I feel so fuckin' old Sup Forums

I feel so fuckin' old Sup Forums
And I don't mean that in a pedantic or age way either. I feel tired and not even sure if I still have the will to go on (not talking suicide, guys. One trip to a state run mental hospital will make you think twice from then on, should you fuck up and not die).

I'm 32 but feel as if I am 80 on the inside. My life story is strange and uncommon and I might just be some sort of new age Marco Polo. I've done and seen stuff that most of us on here just talk or joke about. Will tell those that are interested, just pull up a chair and grab a drink. Ask me or ask for advice.

I'll tell you of how I have lived and worked in 6 different countries (not military)... How I got tattooed by a rock star...What it is like in jails of different countries...the types of discussion that one would have while drinking with a Yakuza...How to get a three some with a couple of South Korean girls...what it is like to work for a giant Japanese company for a huge paycheck...what it feels like to break someone's eye socket...how I came to be in the Ukraine before the shit hit the fan (my pic) etc.

What country that you've been in has the best orange juice?

Is pic related user? It's pretty badass regardless.

None of those stories sound too above average.

I'd have to say Jamaica.
Don't know what it was, but it tasted real.
Went there on a trip when I was 15. I remember two things: that amazing orange juice and the goats on the run way of the airport.

Not fucking joking, actual goats.
The food is also really good and the weed is great. Don't walk into Kingston's dance halls.

Why would anyone in the land of Kalashnikovs be holding an SKS? That shit's for selling to Americans.

this

Just tell your story

Yes.
Happened before the war with Russia. I was on a business trip and got stuck with the craziest "minder" that's ever walked God's earth.

I was sent by Caterpillar Japan to help broker some deals for some engines they needed. First night there, after dinner, Alex (as he called himself) told me we would be having fun the Ukrainian way.

Two hours later, I'm holding his mother's cat, a bottle of what I can only guess was rocket fuel, and a rifle of dubious origin.

I shot a cow by accident.
Got the deal passed and got the fuck outta there

Eh, I've not met many that have done the same. On the other hand, everyone around me seems so hopeful or ready to go.
Call me jaded.

Just what was handed to me.
I hold German, Irish and US citizenship.
I prefer German firearms.

OK.
32 years old. 3/4 German and 1/4 Irish.
Born in Germany and hold citizenship in Germany, Ireland and the US.

British educated via public (boarding) school.

Father is a failed architect, mother was a heroin addict and later prostitute. She died of an OD few years back. Parents divorced while I was young.

During the divorce trail, my father rightfully reported my mother's drug abuse. She fled Germany, taking young me and my younger brother. She took us to the US via France. She dumped us off at her father's house, thinking him there.

Grandfather was an Irish immigrant that became a first star general for the US Army. Was a chaplain and full of god stuff.

Thing was, he wasn't there. He was still in Germany doing his long tour. My brother and I wandered the streets of this little southern town, by ourselves, not knowing where we were or any English.

OK I'll admit that is an interestin set up so continue

Fascinating story. So what happened to you and your brother happened to you in the early days?

Well, didn't take long for the South Carolina police to see two boys in their pajamas, each with two little suitcase rollers.

This town is the type of one main road sort of set up where everyone knows every body and is fucking their cousin.

Cop pulls over and tries to ask us what we were doing. I spoke very little English and couldn't understand fuck all of a southern drawl accent.

When I spoke to him in German, fucking Deputy Barney looked at me as if lobsters were crawling out of my ears.

To be fair, I know that my mother tongue does sound like a type writer being force-fed tin foil and being kicked down a flight of stairs.

Well, words came to action and it took the cops three days to find someone that spoke German. Upon hearing my story they immediately placed us in a foster home, contacted the US Army at Fort Jackson to get ahold of my grandfather (I didn't know his real name at the time) and put out a warrent for my mother's arrest.

Back then, with no internet and such, things were a bit more slow. My brother and I would wind up spending two weeks in this Boy's farm as they called it.

I called it a living hell.

On my 7th night there, I saw an older kid rape a younger one. I also got my ass kicked daily by the other boys. I didn't understand a word they said and got my ass kicked so hard, my shit had foot prints in it.

I was bored but not anymore, go on OP

When you say you had a threesome with 2 Korean girls, I can't think of anything but 2 D.Va's.

Tell me more about [Threesome with 2 Koreans]

>>German OP

"My mother tongue does sound like a type writer being force-fed tin foil and being kicked down a flight of stairs"

"got my ass kicked so hard, my shit had foot prints in it"

O shit my sides

I was away for a while but im still here op. Please tell me more if you haven't abandoned thread yet.

