My Tinder nightmare

My Tinder nightmare.

>Be me
>Friday Night
>Tinder girl wants the D
>XGoneGiveItToHer.jpg
>She gets off at like 11
>Get there at 11:30
>Brought beers and weed cause I'm a gentleman
>Her dvd player won't work, she's frustrated and smokes a cig
>I get the machine working and get back to chillin
>She was sitting on the opposite couch, but comes in and sits near me
>I had been making her laugh the whole time, I'm a clown tbh senpai
>started carressing her legs cause bitches like that
>her arm is around me
>oh yeah, she's 26 and I'm 22

Cont?

cmon then, let's get this going.

No faggot

Yeah cmon, let's do this, just write it.

>She's had this black cat creeping around the whole time
>It's a small apartment with one bedroom and one bathroom
Anyway
>We're watching Inception, cuddling and sipping beers
>Things are going well
>Don't really like smokers but I was feeling dirty
>Her cat kept jumping on the couch and she would kick him off
>about the fifth time she kicks him hard and he runs away
>Toby the Cat comes in 3 mins later and puts his front paws on the couch and projectile vomits all over this bitch's right side
>She is frozen
>Mortified
>Other adjectives
>I stand up and go to the kitchen and get her a towel to clean up

Don't ever ask to continue you autist, just be a man and post.

>She's so embaressed. It's almost sad.
>Stifle my laughter as best I can
>She changes clothes for like 10 minutes
>I am in the kitchen chugging Sierra Nevadas
>She comes out of her room and goes to smoke a cigarette
>She comes in and then sends out a max text to her friends
>Doesn't know what to do
>Time passes
>She leaves to smoke
>Comes in and gets nice and close to me (Different couch from before)
>We start making out
>She's a weird kisser and she tastes like ass
>The nose ring had me hooked tho
>I start groping her tits and massaging her pussy through her yoga pants
>She lets out small moans and starts reaching for my shirt
>My shirt is off, and I remove hers
>Place my hand on the back of her head and begin to kiss her harder with more tongue
>I play with her boobs a little before I reach for the bra strap.
>Comes off easily and I'm in there
>Her titties are great, I'm a titty guy
>She kinda pauses once her bra is off
>Still looks a bit thrown from having her cat blow cheeks
>Ask if we should go somewhere else, I.E. her bedroom
>She chuckles and agrees to go

>Go to the bedroom and undress down to my boxers
>I'm kinda horny and this girl has a nice figure
>5'2" with a fat ass and big tits
>OP she's a fat bitch
>But she wasn't. Just super fine, and she knew it
>I jump in her bed as she saunters in behind me
>Can't wait to tear it up
>We make out and eventually get naked
>She tells me to hold on and opens her bed-side table
>There are a few condoms and I reach for them
>She shoo's me away and grabs a glass container
>Wtf is that lube or what
>Her ass is to me like she is ready for doggystyle
>ShitniggaWeReallyOutchea.gif
>It's just lotion
>She applies some to her hand and starts giving me a handy, while completely naked
>Tease me you dirty whore
>I eventually move on from biting her neck/tits and start fingering her pussy
>one finger, two fingers were hard to fit, can't even think about 3
>I'm down with that girl

That bitch needs to calm the fuck down about the cat puke

doesn't sound bad so far

I have one, ill try to keep it tldr

- shes 3 years younger but mad fucking cute, southern belle, low self esteem

- good dinner, nice walk after, netflix and chill at her place im like word

-she puts on 50 shades. word..?

-fast forward 20 minutes, she has a stalker ex bf who is coming over to kick my ass. fuck.

-"hes really strong. and knows tae kwan whatever". lol k. later. its thursday im an adult I work in a cube.

-"KNOCK KNOCK FUCKING KNOCK"

>o shit

- dudes yelling. calms down, i make my escape. try to figure out which car is his outside so I can fuck it up but we were downtown in Richmond so no luck

- i go home. kind of anticlimatic.

