Hey Sup Forums

Hey Sup Forums,

I can't believe I'm actually posting on Sup Forums for advice... I'm a long time lurker, but infrequent poster. Anyhow, need some advice, Sup Forums.

I'm a 33 year old male in professional business. I've been married over 10 years with kids. I absolutely love my wife. Some time ago I met this new girl at work that I have a lot in common with. She's 28 and also married.

Long story short, over time we've gotten very close. Earlier this week we ended crossing a few boundaries and doing some sexual things, sending snapchats, etc. We didn't go all the way, but far enough. Suffice to say we've backed off, but we've somehow managed to fall in love with each other. Today we were trying to talk it out like adults, but ended up kissing. It seems we've somehow managed to become each others cocaine.

We obviously love our spouses, and don't want to wreck our famlies, but we're not sure how to slow down since we're required to be together for work.

To make things more complicated we've all become mutual friends as a couple, and so now she and I find ourselves hanging out at each others houses with our spouses.

I'm not sure how to put the breaks on, where to draw lines, etc. Any advice would be appreciated.

I would start by showing us them snap chats. =D Maybe convince the other spouses of a 4 some?

Everybody gets laid= Everybody Wins!

you'll ruin your family, believe me its not worth it

The best cheating is when both have something to lose, just chill and let your heart guide you. People get divorced all the time (or don't)

just fuck and get it over with. just be careful no matter what you do.

Thats actually what we talked about initially, mostly as a joke. What ended being a joke now sucks since we both fell so hard. We've talked about it just to be with each other, but not sure our spouses would go for it.

Yea? I'm afraid you're right. Experience?

Almost did, everything short of it. We're afraid if we keep going we will totally get lost in our emotions and screw everything up.

Whatever you do, don't do anything else with the other girl unless you broke things off with your wife first. Cheating's the wrong way to go.

Thats lust, not love.
we always crave what we cannot have.
Trust me it's not worth it.

Just "nudge them" in the right direction. Haha Too much Tequila, too few clothes!

why does everyone's life sound like a movie come to life. Then i look at my shit and the most exciting thing that happens to me in when my daughter throws pizza rolls at my wife

Homewreckers like you are the reason why so many people can not put trust into their spouse for the simplest of reasons. If you respected your wife in the simplest of forms, you wouldn't be doing this to her. You wouldn't even be having thought about doing something like this.

It may sound like a stretch, but I'm even willing to say that you only treat your wife as a roommate more than a good partner. And yes, being a good partner includes a lot more than just sex.

The only non messy way to go about this is to have her come on to your wife, try and get it swinging, other than that you can just be a man and stop fucking around on your wife.

do you ever regret doing something more than you regret missing the opportunity? the fact you refer to eachother as cocaine means you get a holy fucking rush that you should appreciate, because degenerates like me are so pessimistic I treat love like a joke and would rather fuck thots and eat opiates. If you really get that type of feel, hook up with her for me atleast. you guys can dish it out good for a month, hell even longner and end on good terms withou getting caught if you play it smart. you'll go your whole life wondering if you're living a lie if you dont.

Do what truly makes you happy haha. fuck her brains out or stay with your wife that you fucked in the same position for the past 10 years

this is /b
nothing posted on /b is real

and keep in mind, half of these people cant even find a one-time mate so they're looking at someone risking what they can never have for what they can never understand. do it.

That's what we're trying to do, but its crazy hard.

Yea, I believe you. It's just eating both of us alive.

They're still relatively new to each other. We introduced them, before we wound up in this predicament.

Thats how my lives been for over 10 years. This is a new one.

You have to make a decision.

Everyone prefers to a certain genre of music same as how everyone's life fits more into other genres of stories than others. You can't be an action hero at the same time as being a lover the real world at the same time as being the president at the same time as being a god. Just accept the fact. Quit wishing for some superhero-esque event to happen with you. It's that escapism attitude that you hold that will ruin you if you let it continue to thrive.

Quit your job at dunkin donuts

Yea, thats a stretch. We actually do get along great, and have way more than just sex. Regardless, I'm still human. Thus far we've managed to not go all the way, and we're cooling our jets. What I've done this far is very d-baggish.

