Awkward Christmas stories
>be 13 at time
>unwrapping presents
>extremely tired
>older sister gets a flashlight
>think it's a dildo for some reason
>ask dad why he bought her a dildo
>whole room is quiet and I realized I said this
>"it's a flashlight dummy, why would you think dad would give me a dildo?"
>don't know what to say, but mouth moves anyway
>"cause no one wants you cause you're ugly."
>sister cries all day
>dad secretly thought it was funny
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>unwrapping presents
>mom unwraps a present
>it's a broom
>father stand up and screams THATS NOT FUCKING FUNNY YOU ASSHOLES, GIVING YOUR MOTHER A BROOM LIKE SHE IS A WITCH
>dead silence
>everybody shocked
>mom thanks her daughter for the pretty broom she asked for
>be 15
>shopping with mom before Christmas for little brother
>really bored
>meet a girl I'm friend with stuck in the same situation
>playing around with pool noodles
>sword fighting with them like fighting dick
>she drops hers and bends over to get it
>poking her ass with pool noodle like its my dick
>our moms arrive in that moment
>think we're dating
>sit us down in the middle of the store to give us a sex lecture
>both irritated and wanna leave
>all Christmas we both get questioned non-stop about each other by families
>meet up New Year's Eve and have sex in her closet
>opening gifts with extended family
>dad gets imported beer, wine, corkscrew, flask and other drinking accessories
>everyone asking how he likes his gifts
>tells everyone he's been in AA for 5 months
>after awkward silence they hint that he should keep the gifts cause it'd be "difficult" to return them the throughout the night
Got touched by a priest and told Santa wouldn't give me gifts if I told anyone
Tell my parents, get sent to therapy as they call me a liar
Find out I'm not lying
On Christmas my dad gets drunk and beats up the priest during Christmas Eve church service
>be 7
>at mall visiting Santa
>been in line an hour
>kid in front of me craps his pants on Santas lap and screams the whole time
>my turn
>sit on Santas lap
>smell booze, shit and vomit
>says under his breath something about beating the kids mom for having a shitty kid
>asks strained trying to be nice what I want for Christmas
>school has assembly before holiday break
>teachers dress up as Santa and elves, one as grinch
>think it would be fun to have certain kids catch them during assembly for a bag of cookies
>going good after 3 kids
>picks a retarded kid named will to chase the Santa female teacher that's kinda short
>retarded kid full on tackles her to the ground hard and starts dry humping her
>whole school watches tard wranglers take down kid
>his sweat pants clearly have wet fresh jizz stain on them
Something similar happened in my school but during penis inspection day
>early 90s
>Those stupid trolls with the fucked up hair are a must want toy
>Run up to christmas family/friends asking me and my sis what we want
>I usually just asked for one thing from my parents and wasn't bothered about what else I was given
>Sister tells everyone, I want trolls, Literally everyone is told this
>Parents, Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts evreywhere she goes she just wants fucking trolls
>Xmas morning arrives, I receive a shit load of cool surprises and Dad fakes me out not getting the one thing I asked for, he hides it in the kitchen, BOOM action man helicopter
>Look over at sister, shes opened about 5 trolls now, multicolored hair and shitty plastic everywhere
>She keeps going, more trolls she starts to get annoyed
>My parents begin to realize also, she nearly finished now and is surrounded by shitty fucking trolls loads of them are the same
>She bursts into tears, wahhhhh all i have is trolls, some are the same
>Parents tell her thats you asked for, you aid you wanted trolls from everyone
>Im grinning away playing with action man and dr x and other cool shit
>She starts to get pissed at me, seeing my enjoyment
>'user thinks its funny!'
>I do and reply with 'Shut up you troll'
>She flies into a rage tries to kick shit over and storms to her room
>My mom is pissed off and confused by the troll army at her feet and tells me to not be mean
>My dad is chuckling away
Sister always pulled this shit, ungrateful troll loving cunt
>eating candy canes with brother on Christmas Eve
>he jumps up and smacks me
>tries to take off running
>trip him
>slams hard
>gets up with candy cane stabbed into his arm deep
>family spends night at hospital
bump
wut, explain
>be me
>be about 7 or 8
>walk down stairs on Christmas Eve night
>think I wanted something to eat
>see parents wrapping presents
>they look at me
>I shrug
>walk back up stairs
I know that's a lame story but I wanted to bump this thread but not just say bump.
