You know Ray they say lightning never strikes twice in the same place, but I've been hit 3 times and im ready for more

You know Ray they say lightning never strikes twice in the same place, but I've been hit 3 times and im ready for more.

What did Casper mean by this? He certainly knew this.

Growing up my mother told me to wait half an hour after eating before going in the pool, but you know what Ray I eat my food in the pool and im feeling fan-fuckingtastic

you know ray, they say every dog has his day but I've spent all nine of my lives digging up bones only to wind up spending every night in the doghouse

Ray, I've heard 'em say you never look a gift horse in the mouth but right about now I feel like punching a gift in the mouth and riding off into the sunset

They say to never count your eggs before they hatch, but I'm a farmer in the fuckin' Dust Bowl.

I know you're not supposed to put all your eggs in one basket but if I don't bet the farm here then my chickens are going to come home to get fucked by the rooster

>tfw not smart enough to vincepost

this so much

>holy fugg, DIS!!!! xD

>>>/reddit/

It's a dog eat dog world, Ray. And I'm the fucking Chinaman.

I'm pretty baked right now and these are killing me right now

Things are getting stressful, Ray. I feel pent-up, restless, bloated... hell, I'm constipated. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing nothing but sitting on the toilet, straining to shit. And once I do, when it's time to wipe, there's no toilet paper. Just a small roll of my hopes and dreams. And I'll be damned if I walk around with an itchy anus

Was that one not an actual line?

DUDE

they say a falling knife has no handle Ray and the way things are falling apart over here makes me feel like I'm all thumbs

this

do you get off on tormenting me

jesus fuck, go bother someone else

They say if you talk the talk you better walk the walk but Ray, if you can't do the time don't do the crime.

WEED

>You know ray they say that toast falls buttered side up and im feeling feline

I'LL SOON BE SCHIZO

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, well I'm so far gone you must fucking love me by now

actions speak louder than words hey? well I'm ready to start yelling

wat

you know how they say a watched pot never boils? well they never should have taken their eyes off of me Ray because I'm getting ready to flip my lid

Ray, don't throw rocks in my glass house cause I own the rocks and the glass was imported from fucking Italy.

I look around and all I see are people with egos as thin and fragile as 1 ply Charmin and you know what, Ray? I got fucking diarrhea. Casper knew this.

To be or not to be. That's the question, Ray. Whether its nobler to suffer though life's shit or fight back against a sea of troubles. Well let me tell you something, Ray. I'm fighting back. I'm fighting back with a whole goddamned navy.

a picture is worth a thousand words right? well somebody got a whole novel written on casper and I want the publishing rights

You know Ray, pulling that mask off would be extremely painful. But hey, I'm a big guy, for you that is. It's been said that flying too close to the sun could melt your wings... fucking Icarus, right? But guess what Ray: I'm not Icarus. I have a fucking plane, that I'm going to crash with no survivors. Fuck the sun. Casper knew this

They say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. But guess what Ray, thats easy because im my biggest enemy.

You know the old saw, "beer before liquor, never sicker?" Well if I play my cards right Ray, I'm going to liquor in the front and poker in the rear.

They say beggars can't be choosers right Ray? well if I choose to beg then I think that makes me the one eyed man in a blind kingdom.

Casper knew this.

they say 1 bird in your hand is better than 10 birds on the roof, well, why the fuck would you want a bird in your hand, ray

This one is great. Reposting old favorite

>Never lost my keys. Never even had a fucking keychain.

You know Ray they say the early bird gets the worm, but guess what, im a fucking starving vulture and im killing birds and worms left and right.

Casper knew this

LMAO

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in a shape of a 'L' on her forehead.
Casper knew this.

They say loose lips sink ships, Ray. Well, there's so many motormouths around here I feel like I'm on the fucking Titanic. That's why I'm wearing this old diving equipment. You may think I'm being a little too dramatic, well... that's just the tip of the iceberg.

KEK

they say never break a young girls heart, but you know ray, you can never make an omelette without fucking a few eggs

I'm told laughter is the best medicine Ray, lucky for me because nobody is going to be crying at my funeral

They say threes a crowd Ray but with all these fucking voices in my head im better off on my own.

Do you know the trick to cooking Lobster, Ray? You toss them alive into the pot and slowly bring the temperature up. You boil them to death, Ray. Now grab a bib and some butter and let's eat this city.

You can't take everything at face value, if I did I'd look at your deal and see a ratty old whore with a harelip.