Yea, thats what we're thinking, too. Regardless, I can't help but think that either way, even if we do that, it me loving her more than my wife. I'm trading my wife for another woman, even if its acceptable, no?

noods or it didn't habben

I've wondered that too... Thats what Im trying to sort out. Thanks for the thoughts. Everytime we try to give each other space we crash back into each other hard.

Is she black

There is a bit of boredom, if I'm honest.

Thats a good point I hadn't considered.

>To make things more complicated we've all become mutual friends as a couple, and so now she and I find ourselves hanging out at each others houses with our spouses

Start wife swapping user

Having respect for someone is a lot more than just getting along. You can tolerate someone and get along the exact same without giving them an inch of respect.

And the reason you're in this situation is because you only deem yourself as "just another human". You allow yourself to fall head-first into the pits that you dig yourself, and you think of it okay because you're just some 'insignificant animal beast created for fucking', or whatever. Quit thinking yourself as just another man. Bring it upon yourself to better yourself and learn from your mistakes so then you won't have thoughts or actions similar to what you've already done. You don't want to lose your wife, now do you?

You aren't going to stop when to work with her. Option one is talk about an open relationship with your partners together, good luck with that.

Option two is just cheat and be smart about it. If you only meet up alone occasionally then no one will suspect anything, some after work drinks or a work party here and there.

Option 3 is you both leave your partners (let her go first so she can't back out). If you do this, do it a couple of months apart and then wait a few months before your first public date.

If you ruin your family your wife will raise your kids to hate you.


Ps I'm 24 and have no kids or wife, do have experience with affairs though.

Seriously, I don't know who the fuck made the rule that you can only love one person(in terms of mates) at a time.

Different people can offer different things you may feel a need for, whether it be companionship/sex or just an emotional connection.

Things is that our modern society for the most part has deemed that bad, and unless you're in an open marriage, probably not gonna fly with your Wife.

So you need to decide can you have an affair and be cool with it, and be quiet about it, or are you gonna be racked with guilt and not be able to keep your mouth shut.

If you can't live with it, don't do it. If you can then decide if it's worth it if you get caught.

Also can girl be trusted?

This shit is touchy and if your not willing to pay the price, then do not commence.

Like I said, it's a shame that society has said this is how it is, cause I don't really believe it, but I follow the rules too.

But we make the best holes...

That makes sense. What we can't seem to figure out is how we can still be friends and be in love. We love each other enough that we want to be in each other lives but neither of us want to cause the catastrophic damage it could cause if we cross lines.

honestly, and this the guy from the first tag in this comment, your feelings don't matter. You said you had kids? you can either try and make it work or don't, but whatever you do, the first thing you need to think about is your kids
(this should be the case with most decisions in life)

No, relevance?

To the contrary, I've never had this temptation before, ever! This is completely new. I've never struggled with even a second thought with another woman until this one. I do not, so I suppose at the end of that day that's all there is to it, huh?

go for it OP. you both deserve each other. I hope your wife can find happiness without your bitch ass

this is not op, but how do I think of myself as more than just a hunk of decaying organic matter like most everything else on this planet

I'm telling on you, Sam

You meant to say stop when I work with her I assume? Option two has been a consideration. option three is out. I have no idea what the probability of swapping is. Probably not high, but not impossible.

Then take the first step yourself. There should be no fear when doing this with your wife. She is a person who decided to be with you through the harsh and the rough. She married you because she admitted that she will be willing to help you through your hardships. If you truly want her to understand you a lot more than she already does, then you have to be the first to willingly allow yourself to be read by her. Sure, it may be rough for all of your faults to be shown to your love partner, but that's the entire point of getting married. If you can't take the simple time to do that, then it's more of a matter of your fear of her respect towards you than a lack of your respect towards her.

If it's completely new, then simply put, you've lost your respect for her. That, or you never harbored it in the first place. It was only a matter of time until you found someone a higher ranking than your wife that you would decide to jump ship hope you were right.

And just because it's new doesn't mean that you should allow yourself to fall completely head-first into the vat of empty emotions that you possess. All you wanted to do with the new girl was fuck from the get-go, and it was as simple as that. You're driven by lust, and you will only continue to hold that fault until you come to your senses and admit the fact.

