Did anyone else have a fucked social life as a kid and played too many video games and now you're total autist...

Did anyone else have a fucked social life as a kid and played too many video games and now you're total autist? I'm trying to recover.

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You're a lost cause

yup, only furthered by anime and hentai.

>don't forget, you are here forever

reason being is because you missed the ship and are now a social outcast

I'd say I'm fucked.

Same OP. Welcome to the club

Same here.

bamp

There is no recovery, I know I can't recover anymore, I'm so far from the normal ideal it actually scares me to think of leading a normal life.

Hence why I'm going to kill myself eventually, I push the actual day forward for as long as I can, managed to reach age 28 so far but it's just waiting for the day where I can't push anymore.

We can't all be winners, some of us are born to lose and are born without dignity.

It's a matter of time before we're hanging from a doorknob or seizing up after a fatal overdose.

I'm an outcast in the games themselves. I'm too anxious to voice chat with random people and always think that people will think I'm annoying if I message them so I only ever have very few people I actually ever play with. This is okay for me except in games where I need to make a raid group or games that are more oriented for being fun with friends, in which case I'm a sad loner.

I had a strange childhood. When I was a kid I grew up in a really small rural town, youngest child with way older siblings and I was basically an only child after the age of 10, I had 2-3 friends at school but never had anyone over to my house until I was about 12. I explored the woods around my house. I did really weird things like see people that didn't exist out in the forest, sometimes they were scary. I thought crystals were magical and anytime my parents would by me some random quartz crystal because I thought they were neat, I'd bury them in the ground around our property. Then around the age of 13 my parents moved to a suburban area and I clammed up and started down the gamer shut-in path. When I'm dreaming I'm some magical forest hero like Link or something in full-on lucid dreams, my unconscious apparently thinks it's some sort of forest godling, but in real-life I'm just average Joe. I don't have social issues per say, I'm just much more comfortable alone or with a small group of friends no larger than 6 people. I wouldn't really call that autistic, just strangely shaped

youtube.com/watch?v=1TCX90yALsI

See this is the thing with this mindset. You have so much past experience with people thinking you're annoying that it totally changes you entire social outlook. I have the same issue really.

youtube.com/watch?v=pA8DdkM2Wqo

Shit nigga you went full spectrum.
You never go full spectrum.

youtube.com/watch?v=2iGk87bug2s

You don't need to be normal to be happy, besides you're glorifying being a normal person because you haven't experienced it, those people feel miserable for different reasons
All you have to do to be happy is take care of your problems, get money so you can get by in society and use that money for whatever makes you feel fullfilled as a person, you don't have to be fucking captain of the football team and attend frat parties and all that shit you idealize

Eh maybe. I never spaz out and have to excuse myself or some strange shit like that, I just get anxious when I'm around a larger group of people, but with my friends and acquaintances I'm just fine

I'm on benefits at the moment, mostly due to suicidal depression and a fear to leave the house. I live on my own but I'm unstable as shit, untrained, untalented and I have a very low IQ, I'm not employable.

I'll never have a decent income, I'll never have a partner, I'll never outgrow this two room apartment I live in.

There are no chances, I'm worthless and I'll remain worthless, my own parents attest to that.

not the captain of the football team or frat parties but at least a girlfriend god dammit

Your friends and acquaintances are just humoring you out of pity. Every single one considers you a retard but keeps up the charade that they don't notice that much out of the goodness of their hearts.

The only people that'll ever tell you the truth about you are the people that want to hurt you, so listen and learn from them.

Oh I also forgot to mention. At age 10, while school was out and my parents were working, I was going to a summer baby-sitting thing of a friend of my mothers, with several other kids, about a dozen in all. She had a large open back yard, a pool, etc. By the end of the summer most of the interaction between the kids devolved into swimming for a bit between bouts of "you show me yours, I'll show you mine". I guess I lucked out on that one because I've had several relationships with girls, and I'm pretty sure it stems for that initial foreplay and confidence boost so to speak

>TL;DR I might be autist with a weird childhood, but I never drop the spaghetti

This. I am in the same situtation. No one wants to "deal" with you. And they will not care, you failed to make your life. You have to endure it alone now.

Waaaah, I live alone in a two room apartment, waaah.

