What's the most unexpected, yet oddly-satisfying thing you've put your dick in?

What's the most unexpected, yet oddly-satisfying thing you've put your dick in?

I'm not talking about home-made flesh lights, vaginas, etc. I mean stuff you saw and thought "I could put my dick in that"

While we're here, the most unsatifying thing you put your dick in.

I put my dick in a raw chicken breast once when I had to cut a hole in for making kievs, it was underwhelming due to it having been in the fridge and no lube, but could have had potential.

Pic sort-of related; I saw orbeez in a balloon and thought it might have potential.

The mashed potatoes

Do guys really do this? What the

Really? I imagine they'd have to be pretty perfect to feel good? Not dry and not too sloppy?

Yes. Have you never seen a phallic object and thought it could have potential?

I'm assuming you have a vagina.

I took a shit in the bath once, it was moderate - not too hard or soft. Very fresh, and hot.

Anyway, thought it looked fuckable. So in I went.

Long story short, I fucked my own shit.

I can imagine the potential but I'll take your word for it.

Out of curiosity, why did you shit in the bath? Were you taking a bath at the time?

Glass jar full of marigolds thought if I put a lump of butter in there it just might work. It did it was so just I do it at least once a day every day

Good* not just

seriouslly, chiks put everything in the house inside of them but guys can´t stick their dick in stuff?

Isn´t it the same thing if a guy puts his dick in a chicken and a chick stuffing her cunt with a carrot or pickle or something

A teddy bear

Marigolds? As in the gloves, not the flowers?

As apposed to just shitting in the bath?

Blender

Pudding. Cold, but gold.

Vacuum cleaner. Came buckets. Much recommended.

Rupert!

I mean, was there a reason for shitting in the bath?

MY DOG MY CAT MY MOM and visions of putting my dick in OP

What sort of pudding?

Carefully peeled bananna skin, u bust through it very easily, but if u can keep intact well enough its pretty good. If its a few days old it has all its natural banana oils for lube.

>carefully peel banana
>eat banana
>fuck banana cock sleeve
.....
>profit

Things along the lines of hair brushes, make up tubes/brushes. But I'd never go overboard and rub my clit with raw chicken.

Well I once put one of those teeth flosser picks in my penis..felt good and came hard...got into sounding after that

I have actually done this one. The banana fruit makes a good lube too once you've fucked the skin to death.

Chocolate. It turned out to be a bad choice afterwards. You can imagine what it looked like..
Also the pudding was ruined. Worth it though.

But fruit and vegetables would be acceptable, no? I can't imagine any raw meat would have potential for female masturbation other than hotdogs/sausages.

Hmm, sounds interesting. Can you point me at a brand? UK here. And was it really ruined or did you just suddenly feel disgusted at the idea of eating your own cum once you came?

Personally, I wouldn't do it. Doesn't seem sanitary.

Regardless though, if it doesn't involve the clit it doesn't feel good anyways. It's a hard life.

A jar of this slime stuff I bought at 12 years old. A month later, I thought "This might make my dick feel nice" And I ended doing this until it kept sticking to my dick.

I used a glass dropper before now. Then I came to my senses and realised putting a hollow glass tube up there is NOT a good idea. I like the idea of sounding but I don't want to get carried away and end up with a massive pisshole.

A toddler

Seriously why wouldn't you want a massive pisshole

win

Yeah, it doesn't seem sanitary at all. I suppose having the insertable appendage has it's advantages, as would having the hole.

most satisfying: coffee or peanut butter
not put my dick in anything dissatisfying (yet)

My ex-gf's mouth, pussy, and asshole. It was unexpected because we had kind of dated a few years earlier, but she ended up friend zoning me. It was more of a friend's with benefits kind of deal I guess, but I was too much of a dumb-ass to take advantage like I should have--that's what trying to be all nice and sensitive gets you, because women want both nice, and aggressive. Then she married this retard Yankee faggot, who had a good job and shit, whereas I was in college and working fast food.

Five years later she started calling and writing telling me how much she loved me, and couldn't live without me, so I ended up fucking her brains out for about 6 months or so. It was totally unexpected, and very satisfying. Especially ass-fucking her in that diphit's bed.

I should try the peanut butter.

