Anyone here a child of divorced parents?

Anyone here a child of divorced parents?

I am a single dad fighting for my son. Despite having the best professionals on my side, having initiated three court battles (that I won), I am in a dark place.

I believe my son is being abused by his mother. But no government body will accept what I say. No evidence I have is good enough.

Everyone says the issue is not their problem and to work with the son's mother.

My court order basically means nothing.

Friends and family are giving me a hard time because what I'm doing isn't good enough.

I am in a dark place.

What country user?

>parents HS sweethearts
>married in early 20s
>waited a few years decide to get pregnant
> I am born
> two years later they divorce
> dad remarries bitch with three kids
>dad has kid with bitch
> mom also remarries and has kid

I am an only child who has 5 brothers and sisters (step/half)

There are things only a child or divorce can understand.

What type of abuse user??

This has to be resolved outside the law.
user, you know what you must do
Put on the cape

Tell how xmas and other celebrations went?
How was the relation of papa kids with the mama kid(s)?
Which side was the best?

i wish good luck user

Son is special-needs. He has autism/ADHD.
He uses what's called "kill words."

> The police will take you away! And I'll blow you up with a rocket launcher... while he is physically biting me, kicking other people, and "bolting,"

> Ministry Worker: "He is not a credible witness."

> Me: "My ex and I have a dispute over child custody. Then when he comes to me he repeats her talking points out out of no where. Where he is getting this from and why is this acceptable?"
> Worker: Oh that is a concern, She should not be saying that to him.
> ME: Something needs to be done. Otherwise I am scared he will end up in jail.
> Worker: Whoa. Hyperbole. I suggest you talk to a lawyer.
> Me: I am. And I am already working with the school and a child psychologist. But they say it is outside of their scope. Something needs to be done because nothing it being done and his self-esteem and happiness are being affected by what she is saying to him
> Worker: Sorry, nothing we can do to help you. Maybe if you weren't worried he was going to end up in jail we might help you
> Me: Then what DOES the Ministry do? What counts as evidence?
> Worker: Sorry, can't tell you that.

I have already made a complaint up through the channels. They don't like me very much right now.

But no one is also doing anything about his behaviour.

No one seems to care that I have to put up with vitriolic abuse from her or that she is poisoning him.

Like what the fuck.

>Tell how xmas and other celebrations went?
very tough for a kid like me. I spent Xmas eve at moms and then my dad picked me up at like 4am so I could be at his house when my step-family woke up.... holidays fucking suck for divorce kids
>How was the relation of papa kids with the mama kid(s)?
Pretty solid. My dad was a very kind man (opposite of the cunt he married) so this bitches' kids loved my dad. My step dad wasn't my favorite person but we got along.

Honestly the toughest part of that is simply the fact that my step-brothers mom wasn't mine. If we got in trouble she couldn't really discipline me cuz my real mom would have buried her.
>Which side was the best?
I was more raised by my mother (and to be honest it might have been a bit like what you are facing). My mom drinks too much and used to take me to bars till closing and then drive home.

Fathers side was too damn religious to even go to the bar.

How old is the kid? My mom programmed my ass like that a bit. Always saying ' your dad did this or doesn't do this'.

I can only speak for myself but when my parents split up I was happy as fuck for the simple reason that whenever they were together they would do nothing but fight and yell. Fucking stupid that they were together, younger me thought they shouldve don it sooner

Sounds like you're better off without the retard.

I am 25.
My dad had to fight for custody of me, i love him and he is an awesome buddy.

My mom made up lies that my dad beat her and gives her no money and that i was abused by him.

The court believed her. I had to stay with her on the weekends with my little brother, she was a heroin addict and an alcholic, i had to fight older men to protect my brother. She pretended to have a place when picking us up, but wed end up sleeping in a park on the ground while was passed out on heoin on the benches.


My dad did everything he could to stop us from having to go there, but my mom just kept lying to the courts. I hate her and want her dead.


