Stupid things you did as a kid thread. I'll start:
>be me age 9
>just discovering sex
>on holiday with family
>alone in hotel room while parents are doing shit in the lobby
>see disposable camera
>decide to take picture of dick
>why did I do this
>back from holiday
>go to pick up developed photos
>parents get strange looks from guy working there
>I realize why
>ohfuck.jpg
>get home and we all look at photos
>family is not happy
This thread is lonely
>be me
>with a friend of my childhood
>lets be alchemist
>go to grandma's cleaning armoire
>grab a bucket
>start to mix everything we see
>we're making a magic potion!
>Grab a bottle of what years later discovered it was ammonia
>put a lot in the bucket
>Grab a bottle of bleach
>then grandma enters
>see the bleach
>see the ammonia
>freaks out and slap the shit out of my butt and my friends butt
God bless that woman
>be me ~10
>at pool
>I want to make a prank
>put 10 dollars (a lot to me) on the ground
>get friends to come around
>wait until one of them sees it
>he does
>picks it up
>I say, "hahaha, that's my 10 dollars, I was just pranking you."
>doesnt believe me
>I get upset
>counselor from camp comes around and takes the 10 dollars
>mom eventually comes
>recognizes the 10 dollars as ours because of a mark on it
>get my money back
> be like 4th or 5th grade
>semi friends b day sleep over
>super anticlimactic
>parents get him some law and order DNA tester Bullshit toy
>everyone's asleep or so I thought
>piss in one of the DNA test tubes and replace it
>test that bitch
>some kid wasn't quite asleep and sees me doit
>never invited back
>many lulz when I was confronted about it
>be 13
>experimenting with anal play
>tired of sticking my fingers in there
>take electric tooth brush
>put bristle end inside as deep as I can get it
>turn it on
>hurts really fucking bad, but leave it in anyway for maybe 15 seconds
>still hurting, not feeling good
>pull it out
>blood fucking everywhere, so much fucking blood, literally running down my leg
>freak out and put toothbrush back in holder after washing it off
>try to ignore it and act like nothing happened
>blood soaking through the butt of my pants
>mom sees it and freaks out
>nervous as fuck, can't talk, to embarrassed to say what I did
>she assumed I got raped on my way home from school
>don't deny it
>have to go to therapy and counseling for years
>never came clean that I did it to myself
>now everyone in my family is super careful around me when we get together for dinners and stuff not to mention rape because it's a "trigger word" that might make me spiral or something
what
Forgot to mention, I have an 11 year old cousin who I played video games with when the family gets together, one time his mom, him, and I were sitting on the couch playing some old gamecube game, I think it was called freedom fighters, and he killed me and yelled "haha get raped faggot" and his mom literally punched him in the face
Wtf user, thats even worse than admiting what you've done
Holy shit, that one got me
Put fish oil into my dad's cologne because it looked low.
>top kek
Ohmyfucking KEK
>MFW you never came clean
>be 9
>enjoy watching rescue heroes
>tie rope to suspended club house and around my waist
>scream "rescue heroes" and jump off
>ohfuckcantbreathe.jpg
>almost hang myself
How? you realize how much more fucked I'd be if after going to the hospital and having therapy paid for if I came clean about it?
If there is ever a story that qualifies as "everything turned out better than expected", this is the one!
>Be 5 or 6
>always used to run around in the house in my underwear and shirt even with friends over
>always used to play with myself for some reason in front of my friends
>Would just sit there sometimes one minute playing with Legos or some shit then the next minute jerking off essentially in front of everyone
No one ever questioned it
There's no questioning why someone's autistic, they just are.
I used to do this too. my family blamed it on my cousins molesting me cause they had molested my brother.
Fuck I don't know why I'm laughing so hard
Were you molested though user?
