Fastest way you've got laid

Fastest way you've got laid

slipped over while running away from your dad and fell into your moms gapping pussy

needed a crane

Rape

Rape

Go to club, ask random chicks if they want to fuck. Took me 20 mins to get my dick in.

rap

>"I bet if i pulled out my big fat juicy cock, you'd wana give it a lick"
>*Pulls it out* "Now, what are we gonna do about 'this'."

she accidently fell on my dick

I haven't ever tried this but I remember one time during a conversation with my female roommate I started talking about girls that go into the mens toilet in bars/nightclubs. She said "Would ya not pull them into the cubicle and give them a good rogering?", as if that was the appropriate course of action.

Worth trying sometime I guess

Birth

...

If anyone knows of any amateur footage of guys doing this. Feel free to post itthanks

>she 16
>me 19
>picked her up after school
>went to her
>she asked what do
>i said lets fuck
>she was like why not
>came and got up said need to go
>she was like k but contact me
>me sure
>had rly to because i had to pick up the just released new Mini NES
>went home
>played Kirby

Had a joint at a party, asked where I could smoke.. was directed to a room.. 3 girls and 1 guy laying on a bed, guy and girl are staring as 2 girls are making out.. I just kinda kneel on the bed and light the joint.. girl who I guess wasn't with the guy grabbed my hand and pulled me on the bed... she straddles me and takes a hit.. maybe 5 minutes later she pulls me into the walk in closet and we fuck on the floor. Was at the party maybe 2 more hours, drank with her a bit.. got her number, never called... oh well..

Australia 3 years ago.. I am German and was there for work and travel for half a year..
>Went to a club with friends
>Extremely hot chick came to me saying "Hey, how old are you?"
>"21 and you?"
>"20, today is my birthday, make out with me"
5 mins making out, going to her apartment (she was Australian so I was lucky not having to fuck her in a Hostel).. Never even knew her name

>hit over head with blunt object
>gets fucked
>not rape if you the other party is unconscious to object
>no pun intended

>get job
>have 200$ after rent
>party.jpg
>7 homies
>6 girls
>booze, check
>weed, check
>enter slurry mcslut
>freshman when I was senior
>ex roommates ex girl
>datRentyouSkippedon.avi
>give her fuck me eyes while talking
>she grabs condom out of bra
>"why aren't we just fucking?"
>wut.mov
>ok.swf
>??????
>profit

Ja die Weiber lassen sich überall leichter ficken als hier

Not sure how relevant to question or answer

You got your priorities straight

Hör mir auf, die Mädels hier sind so unfassbar behindert

It's a toss up between downloading Bumble while traveling in a big city, and exclsively going after art school hipster girls on OKCupid in 2013, and going out drinking with a group of people I met while we were all staying at a youth hostel.

the count is roughly 40 women so far.

>date a transgirl for 8 months
>get lube, condoms and an enema
>get prepared
>beg her to fuck me in the ass
>only time i have got "laid"

Was at party whilst living at a boarding school in hs, and girl who I'd never met who was non-boarding comes up:

>her: Hey, what's your name?
>me: user
>her: you're from Ib right?
>me: yeah
>her: so you live at the boarding right?
>me: yeah
>her: so can I see your room?

10 minutes later I was balls deep
>mfw

>Went to a party with 4 girls and a bro
>Lot of tequila
>One girl says she bet she can make me cum within 2 mins
>tells her that's impossible
>she challenges me
>Do it right in front of the others
>came in 1 min
doesn't matter had sex

Seriously mate, just a numbers game. You WILL get slapped every now and then, but you will also get you cock sucked out the back, sex and if your lucky she will bring a friend along. Just a confidence thing, dont need it, just need to fake it for a few seconds.

I should add: all under 5 hours of making the decision.

That includes making both the bumble and OKCupid accounts.

believed it til condom in bra thing

AMEN!!!!!