2awkward
>watching MTV when I was a kid at grandmas house during Christmas
>bored cause family party
>run dmc Christmas song video comes on
>half way through my grandma throws a fit and turns of the tv slamming the remote down
>goes on a rant about niggers and jungle bump music
>calls me a porch monkey and she'll lunch me if she catches me watching nigger filth again
>parents immediately take me and my sister home
>never saw grandma after that
That's a bad ass story my man
is she retarded or...?
>Things that never happened.
Nope, just a fucking idiot at times
Fuck her the Run DMC Christmas song is great
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
>be 9
>younger brother is 6
>mothers out drinking as per usual
>dad falls asleep around 11
>my brother and me have the idea after midnight "WELL ITS CHRISTMAS NOW SO LETS OPEN THE PRESENTS
>sneak all our presents down to our bedroom and open them
>broke half our toys from trampling/etc
>mother comes back at around 1-2am and freaks out
>dad got kicked out for not monitoring us
and thats the story of how me and my little brother ruined christmas.
Who gets a teen girl a flashlight for christmas?
For reading books at night in her bedroom, ugly people stay at night doing stuff like that
> dad comes home drunk from work Christmas party
> flirting with my mom in front of us asking to go to bed for sex
> mom gets pissed and says he has a small dick
> dad throws Christmas tree at mom
> mom kicks him out
>good times
>
>throws christmas tree at mom
>"you have a small dick"
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"
kek.
I get this nigga
>wake up for Christmas
>notice stockings don't have anything in them
>bright little sarcastic fuck I was "Hey mom I think Santa forgot to fill the stockings"
>oh shit I mean shoot
>went back to our rooms while parents filled the stockings
Not interesting I know but whatever
What the fuck
>Christmas eve
>parents getting us ready for bed
>out of fucking no where, SANTA CLAUS!
>guy dressed as Santa bursts through the door
>ho, ho, ho, has anyone here been good?
>ask us what we want
>tells us to go to sleep and he'll be back with presents
>go to sleep
>wake up
>presents under the tree
ffwd a few years
>be 24
>talking with family about memorable Christmases
>bring up story above
>parents chime in when I'm done
>That was pretty fucking terrifying for us user.
>parents had no fucking clue who the Santa was
>never found out
>mom had the phone at the ready
>dad had a bat behind his back
Yeaaaaah oooookay buddy
>be 5ish
>mom makes crochet snowflakes for the tree
>soaks them in a sugar, water, and elmer's glue mixture to keep them stiff
>I taste one
>fucking delicious
>end up sucking the sugar glue out of all the snowflakes
>parents think I'm a retarded glue eater
>put me in after school catch up classes until I'm 10
>teacher finally tells my parents that I don't need the classes
be rocking 16 year old,
smashing all the presents up in anger.
ah those where the good days
what do you find unbelievable about it?
He's a lying newfag
This particular year, my grandpa had died in September. Him and grandma had been together for like 50 odd years.
Every Christmas the family gets together and does a secret santa of a bottled item and a food item. Everyone brings one of each, they get shuffled and you get a random food item and bottled item.
My older brother, who is not autistic but may aswell be, decides that his bottled item would be a bottle of sex lube. So he wraps it up, chucks it into the pile and it gets handed to dear old grandma. The look on her face when she opened it made me cringe in a way I thought not possible. Was incredibly awkward, one of my uncles ended up swapping it for a bottle of wine he got. Everyone felt terrible.
Most of them knew it was from my brother but no accusations were thrown out, it was just super awkward and depressing.
tl;dr my older bro gave my recently widowed grandmother a bottle of sex lube for secret santa and ruined christmas.
Christmas was the one time of year my parents made an effort to get along, always loved it cause of that. When I was very young at least.
Actually I've got a good one.