Going to South Korea is cheaper than going from Osaka (Japan) to Tokyo.

I'd spend my three or four day vacations in Seoul.

I was about 25 at the time. I have always had a habit of blending into my surroundings and mingling with the culture of where I lived at the time.

So I dressed in a fashion like young eastern Asian men. Pic related, me at that time.

I recommend doing this if you plan to pick up the best ass in Asia.
In South Korea, Gangnam is the place to be.

I was just walking around and went into a bar. Because of my graces and manner (thank you, British boarding school) I didn't have much problem getting in and no one did the usual racist stuff that is in the air of Korea.

I sit, talk with the bar tender when I also happen to buy a glass of champagne for this fit young Korean girl.

She was shy at first and used her friend as back-up, I suppose. To break the tension, I also naught the friend a glass too.

My Korean wasn't so bad, and their English was passable. Joke after joke and compliment after compliment led them (and me) to drink more and they said they would show me around.

4 bars later, enough alcohol to fuel a submarine and we were at one of the apartments of one of the girls.

I confessed I found them both attractive and I felt so "ashamed" of such feelings and asked forgivness.

Bingo. Right cord and key.

We all start touching and kissing and there I was, in Seoul. 5AM. Naked and fucking two kinky girls.

Getting our of their apartment proved far more of a trail and adventure.

>pic related
>pic

Quite alright. Takes me a moment to type it all out.

After my grandmother came over and got us out of the foster home,she took us to her house and cleaned us up. I was very lost, confused and trying my best at 8 to keep it together.

Three weeks later my grandfather flies over and tells me that my father has gone bankrupt over the court case and all. He then said my father couldn't care for us and that I was to be placed in my grandfather's care.

I didn't want that. I wanted to go home.

But, funny thing about adults, right? We never really listen to children.

Well, Grandfather thought , since he, himself was a proper Irishmen (born and raised in Galway) that I should have a proper education to learn English (and hopefully snag a future EU post pre-shengen zone time).

So he packed me off to jolly old by myself where I entered a particular boarding school for boys.

Very traditional.

Like Hogwarts, except no girls, magic, or fun.

On the plus side, I learned through this I had a knack for a couple of things.

Business, language and science.

I learned business by becoming a sort of dealer in my school.

How did you get to English boarding school?

Sorry, didn't load for some reason. Here it is.
Taken out in Seoul itself.
Yeah, I know. I look silly. It's their sense of fashion.

My maternal grandfather was a first star general for starters (money and social position).
I was also a European and wasn't too dim. So the school took me on and enrolled me into an intensive English course first. I picked English up extremely quickly.

They did, unlike most of South Carolina, actually have staff that spoke German. So when they gave me a question for an essay I had to write for them in order to gain admittance... Well, let us just say it wasn't too difficult for them.

On the other hand, I don't get why they would ask 8 and 9 year olds to explain their ideas on such difficult hyperbolic questions.

Such as: what would one do if they were prime minister and what would one do to explain to the media why the police used lethal force on the citizenry in a violent riot.

Brilliant. Ask 8 and 9 year olds this kind of question.

I'm fascinated by this story. I grew up in Europe and America back and forth, but man - silver spoon. Anyway, as soon as I got married, everything turned to boring ho-hum. Here's some advice - don't give this up. You're being awesome, continue being so. You do not want to die the way I am likely to - on a pillow.

>>Like Hogwarts, except no girls, magic, or fun.

You've got a gift for gab, OP. I'll give you that. Keep going.

>(my pic)
bye, faggot

Op pls hurry with the story.
You goat raping faggot. Only good thing on Sup Forums right now

--A toast to you, my fellow Atlantic crosser.
I wish I were of a silver spoon sort, but not now and wasn't for very much longer while I was in the boarding school.

I feel your pride and sorrow, old boy.

If it makes you feel any better-- I would later, in my teenage years, find myself homeless in Canada. I would be nearly penniless in Japan when I moved there at 24.

I would later quit being a Japanese highschool teacher and make a name for myself in Japanese business. Making 5 or 6 K a month. Flying all around...
And then go right back down to bottom when I finally moved back to Germany.

Tattooed by a rockstar- elaborate
Also have you or will you write a book and if so what will you call it?

Go right ahead. I'm not terribly scared of you nor anyone.
I'm too old for bullshit.

Dude, leave OP alone. He's interesting and that's something special on Sup Forums these days. Fucking edgelords man.