I've now fully recovered but it wouldn't be if it wasn't for my entire high school being nice carasmatic cunts who excepted me and gave me something to mold into. I love those guys :'(

Oh look, baby troll thinks he got skill

Nahw, that part is actually pretty neat. It'd just be better if it weren't me living there.

he has a point imo

My cousin did. 27 years old, living with his mom and applying at gas stations because he doesn't realize he's unemployable. Actually got a sweet deal and got the chance to go to school for free. Blew it by failing his important classes and instead focusing on taking Japanese and shit.

He's probably fapping to anime as we speak

I don't know the exact saying but it goes something like this,'The dumber you are, the happier. The smarter the more miserable.'

I wish I never tried to detach myself from the low-thinking and easy side of life.

I did a lot of drugs and realized I didn't like either ends of the spectrum of people I knew.

The dumb and happy. The smart and miserable. Once you start to realize how fucked up things are in society and the world, you just sort of regress to escapism. (drugs, video games, whatever else)

I'm done with drugs but I wish I never started. I would've been where I wanted to be.

captcha: mexico call

You're not special OP, this is the only place that I can actually relax and express my feelings openly because of that green "Anonymous" name above my post. On Sup Forums, no one can know my previous history filled with cringeworthy spaghetti stories unless I tell them, no one can laugh at me, and if they do, once the thread 404s I can start all over. This is why I'm still here after all these years: I'm at home with all you autists and faggots.

So let me get this straight. I'm just getting everything situated.

I had a strange childhood, and I have weird dreams sometimes. I have friends, a job, hobbies, a home, a gf (over 15 sexual partners over time total), a kid, etc

How has that ever become autism?

You're not alone. I don't use my mic because I think that people think I'm weird or sometimes theyre intimidated by me. I pushed away all of my friends on steam one way or another. I usually just play games alone, whenever people add me to play again I make up an excuse why we can't play together.

You've been dealt all the shit cards, and seems your environment doesn't help you either
I used to have problems too, what helped me was group therapy, feeling a part of something helped my self esteem a lot
You only use it as a crutch though, when you get into society you realize all people are the same vacuous, vain, superficial shitstains, they're actually worse than you because their lives depend on other people, they act based on the opinions of others
What I'm getting at is, if you feel social anxiety it's because you're giving too much value to people's opinions, when they're a bunch of animalistic retards that built their lives based on social norms that don't depend on them and aren't up for them to choose, and being affected by those people's opinions or your perception of their opinions is ridiculous
It's something you discover once you get inside the pig den of social interactions, all you need is to have those experiences

You have to stop self-defeating. You just have to start doing very, VERY small tasks and completing them.

Seriously. 1 pushup a day. Then 2. etc. Make a goal and accomplish that goal. Continue doing it everyday.

The Idealization of Normality will keep you away simply because people don't feel like they are normal. They act the way they do because they follow what is considered "socially acceptable", however it is extremely hard to distiguish what is "sane" and what is "right" from what is "normal". In other words there is a degree of ignorance which can be either feigned or real, in which the general public follows. The problem here is not only the glorified normality of the self, but attempting to identify, define and likewise follow what is "normal". Being on this site, this alone. Is cosindered "abnormal". Posting on it asking for advice or giving advice or counter arguing as I am, puts us on the scale of which we can all agree that this kind of voluntary seclusion only leads to self destruction and the only remedy is either become a shallow ass hole or become a mindless drone which works his life knowing he is a creep, and remains seperate from the "normal" part of society.

TL;DR

It's too late. I need help. Everyone on this site needs it. Anonimity only raises one's iD... And for love of god... Kill me. Please.

>Over the millennia, the human mind became increasingly self-analytical.

>We, as human beings, became accustomed to sitting around and just thinking about things. We could plan our aggression, for instance, perhaps delaying it to a later time. Or, in situations where we had to submit, we could sit around and brood and worry. We could wish evil things on our opponents, and increasingly, heap scorn and ridicule on ourselves for our weakness.

I have no sympathy for the vast majority of "basement dwellers", you have nothing to blame but yourselves, if I ever get a child like you I would send it to the military asap and get it worked out or killed, darwinism bitches.

> You have family
> You have a home
> You are obviously wealthy enough to spend a fucking monday morning to whine about your adolescent retardness instead of working

fuck you all, you are SCREAMING of entitlement
> I want this
> I want that
> TFW not getting it (FOR NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER)

I'm so bad at self-depreciating that I don't want to recognize that I'm smarter than a lot of people. I don't take advantage of it.

I wish I was smart enough to fix myself.

