Please state the nature of the medical emergency

please state the nature of the medical emergency

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Doctor. Neelix is being gay again. Can we cure his gayness?

I cant stop inhaling my farts and throwing up on my own ass and balls. Also i have a splinter.

This is already the best thread on Sup Forums today.

Oh shit doc! The borg have breached the ship! they're invading Voyager! Only you are immune to their assimilation, you must save the ship!

I caught feelings for my ex again

The Doctor is obviously too speechless to help you right now. Tuvok must have switched off his ability to speak again.

Doc, I went into the holodeck to learn about the start of the federation, but now I just want to listen to country music and fuck Vulcans

I"M FUCKING DYING, HELP ME YOU JACKASS !!!

WE'RE SORRY, YOUR CALL IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US. PLEASE HOLD.

Yeah, I've had this erection for longer than four hours and the commercial said to come see you.

help me obi wan kenobi, you're my only hope

My foots a sleep

Doctor, Q keeps coming into my room while I'm sleeping and breathing heavy in my ear.

PLEASE HOLD, MY ASS !!!!!!!

FOUR HOUR ERECTION
>tfw no holo-girlfriend

PROFANITY DETECTED. PLEASE HANG UP AND TRY AGAIN.

I'm now breathing manually and also blinking manually and I have an itch and my tongue feels weird in my mouth and I have to swallow.

My ass grew tits and when i poop i produce milk.

Doctor! Tuvok keeps kicking the back of my seat!

I made an owwie on my leg :(

Doctor, are you waiting until we get back to the Alpha Quadrant to do your fucking job?

I'm doing you a favor, Doctor, by keeping this thread alive. Literally your existence depends on it.

I know Seven wants your mobile emitter. Tuvok has had it with your opera. Paris and Neeliz are tired of you putting them down. And I'm pretty sure Harry thinks you are lazy.

And I haven't even told you about what Neelix wants to do to you.

Doc, Seven caught me sniffing her panties and now I have a type 3 phaser and a Walmart toaster lodged in my anus.

Doctor I accidentally the whole thing.

Stop coming into my quarters and breathing in my ear while I'm sleeping, Q!

Try best thread all year.

I've seen better. The Doctor has actually done his job in some.

LET THE MATING BEGIN!

Dude, I'm married.

Oh I stay perfectly still it is you who rotates in the universe to put your ear near my mouth.

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halp! i can't feel my face!

I haven't been laid in a year and masturbation isn't cutting it. Is there anything I can do to help me stop being horny as fuck

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I swear to God, Tuvok, if you touch me I'll tell the Doctor.

Watch this.

Commander Ryker?

Prepare your body.

these threads have been around for a long time newfriend

Shoot until you see green!

He's behind me isn't he?

No it is I his evil clone Tom!

Victory is mine!

Fuck this, I'm out...

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Oh, but Tom is dead, Commander.

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Thank you, Mr. Data.

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Lmao

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Lmaooooo

What is it?

If you can't prove it, it isn't true.

Take him to the holodeck. Fire up the Mike "Take it in the ass get gassed" Pence program.

Valid point soldier

Mr Data I come from a Mirror universe where Scott Bakula was a good captain and it was not about bullshit time travel because the writes got bored of the past.

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i came before i could pull out of my girlfriend

Look at this face. Do you really have to ask?

But I like Captain Archer...

I got much better pillow talk out of that other Captain.

Remember me? Do I need to hit you again? Quit being a rapist or I'll sick the Klingons on you.

Oh please, rape is like foreplay to those people.

Why don't you think about that for a second, Q...

And a plot synapse of one of the final episodes:
"Archer gives a speech to the officers of both ships, saying that they should move against Starfleet and the Empire. Soval and T'Pol meet, contemplating a future where alien species were respected and treated as equals; they convince Phlox to join their movement and sabotage Defiant. As the sole alien allowed to remain on board, he succeeds in disabling the ship's systems. Soval, on Avenger, then attacks, but Tucker disables Phlox and restores power. Defiant destroys its attacker, and when Sato and Archer celebrate in the captain's quarters, Archer dies after Mayweather defects to Sato. Reaching Earth on the advanced and powerful Defiant, Sato contacts Admiral Gardner demanding his surrender and declaring herself "Empress Sato"."

