Sup Sup Forums, i have a serious issue and I need help

Sup Sup Forums, i have a serious issue and I need help
So I was taking a shit, and midway through wiping, my toilet clogged up completely, no water draining through, and I'm not done wiping, dont have a plunger, bucket, window or anything, what do I do?

Fart slightly

Well, shower to clean your arse first.

Next, squirt like half a bottle of dish soap into the bowl, dump 2 L of hot water on top of it, leave it for an hour. The soap will make the clog "slippery" and the hot water will cause the toilet paper to break down faster.

Then, flush. The bowl should fill almost to the top then unplug with a pretty awesome sound.

If it doesn't, well... get a plumber.

Fist ubend. amputate arm. use Obamanarion care to get robot arm. use robot arm for gay porn. profit.

pour a gallon of HF in there

Go to the dollar store and get a plunger nigger. By the time you're done reviewing this thread you could have made several trips

timestamp and pics
DEUS VULT

A couple of issues, I live in an appartment and th shower is in a cpmpletely different room, the toilet is filled to the brim with water (blue due to me using alot of dish soap) and its sat there for like an hour

Literally cant, in the shitter rn

Ok. You got a roll of packing tape? The clear, wide stuff?

Make the rim of the toilet completely dry and remove the seat. Put strips of packing tape over the bowl til it's completely covered, make the strips overlap on the edges and make sure they're stuck down all around the rim.

Then, put your hands in the middle of the tape and push down. The sudden increase in pressure should unclog the pipe.

There's videos on youtube if you're confused at all.

Also, don't give me any fucking excuses otherwise I'll tell you just to enjoy your shitty clogged toilet because you clearly don't want it fixed.

My dubs demand it. You must. You stand up, take a pic, and with your shit you must write on the wall behind you so that we can all see it.

YOu might have to just reach your hand in and mash the turds down the pipe yourself then...

In the shitter, all we have here is toilet soap and toilet paper, not even a working sink

what's the point of having soap with no sink?

Then fuck off and figure it out yourself, you excusemaking timewasting cunt.

If your answer to everything is "nope, can't do that" then it's pretty fucking obvious what your only choice is, and that's ENJOY YOUR NEW, CLOGGED, NONWORKING SHITTER.

I'm curious as to why you would need running water to finish wiping your ass. Clean your ass with toilet paper and get off the toilet and wash your ass with soap, water, and a cloth if you need. once your ass is clean, then you can deal with the clogged toilet.
just how retarded are you?

take a coat-hanger, twist it and bend it so you can stick in down your toilet and break up or dislodge your clog. And then go out and buy a plunger because this is probably going to happen again

this. I hope that OP's toilet isn't as clogged as the OP pic

you can't clean yourself with toilet paper? Nobody ever taught you to wipe properly with plain toilet tissue? you need soak your ass in the toilet bowl? you are really dumb

timestamp with shit from yo butthole

Came here to say this.

drag your ass across a carpet like a dog

Your going wrist deep in the poopies.

Toilet soap, for washing the toilet, the toilet leaks, but the sink leaks alot, we're renovating it in january

what if he's only got tile? He's going to make an excuse as to why he can't do that anyway, so I might as well just do it for him

This.

Pour lots of bleach in bowl
Wait 30-60 min
Flush toilet

oh ok. I want to know if your toilet is clogged like your OP pic? Surely you didn't cram THAT much TP in did you?

Eat up you wasteful nigger

unmount toilet from the floor, unclog the line (now that you're closer to it since the toilet it out of the way), get new toilet gasket, reinstall toilet to floor, finish wiping

forgot to say "turn off water"