First admit that you are at fault and then come to a realization that a change needs to be made within yourself and the environment around you, then only things will change for your liking.

I absolutely agree. I sincerely love my wife, this girl and I have fallen in love, too. It's just complicated as all hell.

Yes, I can absolutely trust her. We trust each other totally.

Yea, thats what I've always done so far over the years. This is a new addiction.

>Yea? I'm afraid you're right. Experience?
your spouse will start to become passive aggressive with you because you naturally become distant since youre fucking someone else, they will then look for other outlets like prescriptions or drinking, or worse

youll fuck your family up and even when things get better your spouse will feel betrayed and then will cheat on you years later

your kids will see that you dont really love your spouse and they will grow up without knowing what a real loving relationship is and have trust issues in their own relationships

Hey user, most serious reply you'll get here all night: I'm 37 and a lawyer. I had the same situation as you (great wife, beautiful kids, etc.). I fell into it with a co-worker. So I understand how you feel after the stresses parenthood puts on a marriage...

So I went for it. Sure, for a few months, I was in top of the world when I was with my side bitch. But they used to say in the old west: "I never met a man whom got away with anything..."

Do you mean I need to tell my wife about how I'm feeling for the other girl? It would be a terrible conversation, but I have no doubt that our marriage would survive it.

In re: the second part, it was actually the other way around. It wasn't sexual at all, until after we had already fallen for each other.

I'm not trying to excuse fault, I own it all. I'm just hoping that open discussion helps me to reflrect on what's important.

Thanks!

The point is, reality will soon hit you that you can't love this way. You must choose between your wife and the kids, and the new girl. Sometimes, the new girl is worth it, if yo wife really has turned into a miserable hag and you can't take it anymore. Usually, and from what you've wrote, that's not the case. Don't fucking do it.

You said had... I guess that wen't really bad. Thanks for the reply, I appreciate it from someone who can relate.

Was it always a "side bitch" situation, or did you have a bigger connection with your co-worker?

The discussion may be required. I don't know your situation enough to determine if it is.

If the thought about cheating on your wife is eating you up from the inside, then yeah. You're going to have to make the call and tell her. It would be absolutely horrible to allow yourself to let a self-destructive habit like that to roam around in your mind.

If you already feel horribly bad about your sins, then learn from your mistake and never make them again. Though, with this, you have to be honest with yourself. If you aren't, then you'll only repeat the mistake another time in another place.

And no problem.

step one: fuck new girl
step two: ??????
step three: profit

maan.. my mom used to smack around my old man.. really fucked me up i think... broke my 10 year old heart to see a man so broken.. if he had stopped being such a fucking pussy and hit her back or divorced her i might have never gotten into so much trouble.. I dont think ive ever been able to feel trust for a woman since then. When a nigga seen his own dad get fucked up by a bitch wit no respect for him, it rilly fucks ur understanding of what a relationship is supposed to be.

No, as stupid as this sounds, I'm here because that's not the case at all. My wife is great, she's pretty awesome, and probably one of the hottest women I know.

I really don't want to fuck it up. I suppose Im just trying to figure out how to have a hands-off relationship with another girl that I, to some extent, love as well.

She and I have talked about it, and she feels the same. She doesn't want to ruin things, we're just not sure how to co-exist as couples/friends, and co-workers that work closely every day.

Thanks for the great advice!

Why must our brains do this to us?

sheet, sorry. ya having folks that "do it for the kids" are obviously not as bad as no parents but it really fucks with the whole fam to grow up not seeing what a real respectful relationship is like bc they grow up thinking thats how it is

>I really don't want to fuck it up
you already did faggot

We've done some stuff, not even oral. So, while it's still cheating, it's probably salvageable with the wife. It would sure make our Christmas party awkward this year.

This>> allow yourself to let a self-destructive habit like that to roam around in your mind.

That's what Im trying to figure out how to deal with.

If I'm honest with myself both she and I don't feel horrible about what we've done. We feel horrible that we don't feel horrible, if that makes sense?

Don't do it, you don't want your kids to hate you.

That's true.

