Let me preface this by saying I am absolutely not a troll, i really am just this filthy.
I am a roach trapper by hobby. I have a small to medium infestation in my house; the perfect hunting grounds. First I was revulsed by these filthy bugs, and frankly I still am, but I'm also fascinated by them. Anyway, I found out online that you can catch a multitude of roaches by cutting a 2 liter bottle in half and filling the insides with crumbs or stale beer. I tried both with minimal success.
However, my roach trapping skills soon overlapped with a terrible habit of mine; pissing in bottles. I'm sure I don't have to explain myself with that one. Recently, I discovered that my roach trap also makes a very convenient urinal; the very same dome that traps the roaches also catches my piss mess and splash-free.
Apparently roaches are drawn to piss.
I noticed yesterday that my roach trap had a growing brown spot on the inside near the top. Today I investigated; the piss being so to the brim of the bottleneck, the roaches trapped inside had no choice but to crawl to the one sealed off dry spot in the bottle. I found at least 20 of them in there, and let me tell you, the smell was unbearable.
I'm willing to answer questions now. I'm basically a roach king and I can't tell anyone else about this but I just had to express it.
Let me preface this by saying I am absolutely not a troll, i really am just this filthy
what in the fuck lol
I'm a pest technician. Only the most disgusting fucks let roach infestations get out of control, they shit everywhere in your cupboards and under your appliances so please start by burning your kitchen down and then seeking mental help. Check your bed for bed bugs too, unless you're one of the sick fucks that enjoys being eaten alive for years on end.
I don't have the resources to hire an exterminator. Plus it's kind of fun playing God. But mostly it's diligent work and a lot of gross out stuff
Train them and learn them how to become true warriors so that when the atomic bombs go off your legacy will lie with these pissy beer roaches and your story will be passed down through their generation as the greatest hero of roachkind. Also teach them Islam for lulz
If I wanted them to thrive the last thing I'd do is teach them some namby-pamby religion of peace
Wtf
I can hear the high pitched Islamic prayer already lmao
Also I stepped on a roach's head and an egg slid out. How many eggs can one roach carry? I flushed this egg but can they carry more? It skittered away
Wow OP. just wow This is one of the most genuinely intriguing posts I have seen on /b in a while. do you ever feel them crawl across you? what is the biggest roach youve come across in your home?
Why did you start peeing in bottles OP?
holy jeebus
OP, you must get dubs. Roaches absolutely love dubs.
Sometimes when I don't get enough sleep I'll see a roach and start tweaking and feel them on me. But usually no. I have seen one in my bed one time. I see them on the wall against my bed occasionally. It's a bad vibe
It's personal and pretty embarrassing
>Islam
>Religion of peace
>kek
That is not 'an egg.' That is an egg sac, and it contains as many as 120 little bitty roaches.
Kill your self hermaphroditism
ITT feeling itchy
That's enough Sup Forums for the night...
Well you've already shown us this much. May as well greentext the rest.
Kek
ITT jesus that's horrifying
Dude what the fuck?
OP is well spoken at least. Seriously though are you an Asian or something?
jesus fucking christ
Meh, it's not that dramatic. My sleep patterns are way off and I wake up and fall back asleep sporadically until about 11 am so I started pissing in bottles, cups, whatever I can blindly stumble upon half awake. Also my bathroom is a little roachy.
It's b... tell the story
Just mix apple cider vinegar with dish soap they will go to it and drown also google roach powder o think it's boric powder or something like that I killed a housewife infestation in half a year with under $40 this way also something to make them sterile so the eggs don't hatch
Pics of bathroom plz
Nope, white and from the south. Usually I'm a lot less lucid over text but I'm feeling very clear headed right now
This.
OP, other than being a roach hunter, do you work? What's your personal hygiene like?
Just to give you an idea
Are there roaches in your video game systems
I feel sick and am going to sleep, include me in screencap
Fucking disgusting
I don't work and there is some sporadic showering and brushing of teeth. I'm afraid to use my toothbrush because Of my infestation, and my bathroom is invariably crawling wiTh one bug or another.