Dont stop fighting OP, I ran away on days of her custody and begin to put knives to her throat and would poisin her. I had to. And would do it again.

Point is keep fighting, they need you. Dont ever give up. They will remember this and love you for your fighting for them.

I am in debt to my dad for finally having my mother locked away, he is a hero. But along the way, it has traumatized me, but the image of my father is so much more amazing than the memories of pain. And for that i am not broken from it.

I am 28 now. Me and my dad are still best friends and he still impresses me of his wisdom an peace. He wants me to forgive my mother but not forget. But i dont forgive. I called crimestoppers on here and had her locked up again.


Some wars you must not quit.

Meant to type 28 at begin of story

No, but I should be

Damn user I too had a mom with substance issues like I said above and though she still drinks I can see the pain in her eyes for the mistakes she made with me. Forgive her before she is gone user you gotta. You are old enough now dude time to turn the other cheek.

I don't mention anything to my kid about child custody matters that happen between my ex and I.

But he always finds out and repeats her talking points. When I have to address sit, he gets "triggered" and has a violent outburst.

I had to file a police report. The last time I met with the Government Ministry they said to file one if I suspected child abuse. Then they said, "why did you do that!" when I filed one.

Following this my ex told me I could not handle my son and so had dictated the terms of my parenting time.

I have to protect myself because I had a false allegation made against me anonymously shortly after I told my ex I was going to speak to my lawyer about her.

She disallowed me to see him until I sued her. It ended up being six months. She would say "I won't let you see him." No explanation given.

The police would not intervene because I did not have a court order with a police clause.

A ministry worker actually said the claims with me were unsubstantiated.

Yet I cannot get anything done about her behaviour.

She already calls him by a legal name that is not his own. She's improperly filled out forms without my consent when my consent was required.

She wants to fuck off with him to another country.

The courts say I have to prove she has a history of leaving and never returning... to get a court order that against her from leaving and never returning.

This is fucked up.

Somehow, this is the one that got to me the most. I'm sorry, user

>holidays fucking suck for divorce kids

please.......... this........ the feels

Judges are sexist. They feel like the children should be with their mother and grant the women other advantages as well when it comes to a divorce. I'm speaking from personal experience and I don't live in a third world country either.

Fuckkkk

My parents divorced when I was around 2 yrs old. Apparently because my mom cheated on my dad while he was stationed overseas. I have been raised by both parents, who are both remarried now. I am 25.

What do you want to know?

My parents divorced. My mom was a blood sucking bitch and the judge still sided with her. I'm getting a prenup if I ever get married and will fight for full custody if I divorce.

Did you ever asked your mom about that? If yes, what was her answer?

Do you blame her for it?

My son is 9. He's micromanaged. The problems started at age 3 for him when we separated.

I underestimated the inability of professionals to actually do anything about her behaviour. They go great lengths to remain "neutral" and pass the problem off to someone else that isn't them.

But the abuse is allowed to continue... with no one taking action. And everyone wanting me to "work with her" or just shut up altogether.

I don't care that women have it easier. I just care that I am not alone and others have at least made gains of their own.

I still don't understand what the abuse is? That he talks about his parents splitting up? What evidence do you have of abuse? If your claims are obviously frivolous, that may be why you're getting so much resistance from the state.

I still don't see the abuse? Sure the mom shouldn't talk about this shit with him, but that isn't going to happen in reality trust me my mom asked where the fuck her child support was every time my dad dropped me off and I didn't even know what the fuck that was.

God I could share some shit but the worst was one year I had to spend Christmas with my step mom (who I hate) and her family! Only person related to me was my dad and my one half brother (who got gifts and I didn't get shit)

>9 years old
> still don't get how this works
> 5 brothers and sister playing with their cousins and getting gifts
>I don't know anyone and got nothing
> even my stupid fucking dad didn't get a little something so I would feel bad


Not the person you responded too but my mom also cheated on my dad (leading to divorce when I was 2) and I only found out about 10 years ago (34 yo now)

Aunt got drunk and accidentally hold me 20 years later.