I don't know to this day, it doesn't really bother me, though. I like what rick said about stuff like this "the answer is; don't think about it"
Didn't happen.
what the fuck
fuck off
similar story
>be 6
>alone a lot
>have pic related
>get brilliant idea to take pictures of dick
>full blown photo-shoot myself with wacky poses
>one pic oddly similar to the filthy frank pose where he aims the guns under his legs
>think they're fucking hilarious and deserve recognition
>show one to my mom
>absolutelydisgusting.jpg
>she takes and destroys the pic i brought her and scolds me
>says not to do it again
>oh shit, i still have all the other pictures
>can't show her now, i'll get fucking timeout or something
>panic and cram them into one of those air vent grates on the floor behind the couch
>fast forward years later
>move far away from that house and totally forgot about that shit
they're still fucking out there somewhere, Sup Forums.
Well I can only leave it to guessing then but nice tie in you made there
kek
Mad cause I called you out on your bullshit?
You are lucky you didnt die and thats not even the worst part of this story.
>be 11
>discover the vast world of porn
>think its cool beat my meat all the time
>hear adults talk about "child porn"
>think wouldnt it be cool if I could see people my age fucking
>mfw i literally google "child porn"
>mfw no investigation of your PC
Used to believe I could glide by spreading my jacket like an airplane
>be me
>swinging (reasonably) high for a 7 year old
>remember the gliders and how they seemed cool to ride
>Idea comes to use jacket as wings
>put hands in pockets and jump while spreading arms
>didn't work for shit
>landed on another kid and sprained my ankle
>suspended for injuring another kid
>don't believe me when I say it was accident
>be me 10
>used to stop over best mates house and we discovered porn
>used to rub our dicks but not touch eachothers
>had no idea how gay it was until a few years later
>no one ever knew but us 2
>absolutely hate eachother and haven't spoken in years
>he turned out to be gay this year and still never told anyone
Sounds like missed opportunity to me.
>be me
>be in like thir grade
>have a classmate that broke his foot
>be sitting in empty class with him keeping him company cause he cannot leave class because his a little bitch and is afraid to get hurt even more
>sudenly he tells me that my penis has a sweet taste
>wtfnigga.png
>he puts dick out and licks his own dick
>wtfnigga.jpg
>he tells me to try
>i try on my dick
>hes right it is sweet
>he tells me to lick his
>wtfnigga.gif
>stupid dumb fuck that i am i do it
>the he asks if he can try on mine
>wtfnigga.webm
>i say yes like a little bitch
>he licks mine
>feels strange
>meenwhile we ear someone coming closer to our classroom
>it's the fucking teacher
>we pull our pants lighning speed
>she didn't saw anything
>mfw hes last name was hammad
>mfw the first dick i ever licked was from a muslim sand nigger
>mfw the first person that ever licked my dick was a sand nigger
i am now 20 y.o and have a gf am i gay?
No, you are kek
Ita pretty common for boys to masturbate together and grow up straight. Your friend growing up gay is the exception not the rule.
Lost
>be 13
>go on Sup Forums
>10 years ltr
>im still here
>be 13 and youngest in family
>older brother just left for basic training so I sneak into his room and play xbox without anyone knowing
>play fallout 3
>everything is pretty cool, and then I saw him
>deputy weld, the robot outside of megaton
>coolest robot I've ever seen
>as I play I meet more protectrons and I spend hours just watching them patrol the metro stations
>it's then that I realize I was born to be a protectron...
>I grab my dad's laser pointer and walk around our basement for hours on end, just patrolling and checking for metro tickets
>one day I go into the basement in protectron mode when I hear something
>mytimehascome.jpg
>I ready my laser weapon and walk down the stairs
>my sister is with her boyfriend and he panics at seeing me, pulling up his pants as fast as he can
>"tickets please" I say robotically
>"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, user!" my sister screams
>"threat level omega. use of deadly force authorized."
>I take aim
>I shine the laser pointer at her face, scoring a critical hit, and she disintegrates into an ashpile
>her boyfriend screams in horror
mfw
>
>Mad cause I called you out on your bullshit?
Autist or can you not recognize shitposting.
Story of my life
>Be me
>7 or 8
>mom takes away xbox for 2 days because of something i did
>Genuine anger.jpg
>Have bunk bed
>Ultimate reveng plan is brewing
>Take my bath robe
>tie simple knot on both ends
>somehow the robe knots work and dont drop me
>owfuck.jpg
>put feet on ledge and untie knot
>never tell parents about it
>now pass wisdom of how autistic sucicide is through school
>Be me in 5th grade
>Everyone is doing their presentations on Missions (do they do that outside California?)
