I think I hate my mother, or at the very least I don't love her...

I think I hate my mother, or at the very least I don't love her. I am looking for some objective insight on this to prove me wrong.

From the outside (and maybe even from the inside) this probably seems extreme, but hear me out. I am not as far in life as I should be, and almost all the major woes and financial debt in my life can be traced directly to my mother. Now, I'm not saying that the entirety of my situation is her fault, and I know it probably sounds like I'm going into some kind of defense mode or trying to pass the blame (which I have considered I might be doing), but when I reflect back on my whole life, I literally cannot think of a single time she steered myself or my siblings in the right direction, in fact, she usually always made things much worse.

As kids, her ignorance and mental imbalance were damaging. She had all of us under her neurotic little spell and we couldn't see it because we were children. As an adult it's clear as day, and I can't help but feel absolutely nothing for her. Like, if she died, I'd be a little sad, but honestly, I really just wouldn't care that much. If anything I think it might actually be a huge weight off my shoulders. She is a weak, cowardly old woman who always chooses the easy way out, the cheap option, the path of least resistance.

I remember reading a quote somewhere when I was 13 that said something to the effect of "It's amazing how the older I get, the smarter my parents seem." I can't accurately express how untrue I find that statement to be. I am honestly completely ashamed of her. I am embarrassed to be her son, and she is a picture perfect example of everything I never want to become.

Am I being too harsh? Irrational? I'm trying to figure this out because it honestly feels so great to finally just admit to myself that it's not my responsibility to give a shit about her.

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she gave you life. just because she didnt buy you a new xbox yesterday doesnt mean you should sperg out, you ungrateful faggot
>"waaaaaaa she was neurotic"
so are 99% of mothers. grow some balls for fuck's sake

and the quote is from mark twain. he said that when he was 12, his father was an idiot. 10 years later, he was surprised at how much his father had learned. looks like youre still stuck at 12

See, I was trying to be concise because I didn't think anyone would read a long post, but skipping details makes people assume things...

This has nothing to do with our mom buying us things, or not buying us things. I'm talking about her character as a human being. She is chronically mentally ill, and she was just given free reign on parenting us. She used to force us to drink fluoride and establish these crazy nonsensical rules. Just really fucking weird behavior.

Also, the "she gave you life" argument does nothing for me. So far, my life has not been something to be grateful for. Myself as well as ALL of my siblings are struggling with some internal battle because of her lunacy.

I've found most mothers are a little unbalanced. Maybe having kids fucks you up mentally/hormonally nut all the mothers I've met (especially those with 3 kids) have some really fucking weird neurotic rules for their kids and just general often times non-sensible moments. Try not to hold the little things against her, then again I don't know the extent of her oddness.

so she refused to buy you the new sonic game yesterday AND forced you to use mouthwash. sounds like pure evil to me

I have no problem forgiving a few little things, but it's like our entire relationship has been nothing BUT those little things.

And that's not to mention the big things. She cost me $10,000 dollars last year because she made an arrogant mistake.

Slowly giving less shits about your opinion since you you aren't listening...

Can you elaborate on her mistake?

Theres nothing wrong with hating your parents if theyre assholes who treated you badly. They dont deserve respect just because they made you. Fuck that bitch.

I can't say I'm in the same boat as you. But I've seen alot of people raised by unfit parents. Honestly most of us should never have kids, but most of us will... just realize there is a lot of us, and most of us are no where near smart or have any fucking idea what they're doing. It's just insanity man... just be thankful you can see it. Honestly cut ties with the hag, you practically described my wifes, mother, only add psychotic drugged up manipulative attention and literal whore to the equation. Bitch is on her third divorce and is taking classes at the college to learn how to cope with it. How to cope with finding a random guy to support your child until she graduated highschool, then crying abuse abuse while running to the nearest bar to get gangfuckd.. all in all your mom is probably a better person than the one I'm describing. shit tho maybe not. you're old enough to not need a mom. I'm hoping you are at least, cus you're on Sup Forums. There's nothing in this world that is too harsh, if its true. A lot of us are too weak to accept it though, that's not always the end of the world. But none of us are needed. Why spend your time mad about something that's too fucked up to fix. If you're living in her house, HAHAHHAHAHAHAH. If you have your own living situations figured out, there's really nothing to think about.. other than "osht this person retarded" and that's life.