So you are saying that made him a good Captain in the mirror universe?

Hi, I'm Captain Jonathan Archer of the Starfleet vessel Enterprise. Have any of you seen the Xindi?

I did, and I'm pretty sure that's how you met your wife.

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At least I didn't try to knock up Janeway.

New trekkie here.

The post 2000 movies worth to watch? More specifically the jew-jew abrahams movies.

>fucking loved Voyager, TOS, TNG
>Liked DS9 and Enterprise

Don't understand apart from the violations and torture Archer did why people don't like Enterprise; but yeah, opinions. I mean it's not great, but it has a fair amount of its moments.

> pic related

Oh please, I was merely going to promise her safe passage to the alpha quadrant by sticking it in her delta quadrant.

Old Trekkie here.

I hate the new movies. JJ Abrams took one of the smartest franchises in history and made it all about tits and explosions. They don't really care about the fans anymore. You might like them, but classic Trek is vastly better and where my heart is.

And by classic Trek, I mean everything before Enterprise was cancelled.

The captain is trying to murder me.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

What?

youtube.com/watch?v=vr0OHhA6rGs

Maybe I was wrong...

Only movie I've seen is First Contact(heard Borg queen before starting, piqued my interest), stopped DS9 I think 5-7 episodes before the finale. Currently on Voyager S7E14 but I stopped at S4E05 on Enterprise.

And I figured, haven't seen them but I suppose I will for the sake of objectivity. Started Trek a few months ago and god damn do I love it.

What do you like about it?

Just me or are the old Orion slave girls like fifty times hotter? Hell, I'd take a Telaxian woman over than shehulk of blob.

I thought season 4 of Enterprise was better than all seven seasons of Voyager combined

I think the ones on Enterprise were just fine.

I'm seriously injured, please help!

I can't believe they were just thrown into the Rancor pit

They're the ones everybody hates on the most. It's unfair. It's all Trek, with that classical style. They don't write like they did back then anymore.

TOS, TNG, DS9, VGR, ENT
movies 1-10

unparalleled brilliance and adventure

It being what? The movie or series I've watched?

But god damn do I hate Netflix's next episode 'summaries'

Star Trek in general.

On the fence since they announced they're making a series next year; figured Abrams will fuck it up beyond comparison or the filth we've has as writers since anything born in the 80's will finish the job.

Just everything; details, how in depth the stories are, the conflict of emotions to prime(or temporal prime) directives. Star Wars I was 200% disinterested in and I thought it'd be the same shit with Trek.

But fuck how wrong I was, love this almost as much as any series I've watched and I think it's probably one of the best shows ever devised. Only series superior to Trek I have to say would be the the original Twilight Zone but not by much.

Which species?

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>on the fence since they announced they're making a series next year
They shit all over the franchise by rebooting it. Trekkies like me loved the fact it was the "continuing adventures". It will take them putting the series into the hands of real fans and returning to the original continuity for me to care.

>Just everything.
Me too.

I love the characters, the heart, the philosophy, the introspection, the humor, the design, the stories--it's all so great. DS9 and VGR are the nearest to my heart, but I love them all.

There's more than one?

Ciscko had his moments, but I didn't think I could like Janeway as much as I did from the spam posts I kept seeing about her separating a borg from the collective against her wishes and other shit.

And yeah, HIGHLY doubtful that the series will be any decent but I can hope. Roddenberry envisioned and put so much detail into Trek; pisses me off what's happened to it in the recent years.

>Klingon isn't even a language anymore, just gargles and grunts

The anusgalians; the most heinous threat to the alpha quadrant.