>So what was happening? We were taking something that was formerly very behavior-oriented, very action-oriented, and starting to intellectualize it. Whereas thousands of years ago we spent little time analyzing our problems - usually because we were too busy with the problems of mere survival - we eventually began to carry on more and more inner conversations with ourselves.

>In fact, the rise in our leisure time contributed to this phenomenon. But what made it particularly bad - and what makes it excruciating for a person with severe depression - is that these inner dialogues have a very powerful emotional component. They are one part intellectual, but five parts raw, churning emotions and feelings

>These inner dialogues - almost always involving some form of anger, worry or self-criticism - call up the brain’s submission response. It’s almost like dialing a phone number. The brain answers the call and its message is - submit, submit, submit. The brain is telling us that it is under attack and that it wants us to survive. And the signal to submit is this flood of extremely powerful, negative feelings we now interpret as being depressed.

>The problem is - when you’re under attack by yourself, how does the brain’s submission response know when to “disconnect” from the “distress call” that it is receiving? That is, how does it know when the “attack” is over? Well, it never knows, because our attacking “thoughts” refuse to stop. This is how someone can spend a lifetime suffering from waves of severe depression.
But what is the ultimate twist on the intellect and depression? Something very surprising. In my research, I have found an extremely high association between intelligence and the likelihood of becoming severely depressed. In fact, a high IQ is a good predictor of depression. Why? Simply because those with higher intelligence are amazingly “creative” with their inner dialogues.

Yup

fact

>Some of the characteristics of high intelligence are an above-average imagination, superior verbal ability, and advanced analytical skills. This is the perfect recipe for cooking-up very elaborate, and very negative, inner dialogues. And that’s exactly what happens. This helps explain the well-known phenomenon of “tormented geniuses”. Simply, their submission response is often out-of-control. And, despite their genius, they don’t know how to stop it.

Anyone want to send $5 to my paypal so I can pay the rest of my credit card bill?

This is why euthanasia should be free, legal and safe. Forcing unhappy unsuccessful people who will always be alone to say alive is the ultimate cruelty, myself included.

when I was 10-11 I quit going to school and I enjoyed it didn't have to wake up early or anything like that but I started feeling guilty by 12-13 so I went back to school by 13 and that didn't help me at all a few years later and I'm still a fucking retarded nigger

You're clearly underage. Don't worry, the desire to be normal will pass and in time you will be happy :)

that depends
>do you want to humiliate yourself on the internet by posting nudes w/timestamp?

Edit:
>The problem...
>is the failure of identifying what is
>really normal
>and what is not

E.G. because I use this site so much... I need to know exactly what people mean by what they say. Not be vague in the slightest. And if they are making a joke to be funny... Then they should be clear about it. Otherwise... There will be conflict.

I did and i still ended up ok.
Should i tell my tale its kinda long bjt it has some wtf moments and a happy ending.

Stand tall. People like us shape the world. We have more untapped power and knowledge than we can possibly understand. We just need to grasp it.

We may be wayward but we have the means to control our lives. Think about what you want to happen and you'll make it happen. See things through and NEVER doubt. ALWAYS think about what you want to see happen.

What if I offer nudes of a hot 18 year old blonde instead?

no deal nigger
>nudes + timestamp

Only if she has a timestamp

Thank lord for the

Anyone with any degree of optimism is delusional. Just become deluded like them and you'll be fine.

She doesnt have a timestamp. Just snapchat screenshots

No. No one one Sup Forums has had this problem, ever. You're the only one on the entire board who didn't have a social life and played video games.

i played way to many video games
jack off to deplorable shit everyday.
and have dozens of friends all who fucking pester me for my attention >_>

just stop giving a shit what people think, and be a pleasent human being. It's easy being social....just dont an unlikeable shitbag and talk about shit you like untill they start talking about shit they like. and when they start doing that.pretend to listen....it lets you sit there with your mouth closed and they fucking end up in love with you.....jesus christ you pleblords.

I'm 28, the desire to be normal will never pass. I was born autistic and my parents made clear, from early childhood, that my handicap only affords me the duty to become a normal person and to stop emberassing them by being different.

Until I have a job, a wife, children and enough disposable income to start paying my parents back the money they spent raising me I'll be nothing but a worthless leech to the world living on borrowed time.

Becoming normal is seriously the only goal I've ever had in life or ever will have, before I reach it I don't really have the right to life.