I feel for you OP. I think I am the same really. I don't think I love my mother and I am pretty sure she never loved me. Batshit insane woman. The last time I said I loved her I got a "Oh, okay" back. Just try not to let it get to you and cut her out.

this, cut her out.

I needed to buy a car and asked for her help picking one. Without consulting me whatsoever, she took $2000 dollars of MY cash and bought some pile of junk off some guy's front lawn. The car broke down two months later and needed $2500 in repairs. I needed to get to work the next day so I paid it. Three months later it needed another $1000, and on and on until I finally said fuck it and just bought another car. All said and done, in her mind, her pathological need to control MY problem justified taking MY money and chaining me to a huge financial burden.

Do you live with her? Or have you escaped the shitstorm and just looking back?

all you talk about are extremely vague things that were "totes mean" like worrying about you and using flouride. im skeptical because of that. but dont worry, i'll sleep just fine tonight if you dont give a shit about my opinion

As far as you'd like to be? What the Fuck does that mean you're stupid of you think life is going to follow some sort of plan and it wasn't because of laziness you seem like a huge pain in the ass that expects the world to give them everything.

I can relate, I blame my mother for all the same reasons. No ego, No man box, No expectation... You are alive. You are free to do anything you want outside of your family. Your mother did everything that she could to survive and help you survive based on the information that she had. You should thank her for that when you get older. But for now, you are capable, make life great for yourself in every and any way that you know how. She will be proud of you for it.

Before you laugh again, let me say that yes, I am living with her right now, unfortunately. However, the reason for my financial burden is, again, 100% her fault. See

How did she get your money jackass

Basically, I feel like you do, except about both my parents.

The solution is to cut them out of your life. If you live at home, move out ASAP. Move across the country. Stop taking their calls. If you insist, talk to them, but only a few times a year. See them less than that.

Don't bother blaming them for your problems. It may be true, but it doesn't help you. It's a waste of time and effort. Figure out how you can fix things by yourself and move on.

Fritzl gave life to his kids.. Great papa, right..

Agree.

I had moved out but had to move back in because the dumb bitch fucked up my finances, see here You don't find it kind of crazy and sick to make your kids drink fluoride?

Ah I'm sorry for laughing. You really need to stop letting her control or have any effect on your finances at all.. I know that doesn't help you know, but ah.. this life ain't nothing nice. I would seriously suggest finding literally anywhere else to live if she's this destructive to you.

You only got one mother, even if she might be a bitch to you, just love her anyway, she won't be here forever

my thoughts exact, I got a feeling this is an underage kinda deal

She snoops through my belongings all the time. Literally just took my wad of cash because she "found a good deal and didn't want to miss it". It was not a good deal. Se got swindled because she's retarded and she did it with the money she took from my room.

maybe use a bank..? I'm sorry man if you had that kinda money you shouldn't be livin with her in the first place. if you live in Oregon I could help ya with a job.

That's your fault then there are these things call banks and you put money in them to save... And she was trying to help but got a lemon could happen to anyone. Can I ask are you white?

Trying as hard as I can to leave. I'm starting to think that she is deliberately trying to keep me here. The outcome of her actions and suggestions almost always result in me having to stay here longer, and every time I talk about a plan to move forward or a more profitable job opportunity she tries to talk me out of it.

you are not alone mate. my mother is a cheap lair. and she would say anything to her own family just to achieve her satifaction. she exploits the people around her but this doesnt at family it increases. she has no shame. if she ever said/did something caring towards her family it was sll about minding her own nose snd trying to benefit from it.