I enjoy your grammar and story telling so far. Interest is piqued.

We're still laying side by side pleasuring each other
>I start to move my hand from her pussy to her tits
>Thrust against her as she places my dick on her vagina
>Then it hits me
>That smell
>Start to kiss the left side of her neck, as I bring my hand around her back
>Sniff Sniff
>Yup, that's her pussy
>Smelling like a pot of raw fish and Horseradish
>UseTheForceLuke.webm
>It wont stop me
>I have come too far
>Her pussy is soaking wet anyway, So I begin to slide it in
>The yellow light turned red and I slammed on the brakes
>Hol' up baby girl
>"Are you clean? Should I wear a condom?"
>She says "Yeah, I have like 8 STD's"
>Girls trying to be funny
>MFW
>Uhhhh
>She says No I'm clean
>I get off her and lay beside her
>"You don't need to put out because you think you have to"
>She's still visually frustrated with what happened with the cat
>I'm laughing on the inside because I just got her naked in like 30 minutes of meeting her
>Decide to just wait it out, even tho my fingers smelled like garbage

Hurry the fuck up you cuntbucket

A true gentleman right here. Solid so far OP.

>She's actually a cool girl, surprisingly
>Asks me a lot of questions about life
>We get along well
>Besides the awful cig breath and rotten pussy smell she's, she's alright
>Ask her about her tat on her back
>It's from her favorite boom
>Tat reads like this:
i am
i am
i am
>I am too baby
>I'm really touchy and flirtatious in nature
>get her laughing and horny and her mind off of Toby
>We get under the blankets bc her house was fucking freezing
>Starting playing with that sweet and sour pussy again
>This time I mount get on top of her
>Biting her collarbone and neck as I try to insert this 7 inch cock
>Ask again if I should use a condom
>She laughs and says, "No asshole I'm good"
>Whatever I'm hard as fuck
>Slowly try and slide it in
>She tells me to go slow and I tease her with only the first two inches
>She's wet and I start thrusting for a minute before I slide it all the way in
>Girls can't handle when I do this
>Her fingernails latch onto my back and start to dig in
>I ask her how she likes it
>Slowly moving back in forth
>All she can muster is a barely audible "Fuck Me"
>I take this as an invitation to speed up
>Really go to town on this girl
>That pussy is tight, would be 10/10 if not for the smell
>She orgasms twice and I ask if she wants to go Doggy
>We get situated and I start smacking that fat ass and pulling her hair
>She's loving it and I am too
>Almost about to cum
>Accidentally pull out too much and she queefs
>Think of it as like a fart bubble but out of a pussy
>Dick aborts mission
>All I can say is "uhhhh woops" and lay down on the bed

lol There's one more

>We both lay down and she lies on her back and puts her hands on her head
>She lets out a deep breath and is smiling
>"So... did I get you off"
>She laughs and smiles but still doesn't look at me
>I turn my back to her and said, "If you're still worrying about your cat I'm gonna leave"
>Big Tits claws at my back and tells me to stop
>I love mature women lol
>She agrees to forget it and starts asking more questions
>I've been killing this date, she said she never does this
>She plays with my dick as we try to get this kissing chemistry down, still sucks.
>Really wanted a blow job, but this poor girl... Her cat threw up on her and her pussy stank
>Start teasing her with my cock and she gets riled up again
>Slip it in and really start going hard
>She's shrieking this time, she was mostly just scratching and biting me the first time
>Pussy is actually really good, did not expect it
>Been about 2 or 3 minutes just making this girl explode with pussy juice
>Have to yank the blankets off because the smell was getting trapped and I was dying
>Tell her I'm going to cum, and she begs me to hold on
>MoveBitchGetOutTheWay.mp3
>Pull out and cum all over her tits as she grabs my dick and jacks me off
>Top 25 orgasm of all time
>Go to bathroom and get a towel
>Hopefullly she didn't rub it in her pussy
>She lived next to a planned parenthood anyway
>That's what I tell my friends
>Scrubbed my hands with soap and then washed my dick as best I could.
>Got dressed and kinda hung around to make sure she was mentally okay lol
>Kissed her goodbye

Probs never gonna hit her up again

Thanks for reading fags

Maybe it's because I'm drunk but I'm genuinely laughing at this shit, you're a hero OP let's hear the end.

