continues with the fistbump and jets
>everyone in class is staring at me
>user YOU DO NOT ENCOURAGE THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR IN MY CLASSROOM
>"I didn't"
>get detention

I wouldn't mind desu senpai.

On vaycay at the coast in WA. Took around 100-150mg thc edibles by noon. We need cigs, beer, gas and papers and have never been in this area.
We park at the gas station to get gas, wave at the cashier inside, drive off.
Forgot we needed cigers. The significant other goes in for some Camels. He comes back saying he had the wierdest moment talking to the cashier.
"How's it going man?..." Cashier says nothing. "You have any grinders?" "Uhhh... Sure." "How much is the G-Pen?" The cashier asks why. He just buys cigs in an awkward transaction and gets to the car. It was so awkward he forgot papers, beer.
I don't realize our needs until we are back at camp.
Add another 30 min in driving high af.
On our other two trips I made direct eye contact from outside the store.
I walk to the corner of the building and the cashier is smoking a cig, and asks, with paranoia "back again?"
"Yeah, forgot something." I said smiling. The cashier looked freaked out. I have no idea why.

I get the Red stripe. So high I can't immediately remember how to use a credit card. Cashier points to reader. "Thanks, man." Then I say my general "thanks, have a great night" shit. Dude looks confused.
Get to the car, set down the beer, drive to camp.
Nothing to smoke more weed with.
Get back in car, drive to the station.
I get out, walk immediately to counter. I look all around the dude. "You got any papers back there man?"
He looks around, side to side, "Uh, yeah.............."
"Well, where are they?"
He points to his left, I can't see any displays.
"Could I get one please?" C'mon man, you know what I want, dammit.
"Um... Which kind?"
"The orange ones"
He looks around. "Um?"
"One and a quater." I obviously can't see the damn display. I don't want to go to the side of the counter to look in fear of freaking this guy out more.
He finally hands me Zig Zags.
I can't remember how the reader works.

Kate McKinnon.
Lesbian on snl. One if not the funniest on snl right now.

Giving a nod is considered to be generally the lowest form of acknowledgement. A simple "hi" or "hey" would've been much better. Even the wave of a hand.

>One if not the funniest on snl right now.
That's like being the most edible piece of feces in a litter box.

>One if not the funniest on snl right now.

Kate is fucking awful.

I didn't know Pryor wrote in that film.

>complain to gf for months that the condoms I use are too snug/make me "lose it"
>we research condoms and find one that has more girth
>at Target in condoms aisle with her
>See the exact condoms we need
>3 condoms for $10???? I exclaim to her
>We talk for a minute in the aisle, dont remember about what
>half black guy walks in aisle awkwardly, probably overheard our whole convo
>takes the exact pack of condoms that I needed
>Gf says we'll come back to get them
>trumpets

In an alternate scenario I was thinking about asking the guy how effective those condoms were. Ehhhhh so those condoms good huh? Not too tight around? Nobody likes suffocation on there.

Also

>gf breaks up with me before we can even try the condoms.
>trumpets

>tripfags in charge of not being retarded

>i dress somewhat similar to larry david, v neck with suit jacket and jeans with white sneakers, functional and decent looking clothes).

HAHAHAHAHAHA

>being offended you're autistic

Okay, whatever.

youtube.com/watch?v=eGnUGFwraL0

Reminds me of this

Its too cringey for me to even type it up.

>le epic eating shit analogy

you are not clever and you need to go back

>v necks
Don't do that

Larry has quite a few nice fits on the show, the trousers + classic sneakers combo is p effay but v necks are fucking trash

I found an ugly grey baseball hat that just says florida on it

it feels like such a larry hat. I want to wear it and mope around.

Three short ones

>be in a country where people thank bus drivers when they get off
>get the bus every day for uni
>one of these times I mix up my words and say 'GOODBYE' obnoxiously loudly as I leave the bus
>hold up the people behind me for five seconds as I realise what I've done and then leave with a huge grin on my face from how much of an idiot I am

>hanging around in secondary school on the first day of terminal exams
>everyone's going around chatting to others, reassuring each other
>one black guy in my year comes up to say hi
>think it'd be a good idea to reply with '`sup my nigga'
>instead just blurt out 'nigger', straight to his face with o hint of shame
>suppressed the rest and can't remember what happened after

>joking around in a group which includes people I don't really now
>one girl says something that strikes me as really strange
>tell her 'cool it with the daddy issues' as jokingly as possible
>everyone turns to me with hateful stares
>get told quietly later that her dad died recently

kek

>Realize my mistake. And start bursting out laughing
Whenever I'm on public transport my mind wanders and starts imagining all of the ways I could inadvertently embarrass myself in front of strangers, and I get this wide smile probably unnerving everyone nearby

>at the cinema
>the movie ends
>I turn to a friend and say that movie was boring - interstellar
>the guy behind us got mad and said to his friends he is waiting outside

>in high school
>question on the paper asked that an Islamic head scale is called
>I accidently wrote headjob instead of hejab
>try and use my skills to scribble it out and correct it
Next day
>teacher: alright, who wrote headjob?
>slouch in my chair

>go to drive through
>pull up to window
>black guy hands me my food
>"Hey man, that car is clean!"
>"Actually I haven't washed it in almost a month."
>guy is holding back a smile for a coulle seconds
>"I mean it's cool."
>"O-oh."
>drive off more aware of my whiteness

>sick
>eat 3 packets of ramen noodles after not eating for 2 days
>immediately have to shit
>taking shit
>shit feels stringy like noodles are coming out of my ass
>think of noodles pouring out of asshole covered in shit and clinging to my hole
>have to throw up
>puke inbetween dick and shitter
>dick covered in puke

>Jew Music

I've been in a lot of situations that are misunderstandings, but most of the time they just end with hurt feelings instead of that pleasant theme music.