So then open a savings account save some cash and gtfo then forgive your mom for the mistakes she's made cause you're not perfect. One day she'll be gone and then what.

Guys, I'm not retarded. I had the cash on hand because I was trying to buy a car. It's not something I would normally have lying around.

Also, $2000 is like 2 months of rent + some gas/groceries. What planet you live on thinking 2g's is enough for anything?

2000 is enough to get you into a new place and cover you until your settled in. Assuming you have a job and not being a sponge

Same. For example, almost every gift my mom has ever given me has been guided by some ulterior motive to influence my behavior.

I was working steadily for years but I was let go recently through no fault of my own.

Also I have no idea what on earth you think rent prices are, but the absolute cheapest thing in my area is $750 a month before utilities, and that's for a studio apartment in a dangerous/bed-bug ridden neighborhood.

You can stop your shallow attempt at being poetic and actually say what she did that "fucked you up"
You sound like you never grew out of your shitty ungrateful teenage phase. Fuck off you ignorant child
Oh and pick up a book you dropout

Dude I live in a decent part of San Diego in a 1 bedroom my rent is 775 my utilities are another 200. I work and go to school I don't plan on being a line cook forever.You could do that with any minimum wage job. People refuse to live within their means and say it's everyone else not them. Are you at least putting in applications daily?

Um, yeah, that's because minimum wage is $10.50 in San Diego. Here minimum wage is $7.25...

Also my new job should be starting in January.

Get the fuck over it , I was verbally and physical abused by my mother for fourteen years until she disowned me and I'm not a little bitch about it . Grow up . Your the only one who can control how you feel

what part of San Diego ?
So then find a roommate all I'm seeing from you is excuses as to why you're content to stay there and complain

She never did anything malicious or abusive, she just sucked. She taught us nothing, raised us according to Dr. Phil, and basically groomed us all to be the same weak victim she is.

Also, for the record, I graduated college and read quite regularly.

Why the fuck did you come here for help? You're not even trolling us.

How the fuck did she have access to $2,000 of YOUR money?
Shit doesn't add up

Chula Vista
Well that's good. You have that to look forward to

I don't know where everyone is getting this idea that I'm asking all of you how to fix this or that I'm doing nothing to fix it myself.

The only thing I'm asking you people is if you think it's irrational for me to feel like this.

Also, if you'd been paying attention, you would notice that I already stated I DID move out earlier in the thread. I was living with a friend of mine and moved home briefly while we looked for a new place and I bought a new car. then this happened () and I haven't recovered yet.

Jesus Christ are you people even reading what I'm posting? I feel like I'm just explaining the same shit over and over.

Then you have no reason to hate her

She's an ignorant woman who felt she was doing the best for her kids. You're older now and know better but her intentions were good

>Mom, help me buy a car
>Ok, sweety
>Mom buys car
>MOM, YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!

Someone needs to work on their reading comprehension skills....

Hey man, you're her kid. That means she loves you...even when she doesn't know how. Think about if you had a kid. You might fuck up...a lot. But you still try to love them.

Also, it's easy to hate your mother because you know her so well...friends come and go. Teachers change every year or so...but your mom, man...you knew her since you were born. Watched her change.Watched yourself change. Watched your relationship change...its a very unique dynamic that cannot be compared with other relationships.

I'm not saying you have to respect her, or love her. But understand that its not just face value that creates your viewpoint. It's a lot of weird, strange, deep, unique connections.

Understand that most people suck more than they are cool. Same applies to you. But you know your mother very well and can see the whole picture, which is naturally more shitty than awesome. But the SAME IS TRUE FOR YOU. You're probably not fun to be around most of the time. You probably make bad decisions for other people. But its just natural.

Also understand she was born during a slightly different time. She didn't have all the resources to learn like internet in her pocket. It was Dr. Phil or walk to the library and read hundreds of books. With google, you automatically get good results while taking a shit.