This is the first interesting thread I've seen on Sup Forums in months/ Don't fuck it up faggots

He was implying that you should find friends and take your blog post of Sup Forums. I however am enjoying the story so please continue.

cont. please

Write a book if you have the motivation. Or you can skip town and head to Arizona where i can interview you and hook you up with a writer.

this

SquattingSlavs/photos/a.106582723007359.1073741828.106568036342161/357119021287060/?type=3

My first tattoo on my left shoulder. Done by Lars Frederiksen.
Its the Rancid punker. He and I are chums, I suppose one could say.
Course, that was back before they became rather famous.

Here I am, 18 and playing a gig. Was opening for Total Chaos, which was how I came to meet Lars.

on facebook / this, you put so much effort in made up stories thats sad, gtfo

Oh, I see. Apologies then, gentlemen.
I do have friends. Lots of them.
I am just at a low point in my life and, well...dunno...felt like sharing. Mostly because I don't usually talk about my life.

Where was I?

Hogwarts for faggots

Dude whateves. It might just be OP in the photo. It is obviously someone. So how are we not to know it isn't him?

Don't fuck this up faggot. I want to hear more.

this, cont. op

You weren't at any specific point in a story. We just like to hear bits of random information about your travels. Do you listen to woody guthrie?

Indeed, it is.
I'd even further say that the private educational system of Britain churns out more sociopathic in-the-closet homosexuals this side of North Dakota.

Mostly because the boys, in the infinate wisdom of classical education, don't see a female at all for years if they board year-round.

It is one thing to accidently see your classmate's cock in the changing room. It is an entirely different thing to see another classmate in the showers shoving a finger up his ass and giggling with other boys taking a shower beside him.

Ah, I see. Thank you kindly.
Alice's Restaurant is a masterpiece.

Long shot question from me, just because of the question from you:
Rich, is that you?

This is the first time I've ever seen an user apologize to people in a thread.

OP, you're alright.

Nope. I definitely don't recognize your pic from earlier so we do not know eachother. Would be pretty chill to have a conversation with you in person. I just asked if you listened to Guthrie because the similarities with vagrancy.

>>he private educational system of Britain churns out more sociopathic in-the-closet homosexuals this side of North Dakota.

Dude he's writing lines already for you. Comedy gold

Yes it's hunter thompson-esque shit that can make for a good book.

OP you need to post faster mein nigga

This thread has the potential to go down in Sup Forums history

More specifically this OP

Stop interrupting. OP finish the fucking story!!! :)

Ah, a putty.
I asked because a Scottish close friend of mine and I bonded over that song in Japan.

He had an extremely remarkable tale of how he and his then girlfriend in the Summer of 2012 went all the way from London to Osaka Japan by basically hitch hiking all the way.

Not joking. They only flew one time. From London to Frankfurt in Germany.

They cut through Greece and Turkey, into Iran and through all the Stans that most of us forget because they are insignificant in the state of affairs.

We sat in a Japanese park with a Sony walkman playing the hilarious song. We were drinking the high end (meaning actual beer in Japan) beer called Yebisu gold. The cicada noise was deafening.

I recall, at that moment, a sensation of fear about the future. That I was doomed to not have a house or not do something everlasting.

He and I then talked about what was important in life. I said I thought that immortality is gained only by leaving something so profound that the world doesn't want to forget you.

Then he made a Hitler joke.

It was a great moment for an existential crisis.

So how do you manage sleeping and bathing?

Pitty***

I shall endeavour to please, gentlemen.

Another interesting moment is when I found myself engaged to a Mongolian girl by accident.
Or when I met my future Japanese wife.
How I became the private teacher and aide to a Brazilian football(soccer player) player that was then signed to Vissel Kobe (Japanese J-League team).

Or my stay at the Wu-Dang mountain school to finish learning Baguazhang.

Or how I became an Oddfellow and then a Mason.

My drop-out of veterinary school, perhaps?

My younger brother becoming a heroin addict himself and sharing a needle with our mother (it would be her last needle. She OD'd that night).

Or how I came to find Sup Forums in my first year of college, back in 04' (because SA turned to shit).

I'm terribly sorry, but I don't follow. Could you elaborate?

How you found Sup Forums
freemason
Mongolian girl
Japanese wife
IN THAT ORDER

>>so the world doesn't want to forget you
>>then he made a Hitler joke. It was a great moment for an existential crisis.

Guys I am fucking crying over here

Like where do you sleep at night if yo are homeless. Do you have a vehicle? I used to slerp in my car when i was homeless.

