I have to spill my guts here or I'll do something very stupid...

I have to spill my guts here or I'll do something very stupid. Long story short I'm in a one and a half year relationship with this woman, who likes all the shit I like, but she has VERY serious issues.

she was a victim of child abuse and was raped by two men after being drugged, a couple years ago. Also her family is the exact portrait of a disfunctional family. Her father is an alcoholic and gambling addicted who sits on his ass all day long watching footbal. Her mother is a gold digger who didn't want to have children and expected to live in wealth, but she got pregnant and had her life ruined (her words). she ended up in relationships with verbally abusive and controlling boyfriends.

my gf has post-traumatic stres, wich leads to rage outbreaks and depersonalization desorder. she flips out and let all the hell she builds up inside her break lose on me. any word, any gesture, any eye contact may trigger this. after, she tells me she doesn't remember anything she said to me and says she regrets what she did, but couldn't control. she tries everything to make me flip out, scream and get mad at her, but I'm not like this, I know she is sick and doing this would have bad consequences. I always have to apologize, even if she started the whole thing.

the thing is I'm near by breakpoint. I can't take these random triggers, hearing all the shit she throws at me but at the same time it breaks my heart to see what the world did to such a sweet person and how her family don't give a flying fuck to what she's going thru.

so, any advices, insights or thoughts on what to do or how someone on her place feels, would be very very appreciated, before I let go a "so just fucking kill yourself if that's what you want to do".

I lurk here for quite a long time and this is the first time I open my chest to you guys. please be nice I'm very very disturbed by my thoughts.

tell her about how she's making you feel and that if she cant stop your gonna break up cause it's not worth it.

Run.. don't walk run.

>assuming this isn't fake or bait
Have you tried getting her therapy and removing her from her dysfunctional family?
And life isn't so bad. You just got dubs

You should honestly break up with her. It's hard for her and you, but your mental health should always come first.

If it comes between OPs life and his GF you are probably right.

Dealt with a similar situation decided to stick it out and get her help 7 years later after she had gotten better she left me for someone else. She will leave you OP she's with you now BECAUSE she's damaged.

There are two scenarios here

You stick it out and suffer forever with this or she actually gets better and then wants to move on and start a new life to find herself

Do yourself a favor and end it now

reading someone doubt my story makes me even more worried. this is not a bait or fake. believe me I haven't scratched the surface of everything.

she is taking two medicines but she doesn't have money to pay a professional, she is relying on the voluntary work of a woman who will be absent until february. on top of that one of the medicines is being taken out of market and we are having to experience with alternatives. this messes with her mind really really bad.

and I can't afford paying her therapy. I'm afraid of taking her out of her home and all this don't stop, and she won't even be able to return home because her parents woudn't accept her back. I can't pull a Messias on this one.

I did once, she said she was sorry and wouldn't do that again. but now, if I say "hey yesterday was unfair, you said that I did something I didn't do and made me apologize for that" she will say I can't accept I'm wrong (because that's what her father does, and she is projecting it on me)

run nigger run

...

Dude there is literally nothing you can do that is gonna end with you being happy other than moving on

I hate to be so blunt and heartless bit trying to "fix" this is going to destroy you

you know when you find someone who is really worth going thru all this, because she is not like any other sorry excuse for a human being? it took me years to find her and I know I can be really good to her, she deserves it. I'm just trying to cope with her sickness.

>it out and suffer forever with this or she actually gets better and then wants to move on and start a new life to find herself
>Do yourself a favor and end it now
you know what... deep inside this is what I think will happen. I'm very happy alone but I don't want to die this way. It's so fucking confusing

If she can't help herself and you can't help her, then it's in your best interest to leave her be.

Dysfunctional people can and will suck all the life out of everyone around them. It's not malicious or nefarious, it's like a sponge pulling water - it's just the nature of their condition.

That she will crash and burn doesn't mean that you have to user. And you are under no obligation to help her if she can't change with the medications and work already put in.

Godspeed, user.

It's not your job to fix her. It's your job to decide whether or not it's worth it in regards to your own wellbeing. If it's not, don't stay in a relationship just for the sake of her feelings. At the end of the day, you were a good one that she fucked up. Not your problem. I know this from personal experience. Trust me.

I feel like I'm reliving my life with everything you post. I had the same thoughts man and it's the fucking worst thing in the world but you have to let go or you will never be truly happy

you know, I got this jack daniels bottle I've been chugging the last hour and it couldn't make tears go down like your answer.

it's so fucking sad, so fucking heartbreaking that what people has done to her is what prevents her from being happy, being normal.

MAN THIS IS SOME FUCKED UP WORLD. I fucking hate humans.

Unless your fucking 80 you aren't going to die that way. Take some time be single have fun and you'll find someone else who can actually hold a relationship instead of sucking the life out of you. Let my 7 years if misery be a warning

As a current psychology doc student...

Look for any therapists in your area that offer therapy on a sliding scale. She needs therapy and it's not something you can help her with.

If you have any colleges of universities nearby, see if they have a doctoral program in psychology with an on campus therapy center for the community. If you can find one, they will offer decent therapy at low to no cost, because the students are therapists are trainees under the supervision of a psychologist and they will most likely do it on a sliding scale, I had therapy with some clients who didn't pay anything per session

you know, I'm a rock. I'm a mental rock but this is too much. I'm not trying to fix her, I'm just trying to give her the chance to be normal and it sucks a dead dog's ass to see that I'm failing. thanks for the words.

I just can't see any point in relationships. and I had this thought before her. we hooked up without intentions of this becoming serious, just happened.