Just trying to make you understand your own point of view here. Don't be too hard on her. It's how she is. You don't have to deal with it, but don't be agressive about it.

Did you not ask her for help buying a car?
Did she not buy you a car?
The fact that she fucked up doesn't matter. She did what you asked.

I'm gonna go find a chubby girls thread anyone wanna come with? This thread is pretty much dead

As someone who have been in a similar situation the details are very relevant. Turns out it was mostly my fault but things that were nurtured by poor upbringing/circumstances. If you really want to change, then do the changes you need to make. If your mother is an obstacle, then spend less time with her and don't take her advice. If you are still living at home, move out as soon as you are legally allowed to. Daily excercise, small day-to-day objectives and good friends are my best tips. Also, check out a psychologist or another well versed person - just to see if you have some kind of mental illness or predisposition, otherwise, it is always good to have someone more experienced to talk to, find a mentor that you can speak openly to. Also talk to siblings and such to see if they view things the same as you.

Smart people realise the mistakes of others, not repeat them. I've met successful people who grow up with THE worst parents (abusive mentally and physically, in religious households). It sounds like the only bad thing that your mom did was spread the stupid gene.

Excuse me some dust got in my eye I'll brb

I understand what you're saying and I appreciate it, but for the record: I have given her the benefit of the doubt and let things go a MIIIIIILLLION times at this point. I realize that she's just a person with flaws like anyone else, but it's her stubborn REFUSAL to change or admit any wrongdoing that's making it difficult for me to get past this. All in all, when I really stop and look at her role in my life, I'm forced to think "what's the point?" What is the point in keeping this woman around when she does nothing but poison my life? What good is she providing?

I asked her for her opinion in choosing a car. There is a whooooole lot of middle ground between offering an opinion and taking $2000 of MY cash and handing it to some random guy on the side of the road for an old junker without consulting me at all.

OP from what I read, I don't think you're being irrational but I do think you're reading into it too much. I think she loves you just like any other good mom, she just does retarded things. I can relate, my mom would never take money from me without asking, but she would do something to that extent of stupidity. Just think of the car she bought, she didn't buy it for herself, she got it for you, yes with your money but with probably the best intention. Do you think she bought the car thinking "I can't wait to fuck my son over" or "He's gonna be so happy he got a new car"? Like i said, my mom does ALOT of stupid things, but you gotta keep in mind the intention more than the actual application because that's what matters, ya feel me my dude?

not the same guy, but if what you say is true, and you are above 18 - it's a legal offense. Civil court baby.

This guy has the right idea.
Also, talk to her and establish that taking your money without asking is not acceptable.

What makes you think I'm repeating them?

Again, not sure where everyone is getting this idea that I'm asking you people what to do here. I know what to do and I'm doing it. For the love of god...THE ONLY THING I'M ASKING IS IF YOU THINK IT'S FAIR FOR ME TO HATE MY MOTHER FOR BEING STUPID AND WEAK.

Thank you for actually reading the words I typed and offering a relevant response. That's more than I can say about half the people posting here.

I'd never sue my mom but I guess that's why I'm a better person than you.....fixing white people if you were Mexican and to a lesser extent a nigger you wouldn't be able to this bullshit forgive and forget she did it with good intentions stop being a cucklord

You say she doesnt want to change but you obviously have your mind set and unchangeable on an internet forum. Are you refusing to change? Or is it just the way you are.

I think you need to be more mindful about the important decisions your mother makes. You should know how to play her game by now.

I think if you can, you should move out if she is capable of taking care of herself. Don't put her in a shitty elderly home.

You need to buy a house. Not waste it on rent. Buy a house and establish your own life, and maintain it by yourself. Because right now, it seems like you and your mothers lives are reliant on each other, when they sound like they would be better off separate and self-maintained.

