>Be me
>25 year old christian
>Scouring the flea market for cool stuff
>That's when I see it
>A replica Templar Knight's helmet
>I've always had an interest in the crusades, being a devout christian
>Walk up to the clerk
>Realize I don't know how to engage in conversation with this man
>Helpmegod.png
>He speaks up
>"What caught your eye user?"
>"T-t-the templar, helmet. H-how mu-uch for it?"
>Hope my stutter didn't make it hard to understand
>"Oh, that old thing? I'm looking to get rid of it, how about 20$"
>Holyshit.txt
>That's really cheap
>Pull out my wallet and slam a crisp 20 on the counter
>He gives me the helmet
>I put it on right then and there
>Suddenly, I feel an urge
>An urge to head east to defend the church from the muslims and jews
>Proceed to head east
>Until I reach the ocean
>Knowing that the pope is in europe, I take the most reasonable course of action
>Swim all the way to spain, fueled only by my devotion to god and the pope
>People are crowding around me as I arrive
>Pay them no attention, too busy walking east to Arabia
>At this point, I have walked across all of Europe
>Walking straight into the middle east
>Kill every single muslim there
>Singlehandedly defeat ISIS with bare hands
>Isreal thanks me for saving them
>They have no idea what's coming
>Forthepope.wav
>Begin dropkicking my way to Jerusalem
>Finally make it
>Take the city back, doing the work of the crusaders all those years ago
>Deus Vult.
Be me
Deus vult
While you were gone, a black gay muslim fucked your wife you cuck
You forgot to sack Constantinople
It would be perfect if you only killed ISIS terrorists. Some muslims are okay, even if they are few.
Deus Vult
...
Checked, for the crusade
>be Christian
>live in Britain
>Pope calls for aide
>The Church raises an army
>We hoist our standards and set foot to Jerusalem
>Drums beat all around us
>We come upon Jerusalem
>Its golden walls shimmering in the distant sunlight
>The Horde appears outside the gates
>I am sent as a messenger, to broker peace, for God is Merciful, after all
>The Muslim known as Abu-Hajar takes me captive
>He asks how many we have
>What are our strengths
>Who is our leader
>Weeks of unrelenting torture and interrogation
>My will is built of the strongest steel
>He repeats the questioning
>I ignore him
>Until finally, he asks
>"What is that sound?"
>I turn to him with a menacing grin
>"Here come the drums, here come the drums"
>"Hey now, Abu-Hajar, you are my Muslim Child, my Muslim Child"
>swam wearing full plate mail & helm
Yeah right.
Sorry buddy but i call bullshit
>Taking obvious bullshit seriously
no just the helmet, dude read the story retard
>Taking obvious bullshit seriously
...
God kept him afloat to carry out his holy war in his name stupid
Got eem bois
>I'm ready for another crusade. What of my fellow Templars?
FILTHY CHRISTIANS! WHERE ARE THE LOYAL CATHOLICS! DEUS VULT!
Deus Vult
Deus vult
Kek'd