>be awkward sexually repressed teen, experimenting with sticking things up my arse
>use crisco as lube, it's what all the queers online use
>mom's a nosy controlling fuck, won't stay out of my room
>one night i'm in bed, she comes in and tells me she's just gonna clean up a little, probably had some scheme she's gonna find something and confront me idk
>we're always arguing cos i think she should stay out but she's shrill as fuck and arguing with her is like talking to a screaming leaf blower so i cave this time
>she's going through stuff on my shelf. I keep the crisco cornhole grease on a spoon behind a book (fuck i was a greasy teenager)
>anxiety setting in as i watch her get closr to it
>im sure she knew i was up to some weird stuff, at the time tho i deluded myself into thinking i was keeping my fetishes a secret for comfort so i was always terrified if anyone found out
>she reaches behind book and pulls out spoon, i jump out of bed and snatch it away and she hurries off like she found king tut's golden fucking dildo
>don't speak of it
>xmas me and my brothers all get life-brand personal lube as a "joke"
>she thinks she's being subtle and supportive, im ready to break a glass bauble and slit my wrists
>dad gets real upset and starts asking her why she got that stuff for us
>they leave room and have a discussion, come back and we finish unwrapping presents, except dad just sits there scowling with arms folded whole time
>oh well mom made sure dad was alienated from our family, fuck what he thinks. Back to shoving everything in the pantry up my grease trap
And that's part of the reason why i hate people. Merry christmas Sup Forums
>tard wranglers
lost hard
your mother is a negative cunt stay away from her
>be me
>go into another country for christmas
>they have a big fish in the bathroom for christmas
>it was swimming and i liked to touch it
>it felt glibbery and was interesting to watch in the bathroom
>needs to live in the water there so it gets clean inside or something
>for christmas it was part of the culture to eat them fish.
>the neighbor came took the fish
>he killed it with hammer
>blood.jpg
>i was very excited about how its gonna be
> all said its gonna taste great
>grandmother makes best meals i know
>mfw the fish tastes bad
>mother and grandmother tell me i need to put the scales into my wallet in order to get money next yeah
>mfw i have fish scales in my pocket for a whole year
from full an hero to full hero
how new are you
if 41+1==42:
return yes
for m in range (18):
return Faggot
how do you do that in the few years after high school where you financially depend on your parents
Var
n: integer;
Begin
Repeat
n := n+1;
Until n = 18
Writeln('I am ', n,' faggot');
Readln();
End;
Out:
I am 1 faggot
I am 2 faggot
I am 3 faggot
I am 4 faggot
I am 5 faggot
I am 6 faggot
I am 7 faggot
I am 8 faggot
I am 9 faggot
I am 10 faggot
I am 11 faggot
I am 12 faggot
I am 13 faggot
I am 14 faggot
I am 15 faggot
I am 16 faggot
I am 17 faggot
I am 18 faggot
> if your output was right, then: post me my output
>if not, correct me and then do the same
>be me
>30
>disappear for year and half to go on whimsical heroin binge in Philly crackhouses
>2 days before Christmas show up on parents doorstep now homeless
>mery christmis famly.
wow you guys are really pro coders!! i want to learn this advanced code how many years it took?????????
have you even read our fucking code ?
You would know dude, you would know.
It's clear for me that you were in Poland, eating carp and all this scale tradition so "money keeps with you", Merry Christmas anons !
Out:
I am 18 faggot
> The Writeln is out of the repeat loop
>Loop only ends when n=18
good guess is all im saying.
Really? How was it?
yeah i should have noticed.
Only took 2 weeks
> iz dis baet?
>christmas dinner
i wish that was my grandma
Nah, carp for christmas is polish, lots of britfags know this.
Least your sane enough to know it tastes bad
top kek
>you bait him
>the baitception is real
You are jon snow on your little island of westeros in the north.
philly crackhouses? Jesus christ that must've been a grimy year. Ever make it to camden or chester?
Bitter-sweet. They told me that the only gift I would get for Christmas would be their roof over my head and that the only gift I needed to give them was the peace of knowing that I was alive.
Was her name Grandma Sup Forums?
>be me
>be 15 or 16 or someshit at the time
>me and my younger cousin he's like 12 or 13, fuck if I remember. whaterver, he's younger than me and a little bit spergtistic.
>he's just started to get into proper video games, I had setup his steam account recently at the time.
>we both get PSPs and MGS:PO
>playing deathmatch together
>ofcourse I am crushing him
>looks like he's about to cry
>let him get a kill
>excitement overrides his reasoning
>he tea bags my corpse
>announces this to the entire family with
>HAHA LOOK, I AM TEABAGGING YOUR DEAD CORPSE HAHAHA
>tfw explaining videogame teabagging to extended family on christmas whilst tipsy and stoned.
now post my out
Grimy for sure, but I had money to last for a while. Finally when I was beaten, robbed and left in a trunk reality hit me and I decided to detox and try to get my shit together. I tend to avoid Camden with all my willpower, though tough when I need to attend concerts. One of my good friends lives in Wilmington, so typically will cop in Chester when we hang out to avoid 95 traffic into Philly and avoid crappy drugs in Wilmington.
anime was a mistake
>shut up you troll
KEK
I personally like getting tools and things for Christmas.