Get a nice job and make it your first priority. As soon as you get a solid place to sleep, and a solid career, you are set to do whatever you want in life, without worry.

This is shitty advice he needs to just do drugs lots and lots of drugs

Because you are blaming your failures in life on her. It doesn't matter how stupid she is, you are in control of your future. Did you study well in school? Did you try to get a good job? What circumstances have YOU improved?

She may be stupid and weak, but it sounds like she ended up better than you. I think you only hate her because you hate yourself

I get that she's just stupid, but this time her reckless half-baked decisions absolutely ruined me financially. Not to mention the fact that she WILL NOT butt out of my life and she makes things a living hell. I could forgive simple stupidity, but her stupidity is actually affecting my quality of life on a daily basis now. She's in the early stages of dementia now, too, so it's all going to get worse with her.

I'll keep trying to cut her some slack, man, but she has such a profoundly negative impact on my life at this point I really just have no need for her. She's like a noxious cloud that sucks the life out of everything it touches.

I have tried to to this many times. Rational discussions are not possible with this woman.

buy a house? Depends on area, and price. I would recommend renting a cheap place with an extra space for airbnb or something, or living in a tiny house.

If she was an ass - why be grateful?

It's everyones own decision who to love or hate. Why would you - or anyone else - how this woman treated him and is still treating him.

If he wants to blame her - he should do it. I he's lying to himself and making excuses for his life - it'll all be his bad.

You're pretty stupid. He means quite literally neurotic. Not figuratively neurotic. lrn2research

I know exactly how you feel OP. My mom is a narcissist and has no real grip on reality. She claims to want a relationship with me and my daughter, but she is a bitch. When I try to tell her how she's being and how she is making me feel she tries to tell me how I'm feeling is wrong. She's weak minded and cognitive dissonance derived behavior rules her life.

Because her sister is sick now she is finally starting to question whether God may or may not exist. She cannot coem to terms with any type of death. Her dad died 2 years ago and she cannot take his ashes to the spot he asked us to. Her dog is 16 and limping around the house shitting and pissing all over the place because she's too weak to have him put down. He's been like this for2 months and it's worse every week. She literally cannot have any meaningful relationship with the opposite sex, and tried to tell me just the other day how she is better and smarter than every guy she's been with. She tried to tell me that no relationships work because they are "intimidated" by her "independence" by really she's just a delusional bitch to everyone.

I wouldn't say my mind is unchangeable, just none of you have changed it yet.

Notice how I haven't mentioned my father at all? That's because my father is the man, no complaints with him at all, he did a great job. In fact, the only times he ever fucked up was when he listened to our mom.

And I've actually said this several times by now but I guess I have to say it again. I did move out. I lived on my own for two years, then with my buddy for one year, until she destroyed my money situation.

I fully realize that we need to be away from each other and have gone to great lengths to do so, but she is actively negating my efforts now.

And once again we have another user who isn't hearing a word I'm saying...

I know how to move out and live my life, I have improved my circumstances plenty. I moved out for three years until HER mistake with MY money financially crippled me.

Sounds like she ended up better than me? She is an overweight 60 year old divorcee who works 8 hours a week for $10 an hour living off my father's alimony payments and the money she made from selling HIS house.

no rent. Rent is literally throwing away money to some faggot landlord who doesn't deserve it. In a year of rent you could have used that money towards a down payment on a sweet small house or tract of land, AND you get to keep/sell the fuckin house after you pay all that shit.

Renting is literally retarded.

OP said it's not about buying/giving things
And that's *drink* mouthwash, if that's how you're using it makes sense you're not understanding properly

Reading comprehension. You cannot even.

yeah dude, go to walmart, steal a bunch of Delsym and go fucking ham every night

your parents are humans. why are you holding them to such high standards?

Deal with it and use your anger to some constructive stuff. You will not change the past. It's that simple.
Been there done that. Oldfag here.

>it's ok because intentions were good
The most terribly awful things done to mankind were caused by the best of intentions.

