So I came here because I really just want to die. I feel like I deserve it for reasons I won't ever speak of...

So I came here because I really just want to die. I feel like I deserve it for reasons I won't ever speak of, but I won't kill myself which only makes me deserve it more. I just want to tell someone that I hate this. I hate that all we have to look forward to is pain and death. I have been told so many times that life is what you make it, but I don't choose so many things that just happen. I just wanted to be a good father, so why was my child taken from me before it was born? Why is it that I can't find someone that will love me as much as I love them, and if I do, why do I destroy that person to their very core and cause their dreams to turn to dust? Why am I so filled with self preservation when I'm nothing but a plague to all that get close?

Tl;dr : Feels Thread, OP might an hero soon

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youtube.com/watch?v=47a9K05Qi9Q
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Stream it

Self bump

Don't have a way to stream it, don't have a way to do it, can't seem to work up the motivation just like everything else in life.

Le bumpy

Bump bump fahrump.

>I just wanted to be a good father, so why was my child taken from me before it was born?
You're joking, right?
Right?

Oh god, please. Let this be bait.

Time traveling bump. This was actually my first bump...

Nope. My ex, who left me because she didn't really want to be with me in the first place as she was only with me to make my friend jealous, had a miscarriage. Our baby would be a month old...

yeah you should die for trying to bring other into this world, kill yourself so maybe you won't think of doing that again

I'm just kind of expecting my heart to give out one day lol. Hoping more than expecting I suppose lol.

Right? Lol Why bring another life into a world of torture?

But it's whatever. I couldn't get a girl that was addicted to meth to like me, why even try anymore anyways.

You don't see that wanting a child from that would be selfish? Sounds like it would have just made matters worse for everyone, especially the baby.

If you're destroying people intentionally, stop it.
If you're destroying people unintentionally do a better job of figuring out why and correct it. Same thing with the hidden motive for suicide, balance it out. You may not believe balance can be made, but an attempt is still valid.

Either way, straddling the fence does nothing but let you indulge in escapism. Get busy living or get busy dying.

I honestly didn't think this would bring me comfort. I was correct lol.

That's what I'm saying. Ready to get busy dyeing, but to much of a coward to end it.

Then you're not ready. You need to build conviction.
Whether you use it end things or use it to start things, you need to act with purpose and responsibility to yourself.

Don't be stupid. Be a smarty. Come and join the nazi party.
youtube.com/watch?v=47a9K05Qi9Q

Nigger, you're a man who let a woman stomp all over you like that. Maybe if you didn't have such a hollow personality, you would've recognized that she was cancer from the start.

I'm glad that was in the thread as well, because he put it good as well. If you aren't ready now to end it, you'll never be. Quit being such a lousy piece of shit and pick yourself back up. Find another girl, one who won't use you, and actually pay attention to what she actually has to say rather than what she masks them with.

I've been wanting to die for a very lomg time. I've hoped for an accident. Once I walked on the railing of a bridge when I was drunk. One of my friends pulled me down. Once when I was really drunk my friend's gf made sure that I slept on my side so I couldn't choke and die on my vomit. Ffs, I don't want people helping me avoid accidents. I really don't want to kill myself, but if I don't die soon I will.

My ex (hardly can call her an ex, we only fucked three times while dating then she ended it, we stayed friends) is pregnant. Her boyfriend was murdered. I worry about her. I wish it had been me. I'd welcome death. And murder would be the best death. People would care. I wouldn't be a loser. I'd be remembered as someone better than I truly was. Instead he gets murdered. A father of three with one on the way. A happy man who loved and was loved. Who people depended on financially, emotionally. Why did it have to happen to him? I'd do anything to save him and have it be me instead.

I look at my friend's pain and suffering and think about how her life as a single mom will go. I look at my own existence that just doesn't seem to have an end in sight. It's not fair.

This sacrifice is made to the gods in return for a quick death.

Shit guy...

Thanks for reading my story. Helps just to get it out. I wish I'd killed myself before he was murdered. I feel so bad for wanting to desert her. She's one of my best friends. She's still the last girl I fucked, despite that being over three years ago. She's so beautiful and she's a good friend. She wants me to be an uncle to her child. I just wish I were dead. I can't do this much longer.

i dont even feel like a human anymore im so empty i feel like a husk just existing day to day i dont feel anything anymore i literally feel like im watching my life i am so dissociated that i dont know if this is real or im just watching a movie or something Fuck i hate this i dont want to die but i dont think i can keep going on for much longer

Its funny you say this user, most nights when I'm coming home from work I hope some drunk idiot will just slam into my car and make it quick and painless. Two idiots tonight were driving the wrong way on my off ramp, not fast enough though they only hit eachother trying to back up because they were probably a pair of drunk idiots.