Tactical flashlights with the alternate charging methods, Knives with Firesteel, multi-tools/pocket knives. etc.
you sound like an overall shit person... everybad situation you get your self in "better just try and kill my self"
> Error. Our system thinks your post is spam.
no it will simply say
yes
This happened to my family every other year.
People dressed as scary clowns harrassing people in 2016... completely legit.
Neighbor walking into peoples houses dressed as Santa in the 90s, probably while drunk... FAKE.
>be me 6-7 at the time
>have abusive stepmom
>throw up on my blanket because she makes shit food
>christmas morning
>throwup still on blanket because if i told her i threw up on it id get beaten
>she takes it from my room and lays it down near the fireplace
>she doesnt notice
>mfw
i hope the stupid cunt gets eaten by a pack of angry reindeer
are you new here or is this your first time reading a greentext story?
i dont even know what tard wrenglers is faggot
>im fag
I thought it would be like this
> mfw I took 5 minutes to upload this photo
dont take the bait Sup Forumsro
At least your grandma had chacter.
...
>be 12
>Christmas time with family and cousin has a newly born baby boy
>kids called Dylan
>first baby I've come across so freaked out abit
>family talk about what he could be in the future
>"what do you think Dylan will be when he grows up user?"
>"ummm I think he will be a dildo because dildo sounds like dylan"
>family look at me in shock
>"well his nickname could be dildo"
>"user do you know what that means?"
>"i don't know someone in school said that someone else was one and it was a good thing"
fast forward 15 years later
>dylan is now 16
>gets present off him
>opens it infront of family
>he bought me a fucking dildo and wrote his name on it just so I would remember it...
> At least your grandma had chacter
> had chacter
>chacter
> At least
Yeah, chacter is quite rare these days...
cunning bastards...
it's so obvious now you've pointed it out.
sorry I let you down.
>mfw you didnt juist write it down here
also:
runfile('C:/Users/Ändi/kek Sup Forums', wdir='C:/Users/Ändi')
File "C:/Users/Ändi/kek Sup Forums", line 9
return yes
^
SyntaxError: 'return' outside function
> mfw when it wasn't uploaded because 'We think your post is spam'
> SyntaxError: 'return' outside function
> SyntaxError
> 'return' outside function
You using lazarus?
Could have said "heard I can kill flies and mosquitos with an oil trap".
Calmly, without jumping for it.
why do i get syntax error lol im really bad at this
no
What program you using then?
Python? C++?
python
Got a good laugh from this one
I may be going out on a limb, but are you familiar with the name 'Doran'?
>Doran
Abbas Doran, Iranian IRIAF fighter Pilot
Ann Doran, character actress
Beauchamp Doran, British soldier
Bill Doran (disambiguation)
Tom Doran, baseball player
Charles Guilfoyle Doran, 19th-century Irish republican
Chris Doran, singer
Colleen Doran, comic book writer and artist
Daryl Doran, soccer player
Frank Doran (disambiguation)
Gerry Doran, Irish rugby union international
Jamie Doran, documentary filmmaker
John Doran (disambiguation)
John James Doran, Medal of Honor recipient
Juno Doran, artist
Kelly Doran, politician
Madeleine Doran, literary critic, poet
Matt Doran, actor
Michael Doran, politician
Rob Doran, member of rock band Hard Corps
Steve Doran, disc jockey
Thomas G. Doran, American Roman Catholic bishop
Tony Doran, hurler
W. J. Doran, American politician, Missouri senator
Walter Doran, admiral
William Doran, politician
William C. Doran, associate justice of the California Court of Appeal
Places
Doran, Kerman, Iran
Ben Doran, mountain in Scotland
Doran, Minnesota
Doran Regional Park in Sonoma County, California
Ships
USS Doran (DD-185), Wickes-class destroyer
USS Doran (DD-634), Gleaves-class destroyer
Fictional characters
Vala Mal Doran, Stargate SG-1 character
Old King Doran, Demon's Souls character
Add 'Gordon Doran, computer science teacher' to that list
I dont know him. Is he your teacher or sth ?
>not using notepad++