Sleep* obviously.
Bt i supposed i slerped at some point during my homeless days.

OP JUST START POSTING STORIES IN A LOGICAL PROGRESSION STOP TANTALIZING US FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY

ya, this

Ok, very well.


Well, I had gotten kicked out of boarding school when I was about 14 and a half and so made a return back to the US. My grandfather had already retired from the military.

He had been diagnosed with that ultra-rare disease that almost every episode of HOUSE MD tried to use for the daily "what's wrong with the sick cunt in yonder room".

Shit wrecked my poor grandfather. This man was one of my idols. He had fought in the Korean war and twice in Vietnam. He was in the staff of Westmoreland, for fuck's sake. Although, he did say once that Westmoreland was about an able general as "a walrus' anus as a musical instrument "

In any case, he had high hopes for me to transfer to Eton and then in to Oxford.

But owing to my expulsion from school for hitting another student round the canister with a cricket bat, those plans were soured.

And then I went punk in highschool. Mostly because I was angry and didn't like the South. Also, because I wanted to get laid. And at that time, man was it a good time to turn actual punk.

I deceived myself thinking I had talent for art (cont.)

This is all very golden. A tiny bit sad, yet golden. Go on with the sad times and how you got out of them. If there's one thing Sup Forums needs, it's motivation to keep heading forward and you seem to have lots of it.

I was homeless in Canada.
I lived in Victoria, BC.
I was going to university there after I transfered from SCAD.

I drove across the US from Georgia all the way to the tip of Washington State (Port Angeles) doing what any btard would do...

I was chasing pussy.

Turned out that this pussy tricked me. Turns out it had been a fake ID. Turns out she was only 14 to my then 18. I later got engaged to her older, 17 year old girlfriend.

I stayed out of desperate love that we all have when young.

I stayed out of fear of having to go back to anywhere else. I stayed because Canadian Uni is rather fun. But because of strict Canada's laws can be, my funds were limited and I soon ran out of cash.

I lived in my car, until it got hit by an underaged driver and destroyed the Axel.

My slept outside near my gf/fiancé's home. Couldn't go in because her mother didn't like me (mostly out of grief for her 2nd husband that had dies of AIDS the year before--- really, everyone, not even joking).

Thanks for your stories. I wish i had more to offer to show my appreciation. Unfortunately i must leave for a while. Please continue to post some shit and i may be back in 30 mins or so to continue.

Anyone got a razor?

How'd you get money for car/gas?

I thought I could paint because I did it as a hobby and also because I painted Warhammer 40k minis.

Isn't it amazing how easily a young you could fool oneself so utterly that one's ego starts to eat itself?

Yeah, well that happened to me. At the same time, doing punk rock stuff in a band and chasing girls and annoying most of the people in school because I had excellent grades (they hates the Britishness of whatever I did and thought me pompous)--- I also spent a great deal of time on Something Awful.


Ahhhh, gentlemen... I wish you could imagine a time before Sup Forums where the content was fresh and pranks were the order of the day.

Then Rich Cant-I-Yank-Ya made us all start paying money to go in the forums.

I was enraged. But, whatever , I had university to go to. My German family encouraged me to go to US university and then German University for a better resume.

NOPE.jpg

Brilliance of the sun that I was, I thought art was my calling. I submitted my portfolio of paintings and photographs and even minis for 40k I had made from greenstuff.

They said I had a talent because of the minis and said my painting was about as good as dog shit in a ceral bowl. Ironically, I think that was an entry for a later art festival.

SCAD took me. My grandfather said I was "as queer as a football bat". He hadn't forgiven me for not taking the scholarship to the Citadel military college.

When I got to SCAD, the weirdest person at the dorms followed me around all god damned day-- mostly because I was the only " real" punk he had seen.
We became somewhat friends, because who am I to turn away a stalker?

He then starts to "prank" me as he put it by sliding paper-printed swastikas under my door.

He kept writing "for the lulz" on them. I, being German, knew what lulz means, but I was curious.

This was 2004 , before google really, so I asked Jeeves before it became redundant. No hits. So I threatend this twig of a hippie to tell me what the fuck he is doing.

He tells.me about Sup Forums. Jackass made a thread about me and putting swastikas under my door as a prank on the German kid with a British accent.

After we got an ice pack for his face (I punched him) he showed me the glory of this festering hole.
I have been here ever since.

Someone for the love of fuck screen cap this entire thread. This OP is pretty fucking great.

I worked under the table in Victoria for a high end restaurant/brewery. I basically would lug out the old beer or ale kegs and replace them.

