ITT: people that definitely have not had sexual relations

ITT: people that definitely have not had sexual relations

pic unrelated

Look at those fuck me eyes

I could go for something to drink...something healthy that I could bring with me on the go. Anyone have any ideas?

Water

any particular brand?

That might work. But there are so many different brands. If only I knew the specific one...

I saw Ryan Gosling at a grocery store in LA yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like four cans of coke in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the cans and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each can and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

Well you'd probably want something sizable

>any particular brand?

ITS WATER, IT COMES FROM THE EARTH

Drink bleach elitist fuck.

filtered tap water. don't fall for the bottled water meme.

Imagine being Arnold in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Jamie Curtis, you fuckin' fine, all sexy with your tight body and horrific androgynous monster face. I would totally have sex with you, both my character and the real me." when all he really wants to do is fuck another 16 year old in his dressing room. Like seriously imagine having to be Arnold and not only sit in that chair while Jamie Lee Curtis flaunts her disgusting body in front of you, the favorable lighting barely concealing her stretchmarks and leathery skin, and just sit there, take after take, hour after hour, while she perfected that dance. Not only having to tolerate her monstrous fucking visage but her haughty attitude as everyone on set tells her she's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, JAMIE LEE CURTIS LOOKS LIKE THAT?? because they're not the ones who have to sit there and watch her mannish fucking gremlin face contort into types of grimaces you didn't even know existed before that day. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of blondes and supermodels and later alleged rape victims for your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the boonies in Austria. You've never even seen anything this fucking disgusting before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on her dimpled stomach as she sucks it in to writhe it suggestively at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to sit there and revel in her "statuesque (for that is what she calls herself)" beauty, the beauty she worked so hard for with personal trainers in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could kill every single person in this room before the studio security could put you down, but you sit there and endure, because you're fucking Arnold. You're not going to lose your future political career over this. Just bear it. Hide your face and bear it.

...

They are very good friends and call each other peanut.

>water comes from the earth

It comes from the sky you fucking mong, you know, that wet stuff that comes down when its raining!?

...

>implying Abrams could even get it up

The guy screams performance anxiety

She's stunning

He probably forced her to do other things.

Sex? Nah. Ridley just tied him up & punished him. She looks like that kind of girl.

...

buttshtuff.

you mean he told her to shtekn epes in ir tokhes?

E V I A N
V
I
A
N

this picture makes me so flaccid

the look in her eye, you just KNOW they weren't into it

hayden christensen is known to be THE most boring guy in hollywood, possibly one of the most dull in the world. his cock has been described as "moderately phallus-like", with a negligible thickness that would rival russell brand and a keebler elf. im estimating his height to be at most 5.8' knees pressed, with OVER 7" of bad hair. he would have absolutely dried out portman's pussy.

they would have spent hours and hours on foreplay, getting herself wet enough just so she can tell him she has a headache and maybe they can try again tomorrow. i can just imagine her (sarcastically) begging for it, with hayden barely able to remove his pants before forgetting his lines, and portman moaning and squirming, demanding him to finish the scene so she can go find neeson's trailer and audition to be his personal toilet slave. she would have yawned within seconds of taking hayden's entire length, being filled and stretched right up to the first few inches of her vagina. the orgasm would have been nonexistent, with her unworked vaginal muscles clamping down on hayden's vienna sausage, her whole body quivering in sexual frustration..

i bet she still cringes to the memory of it

This fucking pasta is so fucking dumb.
It's all just a big setup for the "infetterence" joke wich is such a stupid joke.
So how come I laugh so hard everytime?

I saw Rooney Mara at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything.

She said, “Y-you too.”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” while trying to talk to her but she kept shuffling away and staring into the distance and fiddling with her fingers in front of me. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her sob as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen SpaghettiOs cans in her cart without paying.

The guy at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Ma'am, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be normal and hear him, but eventually turned back around and told him that she didn't know how stores worked.

When he took one of the cans and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped him and told him to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and swished her cape. I don’t even think that’s a normal item of clothing. After he scanned each can and put them in her cart and started to say the price, she kept interrupting him by saying that Kate had the money.

Ya, punkt!

>I woke up yesterday with a splitting headache. Too much Burgundy, too much cocaine, and too much of her.
>"Devendra! Devendra!" When I open my eyes I swear that Natalie was watching herself in The Professional. Ever since my publicist hooked me up with this lew (what gentiles like me call lame jews) I have been enduring a never ending stream of this bullshit.
>"How much do you want to fuck the thirteen year old me?" she said. "Tell me."
>"That's gross," I said. Also, the first time we slept together, afterwards she asked me if that was how they did it in Venezuela. "Absolutely not," I told her.
>"When did you lose your virginity?" she said, dancing on the bed. "Tell me and I'll tongue your balls."
>"I'm still a virgin," I said. "I'm going to order some papayas."
>"Get me the huge." 'Huge' in the Portman family parlance, she had informed me during our first meal, meant, 'the usual'. She reminded me of Anna Faris in Just Friends.
>When we met, it seemed great.
>We were halfway through a MOMA screening of Conrad Clark's eulogy for Beijing when Natalie whispered in my ear, "l can't tell any of these characters apart." This somehow seguewayed into a 40 minute argument about the Palestinian-Israeli conflict. By the time she was going down on me in the bathroom closest to the Cy Twombly mural she felt we were closer than ever. Me, I wanted to refute her supposed concessions at Gaza and lecture her parents for hours.
>Also, she has a tiny vagina. So tiny. Sounds great, right? But whenever it starts getting uncomfortable at all, she lets me know. Again, not a problem in itself, but instead of being like, slow down guy, she starts yelling, "Poopsikins! Poopsikins!" The first time she said it I was looking around for the camera.
>My agent talked me down after our first MOMA fight. "Take it easy, D," he recommended. "She's a great girl, you just have to get to know her better. Also, just going out with her sold 40,000 copies of Smokey Rolls Down Thunder Canyon."

i cant even imagine how good rough sex with daisy would be