So, I guess this isn't going to get much in this thread, and some people would call this a cry for help...

So, I guess this isn't going to get much in this thread, and some people would call this a cry for help, or people might thing this is a spaghetti post... But the truth is, I'm so fucking depressed that I can't eat or sleep anymore. I've tried everything in my power to be as happy as I could be. Tried changing my enviroment, and as a last resort turned to weed. I haven't been able to stop feeling like this for years... I guess I should start from the start... I'm a 22 year old guy from Australia. Ice only had the one job and that's in fast food. I was bullied in school until I finally left in year 11. During this time, I had attempted suicide twice and failed both times. It wasn't uncommon for other kids to start fights with me, or break all of my school stuff. I've never really had friends, and when I've had friends, they wouldn't ever be around. I didn't get my first kiss till I was 16, and was told later that it was out of pity. After I had that relationship end on me, I progressed into a 12 month relationship that ended up making me sterile, due to the amount of ball kicking and beatings that went on, I know I could have left, but I feared that is be back to being alone. I then found one girl, got to know her, and dated for quite a while. Then, my heart broke as she said the words "I think we should break up". Those words shook me to my core. I was soon hospitalised due to my previous suicide attempts. After a while I left. Left the school, and got my first job. That's where I met a girl. She was nice and funny, laughed at my jokes, and we got along great. I was always unsure how people felt towards me, and I couldn't tell that she was attracted to me, I blew it off, and continued, ended up dating a few girls here and there, just of random websites, but I eventually dated the girl from work. She knew my past, and loved me anyways. I began a 3 year relationship with her. We had our ups and downs, but everything was okay. Prt 2 below

This is going to be my new favorite copy pasta

Boo hoo faggot.
We all have to deal with this, it's called life.

Things changed after the second year, she became angry, and spiteful, I'd get hit, more and more. My stress couldn't deal with getting hit anymore, I left. Saw a girl that seemed less violent. Turned out she was the most crazy person I had met. I left as soon as I could. I returned to the previous ex, knowing I still loved her, things turned okay for the most part, we were normal. Then, she turned again, I'd been by this point, cut, bruised, and hit in the balls a frightening amount out of her anger. I had enough, I left without saying anything to her after another one of her shouting matches, I told her I was leaving, i came back 20 mins later to pick up all of my stuff, and she came back in, after seeing that she wasn't in the house. I proceeded to pack up, and she walked in, still angry, I ignored her, and kept packing my stuff. She screamed "what? So its over now" I couldn't take it, I told her my piece and she screamed at me more, I lost it, I pushed her into the wall, causing a hole and I left. It's been 6 months and I javent had anyone talk to me since then... everyone took her side, and now... I feel that I need to kill myself... Just to end this torture.... I can't stand being in this catch 22. I just can't... I just needed to let someone know... anyone... Just so I have something that a person might see, to make them feel better..

Tl;Dr I fucked up and got rid of the only person that could love me. I'm dying.

You are dependent to affection, man up, go back to school to make something of your life and start dating girls in this environment. From experience, they aren't as crazy as the lunatics in a dead-end job who are usually damaged goods anyway. As for the depression, get off weed, get yourself some anti-depressant and, from what I can gather from your post, you need to talk to someone, get yourself a psy.

They had already doubled my dosage, and school isn't an option anymore. I am broke as fuck, and the last pay I went to, just gambled against me. And I've been at bars every weekend, and just get blown off, tinder doesn't have any matches, and word gets around if you've got someone in my town.. it's pretty small...

Like I said, you're dependent to affection, quit dating until you get back on track, go outside and exercise every day, that's usually even better than anti-depressant. And for "school isn't an option", go fuck yourself, if a single mother on minimum wage or some pennyless fucking immigrant who barely speak the language of his adoptive country can go to get an education, you can, you'll probably even be able to get government grant because of your shitty situation. I know depression suck, and it's gonna make things harder but either bite the bullet and try to better yourself of end it right now because you'll just get stuck in your shitty situation forever.

Australia isn't that great with their education. I work 8 hours a week because my job hates me. The closest thing I have to anything going okay is a course that I'm pondering that makes me a teacher but only overseas, but that's not even likely... it's not so much affection as much as who likes to be alone everyday all day and then see your ex making out with the guy she used to be best friends with.

I honestly just think it's a better option to die.. not a single person even wants me around anyways

Yeah, that's kinda the other option, if you don't feel like putting the work in. Sink or swim, buddy.

I'm just tired of putting work in and failing. I'll remember to record it and hope someone uploads.

Why are you going to kill yourself because of other people behaving like assholes? You're literally punishing yourself because people don't know how to appreciate you. Look, this is Sup Forums, I know, "kill yourself" funny meme, but seriously. If you don't feel like dating anyone right now, then don't. Wait until you can consider yourself stable again and DO NOT come back to the people who've already rejected you, Find someone new, again. You're not supposed to conform with the first thing you find.
Anyways, at the end of the day I'm just another retard on Sup Forums, so taking advice from anyone like me is often risky. But this is pretty much everything I can give you right now.

TL;DR: don't an hero, keep moving

I want to date.. that's the weird thing... I've organised dates, paid a decent amount for the booking for a date I had, planned weeks in advance, and she never showed. It happens every time. Honestly. The meme is truth. I should kill myself. Not because people are assholes, but because I'm not worth anyone's time. I'm either going to be beaten, or alone. There isn't any other option if I live. So, there's the other option. Live the meme.

If I could, I'd smack you over the head because I see my younger self in your lack of motivation and ambition. I'd help you if I could, but unfortunately, there's not much I can do from the other side of the world. Hope you get your shit together, depression isn't really something anybody but you can fix.

No, I'm just another casualty.

Dude get some pills, it's not your fault or lack of motivation or whatever you are just depressed... it's a mental illness this is just what people with depression do, go talk to a doctor and you will feel better in about 4 weeks or so, antidepressants also remove the need for attachment by the way. Good luck m8

Already on meds. Never really helped. The best I've ever felt was half dead on my floor.

What meds u taking?

shiity situation mate, you seem like no bad guy at all , I am more fucked socially and am not bullied but have no friends that come over aswell. You could search for a hobby, to start off. It seems like it is a very easy thing to do. I personally prefer going to /3/ and make environmental art in computer graphics and stuff. Maybe its something for you. You dont need to carry about your life for now just get a hobby.

maybe leave town and go to somewhere else if you get together enough money, it seems hard but isnt after all.

Citelopram 40mg

you may want to consider more concise writing, because if this was shorter, I would probably empathize with you and offer advice because I read it.

but I didn't, so I'm just going to call you a faggot.

All I have is Vidya. It's a hobby I guess. But I've never really been good at anything..

You need to kill yourself my man! Take control in at least one part of your miserable life! Your suicide will be the only thing people will remember so make it good!

If you want, the shortest bit is, guy has really shitty relationships, pity dates, then people shot on me further after being hit by last girl. Now prepping a noose.

You take them longer than 6 weeks i guess? Idk man try to fix your thinking and be positive, the rest will follow

"I'm so fucking depressed"
> TLDR
Really because I feel GhgrrreaattT

Been on it for 5 years.

I dont know what to say man i really dont... but if ur on that shit for 5 years and it doesn't help you might wanna try something else