Top kek, would read again. A stank pussy can ruin the best of women, I know the feels OP. Thanks for sharing.

THIS is a Tinder NIGHTMARE? If this happened to me it'd be in like the top 20 nights of my life. I envy you.

>tfw you've been in the same situation as OP
Bravo good sir! You handled it a lot better than I did lmao

gg dude. i expected smth worse tbh

This was a nightmare??? Fuck you OP

wow its way better just having a bangin girlfriend who i know doesnt have stds or a stank ass pussy. sad to be desperate like OP and end up in stupid shitty situations.

Lol wtf just tell her ass to take a shower but

I'm sure you do, bud.

Story please

gotta risk it for the biscuit, my nig.

Stale pasta OP IS A FAG

>Starting playing with that sweet and sour pussy again
Jesus fucking Christ

lol couldn't find my pic of the mcdonalds sauce

Thoroughly entertaining. A genuinely cool story bro. I'm no where near the write you are but here's one of mine:

>match with a girl on tinder and agree to hang out at my apartment on Valentine's day
>trying to be romantic or some shit and I agree to make us dinner
>half-assed dinner and all I made was pasta
>doesn't touch her plate
>whatever.jpg
>cuddling watching cops on TruTV
>start sexually charged small talk like, "how many people have you fucked?" etc.
>she's bragging about how she's fucked half the football team
>then says that they all had small dicks and hanging out with them made her racist
>kek
>after some more of this decide to make a move
>grab her thigh and go in for dat tongue punch
>feeling them titties and rubbing that vagoo from the pants
>she's into it, moaning and all
>suddenly pulls back
>"user just so you know we're not having sex tonight."
>I don't go back in for the kiss
>I don't say a word
>I just look at my wall
>20 maybe 30 seconds go by
>half of the cops intro goes by during this deafening silence
>"user do you want me to leave?"
>still in autistic stupor. Don't say anything
>"Okay fine. I'm leaving then."
>remain quiet until she's by the door
>half-heartedly utter, "wait you don't have to go"
>shoes on and she's already out the door by the time I finish that sentence

Looking back I was pretty autistic.

>Don't really like smokers
Smoking is just proof that she doesn't mind putting something disgusting in her mouth and sucking on it for five minutes. It's not long term, just roll with it faggot.

lmao

She's a coal burner and didn't want to fuck so why waste your time. Tinder is very hit or miss.

>Accidentally pull out too much and she queefs
>Dick aborts mission
Jesus christ, was this your first time hitting a pussy doggy style? Most common fucking thing ever.

Story is fake and gay as fuck.

Yeah I made up all of those details. Try harder faggot

lmao OP you are truly an autist fag

>be me
>be 28
>match with a bitch on tinder
>tinder profile says shes 25
>hot ass pictures
>excited af
>she agrees to come over
>RedRocket.Gif
>I buy a 24 pack of corona (gentleman.jpeg)
>she comes in, looks at my apartment and notices my posters of ponies
>she is amazed by the ponies and touch the posters
>RedRocket.Gif
>She sits down to watch some movies
>looks younger than in her pictures
>i ask how old she is and she replies 18
>WhatTheFuck.Jpeg
>DontKnowWhatToSay.Jpeg
>GirlLeave.Gif
>Still feel like an autist

that's fucking great

seriously though what the fuck was SHE suspecting?

Do some women actually think Tinder is designed for starting/ building actual stable relationships?

if you're not used to it, I could see how it'd be a problem

but if the story was fake, I think OP wouldn't have put details in like her pussy stinking, etc.

