Greentext thread? Greentext thread

Greentext thread? Greentext thread
>I really fucking hate squirrels
>Be me, 10, dark, light rainy night
>Have to take out trash
>Scared as fuck
>See something crawling around
>Literally jump
>Fall down hill
>Break 2 bones
>As im flalling i see a squirrel
>This begins my experience with those fucking douchebags
Cont?

I really fucking hate aluminium. Heres the story that I posted last time.

Hey Sup Forums I need some help on how to take out this faggot I know. So here is what happened today.

I was walking home when this asshole who I haven't seen in like 4 years bumps into me and starts immediately spewing bullshit about how aluminium is the best metal. I instantly stop his Jewish looking ass from speaking and bitch slapped him and then proceeded to tell him that Iron is the best metal, of course this greedy backstabbing underhanded Jew wouldn't take the hint and starting going off about "rust". I lost it and then knocked his ass out cold. I am now waiting to see if the police show up at my door and if that is the case I am planing on murdering this faggot.

God, I hate aluminium so fucking much.

Sure dude

Story tell please i am of interest

is"bump" for interest

OP here
>FF 7 years
>Dad and mom get in car accident
>Authorities say it was a squirrel in the road that caused the other driver to swerve into their lane
>They both die days later
>Go to funeral days later
>Visit their grave every now and then
>One day there is a squirrel shitting on it
>Goddamn squirrels
Cont?

Get posting faggot, new Sup Forumstard has joined the thread.

bump

This is gonna be a long thread at this rate, at least I got me some quads. Hurry the fuck up please OP.

OP here
>FF another 3 years
>Have PTSD from these motherfucking squirrels
>Happily married with 2 kids
>Work at a high pay restaurant
>See squirrel outside window
>Flip my shit and throw a guys order at it
>Forget there was a window
>Start throwing plates at it to break glass, i need to kill this fucker
>Success, glass broke
>Squirrel falls into kitchen
>SHIT, DIDNT EXPECT THIS
>Try to kill it
>Manager comes in
>Fired
>Cant hold up my family anymore
>Wife leaves me, takes the kids, leaves the bills all for me
>Fucking squirrels
Cont?

>be me
>11
>know what masturbation is, too scared to try cause I thought it would hurt
>one day I get brave
>start beating my poor meat like I'm trying to murder it
>look up a video on YouTube how to do it properly
>some dude using a banana to demonstrate
>surprisingly didn't fuck my dick up
>he talked about cumming
>suddenly have to pee
>"OMG IM GONNA CUM"
>rush to the bathroom and pee in the toilet while moaning so loud I would drown out 5 stadiums
>dad walks in on me pee-cumming
I was a fucking retard

>be em
>26
>on Sup Forums
>waiting for some faggot to post his green text
>cuck fuck is banging on about squirrels
>fucking fag only posts about 6 lines at a time
>take about 10 min for him to type them 6 lines
>what the fuck is that faggot doing?
>this is gonna be a long thread

bumping for interest

OP here, sorry about the wait, recaptchas a piece of shit
>Living in homeless shelter
>Decide one day that, fuck it, im moving to another state so that i can get another job
>Leave
>Life is rough as fuck without the shelter, but i make do
>Meet a mexican named Clarrise or something, i dont speak spanish, lets just call her Mex
>Mex is an illegal immigrant, but says she'll provide me with shelter, hunting skills, and companionship
>Decide to take her up, turning her in would put me back at the start
>Takes me hunting one day
>First thing we see is a fucking squirrel
>Aim, fire, dead
>Felt fucking great
>Decide to make a living off of these fuckers, sell their meat and hide
>Business starts off slow, but grows over time
>Me and Mex are rolling in cash now
>Get house
>Start family
>Get married
>One day, see a squirrel on the roof
>Decide to catch it and keep it, as a memior
>Cage it
>The first fucking time i let it out it claws my eyes
>Im in the hospital right now
>FUCKING SQUIRRELS
Story over, im still in this fucking hospital.

Wew

I'm no disappointed with that story at all.

Bump

>Be me, 17
>Live in a small town in naziland
>
>
>
>Still havent seen a squirrel for more than 2 seconds

Check'd, good sir, check'd.

>>youtube
Wow.

Time stamp and pic with mex ass pic

KEK
>look up a video on YouTube how to do it properly

> be me, 17 y/o
> sitting with my sick grandfather
> he has stage 4 lung cancer
> feelsbadman.jpg
> he knows I'm an occasional pot smoker
> tells me how I shouldn't smoke
> says it was created by the mob
> in order to keep the blacks in line
> don't know if he's serious or not because he didn't laugh or smile about it like he normally would.