>Super feminine gay guy presenting
>Need to yawn
>At this point in my life I didn't think it was considered rude to audibly yawn
>Let out the biggest yawn during presentation
>Everyone stops and looks at me
>Teacher is pissed and sends me outside
>Realize there is virtually no way to justify what I did
>I just take the blame and move on
>Only I know of my innocense
I always wanted porn of people my age too when i first discovered it, at like 10
>mfw i found a video titled something like "13 year old brother has sex with his sister"
Was really shit quality, no sound i think, the people in the video looked really small and young, and it looked like it was somewhere in middle-east. Not sure if it really was cp but i must have done some hard digging to find it through google
What the fuck
>be me
>Approximately 9:02 EST
>See's thread
>looks gay but Ill post anyways
>read everyones bullshit story
>Go to my mom
>pull my dick out
>blow about 1.6 tons of cum all over her dress
>dad pulls out cock and beats off to my brother and dog fucking
>I shit myself
>Everyone is silent and stopped doing what they were doing
>I get kicked out
they dont bust down your door if you search cp.Plus it was a long time ago they probaly werent cracking down on it as hard
>be 8
>uncle's ex wife is a filipino lady with kids
>invites us over for dinner
>dinner consists of dericious crab legs and other flip shit
>time for my family to leave and say goodbye
>completely ignorant at my young age, I decide to bow to her and her kids when I saw goodbye
>pic related is my family's face when they attempted to cover up my actions
wtf was the problem? bowing is a sign of resperct
Similar.
>at friend of friend's sleep over party
>his dog had just had puppies
>everyone leaves for cake
>completely miss the call for cake because puppies
>now alone in room with puppies
>severe cute aggression enrages my autistic mind
>hold one up by the tail
>choke one
>want to kill one but don't
>someone was watching through the closet
>never invited back
>still deny all rumors
What the faggot was doing in the closet, I have no idea. Probably jacking it to someone at the party, he came out after high school. Everyone knew he was gay back then anyways.
worst story of the thread award goes to...
>electric tooth brush
Hey at least his ass did
>When you start watching anime early
Nothing wrong with this. Maybe your parents are the dumb ones here.
This isn't a fucking ylyl retard
This got me! My nig! Kek!
Jesus! someone screen cap this! my fucking sides!
10/10 kek just for being a fallout story
Whats the address! We need to send them a treasure map!
>and his mom literally punched him in the face
i'd kill to have been there to see the look on your face then
same here user
i didn't google child porn though i just searched young teen on motherless back in its heyday
Oh my fucking God user you are my hero!
saved for future generations
Porn for children. Da fuq?
>be around 8
>start doing pull ups on climbing frame in garden
>for no apparent reason, have an orgasm
first orgasm. only noticed it actually was an orgasm when years later I fapped for the first time and recognized the feeling.
i still do pull ups
>she assumed I got raped on my way home from school
mysides.jpeg
> Be me
> Beta 17 year-old
> Decide to try acid, know a guy
> Hooks me up, go home
> Close door and blinds to my room
> Time to -blam!-ing party
> Lying on bed waiting for it to kick in
> Ohgawdhereitis.jpg
> Nothing looks right
> Decide to pay a game to see what it's like
> Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
> Get hungry after 10 minutes
> Try to leave, door wont open
> Grab key and unlock door, still required a lot of effort
> Go downstairs
> See parents on couch
> Act cool
> Initiate"Howareyoudoing?".png
> They leave after a while, success
> Make some Nutella toast
> Tastes like shit
> Sudden urge to unleash the airlock in my bowels
> Barely make it to the toilet before decompression
> Feels good mang
> Tired, grab blanket and rack out
> Wake up screaming
> To tired to comprehend nightmare
> Back to sleep
> Wake up in hospital
>MFW
What happened according to my parents.
> Got out of bed and threw Zelda game at the wall
> Hopped around infront of my TV swinging a spoon like a Wii remote
> After an hour I shoved the spoon in the lock and threw myself against the door until the doorknob and my shoulder broke
> Successfully navigated the stairs
> Made a variety of facial expression at my family and repeated the phrase "Are you?" over-and-over until they left.