The reason I don't kill myself is because of my parents, a friend of mine shot himself in the head about 6, maybe 7 years ago. Couldn't go to the funeral because of school, and then last year I was walking through a park with another of my good friends and we ran into his mom. The only thing I could think is that she was thinking to herself my son would be their age.

Stay alive because once you die there is nothing, once you're dead you're done. I walk around angry and depressed etc every day, but I'd rather do that than do nothing I suppose.

I'd love to be done.

Try increasing your capacities. And after expending those capacities in earnest, you still feel the same, then call it a day. I'm sure at that point, you wouldn't hesitate and I for one couldn't blame you for it.

But if you can't right now look back and feel that you've done absolutely all that you could, then you still believe in some potential.

That potential may or may not be enough, but without knowing it or abandoning it, you'll remain in this limbo.

Then fucking do it man, I didn't share the story about my friend to convince you not to. I shared it so you could have another perspective. YOU are the problem, and YOU are the solution.

The reason I stay depressed and angry all the time is because I'm a lazy asshole and I don't take the time to improve on myself the instant anything gets difficult or isn't instantly gratifying I drop it and play some stupid shit like LoL or overwatch. I browse this degenerate site for hours, why? Because its easier than doing things that will challenge you and make you grow.

You wanna sit there and wallow fine, you wanna off yourself? Be my fucking guest. This is Sup Forums. I don't know you, I don't give a fuck about you. You wanna just sit here and cry woe is me, go for it. You can do whatever the fuck you want.

Pic related. Its you.

You know nothing about me.

What is your point?

I mean shit, you're obviously not actually Shia.

If you don't kill yourself, remember that life is inherently pointless and there is not any possible endgame for life that makes sense. There is no way to justify the fact that we are. Therefore, you must not go overboard on trying to be a good person. Its fine to be self serving, morality is only as valuable as you value it. If you like being a good person, go ahead and do it, but don't beat yourself up over going gray every now and then.

Also remember that because of the pointlessness of existence, it's essentially one giant frolic in a planet-sized field and anything more than that you do is an unnecessary complication. Also remember that your life was not your choice and let no one tell you that you are not allowed to stop living at will.

If you do kill yourself, send me your money on PayPal for no good reason other than you don't need it anymore.

You say all this shit but it's got nothing to do with me.

And why doesn't it? What makes your situation special? Also before you answer, I implore you to regard

Everyone's situation is special. I hate the world, I hate myself and my choices, I'm very tired and I just want to be finished.

See and there you go again, I this, and I that. Attitude is literally fucking everything and guess what, you're in control. You just keep dodging the questions, and copping out because you feel sorry for yourself.

What you said is literally how I feel when I wake up every day but no one I interact with at work or at home on a daily basis would have the first fucking clue.

I don't complain to anyone, I don't bitch, I don't cry about it. I spend more of my time hating what other people are doing than I do fostering my own interests and that is on me.

So again, unless you're about to spew off some real shit on why you are incapable of changing things in your life. Go cry somewhere else or just do it already.

You're bitching an awful lot for someone who says they don't bitch.

Lol and again, dodging away from giving any real response. I'm just trying to get your bitch ass to realize that you're not the only one who feels like shit every day.

You're so god damn stubborn that you can't even comprehend the fact that you have the ability to do things.

I've made the same point multiple times over and your response has been to cry and get defensive. So once again I'll ask you, what is so special about your situation that you can't change?

I can't change the world for one. Not going into detail about what I don't like about it, you wouldn't understand. I also have physical issues that I can't change. Sure, I can change how I view them, but I'd rather just be dead.

But at the end of the day I just need a break. Life is too much. I can't do it forever. I was born 26 years ago and I've lived every day since. There's no such thing as a day off from life. It's been too long.

No shit you can't change the world.

Oh and that you wouldn't understand bullshit? Fuck off man you really do think you're so fucking special.

But we seem to be making slight progress here.

What are the physical ailments that you have?

You wouldn't understand. That's just a fact.

And nothing too major, but there are multiple things and they're significant to me.