Waifu claiming thread.
Previous:
Rules:
>Claim your Waifu/Husbando
>No Claiming Waifus/Husbandos that have already been claimed
>Only one claim per user
>No stealing (unless trips or more)
>No oversexualised content
>No RP/ERP of any kind (maybe some on occasion)
>Discussion is welcomed
>Insults must be original
>If you're posting images you're not lurking
>3D is almost always trash
>Joining means a reserved place in hell
>Most importantly, have fun!
カラミチーマス
...
I'm in love with being alone.
I have my suspicions
I awaken from a terrible nightmare around 8pm, the usual hour in which my slumber comes to a halt, albeit somewhat earlier. I obviously have a productive time ahead of me, being up at this hour. I turn myself over and kiss my Waifu pillow, landing my lips on a spot deprived of my dried-up ejaculate. As per usual, I begin to whine and scream for my mother. I require a nurtrituous meal of Tyson brand frozen chicken nuggets and Mountain Dew, and based on the smell emanating from my size 42 adult diaper, I will also need a change. I use what little energy I have to push my buzz lightyear bedsheets off, and roll myself out of bed, crushing several piss bottles in the process. Luckily, I can kill two birds with one stone by taking my biweekly shower tonight, so I can wash off the piss and also gain 10 big boy points from mommy. I waddle over to the bulletin board, and a smirk begins to form on my face as I realize I have acquired 100 big boy points, enough for a new anime body pillow. I plop 320 pound ass on to my computer chair, causing the shit in my adult diaper to spill out on the basement floor beneath me. I brush the roaches off of my LED lit mechanical keyboard and load up Sup Forums. As soon as I load up the latest "waitu claiming thread", mother walks down to the basement
Part 1
Sonokawa Momoka is claimed ^^
It's a comedy but still pretty violent.
She strategically maneuvers herself through the maze of piss bottles and shit jugs until she makes it to my desk. I am her precious son, earning so many big boy points I could be on the NASDAQ. She bows before me and presents tonights meal. It isn't what I was expecting, on the tray sits a great value paper plate, adorned with Tostitos Pizza rolls and a red solo cup of Dr. Pepper. Anger swells within me, causing my face to turn red. I twist my cheeto stained neckbeard hair and ponder what her consequence will be for this disappointment. I decide to drop it, as the meal will suffice. I brush a group of roaches off of my monitor and browse the latest Waifu claiming thread, and remind her to leave her credit card so I can order another body pillow to spray my seed upon. I turn around and see her grabbing my beloved Miku pillow, I become overwhelmed with rage, I stand up from my computer chair and begin to approach her. Suddenly, I trip over 2 liter of Mountain Dew that I filled with piss last year, and my fat, unshowered body crashes into the basement floor beneath me. It seemed to happen in slow motion. I hear the "crunch" roaches crushed under my man boobs. I happened to fall in a particular spot where I keep most of my shit jugs and piss bottles. I am completely soaked in old piss and shit
Pt 2
Claim
I gaze down upon my body. I am completely naked expect for my adult diaper, the content of which has been emptied onto my thighs and back. My stomach extends forward so much I cannot see my feet, and my man tits so far I can barely see my stomach. I see the layer of shit, piss, and dead roaches as armor, and imagine myself as a hero in one of my favorite animes. I am trying to save my princess, my Miku body pillow mother is trying to capture. I must save her, she is my only instrument to combat my eternal virginity. I charge at mother, and collide with her, sending her crumbling down onto my mattress. She vomits immediately, because she knows she's lying upon millions of her unborn grand children, in the form of my semen absorbed into my buzz lightyear bedsheets. I lay on top of her, burying her face between my shit-covered man breasts. I pull myself away, and laugh as notice some of the dead roaches have stuck to the shit on her face. I reclaim my previous body pillow and kiss her up and down. I then proceed to expose my tiny Phallus and masturbate onto her, as a display of my power should her or my mother rebel against me once more
Pt 3, I'm writing these as I go
A fine day to be.