>be in high school
>break and i am with my freinds, my crush and her best freind
>everybody tells edgy jokes
>i decide to tell some edgy holocaust and jew jokes
>everybody laughs except my crush anf her freind
>turns out my crush is jewish

>be me
>drive a miata
>friend asks why I drive such a tiny car (I'm 6'1")
>tell her it's "reverse compensation"
>"ah...aha."
>conversation ends

>be trans
>be in the military

that's actually funny

Reminder that Larry David's wife divorced him and took $400 million, citing Curb as evidence as to how difficult it was to live with him, justifying a 50/50 split in assets.

She's also an environmentalist that flys her private jet with a leather interior from NYC to LA every other week.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laurie_David

kek

just be like
>ahahah "insertnamehere" didn't see ya for long
>how are you doing ?
>ahah great i'm fine
>sorry i have to go ,see ya later man
see not fucking hard

>used to work in an autobody shop in a small texas town during college
>really big A&M town
>some black family pulls up with a few issues with their car
>small repairs, nothing major
>making small talk with them while checking out the damage
>the father has a UT shirt on
>I'm wearing an A&M shirt
>decide to make a joke to break the ice
>look at his shirt and say "we don't serve your kind around here"
>boss had to explain to him that I'm autistic and I was talking about his shirt and not his race

*Niggardly* means stingy you dumb shit

Still completely unnecessary.

That wasn't Gary bro that was just the Gary they send out when they've fucked up.

yup but at least that not uncomfortable
i just ignore them anyways most of the time

11/10

hahah you dumbshit

I am in fact an incest surviver and was touched by my uncle (uniorinically).

SNL hasnt been funny in 35 years sorry if I triggered you.

nice
>always do fucking edgy jokes with groups of friends
>go to a party at said friends but i don't know most people
>really fucking hungry
>last slice of pizza
>scream to my buddy "hey nigger don't jew all the pizza"
>he smile at me awkwardly
>eat pizza and go home

>Me and my friend who sits in front of me in class decide to cheat on a quiz by writing the answers on our desk
> I remember to erase it but my friend doesn't
> hear someone got caught cheating by writing stuff on the desk
>not sure if i erased it i ask my where the cheater sat
>Describes where i sit
> Go to the teacher to apologize and confess to cheating and get ahead of this
>He has no idea what im talking about
> pla it off as a joke and walk away
>whew that was close

>driving while high

larry david wouldn't be that stupid

There is no difference. It's pretty much the same driving while high on weed or coke.

>in car with friend and his mum
>radio station she is listening to has dedicated an entire show (4 hours) of calls from the public because some B list singer has been diagnosed with cancer
>blurt out in passing "what a stupid idea for a show"
>friends mum asks me why, obviously super irritated that i said it
>i say that's a stupid idea for a show because it implies that her cancer diagnosis is more important than anyone elses and is insulting to people who have to suffer without recognition
>she says that it's a nice thing to do
>i retort by saying that if you are so vain that you need the will of the people who essentially pay your wage to also want you alive to continue paying your wage, you're an asshole
>she scoffs and doesn't say another word
>tells my parents i called a cancer victim an asshole

I often pull people up on trivial nonsense that people tend not to question.

>In supermarket buying vodka
>"Ok sir, I'll need to see some ID"
>Search for a while
>I don't have it
>"Come on now I'm 25. We both know I'm over eighteen. Just give me the vodka and I'll be out of here"
>"I can't sell it you without ID"
>Disgruntled, I search some more and find it
>"Alright, I'll need to see his too"
>Indicates my brother
>"Why's that?"
>"You're clearly with him."
>"He's nothing to do with me. It's my vodka, and I'm going to drink it on my own"
>"You came in together, so I need to see his ID as well"
>I look around and point to some random woman
>"She's also not going to be drinking any. Why don't you ID her? I might know her. Better be sure."
>A queue behind me is growing. People are getting annoyed
>She has another look at my ID
>"This is expired, sir"
>"So what? Are you worried that after it expired I regressed in age?"
>She gives me a withering look
>Brother looks increasingly uncomfortable
>"...What? I'm not being unreasonable. She's the one being unreasonable"
>I am escorted out
>Jaunty Yiddish tune plays

> So what? Are you worried that after it expired I regressed in age?

Best fucking part.

>"So what? Are you worried that after it expired I regressed in age?"

that is some vintage larry right there