This is a nightmare? Yeah fucking right. This is a nightmare.

>talk to cute girl on tinder
>shes strictly looking for a relationship, no hookups
>cool, im ok with that
>we agree to pizza at my place
>netflix and pizza. awesome.
>im sitting under blanket... its cold af
>ask her to join me
>nah im good
>ok whatever. i dont turn the heat on so....
>conversation is great
>but her body language...
>crossed arms, leaning away
>i dont think shes into me
>we finish the movie and she says she has to go
>ok... cool

thats a fucking nightmare. to be fair, this bitch was way the fuck out of my league.

>max text

Am I the only one seeing this?

I take girls out that I meet on tinder and other sites all the time. Usually within 30 mins I am getting head or fucking.. craziest story is a girl I met, flew across the country, took her on a road trip with me and met her brother and family, who I then started a weed dispensary with! Anyone want the story ill greenrtext it

the fact that she went all the way to your place for the date means she's not really all that out of your league.

You're really attractive, on her level at least. Definitely must be a good texter. But you have a shitty personality in person, or maybe your voice or height or something. It's something about you that's only revealed in person. So that gives you something to pinpoint

Or she's just a bitch.

Hopefully that helps.

sorry what?

Tell it

I have a story also.
> be me, 18 y/o
> cheat on girlfriend of 2 years with the cousin of my best friend
> make out and Shit at my friends house but nothing happened for few weeks.
> one night I get a call from her to come over.
> getpusseh.jpg
> get to her house and she was alone, I get immediately in game mode.
> heavy makeout and touching starts as soon as I work on the door
> bitch goes down and gives me a blow job and after comes up for a kiss
> she wants me to return the favor
>fuckitwhynot.png
> I pull the panties down and there I was hit by the most rancid old cheese smell I have ever experienced in my life.
> safe to say that dick went from 100 to 0 real quick.
> make Shit excuse that I remember I had an exam for next day and I was gone never to be seen again.

i've had lots of good times with tinder, but some bad stories too. and let me tell you that having awkward sex will make you think you are more autistic than if you just told any bitch to straight up leave.

Oh, here's a real story about a stank pussy...

>Be about 13 years ago
>Meet this chick at a party
>Drunk as fuck
>She's pretty cute
>She's got a friend, kind of fat, but has big tits
>Cute one leaves, fuck it, I'll bang the land whale friend
>Supposedly the "Queen of Head"
>Take her back to my place
>Hang out on the couch for a few minutes, play some games
>After 30 minutes or so head back to my room
>She kicks her boots off and takes off her underwear
>ffffuuuuugggg I hope that smell is her feet
>NopeChuckTesta.webm
>Already started, gotta man up and finish the job
>Proceed to finger bang her like a pro
>Hit the G-Spot, hammer it like I'm playing Guitar Hero
>She has the best orgasm of her life
"Your turn annon"
>She tries to put my dick in her mouth
>It's in full retreat, like a turtle hiding in a shell
>No way I'm getting it up after smelling that rank cunt
>No way I'm sticking my dick in it either
>Call it a night and take her home
>Go back, wash my hands thoroughly, jerk off
>Never see her again

You are fucking autistic.

And a fucking retard.

And a fucking faggot.

Fuck off.

more stories pleez

>Meet a chick on Craig's List
>Looks good
>Hangs out at the same bars I do
>Somehow never seen her there
>She's down to fuck, I'm desperate.
>Agree to meet her, she wants me to pick her up at her hotel
>Fuck yea, hotel room
>Get there, -3 star
>Kind of place where the bed bugs are guaranteed
>Walk up the stairs, starting to get that flight instinct
>See this troll down the hall
>Looks like female Danny Devito
>Is it too late to run?
>She looks dead at me
"user?"
>FUCK
"Hey, I just got kicked out of my house, can you help me move real quick?"
>Fuck that shit, no way
>How do I turn her down?

deez nuts.