Mother retreats upstairs. I squint my eyes and hiss at the sliver of light creeping in from the basement door. I haven't been to the other parts of the house since last Christmas, when mom told me I had to socialize with the family or get my computer taken away. I imagine my house as a video game map, and think the rest of my house as The Unknown Lands. I also like to imagine my room a castle. I haven't been outside since I was 16, which was about 6 years ago. I live in complete darkness, except for my computer screen, which is always displaying the current Waifu claiming thread. Thinking of last Christmas makes me sweat and feel anxious, I never want to leave my castle. I remember walking up the steps. And trying to adjust my eyes to light. Mother made me wear a red Christmas sweater and some sweat pants. I walked into the living room where my normie family members were talking and doing things on their iPhones. I tried to convince them that computers are superior technology and only normies use phones, but they wouldn't listen. My little cousin asked my why I had so many stains on my sweat pants, and I realized these were the ones I masturbated on before mommy bough my first body pillow. I waddled back down to my castle and haven't left since.
Pt 4
I'm fit from a full year of constant sex with my dogs.
Eh, anime's not my thing really. I like realistic shows and documentaries. Survival shows, ancient civilizations, medical docs, etc. I've always been a realist. Even the furry fandom never appealed to me. I want reality, not fantasy.
O̶u̶r̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶e̶r̶n̶e̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶s̶o̶o̶n̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶-̶
*This message has been censored for your safety due to copyright infringement*
No offense, but not my cup of tea.
I despise my family of normies, in fact I hate everyone who isn't part of the Waifu community. The only person free of my hatred is my mother. She's taken care of me for the past 22 years, and supplies me with food and diaper changes. It is now 10 pm, and I'm still soaked in my own shit and piss. Whatever, I've smelled worse than this before. I sit down at me desk, brush some roaches away from my mousepad, and refresh the current Waifu thread. Just as i begin to select my image of Miku to claim, I feel something move between my ankles. I see a big rat crawling beneath me. This will make an exquisite gift for my Waifu body pillow. I grab him by the tail, and suffocate him between my man breasts. I then throw him on to my bed, to appease Miku. I can hear mother yelling upstairs, in between sobs and crying. Probably on her normie iPhone talking to one of her newfag friends about me. All of this excitement makes my bowels loose, so I grab the nearest empty 2 liter of soda, remove my size 42 adult diaper, and like my asshole up with the opening. I squeeze out enough pizza roll liquid shit to fill up 1/4 of the container. I place it next to a pile of dead roaches and look back at my computer screen
Pt 5
It's just that he wants me to try and talk to people more but I'm going to him for help on doing that
I'm not exactly sure what he wants me to do about it
...
He wants you to stop calling a drawing of a 10 year old girl your goddess and stop being such an autistic faggot
>wow wow
Literally makes me literally more literally triggered than the other guy literally. Figuratively, of course.
Pain killers are finally kicking in. Goodnight.
Cute claim.
There's nothing wrong with diving into a fantasy every now and then. Sometimes it's alright to escape reality for 24 minutes and 30 seconds once a week.
Just my thing then
None taken, everyone has their own preferences
Hmm...
In that case you have to talk with other people (well no shit)
He wants you to trust other people again and not fearing that they might leave you because you're too dependant on them.
I don't know, do you visit school or something were you can meet new people and get to know some of them better?
But I don't want to escape reality. I want to learn to live in it in the best way I possibly can.
I see you.
...
I explained that pretty poorly I'm trying to say it's hard for me and he didn't do much to give me a push yet
I've been looking for something to attend since yesterday but haven't found anything that interests me
Giving you a push... I don't know how he can do that really. Does he know what motivates you?
I know, I'm not helping much, but... that's just more or less how it works. If you want to change, you have to do it yourself. No one can help you with it besides giving you examples and possible solutions on how it's easier to achieve.
Can I be happy AND alone?
>no
Well, fuck.
I'm not sure how he could help I was just expecting something
Don't worry about not helping there's not much you can do from online
Sadly he can't do much but give you tips and motivate you. Most of therapy has to come from you, yourself.
But seeing that you don't give up, I'm sure you can do it. It's going to get better for you, don't worry.
A dog is a far more effective therapist than any of those licensed quacks.
Especially in bed. All your problems just sort of melt away.
...
Why does everyone think counselors, therapist, etc just want your money? THey're doctors too. They spent a considerable amount of their time learning on how to effectively diagnose, analyse and motivate people who have many different kinds of mental suffering.
While it is true that animals, especially dogs and cats, can be a used for therapy to supplement socialization, a pet alone is not enough for healthy socialization
>Why does everyone think counselors, therapist, etc just want your money? THey're doctors too. They spent a considerable amount of their time learning on how to effectively diagnose, analyse and motivate people who have many different kinds of mental suffering.