OP- look at what you've got in front of you.
You're happy with your wife and kids. You have a crush. You're crushing on someone. It's the thrill of the hunt. Half of this is mental- you believe she is this "cocaine." You need to believe she is not. This is primal.
Is everything ok with your wife sexually? I'd recommend sprucing things up within your own relationship. I vowed to never give up that chase feeling- I'm always "chasing" my girl. Trying new things. Etc.

Load the shotgun, point it at your face, push the trigger (not pull because it's backward)

Keep the relationship with your wife. If you're really interested in her, ask you wife if she wants to do a three or even four way and if she agrees ask them. Odds of it working our are slim to none though, so just keep what you already have. Best of luck user

>If I'm honest with myself both she and I don't feel horrible about what we've done. We feel horrible that we don't feel horrible, if that makes sense?
no you dont. you both wanted to do something and you dont care about the consequences, you both just realized you arent as righteous as you pretend to be and now you are trying to claim that you are in an attempt to save face, but there is no more pretending just lies

OP, I know women are full of shit, as you probably do. Be the bigger person and don't do it. Imagine how it'd feel if the tables were turned. Your kids will hate you, and your family will become fragmented.

Also, obviously, don't ever tell your wife what has gone down. Just stop what you're doing and move on.

Yep, you're right. Even if it is a little bit of love we can still have that as good friends. Ether way, I need to just focus on what I have.

Thanks, user.

Work on respicing your relationship- fall in love with your wife all over again. Look at her in a new light.

Don't try to measure your value on the events that others have with their relationships. If you don't feel horrible about the ordeal, then that most likely means that you've already learned your lesson and you're just waiting for the next step to learn to be shown to you. Tell her about it and she'll forgive you just as you say.

And user, yes, they have gone through the actions without care for consequences, but they've learned about those consequences from their own morality compass. He wouldn't be feeling without consequence if he was creating this thread for actual advise. If he was ignoring the consequence, then he would be making it a lot harder on everyone in this thread.

My wife and I have casually, and extremely preliminary discussed swinging to spice things up. That's a very big step, too. Talking to my co-worker (remember this jokes how it started) she's pretty sure her husband would have interest in my wife. If we're honest, getting her husband on board would be the least difficult.

My wife and I have had some concern that it would change our relationship negatively.

Does anyone have experience in this, and how did it go? Not looking for sex stories, but rather outcomes.

This.

>And user, yes, they have gone through the actions without care for consequences, but they've learned about those consequences from their own morality compass. He wouldn't be feeling without consequence if he was creating this thread for actual advise. If he was ignoring the consequence, then he would be making it a lot harder on everyone in this thread.
i agree but speaking in that "direction" might not give a clear impression to him or his current situation bc it might be interpreted in a all is aokay kind of way if he were in the latter state of mind you mentioned.

he should tell his wife. or never let this happen again AND never interact with that women or stay friends with them

Any advice on that? Any idea? What do you do to "rekindle" things?

truth. You very, very rarely ever do better than the first wife.

lel enjoy your divorce and ass raping in alimony, I hope the 2 nights a week you see your kids are worth it. No that isn't sarcasm, that's what you have to look forward to if you don't drop the junior high bullshit. Ever wonder what it's like to make 150k a year while paying child support for 2? It's literally making 80k a year, before taxes.

Whatever makes her feel good makes me feel good. Seeing that smile.
Even bringing her flowers spontaneously or writing down why I love her and leaving them on a pillow when I leave and her reading them and talking about it when I see her again. Even if you just took her out to a nice cocktail bar user. She'll appreciate the gesture and it'll liven everything up. I just avoid trying to be redundant in the relationship. While yes, we all have a schedule, it feels good not to be so mundane.

>tell his wife
>never let this happen
>never interact with her again or just stay friends

Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree. The thing is, though, you don't need to hammer at the gates when he's already willingly opened them. This user knows how to take advice, in contrast to the majority of people out there, and you can tell by the way he acts and reads every single comment and responds to most. Just calm down and quit trying so hard.

You obviously never experienced love and mistook lust for it. You married your wife out of lust, deluded yourself that what you felt was profound and you went on with your sad existence while being in denial. Then this happens and despite reality trying to slap you back down on earth you still call that shit you've got going on as love.

You deserve everything that has happened, happens or will happen to you. End this masquerade and reflect on your life.