>Agree to help, kind of stuck at this point.
>She gets in the car, starts giving me directions
>Jesus Christ she's ugly as fuck
>Get to her place, she jumps out and runs inside
>As soon as she walks in, I pull out my phone
>Call my cousin
"Dude... I just picked her up."
"Is it bad user?"
"Dude, it's fucking horrible."
"You know what to do."
>I do know what to do...
>Put the car in gear, fucking floor it

didn't she call you back?

>be me, 5'10" white dude with a steady job and a /fit/izen
>graduated college finally living on my own
>deleted facebook so I can't tinder
>decide to try OkCupid to meet some qts
>chat it up with this girl who's a 7/10 and agree to meet for drinks
>in person she's a hard 5
>fuckit.jpg
>getting chummy with some mutual thigh touching under the bar table
>an hour or so passes and I manage to hold on to my spaghetti
>finish our drinks and now we're drinking water
>she's giggling when the check comes
>she smiles, "aren't you going to pay for that?"
>I'm a gentleman. Already had my wallet out.
>she tells me to put it away cause she nows the bartender and if she pays she'll get a discount
>finebyme.jpg
>somehow politics comes up in the conversation
>asks me who I'm voting for (this was in May)
>think hard for a minute and tell her that I don't want to answer the question
>record scratches
>raises her voice so that the entire quiet, small-town feel bar can hear
>blurts out, "OMG user YOU'RE A REPUBLICAN AREN'T YOU."
>literally whole bar is looking at me
>calmly nod my head
>date continues for another 10-15 minutes
>ask her if she wants to hang out at my place and watch a movie
>"Sure user even though you're a republican LMAO XD. Can we smoke weed at your place?"
>not really my thing but I am in a new town and really lacking a social life at this point so I say, "okay sure."
>she says she has no cash and doesn't want to use an ATM
>she asks me if I can front her $20 and then she'll pick some up and meet me back at my place
>"uhhh okay. Sure. Whatever. Just call me when you're on your way."
>hour goes by no call
>30 more minutes go by. Still no call.
>Call her, "Hey did you get lost or something?"
>tells me that she can't come over because she disagrees with my political views.
>mfw I got denied by a 5/10

Learn up kiddos. Never talk politics on a first date. Never talk about religion. Never talk about any tattoos that she may have.

bitch asked me if i supported trump.. i just said that he put on a good show. Fucked her that night lulz XD

oh godddd...

why no talking abou tattoos bro? i've got my chest covered with them basically and since i dont look like the tattoo kind of guy, girls get surprised and love them

Bump

NOYCE OMG

Probably, and I probably ignored it. This was like... Man, I had beer so I had to have been 21, so 7-8 years ago?

You're a dumb fuck for not using a condom.
No matter what any bitch says, use a condom, son.
I guess it's due to the fact that your brain is still developing.
Gross.

Some people are embarrassed by their tattoos. Rule of thumb is if they want to tell you about it they will. Otherwise, don't bring it up.

Wow and like 3 years ago this thread would have been gold.
Thanks for not lurking more, faggots.

include me in the screencap papa ej

fuck it, here goes nothing.
>match with girl on tinder
>5/10 at best
>i was trying to stop being Mr. Nice guy and just fuck bitches as much as i could
>letsdoit.jpg

keep in mind it would be my first time having sex with a girl who i was not in a relationship with

>drive to her house, condoms with my obvs.
>she had the shittiest personality ever irl
>house full of animals
>not even kidding, 1 dog, 4 cats, 1 guinea pig
>watching tv for a bit, doesnt even let me get close
>also the fucking dog kept jumping on the couch
>somehow agree to sleep over
>what the actual fuck was i thinking
>lights out, light touching
>sorry, i dont fuck on the first night
>sleep
>wake up and blast outta there
>call and meet my friend to discuss the awkwardness i had just experienced and swore never to do it again

>fast forward 2 weeks, fucking 3 or 4 different bitches per week on tinder
>mfw.jpg