> Went to kitchen spread Nutella on my bare hand and bit a chunk of it off
> Blood trail to sister's room where I sat on her chair and took a huge dump
> Fell asleep wrapped up in a rug on the floor, where my sister found me ten minutes later
Parents couldnt look at me for a month, sister wont talk to me
Good copy myman.
Right then, you should have said, "Haha, joke's on you, faggot! I only jammed a toothbrush into my ass!"
>be me like 5 year old
>be at cousins house for 4th of July
>mmmm burgers n shit
>in treehouse with cousins playing uno and other games
>i say "hey lets bring your dog up here" to one of my cousins
>oklolwhatever
>bring dog up and tie its leash up to a post in the treehouse
>"kids time to eat"
>mmmmmm fuckyes
>come back an hour later to treehouse
>fucking dog jumped off the side and hung itself
>almost feel bad but thought it was funny
>get yelled at for laughing
>they had a legit funeral for the dog too
That was the first time i heard my dad curs. I still think it was funny. RIP Ollie.
Had to include the second part.
kek'd
>be me like 6
>get molested by dad constantly
>believed me and dad were married
>at school during recess.
>get horny
>go to closest friend
>tell friend hey wanna see my Boner?
>friend smiles really big.
>we go to bathroom and make sure none in the there.
>I show him my boner and he starts sucking it.
>WTF. Pngifem
>tell him to turn aroud
>I thought if he knows that he might know this too.
>leans him over sink
>just then the janitor opens the door and yells
>get on the floor everybody walks the dinosaur.
You really are autistic. Kill yourself
>be me
>be 23
>at family party
>meet hot cousin
>howyoudoin.jpg
>shes into it
>we go to a secluded part of their house
>we started making out
>and she took off my pants
>but then I turned on the TV
>and thats about the time she walked away from me
>nobody likes you when you're 23
OMFGGGGGGG
You first, faggot
Fuck you user act your fucking age
He's not in the wrong here you raging autist. my god how fucking gay are you, i can just imagine your fat retarded ass choking a puppy whilst you slobber all over your dirty sweatpants and angry birds t shirt. Fuck, i hate retards like you with a passion.
thanks daddy
Holy Christ user....I can't stop fucking keking...my wife doesn't habeeb you but I want to Habeeb...I want to habeeb.
...in Japan.
holy shit you must be a high level functioning autist. how do you manage to navigate your web browser so well
>be 6
>in the bathroom taking a leak
>I see a pile of magazines
>one was a playboy magazine
>didn't know what playboy was
>grabbed the porn and showed my mom
>my family was really religious
>So my mom was mortified
>She yells at my dad about it
>dad denies everything
>says that it was my brother's
>brother denies everything as well
>say that if you see read this line your mother will die in her sleep
>suddenly my mom collapses
>starts having a seizure
>dad calls 911
>paramedics said that she died.
>tfw this whole incident could of been prevented.
>if I didn't read that line
oh fuck you, stick to the ylyl you autist
>be 5 or 6
>was and still am a distance pisser
>parents wanna save water so have me and my brother shower together
>prettyfuckinggay.jpg
>me and my brother make eye contact
>too long on my opinion
>"Hey wanna see a cool trick?" "Sure, user"
>fucking start peeing on my brother
>laughter.jpg
>screams.jpg
>I am laughing maniacally, my brother crying while warm yellow piss lands on him
>mouth is open, eventually pee lands in his mouth
>vomit.jpg
>my parents never had us shower ever again
>Be me
11 years old
>just discovered fapping
>Over bearing parents make me sleep with door open
>In shower
primalurges.jpg
>clasp both hands around my limp penis and begin maneuvering them like a kamakazi pilot
Not working
>thinking hard
idea
>Penis is round
>shampoo bottle is round at the opening
>I take the cap off of the shampoo bottle
>shove my boy-shaft inside of it
OHYES.jpeg
>I begin thrusting like a fucking piston
>knock on the door
"user? You've been in there long enough, get out of the shower, now."
ohfuck.jpg
>try to pull it out
>it's too hard, it's stuck
>begin pulling on it to get it off, won't work
I pull my fucking hardest
>slip and fall
>shower rod came down with me, shower curtains would offer no help this day
Parents barge in
"What the he... WHAT THE HELL!"