BUMPPP
How long have you been off your risperdal for?
How old are you? How long have you lived like this? I'm a disgusting slob but this seems very unhealthy.
Honestly most of that black stuff is coffee grounds. It smells worse than it looks
>my bathrooms is a little roachy
Ya dont say?
Do you ever piss on the roaches
This is amazing
OP, you should cum on a roach with a timestamp
How do you even let your house get to that point, I'm not dirty at all except I'll piss in a bottle when I wake up in the middle of the night and don't feel like going to the bathroom, but the rest of my place is spotless, doesn't it make you uncomfortable to live with all these fucking bugs and dirt in your house?
Why are there coffee grounds in your bathroom?
>terrible habitat of mine; pissing in bottles
ok then
im intrigued, show us more of your dwelling
depression made me stop noticing honestly
You deserve death
Put all the roaches you've caught in your microwave, set on high 10 seconds, post results
This
Here is an idea. Burn down your house.
Invite people into your house and take selfies with them next to roaches and filth.
Well, I'm sure living in a place like that won't help your depression.
An excellent question I would love to see answered.
Buy some pet reprile so he'll eat the roaches. Free food and a bud
This tbh fam
18, still a student. got started early but mayb there's still hope for me right
Mate we're all depressed but living in filth wont improved matters.
Shit in a shoe OP, Roaches love shoeshit
Hope this gets archived. Jesus fuck this is sick, tho also intriguing.
+1
I want this.
Being depressed in a clean house is way better than what youre doing OP. Post your address and I'll pay the closest maid service to come clean that fucking place.
microwave is busted. I live in the trap literally.
The roach trap
Moar pictures please.
please no
Can we at least get some more pictures of your place?
>microwave is busted
How the fuck are you alive dude
I know you're not cooking for yourself
What's your diet like? I'm guessing shitty?
This
Pest technician here again, I'm with this guy, I want to see how many different types of pests we can spot in a single picture of your kitchen or living room.
You can see my room I guess. The floor is strewn with trash though, i would lose any shred of sympathy for this roach problem I might still have though
not OP Once had a infestation in old trailer i lived in, Xbox got infested, i was livid, threw that bitch in a fire, upgraded to ps4
...
Youre anonymous
ITs just roaches. Sometimes there are spiders in my bathroom but I don't have pics. Only see them when showering.
...
This is poetry.
This is what must be done.
Like legit tho it doesn't have to be all the reaches you can find, seriously just use the traps you have out. Gather the roaches and through them in the nuke fryer and post results mate.
Oh god. What does your bed look like? Ho often do you change your sheets?
Fuck you, i got them oxford comma's! but legit never want to live in a infested place again, OP I feel a lot of the same feelings you kinda just live together with them in harmony after awhile, still makes me itch...
Very interesing. you're leaning me towards making an infestation of my own. but for obvious reasons the bugs will all live in an aquarium type enclosure. do you happen to know what the best food is to feed them? and how do i find specimen such as these?
Dude, roaches survive apocalypses. They're a BIT worse than spiders
>best food is to feed them
Mostly piss.
Pure piss
I don't know I live in New Orleans area, my roaches are German I think
Go to the ghetto, catch 2 roaches in one of the crack houses, they eat what ever the fuck they can get their little mits on.
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL
No sheets, just a couple blankets. What should I be doing differently for my sleeping arrangements?
OP should send a roach to space
It'd only take one balloon
Post bedroom pls.
Stop replying with words. You want extremely interested Sup Forumsro's? Take pics of entire living quarters and post user'ly.
At least have your bedroom clean. And have sheets that you change once a week.
This to be quite honest with you family.
Post pics OP please I'm dying here
perfect. I shall piss in the aquarium then.. i think it would also be entertaining to attempt drugging the bugs :) Also; would you mind sending a picture of your kitchen please? im extremely curious
After living in an infested home, i can tell you the one thing that made me feel safe while sleeping was legit covering myentire body with my blanket as tight as i possibly could, it reduced the feeling of them crawling on me even tho i know them fuckers could crawl under.
We need more pictures of this heck hole