It's a general stereotype that people in mental healthcare positions are often there because of their own mental problems and insecurities.
They're as dishonest as car mechanics.
>While it is true that animals, especially dogs and cats, can be a used for therapy to supplement socialization, a pet alone is not enough for healthy socialization
Sure they are. Just have sex with them for double the healthiness. Guaranteed.
I just have to figure out how to do that for myself
Thanks for trying to help
I did not know of that stereotype, but oh well
>They're as dishonest as car mechanics
What would be the point of that? So you come back to counseling? You need an average of 40-50 counselling session anyway to have about 50-70% chance of cure.
The only thing why they would be dishonest with you is to not demotivate you. It's their job to motivate you.
I... I really wouldn't like to have sex with my cats
Yeah, you have to do that alone. I know it's hard, but I also know you can do it. Just don't give up
claiming successful businesswoman and fashion connoisseur
checkmate atheists
Claimed
Hello
I need some company please
Sure thing, welcome to waifu
Fuck off pony fag
Of all the underrated botes Z3 is the last one I expected to see getting claimed here.
how if god then do you?
check mate morman
...
Hello, I like nekos. Im buzzy and lonely
I dont claim, I just use this to talk to people
...
Bummer, was pretty happy about that and getting hyped about the possibility of some rare Z3 pics.
Nyan
i'm sorry to disappoint you
Can't disappoint me more than I do with myself.
Nyan, where is my domestic catgirl? ;_;
Feels familiar man
So do you play the game or just save a bunch of KC art?
when a meme you enjoy gets killed by normies
Which one?
Im not sure if understood what you asked but I have never played anything anime related. I just watched a fuckton anime.
Im sorry for my grammar.
all of them :o
zoks, friend
>What would be the point of that? So you come back to counseling? You need an average of 40-50 counselling session anyway to have about 50-70% chance of cure.
That sounds rather absurd to me.
>The only thing why they would be dishonest with you is to not demotivate you. It's their job to motivate you.
Well, I was forced to go to therapy as a kid because my mom found a stupid cartoon series I had made about some guy who walks on a tightrope over dangerous obstacles, which I didn't think was a big deal. My counselor was one of the nastiest old ladies you could imagine who basically blamed every one of my parents' problems on me. All I did was sit in the corner and play GameBoy.
Mostly I remember boredom.
>I... I really wouldn't like to have sex with my cats
That's why dogs are better.
>businesswoman
You mean born-rich aristocrat with no inherent business skills, much like Trump.
That'd just every meme ever
It isn't Mislearning and relearning things does take a while
Well, that was obviously a bad counselor then. Sadly, tehre are people who actually only want to make money and tell them what they think of it. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you
But yeah, a picture of a guy walking over a tightrope is no big deal.
I like cats more
Kancolle is a browser game, there is indeed the anime but it's not too good in my opinion, other than the nice animation and a few funny clips.
So do you have any favourite shows?
Claiming oboro/best girl
You should have seen it. Tightrope man could walk over anything. Spikes, rockets, angry cannibals, even an evil version of himself walking on another tightrope right below him.
Being a kid would have been funner if my family wasn't completely shit tier fanatical christian trash. Wish I had a different brother growing up at the very least. I missed out on a great childhood, but at least I have my dog family to more than make up for it.
Some counselors are bad people I guess. Just keep in mind their continued income is completely based on your continued illness. I kind of see a conflict of interest there.
Sounds like a normal childhood to me
Fanatical people are never fun people. I sincerely feel sorry for those who grow up in one of those families.
I would see one too, but they get 80 bucks an hour minimum and have several sessions a day. Even if they only have on session a day...
it's 2k a month for just one hour of listening and gicing advice.
Then there's also the problem that pretty much every therapist and counselor here is booked out. I'm sure they get enough money to not dwell on it.
But yeah, bad people or people who just like money will always exist.
dick me konata
I dont like to list my fav shows because its always too pleb
But shows that were most enjoyable to watch must be GTO and Toradora.
NOTICE might not be the best but most enjoyable for me
I'm fucking bored
what's up, user? :o
Is english your second language? no offense :o
ceiling
Yeah I could easily hand select any one of my online friends and they would have been much closer than my family was.