Following up- I just try to spice things up once a week. It goes a long way.

be knowledgeable but not calloused you say? i dont remember how. good points tho, youre right. are you the psychy user who makes those threads?

And this post reflect your iq

imagine if your wife was friends with a guy at work.. that it was exactly like you and the girl from work. how would you want your wife to handle that situation, and how would you expect her to treat you? would you rather she was honest & faithful, or cheated and hid it well enough that you never knew? since you've already technically cheated, you don't really have the faithful option left.. so consider how you would want or expect your wife to act if she had similarly fucked up / cheated to the same extent. personally in your situation i would say to just fuck and get it out of your system, but be very careful / discrete and make sure you never get caught. aka.. have your cake and eat it too.. but that's for you to decide, it's your conscience and your life. good luck.

>psychy user
No, I'm a guy who spams anime shitposting images and cawfee.jpg/.png images when giving advice in random threads. That psyche guy is someone I don't want to be affiliated with.

Well, at least I'm glad I don't have a following.

Thanks, I really like that approach. Appreciate your insight.

Please, don't do this to your spouses, I know it might be hard, but your wife and kids are there for a reason, your wife loves and cherishes you and so do your kids, my dad cheated on my mom and I cannot forgive him for what he did and because of him my ENTIRE family is ruined and split up, please dude, you need to tell her that it just can't work

carry on

Anytime.
Everyone makes mistakes, you're not too far down this road to turn back.
Nice to see some good people on Sup Forums, those in this thread and yourself included.

I also appreciate your advice, its welcomed. I know there will be haters, but that's not anything that concerns me. I knew that if one's sincere there are really good people here, too.

I am reduced to three options:

1. Work with the wife and try to get something going between the four of us. Its possible, but would require some work. My concern is if it would make our marriage better or worse in the long run. We've read stories of both.

2. Reduce my relationship with he other girl to friends/co-workers only, and focus my attention on re-fueling my relationship with my wife. This thread has actually helped with perspective, in regards to weight value of each relationship.

3. Cheat on my wife - this could cause serious consequences if we get caught for both of our lives, families, etc. Additionally, I feel like it would only make us fall faster and deeper for each other. I don't think either of us would feel satisfied with a completely platonic relationship given how we feel about each other. Additionally, I'd feel like a complete ass-wipe since my wife is a great woman.

Ok this is me talking again.
Do NOT try and do a four thing. That isn;t what any of you signed up for, that isn't the man she married, that isn't what your kids will respect in the long run.

Thanks, I'd like to think that I'm a good guy as well. I know there are some on here that would say differently, but they don't know me. Most of them are hurting people as well.

I made this thread because I recognize that while very close, it wasn't too late, yet. The part I was struggling with is pulling all of my thoughts, options, etc together.

Thanks again for the help, Sup Forumsro.

Literally "oh just all four of you bang" is such a Sup Forums answer and half of these people are retarded and live in some delusional sexual fantasy.

Stay with your wife man. Why don't you tell us some stories of you and your wife? How did you meet her?

Anytime man, godspeed.

All I have to say too you OP:

If you do it you will loose your wife, kids, maybe your house. Surely some friends, your family will see you as a stranger your other coworkers will also see you as a stranger.

Is it worth it? No.

Don't think too much op, it will drive you crazy.
Just don't do it.

Hope you'll take the right decision op

Only the stupidest of idiots will believe that they can get away with a polygamous relationship. They never work out because humans are emotional beings. Jealousy and envy will thrive in a relationship like that. It's a bridge built up on entirely nothing but Popsicle sticks. Never do something like that.

Only option is number 2. You can build a nice friendship with the people around you. You don't need sex to do it. Just have the balls to be a man and don't thrive yourself off your bad and harmful emotions.

Option number three will just drive you into depression. This happens a lot more than you think, and the result is always the same. The man always gets absolutely nothing in the end of it all while the women get absolutely everything.

Worked in the city she lived in, lets say as a public servant. We just hit it off really well. We both pretty much knew we would end up together. We were together for two years before we got married. We were both young. We waited almost 8 years to start having kids. It worked out really well.

I really dont know how I ended up with a 10 (personality and hotness). I'm a pretty average dude.

see:

dubs of truth. if you were in your wifes shoes, how would you want her to treat you under the same circumstances?