>mfw my parents walked in on me with my dick stuck in a shampoo bottle, crying on the floor with a shower curtain on top of me
>mfw I'm a literal disappointment to my family
>mfw I got a bible for christmas
>mfw I already have one...
This is strong of things me and my brother and best friend did to some extreme autismos from up the street.
>be me
>like 9 or 10
>attempt to make a stink bomb with piss and various weeds and dandelions
>hide it so it rots
>forget about it
>2 years later
>find it
>ohshitnigga.jpg
>fucking REEKS
>it's summer so there's no school to use it at
>tell 3 spaz neighbors who are brothers and believe every word I say that it's "Yin Zang tea straight from china"
>first ones takes a sip and spits that shit out immediately
>yell at him for wasting my Chinese tea
>demand he drinks more
>he very apologetically takes another swig
>his brothers fight over the rest and borderline chug it
>tell them it's piss and dandelions
>they aren't mad
>I'm laughing at them
>they're laughing with me at them
>I'm their god
>be me
>be 12
>communist, fat, and a russiaboo
>one day in history we were talking about world war two
>we were talking about the western front and how it was important i think
>anyways my fucking retarded ass decides to stand up and say something
>stand up and speak with the shittiest russian accent ever, i said something like "without the motherland you capitalist pigs would have lost etc etc.
>told to go to the office for being disruptive, while im leaving i was singing jibberish that was supposed to sound like the soviet anthem
god i wish someone kicked my ass for that
fuckin priceless
>mfw
Used to play an old porno on vhs in the basement on the tv there. Used to jerk off and cum on the paused woman. One day i forgot(to clean up) and my dad sold the tv. I can only assume no one knew cause i never heard about it
fucking righteous haahaha
...
i used to do that!
>be me
>2nd grade
>moved to new school
>too nervous to get up in front of class because thought they hated me
>Had to piss hella bad
>Would always wait until reccess
>Would sometimes write around and basically convulse (autistic?) due to needing to piss so bad
>Sometimes grabbed my dick
>Teacher sees
>Yells at me in class
>Tells parents
>Everyone assume I masturbating
>Was 2 much of a fggt to get up and go piss due to being embarressed
This nigga plays the long con, i love it.
Guaranteed you can pull all the snatch and any job you want you play that shit right. This sjw culture will fucking pander to you
>be me
>Spend 3 MONTHS hording GBP
>Go ask mommy for my tendies for din-dins
"I'm tired user, and you had breakfast Tendies, now leave me alone with new daddy"
WHATtheFUCK.jpg
>I shall have the Tendies, they are my sole purpose for living
>Grab my good boy peepee jar
>Empty it on mommies new rug
>Go outside, like a fucking normie
>the fresh air burns my lungs and the sun sears my flesh
>it hurts, but I do it for tendies
>go to mommies new boyfriends car
>slash tires, use hose in gas pipe, give it nice succ
>Last time I gave a succ this nice it got me 50 GBP
>fill my good boy peepee jar with vroom vroom juice fro new daddies car
YOUreadyBITCH.gif
>go inside
>grab lighter from new daddies Jacket hung up in the closet next to my fedora collection
>enter living room and stand infront of mommy and new daddy, raise the jar in the air and light the lighter
>Fear no evil
GrandioseEntrance.jpg
>Screech at the top of my big boy lungs
"UNLESS 12 TENDIES I DO GAIN, I WILL LIGHT YOU UP IN FLAMES"
>Mommy looks scared
>New daddy starts talking, but is interrupted by the smashing of the gasoline filled peepee jar
"HSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"
“DO NOT INTERRUPT ME, UGLY SWINE, YOU SHALL NOT SPEAK UNTIL THE TENDIES ARE MINE!
>Mfw mommy bought me 24 tendies
>Mfw I lit my hand on fire
The best part is, the stupid cunt didnt even think about taking away any of my good boy points.
Second best part is new daddy is going camping deep in the woods where “no one can hear us” next weekend, I wonder if they have wifi?
>based-user