> be at apartment building
> waiting to pick up package
> hot girl yelling at building manager
> she turns around
> gives me angry look as if I care
> offer her mento from pack
> she gives me her number
> be next day
> girlfriend dumps me
> tell her to fuck of, don't care
> go home
> call girl from lobby
> go out to coffee shop
> tells me how much she loves giving oral
> go home and fuck her

Tried it in Germany, USA (Cali), Australia and Phlippines.. Just a confidence thing although I was never lucky in Germany tbh (and I feckin live here).. Philippines was fastest though, immediately said grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the club.. but Australia and Cali went fast aswell.
Good tip also is to go for the hottest ones.. most of the guys don't hit on them because of lack of confidence

>partying at college
>best friend bout to hook up with girl
>girl doesn't want her friend to be stranded
>best friend volunteers I take her home
>I agree bc I think I'm wingman of the year
>I went to HS with girl
>year below me
>never could have her
>start walking her to dorm
>small talk ensues
>find out she lives in my grandmas neighborhood
>knows them
>get near her dorm
>wait, when did we start holding hands?!
>get to main entrance
>"do you want to come up user?"
>sure
>get to dorm room
>"I'm going to get comfortable, we will sleep on the futon"
>we?
>diamonds.jpeg
>comes back in room and is in thong w/ no top on
>holy fuck
>we fuck
>only doggy style bc I came in 3 minutes
>lay down feeling ashamed
>she asks if we can go again
>I try to not do doggy bc gentleman
>"but I love doggy, user"
>shiver-me-boner
>go again, she cums, I cum
>pass out
>wake up at 11 next morning
>"let's go in the shower, then I gotta study"
>bang one last time in shower
>go home, smoke, and eat.

I go to my grandparents once or twice a month. They have her picture on their fridge. Tell me how nice she is or how I should go after her bc she's a catch. I always just grin and think fondly of my easiest lay ever.

ja, geh auf so ne schwedische Partyfähre, die sind alle läufig wie sau

Ne Schwedin hatte ich noch nicht.. Nächster Urlaub steht aber jetzt fest, danke für den Tipp haha

Bruh, I wish I was kidding, no lie, huge slut we banged for 3 weeks, she dumped her boyfriend for me, we were gonna start dating. She moved in, 3 weeks in she says she wants an open relationship. I was crushed. Started smoking cigarettes, still do to this day, a whole year. Fucked 6 girls since. Now with a Hawaiian girl

>>at cash machine at bar
>>cute girl walks up when in line
>>say "I think youre fucking cuuuute"
>>replys with "youre fucking cute"
>>take out money
>>chat up while she takes out some dough
>>ask if she wants to go for a smoke
>>go for a smoke, ask who shes with.. aunt, shes from out of town, staying for 3 days
>>cab rolls up, ask if she wants to go to my place and ditch the bunk bar
>>says yes
>>inside house
>>fuck

over all from meeting to being inside of her... possible 1 hour

Thank you, it's a prettu awesome game. Unfortunately never played it as a child. we had only super mario and simon's quest.
however i don't know if i should continue fucking her

Meet girl on tinder (skinny 5/10)
go on 3 dates
kiss on the first
handjob by the second
on the third she wants to have sex with me
finally lose my virginity in my car to a girl 5 years older than me

I feel like thats the average speed of getting laid for a teen

If she was good, definitely do it.. but first take care of Kirby

Kein Thema und alle n großes Stück schöner, fast alle blond sowie große Töpfe. Aja und nimm aalkohol von hoer mit, der ist ja oben teuer wie sau

...

oldfag here (28)

Honestly this is kind of sweet. You should realize that she's probably not ready to date you seriously now (and vice versa) since you're both young and in college, but you should bookmark her and give dating her seriously in a couple of years. This is the kind of story and shared connection that successful marriages are made of.

I'm way too shy to do any of this shit. I'm going to be alone forever.

start forcing yourself out of your comfort zone, the more you do it the easier it gets.