> still haven't asked mom about it (dad is dead and didn't ask him either)

Don't ask

US courts are heavily biased towards women.
Don't try to kidnap them, unless you don't want to pay child support. But you will be in prison so...

Yeah, the dark place is called you're a fuckin idiot for having kids with a woman you clearly weren't going to stay with.
The same basic shit I have to say over and over again.
>You wait until you're 30...or until you're financially stable enough to raise a child.
>Financially stable means feeding them properly, having enough time to be home more than you're working (that means less than 40 hours)
>make sure you're competent enough to teach them more than even their teachers at school can, if a fuckin high school teacher can educate them better than you can, you shouldn't be a parent.
>make sure you can provide everything they'll need to lead a happy, healthy, thriving and successful life. This means owning a HOUSE that is not only spacious but CLEAN and KEPT that way. No mold in the walls, no mildew in the bathroom. A guy I was in prison with told me something that made complete sense to me; "if you can't get out of bed and walk to the kitchen and back without tracking dirt and dust back then your house is fuckin dirty."
>No pets, they're not necessary other than as a teaching tool to show how to care for another life and if you're going to have them, there should be enough SPACE to have them and they should be kept mainly outside with minimal access to only a portion of your house with no exceptions. Dogs are for security, Cats are for lonely fuckin morons.
The point of all this, is you already fucked up by having the kid without being ready to so now if your kid is in trouble and getting abused by the bitch, it's your job to be a fuckin man and take an L for that little nigga. Beat that bitches ass if you got to, some women have issues with men and they think that abusing their own is some sort of payback. You need to put the fuckin fear of God in that bitch and let her know that if she harms a hair on your kid's head you're gonna give her a REAL reason to hate men by beating the living shit out of her.

- No, I do not talk about anything about this.
- I do not slander her.
- I have not missed a child support payment, was never sought after for money, and have paid a generous ratio expense (80% back when I was making six figures).
- I am following the advice of both the Ministry, school, and child psychologist.

I think it is dangerous to make assumptions that I am a deadbeat father or somehow responsible for the problem.

But I can see why this would be so. Apparently men are deadbeats by default...

Worse, I am the child of parents who should have been divorced but never did it. So the fighting and the screaming never ended.

"Deadbeat" is funny fuckin word coming from someone who just said he used to make six figures.
If you actually read anything I just wrote, I was saying that you have to be able to afford
>being around
>providing
>educating
>maintaining a healthy environment
Nowhere in that did I mention your little blanket word "deadbeat" because there are millions of people in just the US and billions all over the world which means that in order for you to just label shit according to whether or not it holds up to your standards means that you are some unholy imperial kind of fuckin stupid.

looking at all these stories has given me an idea: we should start a movement to have the child's testimony be a valid point for custody hearings. Most kids, even "retarded" kids, can tell a very different story than the parents give the courts; if you had a psychologist asking questions, on a recording to monitor them for bias, you could get testimony that could be backed in court by a professional
>inb4 psychologists can still be sexist
then put them on the stand, they would have to risk perjury and loss of license.
this isn't unprecedented either, they do this in child abuse cases

We live in a society where a man is guilty by being his gender and the woman is always right.

You need to realize that society isn't the judge of what is right and wrong. There are many things society believes that you don't support, or at least who heartedly, and having disagreements with the herd of sheep is a healthy thing. The more you realize how different you are from others who think less of you while you know you are doing all you're capable of, it shouldn't matter what they think. What others think of you is irrelevant, and you need to focus on your goals and the best interest of your child, not because others want it, but because it's in the best interest and it's right. Focus on your thoughts and feelings, rationalize and concentrate your thoughts on letting go of anger, and giving into a tranquil meditation of reason in the service of your child. Not the service of others.

You've spent too much time thinking what others think, how much longer do you think it will last before you no longer care? The sooner you stop caring, the sooner you have given into the inevitable good for yourself and your son.

Such weak minded people who don't truly care enough to stop doing stupid shit.