It was a nightmare growing up for me. Fanatical fairy tale Jesus man always came first. No money, all given away to pastors and priests who drove BMWs and Cadillacs. My mom was straight up retarded growing up, and downright evil, like a typical christian zealot. And even though she's an atheist now and has gotten much more intelligent, I still feel absolutely zero connection to her. She's strictly a business figure for my dog business, nothing more.
My brother always hanged out around niggers, gangster wannabes and the like, always trying to impress the other neanderthals on the block, stealing, lighting things on fire, etc. I never got close to him.
Maybe that's why I gravitated towards dogs at an early age? I never really 'hated' people, only blacks I guess, having grown up around them. I just never learned to prefer their company.
But that's what favourites are about, what tickles your personal likes and interests and not what is considered good by the masses.
I think it's a little silly to be afraid of getting judged by your tastes on the internet and anyway saying a show out of the usual just sparks some conversation.
Sadly I never watched either of those, guess I'm a bigger pleb than you are.
>ceiling
Just lurking, you?
Mfw Waifu threads are dying
I never liked this meme
I wanna get out of bed to make breakfast but I'm too cold ;-;
I believe you. It must suck really
At least she got a bit better. Nothing like a perfect person out here. You were dealt a bad card and you made the most of it.
I guess it was just your brothers own way on how to deal with your parents. It's sad yeah, but nothing that can be done about it.
Possible, but I don't know.
Yes it is.
I can speak proper english when Im not drunk.
My old internet buddies are more judgemental so thats why Im like this. I get what your saying though
who is your waifu? :o
and stop getting drunked
I'll make you breakfast
So wrap the blanket around you when you get up and do it.
I forced ceiling upon us, so of course it's shit.
what are you making? :o
I would if I could manage how to do so :(
I forgive you mystery user
I have to leave now, nice to meet you. I'll remind you that my waifu is Miku in case you plan on coming back to the thread.
Why can't you do so?
Consider this: your grandparents and their generation were overseas killing and bombing Japanese people, and now you sit in a dark bedroom masturbating your deformed penis to their cringeworthy cartoons. If they're still alive, I'm sure they do their best to NOT think of the shit stain they've left behind in this world.
Toast
I just realised i haven't had any food and it's 6:30
>it's 6:30 and mommy still hasn't brought chicken tendies down to my roach infested basement
>she probably killed herself because her mistake of a son thinks he's married to a Chinese cartoon character
Yeah, but I believe that what people are capable of at least once in their life defines who they are intrinsically as people for the rest of their lives.
So someone who was that fanatically mindless can only become self-aware up to a certain point, or someone who is particularly abusive can only become so empathetic up to a certain point.
Yeah, I'm just glad my life has gotten somewhat better. More money would really make it far better. I could move to Canada and start over with my canine family. That's my dream. Maybe add another member or two to my animal family and live out my days in snowy Canada. I honestly can't wait to get off this planet with all the atrocities that this place is made of. But I'm not looking forward to outliving my dogs. I wish I could die when they do and we could all go together. That's important to me. I feel kind of sick thinking that I'll have to rebuild another canine family all over again after they die. It just doesn't sit right with me. I'll have to accept it eventually. What else can I do?
You mean those guys who spent their early lives killing a bunch of people who were fed up with economic warfare and genuinely wanted the best for the human species, just for the sake of a bunch of Zionist Jewish puppet masters who then later bankrupted America and most of the western world?
I'm sure they have their own sins to answer to.
It's 940am
I'm retarded
Just trying to fap atm :o
this is why i never browse Sup Forums
Satanic trips
I claim Mihoshi as my waifu.
I don't have a basement though
No it's 6:30 pm
Bad thread. Kill yourselves
This guy types novels of text in a thread about pretending you're married to a cartoon character where he also lies to other neckbeards about fucking dogs because he's exaggerating the fact that he masturbates to a children's movie. And he ignores these facts because they hurt his feelings. I couldn't make this shit up
agreed, weeaboos are pedophiles
then don't post here, either
Think of it like a cape and hold it like batman or something.
And me too.
go back to /mlp/ faggot
...
fucking good
Exactly. What's hilarious is that if their cartoon wives were real, they wouldn't go anywhere near these greasy man children. They would get their dads to beat them up, not boyfriends, because these are animated preteens