>Be me some years ago,about 26
>At a beach party round a bonfire.
>Spent whole night talking to girl on my right
>About 1am girl to my left asks "can we go somewhere, snort my coke and fuck?"
>they were the first words she said to me
>"ok"

grab my gf's tiddies before we fall asleep

Where do I start though? I have nothing to offer.

Then do something to boost your confidence.. Work out, talk to people, go out etc.. The smalltalk part is easy to learn if you "practice" it more often by talking to others

Yeah I love it, it was also the first NES game which included saving your progress. I mean look at Kirby, it's the most awesome Nintendo character.

However she is a bit chubby which means she has maybe Size E and her blow jobs are awesome, but she lives about 50km away and i have to borrow my mum's car which isnt a problem but i am just annoyed by doin that lol.

Mention that I vape

>This fat girl I know has been madly in love with me since we were in middles school.
>I leave for Army OSUT in less than a month and wanted to get some pussy before I go. >Girlfriend dumped me a month ago so I'm horny ass fuck.
>Call fatty. Say we should hang out and talk.
>I fuck her within 15 minutes of getting to her place.
>She gave me a shitty blowjob and I was immediately disappointed in it and myself. (Should have stayed home and jerked off)
>Not really into fat girls but she has a giant ass and I fucked her doggy so I didn't have to look at her fat fucking face.
>She kinda smelled bad and had little pieces of toilet paper stuck to her asshole from the last time she wiped (Grossed me out but I drank a little so I didn't give a fuck)
>She's blown up my phone since and I'm just gonna ignore her because I got it out of my system.

She's got a boyfriend too lol. Apparently her really loves her and is good to her. The last couple were abusive. She was addicted to drugs for a while and he forgave her. Poor dumb fuckin' bastard. Left as soon as I could. Stole some money out of her purse when she wasn't looking. My only regret was the fact that the sex was kind of shitty.

Online dating is a thing. Alot easier then face to face.

I know someone who goes to clubs and literally walks round asking all the women "hey, want to have sex?"

most of the time he gets told to fuck off but he almost always gets off with a wet hole to put his dick in for the night

I've been at it for months. I only get hits from fat retards and old gay men.

Told her "If anything, I am the one in the kitchen".. She was insta-wet

>8/10 adds me on facebook
>tell her she ain't real, too hot to be adding me
>she says I'll prove it - give address
>she shows up an hour later and stays the night

It can fuckin happen bros. It can.

if you don't look like pic related, I mean

>TL;DR be in college

The fuck? What are you rich?

Then change the website you use. Even just grab tinder and swipe every half decent girl you see

>friends while relationship is rocky

showed a chick how you're supposed to choke somebody.

I also once told a girl how I'd train her (using Pavlovian psych) to enjoy anal.

I wish I had the balls to do something like this

I'll take things that didn't happen for 300

That's just your inferior genes telling you not to reproduce. You gonna try to argue with hundreds of thousands of years of evolution?

I can't use tinder I don't have a cell phone so I can't make an account. It's fine I just gotta figure out how to accept being alone. You'd think it would get easier after 27 years but nope.

It just happened so quick...
then I woke up

met her @ dog park, fucked her doggy same day

Man I hope your right. She's a cute chick and I love that she was aggressive bc I would have been like "k goodnight" had she not done made the move. Glad you enjoyed. It seems like whenever I try to get laid I can't and when I'm least expecting to, I get laid.

My face exactly.

Got nudes?

You're not wrong. If my fatass cunt of a mother can hook up with my worthless schizo of a father and I can't find anything.

Kek, I don't have anything to prove to you losers. Believe me if you want or don't.

Could also tell you about the time I got my cock sucked by two hoes while their friend watched

How though

Went on my OE to europe. As a kiwi pretty much anyone was willing to fuck me because I am so exotic.

Time to end the family line and become a wizard, it sounds like

Idk out of the 10 I've been with, three girls were putting out before the end of the first date.