> 4 years later come to find out he was a pot head up until my mother was born.

>it claws my eyes
If it was that bad that you had to go to the hospital, how can you fucking see the keyboard?

wtf
I've been playing with myself as long as I can think

this is hilarious

>be me
>browsing Sup Forums
>tfw jacking off
>waits for faggot to finish his squirrel furry story so i can cum
>tfw ending is unrealistic
>tfw immersion ruined
>tfw weak orgasm
Fuck you.

Keep posting, you've committed yourself now

if that is your only fetish, what was the last time you cummed?

Yeah my grandmother claims she "straightened him out" more like he picked up drinking instead. Because lord knows he needed something to put up with her ass for as long as he did.

I found a dead badger on the side of the road.
It was still warm and the muscle contractions made me diamonds.

who said that was my only fetish?

OP here
Are you faggots retarded? It only clawed one eye, fucking dickqueef.

of course. everybody knows that legal drugs are never as dangerous as illegal ones

it was a question, my friend

>old copypasta

Is this fucking bait because when you say "eyes" it's safe to assume you meant more than one eye. Grammar 101 user.

>Be me, 21 yo
>wake up from a long night
>take breakfast
>get boring all day
>go to sleep
>repeat

>thinks I read his boring greentext

Well unless he has one eye,like most people would assume he has 2 like you and I have 2 eyes

omg the same happened to me too dude

I have 3. what do?

Say eyes

Post pic with timestamp too

:O Maybe we are brother.


oops sorry i assumed you gender i'm so sorry

how dare you! I'm a female woman with tits and no pinis and I am better than all men but I want same equal pay and I have tits! ok?

Timestamp tits with your 3 eyes then

This is probably bait but that logic still doesn't apply to reality user.

How many one eyed people do you know?

hey i'm a non binary with tits pussy and dick i don't have to work for get as pay as you and i deserve all the right cause i'm superior to you.

see? 3 eyes

2 sex at the same time mean two more equality for me so equality + equality = superiority that's mathematical.

To be fair I only knew 1 who was a pretty cool guy and when referring to something getting in his vision he always said "Ow my eye" and not "eyes"

I am more spcial than you cuz I am a cis woman, this is soo rare in these days where everybody is gender nr. 576, I am soo special, you never ever see a normal special woman like me ok, so fuck off and lick my tits

Close enough,but gonna need a closer look at your boobs

ahah i have more special than you because.. well hum.. fuck.

My boyfriend has tits and vagina and is a lawyer you gonna finish your "life" in jail for this.

How long is your dick?

am*

holy fuk dat was true ima sorri

now tit or gtfo

Ok so your captain had sea water in his eye,not many sailors on Sup Forums

133 inches

no, thank you. penis or gtfo?

>Be me, i guess i was eleven
>Play wrestling with a friend on the street
>Car comes
>I was so so shocked i hit my friend really hard
>His nose starts to bleed
>I start to cry like a bitch and run home
>At home my step mom catches me and asks whats wrong
>Tell her everything
>She laughs and says to go back
>I walk back to him and he laughs as well
>We keep playing

Lol,tits or gtfo

yeah sure

Time stamp please

Couldn't you just shut the fk up ? You ruined everything >:(

Tits or gtfo

>Be me
>Now
>Playing Overwatch
Thats it

Cuck

can i stay now ?

>BE ME
>LISTENING TO METAL
>SEE THESE BITHCH NIGGER CUNT SHITLICKFAGGGOTS TALKING ABOUT PIRATES AND SQUIRREL PORN
>FUCKING BLOW MY CHINK LOAD ALL OVER CHI[PS
>EAT THE CHIPS WITH MY NUT SAUCE AS DIP
>RAPE MY IMAGINARY LITTLE SIISTER
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHYHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAHAG

...

>Be me
>read your post
>answer to it
> get blindkglmù*****ù m47ù

so many new fags not understanding rule 31. get off of Sup Forums, you 12yolds

timestamp or it didnt happen

But is he a nigger?

>Be me
Hillary.jpg
>Have fetish for dead kids
>Kidnap Trump's youngest son
Poison.png
>Strip the corpse
>Old lady pussy getting moist with blood
>force my creaky old fingers in the anus and pulls it open
>Shoves my head in, tearing the rectum
>Take a deep breath, inhaling the shit left in the body
>Obama walks in
Superpredator.jpg
>Shoots ancient period blood at him, standing up, the body on my head like a mask
>Goddess Feminism aids me
>Strikes down the male pig
Almostraped.gif
>Pray to Feminism
>I am your president