Sounds like a good story worth telling dude, how exactly did you meet her? Like, what was the defining moment when you looked at her and thought "Woah"?

The irony of the whole situation is that she and I started our friendship with the expectation that she and I would get her and my wife together as friends, and her husband and I. We were really looking for another couple to just have fun with (not implying sexual - just for the record). We wanted another couple we can do things with. Since she and I have alot in common it seemed logical. We just had too much in common. I think that once we can separate what happened out, and realize it was a crush, we can move on with our original plan.

Is there any harm at this point in both of us pretending it never happened, getting back on track with the mutual friendship?

I recognize we may always be attracted to each other at some level, but knowing that alone should help us mind our Ps and Qs.

Is it wrong to just say nothing of it, stop it, and move on?

I don't really want to fall on my own sword for obvious reasons. Thoughts?

if you were in your wifes shoes, how would you want her to treat you under the same circumstances? >> I wouldn't be mad at her, really, if it were at the point Im at. I'd be a little hurt over some sexual contact, but I'd like to think I would understand that she still loves me, and was just... crushing? As long as she didn't follow through and got help I suppose I'd love her, and maybe even respect her more for being strong.

I'm very much a realist, I recognize that we as humans occasionally cling to unexpected things. Overcoming them is where it's at.

Her family live was very dysfunctional - I took a call at her house for a domestic with her mom and her moms BF. She was strong and overcame that. She took a terrible existence, with all the odds stacked against her, and put everything she is into being better than that. She's a very strong woman!

Stop right now. I was in the exact same spot you were many years ago. I passed so many opportunities to make things right. Every time I was fucking the other girl, I was really fucking my life up. It's been 5 years and I still can't forgive myself for what I did to some one I loved so much. You're really hurting yourself. You feel like you're going forward but that's because your're facing backward. Stop right now. Even if you confess right now it's better than what can still happen. Even if you quit your job it's a better option than what can happen to you.

i think the more important thing to consider, is, if you were in her shoes, how would you expect her to act or treat you to make the situation right? what you would expect of her, in how she should treat you.. you should show her the same respect / consideration as a human being that you expect. maybe it's too late for that? everyone makes mistakes but there's a difference between intentional, willful actions and mistakes.

so i'm suggesting, consider how you expect to be treated, and use that to guide how you should proceed in your choice of what you end up doing to your wife by your actions.

if you have a double standard there, and don't treat her how you'd expect to be treated, then you're being selfish.

but i guess you're already being selfish. you already cheated.. so the question is what are you gonna do now.. go all the way, or reel it back in, if that's even possible?

personally.. i would prob end up trying to fuck the work friend without getting caught, but for you that depends on whether you can deal with that on your conscience and if you really think you can get away with it.

i missed opportunities with girls to be faithful to an ex, and regretted it later when we broke up.. but you're married so.. good luck.

This is me again.
I've messed up in the past, but I feel so long as it isn't a consistent threat to your relationship and you didn't have sex, it's fine (or as fine as it kind be). Lesson learned. Don't tell your wife. She'll be paranoid about you even going to work. It may bother you some, but just take this on your conscious so your wife does not have you being at your job being over her head.

The ends justify the means here, as shitty as that is to say. Just take whatever mental burden you have. If you tell your wife, that burden just goes to her. You may also need to communicate your plan to your coworker and get on the same page. If she tells her husband, the husband could contact your wife.
Sorry, I always think in worst case scenarios.

Think about that man, and think about all the good times and the many, many more good times to come. After all, some of us would kill to be in your shoes right now. A good home, a good wife, a family, some people spend their whole lives looking for something like that and never, ever find it. Don't give up on something great for years for something that could be amazing for 5 minutes.

We've stopped. I've sent the girl from work this link. She's been reading it as well. We both agree - this has been a very helpful thread.

We needed help disconnecting ourselves from the situation, if that makes sense?

Neither she or I were looking for the "green light", to the contrary we we're looking for those who've made the same mistake to... leverage us from it.

We both feel like we can probably be much closer friends (only) now, recognizing what it is, what it is, and what it will need to be in the future.

Unloyal prick.