How's do you guys masturbate?

How's do you guys masturbate?

I usually
> lay in bed
> use spit or lotion
> cum laying down or stand up real quick
> get the majority of cum if its on my leg and throw it on the wall or sheet and just pull up my pants.
I dont really care . If I stand up I just leave it on the floor.

disgusting animal. no wonder you're stuck pulling it alone by yourself

I like to shit in my hand and smear it all over my face and cock

:)

Well thats special.

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I don't masturbate. In fact, I have never masturbated.

People who do masturbate look like primitive animals whacking off. Very disgusting.

So you just fuck a body pillow?

First, I cut off my penis. Then, I throw it in the street and wait - there's this really desperate homeless woman who lives across the street that sometimes picks them up. I'll let her use it for a few days, then I'll go and get it back, and eat it in order to regain the strength that I lost. It usually grows back in 3-4 business days. Wash, Rinse and Repeat.

Do you eat it raw or cooked?

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Nope.

I'm nearing Wizard status, friend.

No sexual gratification at all.

>Unless I tip my fedora
>then spaghetti

Cum on my palm and rub it on my face, is good for hydrating skin

Raw. If you cook it you lose the nutrients.

i only masturnate while sitting on the toillet so i dont have to worry about cleaning the spot i cummed on. Also wash my dick everytime ( with sope and water) after cumming and dry it with the same towel that my family uses to dry their hands.

For me, masturbating is much more about my mind than my cock. I write programs that will perform scripted fetish roleplay for my viewing pleasure. I then run them when I jerk off, and take great pleasure in using them until they get boring and then improving and expanding upon them to reach new heights of pleasure. Fapping is really practically an art form for me at this point.

You must be where the expression "waste of talent" comes from.

hey there buddy chum pal friend buddy pal chum bud friend fella bruther amigo pal buddy friend chummy chum chum pal i don't mean to be rude my friend pal home slice bread slice dawg but i gotta warn ya if u take one more diddly darn step right there im going to have to diddly darn snap ur neck and wowza wouldn't that be a crummy juncture, huh? do yuo want that? do wish upon yourself to come into physical experience with a crummy juncture? because friend buddy chum friend chum pally pal chum friend if you keep this up well gosh diddly darn i just might have to get not so friendly with u my friendly friend friend pal friend buddy chum pally friend chum buddy

i use the vacuum cleaner, sucks my balls dry everytime. it smells like rotten sweat whenever i vacuum though because the air filter is broken

I let mother help me.