An 11 year old girl

I like squirting my cum and I feel like a larger hole would reduce the potential for this. And wouldn't it make pissing less predictable?

Your mom.

it is indeed oddly satisfying, at least with crunchy
the little bits of nuts aren't sharp, so they don't hurt

I guess it would. I don't think it's such a good idea.

Question: is smooth still a good option

OP here. I will accept this because you interpreted unexpected and satisfying in a different way and I totally empathise with how satisfying that must have been.

Are you still fucking her?

they are better with fleshlight mods

I've never tried, so I can't say for sure, but I'd assume that it'd still feel pretty decent

What form of coffee?

Thanks for the advice!

I'd try this but the only one I have access to is used in a 9-year old's sandwiches.

I know that appeals to some of you but I have somewhat a duty of care for this child.

I have 1 teaspoon coffee, 2 sugar, about 3/4 or 4/5 hot water, and then milk up to about the top.
It's weird, because it doesn't feel super hot against the dick, but the warmth is definitely there and makes it feel much better.

Would warm water not have the same effect?

Actually, I have used cup of tea and although not arousing, felt nice. I think I understand.

I fucked my own peanut butter once and then realized it was what was going to be used on my sandwhiches.

Not worth, honestly peanut butter fuck wasnt great and id rather have just had the sandwhiches instead of having to throw out perfectly good peanut butter

I wouldn't really recommend sticking your dick in a 9-year old's sandwich just to try it. Only if you made a spare sandwich, just to try.
I was hungry as fuck one night and grabbed the jar of peanut butter out of the cupboard, grabbed a large spoon, and started shoveling it into my faggot mouth, then got curious about jerking off with it.
feltgoodman.avi

You didn't have to throw it out.

Well, I've jerked it in the bath and in the shower, and didn't feel the same as a coffee

That was pretty much my process with the banana, except there was no waste apart from the skin.

Shit, I've thought about fucking a banana before, but every time I've thought about it, I had none. Might have to check in a moment. Cheers for the reminder, desu

Yea glass is dangerous..I use medical metal sounding rods intended for it.I got some that vary in size so you dont stretch your dick hole out too much

Can confirm. They feel wet and cold. But the slimy feeling is nice. Maybe in a balloon would feel pretty good!! any other requests?

I turned my shower to the massage jet mode once and tried aiming one of the jets at the underside of my cock and down the hole. It was far too intense and had to stop as it was making my knees weak.

my nigger gf

Yo momma

Just the man I need to speak to, thanks for coming.
Can they be warmed up? By that I mean, would they melt or soften when heated (like jelly/jello would)

I'm thinking of 2 or more sausage balloons filled with these, warmed and lubed and taped together tightly.

My second idea was a condom filled with these and then to squish them around my dick by hand.

okay, most dissatisfying is chocolate syrup for sure

They are water balls, so heating them wont work. only way would be body warmth. I think a condom would feel good and different from other sensations!!

Most unexpectedly uncomfortable place I ever put my dick.
Not the most uncomfortable, but it was so not what I was expecting it was really off putting.
Even with lube it wasn't right.
Won one at the carnival, went in dry
>like dragging your dick across sticky tires
Tried lube, better but still liked my hand more.

im a guy but used to stick loads of stuff up my ass, mortar and pestle, test tubes, hair brush handles, cucumbers, diy wax dildos, diy silicone dildos, diy paper mashae dildos,

taking a sealed empty drinks bottle and using a lighter to gradually melt the outside carefully to make it shrink and form a phallic shape,

taking three hard boiled eggs and wrapping them tight in clingfilm to make a bulged egg dildo (hard to do correctly but is the best by far)

a whole manner of hand and body creams as lube, the ones with laurates sting, vicks body rub (is amazing), olive oil, mineral oil (really good), gycerine is nice in that it burns

OMG yes I tried that when I was younger as well. I'd go as far as saying I was irritated at how dissatisfying it was.

>diy was/silicone/paper dildos
any tips on how do? these sound pretty fun

I know right.
It looks like that's exactly what it was designed for.
Guarantee 9/10 dudes have tried this and had the exact same feeling.

I'd tried the glass test tubes but came to the same conclusion as with pitting the dropper up my peehole; not a good idea.

I do admire your dedication to the cause, however, with your homemade egg dildo. I am oddly curious about this but possibly not committed enough to try it.