You want to see my dick that bad?

I read pretty much all the posts in this thread and its honestly really sad. You guys need to stop the self pity and believe in yourselves. This is coming from a normie lurker

Then no money for you sir

I disagree on that last part, you can live a happy life even if you're not part of what's considered normal, you don't even need to have relationships to do that
Relationships aren't the disney shit people without experience think it is, it's a glorified contract, you provide money or attention and receive sex, if you fail to provide money or attention you're probably going to get dumped
The worst think you can do is having your happiness depend on other people, if you weren't a social person before that it makes you weak and puts you at a disadvantage
You have to find things that make you happy that don't depend on other people, for example I always liked the thought of living outdoors besides the other usual hobbies people like us have, and all you need to pursue those things in this society is money, it will also help self esteem but only because you can manage yourself through society, having a job shouldn't be a life goal in my opinion unless you're vocational about it, it shouldn't validate you as a person

If I don't look down when I walk, I don't see the cracks or roots in the cement and I and up tripping. If I don't look down, the sun gets in my eyes and I can't see.

How can I not look down when I walk if looking down is all I know?

Do you do that because you're anxious? If you simply want to play alone, I don't think that's unhealthy. Just accept that you value your alone time more than the average person.

Just keep trying to be cool/normal. It can take a few years before you become normal. Did you finish college? If not, take a few classes in business management, or something that interests you. You need some self confidence. You need a couple of long term goals, too. Do what guys do best and start working towards your retirement. You'll eventually meet a girl, who will see your potential, and she'll fall in love with you. Life will improve if you gain some more self confidence.

Shut your mouth, get back in line and march pointlessly towards the void like the rest of us, faggot.

Especially the ppl talking about being so anxious they cant talk to be via video games. Thats pathetic. I couldnt imagine being that socially awkward. Feel bad for u guys

Sort of, i played alot of video games, skateboarded alot and played several sports back in grade school. I'd party with the team one night, then play d&d and get drunk or spend the night out at the skatepark with other friends, or just stay in and play runescape. Eveybody thinks I'm fucking weird though but in a good way cause people still want to hang. My autism is likeable i guess

Trying to convince a worthless person that they have worth is supremely dishonest. Shame on all of you.

I highily doubt that simply because someone tortures himself, he or she will be extremely smart or capable of being or doing something extraordinary. Why? Simply because I do that. And I know that I am not smart. I want to be smart but that will never be enough for me to be happy. Why? Well it would mean living my life selfishly. I just got rid of my friends because I lashed out them for flaunting the fact they had their "lives" and lied about not wanting to have me around, ever. I was only there because I failed to conceive a well bounded group of friends while I had the chance... Now. I am here. Regretting it all. I need to be sent back to mexico..

I think it's anxiety. I enjoy playing alone but I've done that for years. I think I've convinced myself after such a long time of playing alone that, that's all I need.

I'm really not too sure. Sometimes when people talk to me on steam I cut the conversation short and go offline. They're not annoying me, I just sometimes want to be alone.

Yeah. Plus I lived and still live in a rural area so there's not much I could've done. And I'm naturally quiet and weird. Now I'm a college drop out with no job who doesn't so shit.

I was like that until 11th grade. I reached out to people and they invited me to their lunch group. I'm currently waiting for Spring semester to begin so I could meet people and have a social life.

I'm currently a NEET and I feel so shit for not doing anything but playing video games and watching anime all day. My parents immigrated here in USA, so i feel inclined to do something with my life. Being a NEET is something I hate.

Looks like those crabs are forsaking God, they know why they've been brought there and it's not to be returned home to the sea.

should i stop playing?

>Be me
>Had a few friends in kindergarten through 2nd grade
>Constantly ask mom to have friends over
>Say no to almost every occasion
>Stop having friends cuz what's the point
>Every day after school go home, do all my homework, go up to my room and play video games until bedtime
Weekends were the best because I would get shit done so fast I'd basically have the whole weekend to myself except Friday
>8th grade hits
>Try to make friends
>Too autistic
>Only made two friends. Lost contact with one still keep contact with the other faggot
>Get bullied
>Make no friends through highschool
>Same shit. Do homework. Get straight A's. Play video games
>Go into video game club and completely tear ass on everyone there. Leave because I got bored of it
>Make a few friends to play PC games with senior year. Graduate high school. Go to uni and stay at dorms
>Stay. Study. Play vidya.
>One day I'm about to leave for break. See my whole floor is playing Super Smash Bruddas Brawl
>Ask if I can play one round
>Tear ass again
>Leave and say good game and thanks
>Come back and get invited to play more video games with them
I never felt more like I belonged
>I kept on beating them from the countless hours of me playing but I tried to teach them a few things
Things got so much better anons. I even have a qtπazngf

Looking forward to going to college for the first time.