They say necessity is the mother of invention, Ray. Then I must be the father because for you I'm a fucking necessity.

the enemy of my enemy is my friend Ray but it's starting to feel like everybody is getting real buddy buddy except me

I've been burned so many times I could cook a fucking steak with my soul Ray.

They said they were going to make me sleep with the fishes but they couldn't even make me yawn at the aquarium

They say slow & steady wins the race, but im sprinting to the finish line and running down any motherfucker that gets in my way.

quality

you know what they say about when the going gets tough Ray? well I'm not going anywhere because time is money and I'm broke

...

It doesn't matter what you believe, Ray, when things are this fucked. You could believe that your left nut is the size of a kumquat, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna peel it and suck out your sweet juices.

KEK

they say you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink right Ray? well I think it's about time we lead that horse to the glue factory

You see Ray, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. Only problem is that I'm a fucking Great Dane and they're a Pekingese.

This is a good one

They say if you teach a man to fish he'll feed himself for a lifetime. Well the pond is empty Ray, all that is left is to teach you how to swim to the other side

You should stop with this self righteous cop bullshit. You're trying to find out which came first, the chicken or the egg. Truth of the matter is they're all guilty, so if you wanna make this omelette you're gonna have to break a few eggs and choke a few chickens too.

They say life is like a box of chocolates. Well guess what Ray? I'm allergic to chocolate, and I want out of the fucking box

Good one

Do you know how much the letter X is worth in scrabble, Ray? Well it doesn't matter, because this is fucking checkers. King me.

good

You know Ray, they say that a condom offers 99.9% protection against pregnancy and STD's. They're makin' condoms so fucking slim and so fuckin' smooth it's literally a second lair of skin. But guess what? If this city's the condom, then I'm the jealous girl with a bobby-pin, and I'm gonna prick that fucking condom Ray.

Casper knew this.

I love these threads

They say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, Ray. But I've got a fist full of feathers and a dead bird in a fucking cage.

A house divided against itself can't stand. Gravity's always gonna win. But guess what Ray, my house is underground and I'm in fuckin space.

they say two heads are better than one ray, so when they look at me like I've got fifty, lets just say I know I'm onto something

My brain hurts when i try to Frank post :'(

feels bad man

they say the squeaky wheel gets the grease and the nail that stands up gets the hammer, well after you get nailed for as long as me, Ray, you start to appreciate the lubrication

kek

birds of a feather flock together ray, but a lone wolf has to wear fur when there's a fox in the hen house

Just like I said earlier, you can't let them hook you into their game. If they say you just rolled snake eyes, you better fucking yell out "Yahtzee!"

they call me a wolf in sheep's clothing Ray, but im just trying to be a part of something

Two birds with one stone? Ray, I'm gonna take down the whole goddamned flock, baby, it's gonna be so money.

It's a reboot eat world, Ray. And i'm the fucking Idris Elba

They say nice guys finish last but guess what Ray, every nice guy I ever knew is already finished.

Top kek

a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step Ray, and those sonsabitches better watch out because bad news travels fast

You know how they say the world is your oyster? We'll im allergic and Casper died with my last fucking epipen.

Solid gold. Pure solid gold.

Ever hear that chaos is a ladder Ray? Well its not, its a fucking escalator; and you don't climb it, you just stand there and see where it takes you. I'm just another guy on an escalator Ray: trying not to get that black shit on my shoes.

This is my new favorite!

Have you seen Wedding Crashers, Ray? I feel like I'm touching Claire's Moms hootes. But when I look up, it's Owen Wilson fucking squinting at me. And I'm not Rachel McAdams, Ray.

36 dead turkeys, one hell of a Thanksgiving.

They say it's not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean but guess what Ray I can't even swim.

That's not how the meme works, retard

Glass half empty? Glass half full? It doesn't matter Ray. The glass is upside down and we are both trapped under it.

I was once told that if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball, Ray. But guess what? This time, I'm the ball, and there's no fucking dodging me. Stiller knew this.

You know how they say every cloud has a silver lining Ray? Well I can't see a thing and I'm the fucking weatherman.

Yes.
Just like beam me up, Scotty and Luke i'm your father.

they say when god gives you lemons you sell lemons, well let me tell you Ray, I don't believe in god and I don't believe in lemons.

It's hard being at the top Ray when you're afraid of heights. Casper knew this.

You know how they say where there's smoke there's fire? Well I get smoked in the finale.

These were really good

They say you shouldn't bite off more than you can chew, well you know something ray, I just ripped a mother fuckers tooth out

Money is tight so I collect cans to get by. Well you know what Ray, some days I feel that the cans are collecting me. Casper knew this.