Do you think it would be possible to make an egg fleshlight sort of arrangement?

Could they be hydrated with warm water though? Or put in warm water to warm up to body temperature?

While we're on desserts, cake is pretty bad too.

haven't tried these, but actually want to go out of my way to buy one of these at the shops tomorrow

the last cake I had was too tasty to do anything but eat
might have to get some cheap cake from shops tomorrow to try

While I'm here, has anyone tried ballistics gel? It seems firm enough to be somewhat satisfying, but I don't have access to any.

Not warm water as they take about 12hrs to absorb all the water. Yes sitting in warm water is a good shout!

Honestly, don't bother, it's not really worth it other than to satisfy your curiosity that it is awful.

Perhaps you will find a better cake than I did though, good luck!

fuck that looks great

I don't recommend it.
But they're like a dollar, so you do you.
Report back here when you've done it.

When can you try this for me? I'm ordering waterbeads and balloons from Amazon right now but I'm intensely curious.

What try sitting them in warm water? Those balls aren't mine they are my sisters so don't want to move them around as well you know :P

silicon one was bad, smelt like acetic acid and had to soak before use if i didn't want it to sting, wax one i took a pot of melted wax and repeatedly dipped a stick into it, it eventually formed a dildoish looking thing, you could control the thickness, i would reccomend the egg dildo though, literally boil 3 eggs, when cooled peel and take cling film, lay the eggs end to end in the cling film, you then have to roll it and do it tightly, without folds, folds will be uncomfortable, depending on how tight you roll it depends on thickness, you can leave it loose and have large bulges or tight, thin and no bulges, the texture of the egg feels like good silicone, different cling films have different feels as well, you definately need lube, once it is rolled you need to tie the ends in knots and make it as close to the egg as possible, and cut off the excess, the best thing about it is its easy to get hold of materials and it wont look suspicious in the bin (as long as you unwrap the cling film)

might have to give them all a shot because I'm a desperate faggot, so thanks for the tips.
also, I'm sure boiled eggs would feel nice
also, did you ever try carving the wax one at all, or did you leave it a lumpy one?

when putting it in, the first knot will be uncomfortable, but once it is in you dont notice it and it is amazing, i have had success with melting it flat though

greentext it for graet justice

its got to be smooth, with the egg dildo you really have to stretch the cling film to avoid folds, never tried carving, but i assume it would leave uncomfortable rough spots, but i iagine you could just go over it with a lighter

honestly, it sounds bad, but fuck it why not, might as well give it a shot

ah alright, thanks either way! you gave me something to look forward to tomorrow! =)

check em

IMO

egg dildo is best,

melting the bottle with a lighter (fanta bottle is best) is second best,

and use mineral oil for lube,

but just buy a dildo, they are so much better, or try anonamous gay hookup sites, the real thing is so much better,

that feel when i am now straight and in a serious relationship looking back at the shit i used to do :L

If this gonna be that kinda party...

dont be afraid to play with temperature, heating up in hot water or cooling in cold water,

and never lose grip on it, you do not want to be taking a trip to the ER

I have a dildo, but wanted some variety. Should probably look into hooking up with a real man, rather than being a lonely faggot craving over cocks online. Also, never thought about a bottle. Thanks!

I wanna know how it goes you got kik ? Add me hannahmay19001

Don't have Kik, but might get it sicne I see a lot of dudes in dick rate threads with nice hefty cocks sharing theirs... I'm bad with usernames, so gonna think long and hard about it

Ah, fair enough. I guess your sister doesn't know you sometimes stick your cock in her beads then?

I shall try it myself when the materials arrive. Hopefully you'll have been able to try it yourself or you'll be around when I post results.

took a few doubled up rubberbands and put them around about 1/3 of the wrist area of giant inflatable boxing glove, the other 2/3s acted as some relatively tight pussy lips. the inside is what was truly surprising tho, honestly with just a little lube (and then plenty of natural lube) the texture was damn nice, blows everything else i ever tried out of the water. when you fuck it from on top, you almost get that kind of special friction you can only get with your weight coming down on top of a real pussy.

this would probably feel much better if i had heated the wrist area up beforehand somehow, hot cloth or something. try it guys!

Heh.
I see what you did there.