"right" and "wrong" are a matter of perspective
so are "good" and "evil"
If someone fucks your wife and uses you neglecting her as an excuse, they believe (or at least will proclaim) they're right and you're wrong, but if you do the same to them YOU'RE evil, YOU'RE wrong.

OP came to us from a point of vulnerability seeking advice, thoughts, and input. That already shows an act of goodness. So long as he believe what he's doing is right, it doesn't matter what you, anyone, or I think. All that matters is that he believes he is working in the best interest of his son, and focus on that alone.

My parents divorced when I was seven, the whole process wasn't over until I was 12. Ended up growing up with my mother. It was a nasty vicious divorce.

1. If you really love your son then let go completely of any anger or vendetta against your ex. Just fucking let it go. Doesn't matter what horrible things she is doing, your personal feelings don't matter. Your sole goal is to take care of your son and that means avoiding fights with the ex, avoiding pissing her off which means she might try to leave the state just to complicate things for your relationship with your son. Just fucking stop putting energy into how you feel about her, just accept her as an inevitability of life you can't avoid like bad weather.
2. Have your own house in order. Have a job, a decent place and avoid legal troubles. Maintain yourself as a good home for your son. No matter what horrible shit is going on in your life don't let it turn into a bad attitude towards your son. Be honest with him about how you are doing, but don't pour your hardships out on him.

will continue, breaking here:

NO
focus on leading by example
if your life is shit for one reason or another and by proxy you're fucking up a life that didn't ask to exist and you're responsible for ushering into existence then it's your burden to eat as much shit as is necessary to make sure that life is as perfect as you can possibly manage to make it....if you want to claim to give a fuck that is.
If not, no one can blame you for walking away and they absolutely shouldn't......but only if it's just one and you clearly stated your wishes prior to it's birth.
If you have multiple kids and you're trying to back out you're just dumb as fuck.
Anyways, fuck that shit. You better be superman bitch, because you're gonna have to do some time to make that bitch understand what the truth is.
>You can't fix stupid, but you beat the fuck out if until it's conditioned to listen.

You make a good, optimistic point user. But "believing" in himself won't win him custody of his son in court. We need subject matter experts here.

3. Document EVERYTHING. If your son is experiencing abuse, keep a journal of what and when. If he has bruises take pictures. If there is a lot of evidence take it to the court or social services and have it put on record.
4. Keep making child support payments at all costs. If you have shared custody keep to the schedule and document whenever she doesn't.
5. Be involved in your son's life. Go to his events, support him being involved in after school events. Take pictures of you to at events together. If the mother is there, be cordial, don't pick a fight. Don't take her bait for a fight.

Will continue:

I have never asked her about it. I actually found out from someone not even in my family. My dad was a good enough person to hold my mother in positive standing enough such that my brother and I had both parents growing up even though they divorced.

I do blame her in a way, but only in so much as I fond romantic disloyalty and manipulation to be a morally reprehensible thing in general. It does not change the fact that she is my mom. She wronged my dad, not me, and so if he can forgive her then that's good enough for me. Personally I think it would be an insult to him if I were to sympathetically assume I could adopt his pain from such an ordeal.

OP, drug the bitch's drink when you go to pick the little motherfucker up. Wait for her to pass out, leave a heroin needle sticking out of her arm and take pictures and then leave with your son there. Post the pictures on here from an anonymous location and then say that a friend showed them to you.
BOOM
done.

When I was 18, I fucked this 23-yo crack addicted cunt and impregnated her.

She kept my child and abuses him daily.

I can't go to court to fight for him because if I did, she'd know my real info and I'd have to pay child support.

Sometimes I drive by and see him, bruised and crying. My heart aches. No, not because my child suffers, but from laughter. She's raising him for me free of charge, LOL!

Sometimes when he's alone I manage to get his attention by yelling out: "FAGGOT!" then I speed away to get some chicken nuggets.

Beat her to death so her family knows what's waiting for them when you get out of prison if they fuck up.