Thank you, it's truths like these that let me keep coming here.

If someone is worthless, hurt them in any way possible, that's all they deserve.

Acting like they're not is against natural order, it's actually worse than harming a worthless person.

You'll love it brah, there's a bunch of people like this that go with that mindset. Most of those people have similar interests too.

this guy is right, fuck them hoes

I hate the thought of relying on money. And being selfish enough to waste it only myself.

I could try and "improve" myself. But no one I cared for will be there.

I cared too much about that.

I can only become what I feared might happen

A mindless drone.

I can't see myself being able to make people stay because I know they have their own ideas and their own goals... I depend on keeping them interested.

I am an attention whore. Always have been. Can't seem to fix it, being here typing this doesn't help it any...

Damn this pain. Fuck it to hell.

I can't buy my happiness.

Worse than us is people who can't fucking type.

>ppl
>u guys
Jesus. I'd rather be a socially awkward fuck than a dumb faggot like you.

You have to understand that normal people do not feel normal or try to be normal. It just so happens that they meet the arbitrary standards that society produced.

No happiness comes from trying to change your nature that way. Since your desire for "normal" social interactions comes from your childhood, therapy would most likely help you.

Having a goal in life is a good way to find happiness. However, your goal is pretty much impossible to measure and goes against the nature of who you are which is unhealthy.

This is Home.

"Worth" is inherently subjective. You're the most important person to yourself because everything you experience is through yourself.

Think your not important? the world would effectively end if you were to kill yourself.

Me, but lately my testosterone levels has been hiting me so fucking hard, i feel so angry that I am 24 yo and everyday ive been living my life like if i was 14 i feel the anger, and I'm going to fix my life
I'm going college
Sending dick pics to girls some of them replied wanting more i got laid once
I have planned moving out of my parents house within 2 months

It's all about the anger you need to feel angry and you need to rage

Thing is, I owe it to my parents to keep trying, even if it is impossible and even if it makes me unhappy.

They took care of me while they could've just as easily decided not to bother, drowned me as an infant and called it SIDS, I do feel I need to repay them for that, in fact they've said the same.

I don't deserve to be happy yet, I haven't earned that right.

Really? No one has ever become happier from changing themselves? No one has a "nature" that cant be changed. Personalities are inherently fluid.

Having a family and income is hardly "impossible".

Used to same way but then I started drinking while I play allows me to not give a fuck and say whatever confidently zero fucks given bout repercussions, it's great try it some times

>Having a goal is a good way to find happiness

Having an achieved an achievable goal that you settled for will at least bring some peace but not happiness.

can't we just stop talking shit to ourselves? most of the dialogue is a form of just saying "hey fuck you, you suck ass" but often the response is "nah it's chill, who cares anyways"

No ones life has ever been improved by drinking. At least not in any long term sense.

Worth is entirely objective.

How useful are you to your surroundings? How much money do you earn? How many lives do you improve? How capable are you?

That determines your worth as a person, the fact you experience your life from your eyes does not indicate worth.

Totally. My dad ran an office business out of our house. You had to be completly silent all the time and had to avoid all people so not to bother clients. Basically trained to read, play video games and run away from all people. Still fucked up to this day. Successful education and job, complete shut in.

I'm worthless and nobody has ever done anything but hurt me. Why should I care about anyone else? Everything is completely inconsequential. Kindness, compassion, empathy. All meaningless in the end, user.

The thing is, this society is based on having money and spending money, no one can do anything to change that within their timelives
I used to care a lot about people too, once you get hurt enough and think about why that happened, I made out that everyone that isn't in your close family is out for themselves, for what they can take from others, you have to get beyond the fact that they're being nice to you to find out why they are being nice to you
Not in a paranoid way, in a reasonable way of thinking what kind of benefit they get out of being nice to you, it's not necessarily a material thing, some people like to have a submissive person they can go for attention wherever they need it
I don't know if it will work out for you man, it did work for me, once you realize no one really cares about you is when you start to care about yourself