I also recieved money from a college trust fund and various scholarships. As I said, despite my silky clothes at the time , I wasn't stupid and made grades good enough to where I never really worried or was stressed about school.

I graduated with honours and I suppose of my posh sort of speaking, most just (correctly) assumed my punk fashion was just a phase.

I just wish he could post faster desu

op I don't say this often but your actually fucking cool
Shit you've done is outrageous so far and the way you express yourself in writing is addictivethank you bro

Man you didn't get laid because your a smooth talker. Your just handsome is all. No homo.
I'd kill to have an aristocratic face like yours

This

I apologize. I am trying the best I can on my phone.

It is also 4 in the morning right now for me and my sodding pregnant Japanese wife is in the other room sleeping because we had an argument-- so I know she will spend the majority of the coming morning annoying me with her pass overaggressive antics.

Also, pic-- my little nest of vipers, herself, to whom I have been shackled to now for 6 years.

***passive aggressive

Damn you,autocorrect.

noice
keep story time rolling pls interdasting shit

Youve lived something amazing user.
Has it been worth it?
Would you take even a second of it back if you had the chance.

Hot wife! Can we get some nudes?

you should wright a biography of your life name it something like ( My Struggle a Sup Forums story )

Dude you're still killing me
>>my little nest of vipers
>>been shackled to

Is this something you learned during your time in the UK?

Natürlich.
I shall try, mein Kumpel.

srsly fuck off man hes poring his story out for you and all u can think of is nudes go to Brazzers with that shit

>How you found Sup Forums done
>freemason
>Mongolian girl
>Japanese wife
>IN THAT ORDER

keep it coming just remember to stick to the outline

If you haven't written a book yet, it would sell well.

2004...when basically a privileged few knew about 4chins? Before us oldfags? A true demigod of Sup Forums?

Thank you just for listening, old boy.
For me it hasn't been amazing, just sort of how life took me in its river.

There have been many times when I was tired or afraid. Stressed beyond reason or actually in danger of dying (twice so far).

I don't know of I would change anything.
I think that each of us lives with some sort of regret, no matter how small.

My ex fiancé comes to mind, sometimes. Not "I miss her and she was the one"--- because that is unhealthy.

Rather it would be, I would have liked to have not troubled her with me. I blame myself,most of the time for our split.
We were young and reckless. Trying to be mature in a world that was set against us. I nearly lost myself in those cracks of reality and a love/list that it took years to shake off.

But I am not sure about her. What bothers me most is that I hurt her in the same manner, but fragile thing she was, I am not sure if she will have ever gotten over it.

I just figure that one should just keep the stiff upper lip and ask life for another go.

Where were you applying?

Sorry, lad. Won't do that. There is a fine line between our comradeship on Sup Forums and my wife's tits.

Thank you kindly

If you haven't already, tell us the story about Yakuza

>716642643
sorry pal. you're generic.

OP, what's your German / Irish take on WW2? Were the "Nazis" the bad guys? Did the holocaust happen the way they tell us it did?

Yep, waiting for this one. plus I think he forgot about the prisons. would love to hear both in one post. thanks OP. good stuff.

I became an Oddfellow first. I tried to help revive the Oddfellows lodge in Japan after it stopped functioning in Japan in the 1800's. I had learned about the order by a chance meeting with a business associate from Denmark. I became fascinated by it all. I knew my Grandfather had been a mason and had to stop because he had gotten to sick to attend. But I never paid it much attention.

I made contact with the closest lodge for Oddfellows in the Philippines. I hadn't yet gone on a business trip to the Philippines but would not too long from then.

I made contact and recruited 18 other people to help form the resurrected lodge. I traveled to the Philippines on a business trip for my company and made time to be initiated into the order.

Afterwards, I went back home to Japan to prepare for the arrival of the reps from the US.
Shitty part was, none of the other 18 had any time to join now. There I was, the newly elected master of the lodge that didn't exist!

So, strangly, I am a member of the Philippines Oddfellowship by proxy.

During all this a Filipino member tapped me and told me I should get in contact with the Freemasons in Japan. Not the Japanese.lodge because they don't let non-Japanese join.

I then found the United grand Lodge of England and the Grand Lodge of Scotland to be in residence. I asked to join and soon after, I found myself wearing a kilt and a mason's apron.

I'll be honest, both orders have changed my life and can honestly say that it is a group of fellows that are kind and all around smashing.

I haven't been in a lodge now for years due to me moving, but I carry it with me everywhere.