2 of those girls had boyfriends

And one of them insisted we didn't uss a condom (but said she always made her boyfriend use one)

There isn't really a "way"... Just keep them in their place. Be a bipolar respectful asshole. If you keep them on their toes it's easier to sweep them off their feet or some shit.

Went to a bar and took someone to my place within 2 hours.

>tiddies

Mentos, the freshmaker

... Why don't you own a cell phone user ?

>inb4 pathetic NEET excuse

>insta-puss

If only they knew the truth.

Konami code

>It seems like whenever I try to get laid I can't and when I'm least expecting to, I get laid.

this is ancient and universal truth, my friend. My most recent casual ONS was at a youth hostel. I went out drinking with three other guys I had just met at the hostel and two girls from the hostel... I somehow snagged the hottest one even though I would have described myself as the less attractive of the four guys (relaxed classically good looking australian bro, english literal male model, older American ex-military guy in great shape). The australian guy hooked up with the other girl but somehow the hotter one was all over me.

The girls were both Aussies though, bagging them is like playing tennis with the net down.

Fastest as in littlest investment in the person?

It's a tie between two.

>Story one
Met a girl in college lunch hall. She was like a 6.8 sitting all alone and I decided to be friendly. We talked and I ended up getting her number. I think maybe two days later she invited me out to go smoke hookah. I did and we talked about American horror story and how she's never seen it. Ended up heading to her place to watch it. AHS being basically a softcore porno, she started talking about sex, and I casually asked if she wanted to fuck. We did. It was terrible.

>Story 2
I have this 9.5 friend from high school. (She's one of those ridiculously hot girls who is insecure for some reason, but literally has guys drooling over her 24/7) we were always good friends but never super close. After graduating, I moved pretty far away for college. Totally forgot about all my old friends until one day by pure coincidence I run into my friend on the street. Turns out her family moved to the town I'm in because her dad got stationed at a nearby base. Naturally after this we get pretty close. Now, this girl is ridiculously hot, and is one of the nicest people I've ever met but we're very different when it comes to personality, that in combination with the fact that we've been friends for so long made it so that I see her as nothing more than a friend.

Anyway, 2 years go by and one day my hot friend invites me to get coffee with one of her old friends from back home. I agree and when I get there I see this 9.5, hell maybe 9.6 girl with my friend. She's fucking beautiful. I say hi, assume she's out of my league (I'm a basic normie, not exactly a Chad, but I still get girls and whatnot) and dismiss there ever being a chance with her.

I casually invite them both to this party I'm throwing and they agree. We go to the party, we have fun, night ends. My friend and the hot girl leave, and I forgot to ask for hot girls number.

Month goes by then friend asks to come over

>cont

Party sluts

If it isn't easier after twenty seven years it's never gonna get easier, buddy

you're leaving your prime as we speak

Ifunny.co

this

this shits like being called a cheater in a game you're just wrecking lmao

unintended compliments

I don't need a phone, no family or friends.

I get laid super fast
It's all in the wrist
>hand.jpg

I went to a party my brother was hosting. His girlfriend's best friend brought her sister along. Her sister is cute in the chubby dork kind of way, and very drunk.
Her sister says "The two of you should try hooking up some time, he's cool"
Chubby dorkable girl barely says hi, just grabs me and leads me outside and we fuck in her car.

>>mfw she was a virgin who was dying to get some
>>mfw her sister freaked the hell out the next day because she meant we should go on a date
>>mfw we got married 3 years later and her now SJW sister still complains that she married a rapist
>>mfw I don't have face

I never had a prime.

Your story was boring. You lack imagination. You couldn't dress it up at all? No details? Why do you think nobody wants to hear your other story? Because you suck. That's why.

I've also taken two girls from their bfs, one was gonna marry him till we started fucking

sometimes I have to remind myself how much of the shit I actually am

have u ever tried this? how many do u have to ask before it works?

I know that feel.

Or pussy

>You wanna get some tacos and fuck?