I feel like you understand where I'm coming from then.

It's such a difficult thing to explain. Honestly, I am the most upfront, easy to talk to, communicative guy I know. I get along with EVERYONE except her. All she does is add problems to everyone's lives, but GOD FORBID I say anything without hearing a gasp and an ashamed "How could you?! That's your mother!" Honestly, I don't give a shit who it is, why the fuck should I have to respect this weak, sad human being and give her my love and time even though she never did anything right? Because she's my mom? No thank you.

You're really going to have to try to get out of the house and work and continue to save up no matter what. It's perfectly normal to want to leave the nest anyways. Just leave and say you've found another place and I need my space. Close all access to your belongings and money under physical or electronic lock and key and be done with it. Reduce your interactions to just occasional visits.

This has all been clearly explained already but I'll reiterate since people seem to be skipping everything I'm posting...

I'm not holding my parents to high standards, I'm holding them to average standards at best. Also I have no problem with my dad, just my mom. To put it simply: my dad divorced my mom because she was sucking the life out of him, so me and my siblings lived with her and now every single one of us is hosting some kind of pathology.

And you havent changed your mothers mind yet. Listen, its not about moving out. Its about being self sustaining.

I feel that if anyone I know died, I wouldn't be sad. Even my best friends or family, I'd just move on and not care.

Also, as for "the older I get, the smarter my parents seem" how can anyone think that?
I like my dad but I used to think he knew everything, now I think he's pretty dumb.

That is 100% the plan once I'm out. I'm just curious as to what she'll be like once I'm finally gone and reality slaps her in the face that she's now a 60 year old single woman living alone because she alienated her whole family with her psychosis.

/watch?v=YHU_KLYhibI

skip to 1:10 for point

Yeah it doesn't matter if she is your mother. You dont have to talk to her. If cut ties with her think about it and make sure it's something you wont regret though.

Yeah dude I'm the same way. The only people I don't get along with are ego centric people like my mom. If you WANT to be able to like her you could suggest counseling for her, but like w my mom I'm sure she wont give the psychiatrist the full story and they'll say nothing is wrong. If you are able to go this route and you wanna try to fix things go with her. Not because you are part of the problem but because she will not bring up any parts of the problem that are her fault. But if you have no problem just dipping out and know you wont regret do that shit. We don't have enough time here to deal with people like that when it's 100% optional

Why aren't you living at your dad's then? Costody? I thought you were of age.

We all stopped trying to make her listen to reason a long time ago. We all tried. I mean Christ, my dad ended a 27 year marriage because he couldn't stand how crazy and unreasonable she was. Constantly finding/making problems, spending his money recklessly, crashing our cars (she totaled like 4 cars, 100% her error every time). He'd just had enough.

I know you probably think I'm being unreasonable, but I'm telling you, this whole "reasoning with her and trying solve our problems together" thing does not work. The ONLY reason I'm financially dependent on her right now is because her mistake set me back thousands of dollars, and she simply will not own up to it. It's like setting someone's house on fire, then running in to save them and saying "I saved you! Now appreciate me!"

Then kill yourself

He lives kinda' far away, it's just not realistic. Also my step family is pretty goddamn annoying, lol.

Uhhh...no. I would rather just get away from her so life can finally be fun...

soemthing doesnt add up here...
It's not realistic to move, a one time cost (Australia??), and then you complain about not being able to cooperate with the stepfamily. Swallow your pride man. I could understand if you didn't want to leave your little sister or something... but this...
I'll quote an owner from kitchen nightmares: "What's wrong with it?" "IT'S FUCKED"

sounds like she's a narcasist, you can find about 120,000 other people who went through similar shit here
reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/

You still think like a spoiled child, who measures everything in love scales. You don't need to love your mother to have a relationship with her, nor to respect her, nor to help her, which is everything we really need to do in life. Relate, respect and help each other.

Grow the fuck up.