Am I the only person who finds confidence unattractive?

Am I the only person who finds confidence unattractive?

So you want to date someone who never does anything because they don't have confidence? They will turn you down because they don't have confidence in themselves and think someone else would be better for you.

lol

There is such a thing as overconfidence, and I think lots of people find that unattractive. Also something very close to confidence is stubbornness which is both dangerous and annoying to others. Lots of other things can seem like confidence but actually be something else, like lack of empathy or sheer dumbness.

As for truly confident people, they tend to be experienced in life, so their confidence stems from being confident in the outcome which they have been through before. No one can be confident in something completely new, but they can be confident in themselves that they have had enough life experience to help them navigate those uncharted waters safely and with success.

So in conclusion I think you might be wording your statement incorrectly.

maybe so, i mean i'm not a confident fella, but i can talk to strangers if i have to. It's not like i'm saying i like people with completely no confidence at all. just people who are sorta themselfs and don't really worry about their imagine n stuff.

I just prefer the quiet insecure type, over the loud mouthed confident type.

Cus like all in all, humans have everybit of a reason to be insecure, we are 1 shitty race with shitloads of miscomings

you and every other beta

Being confident and being loud-mouthed is not exactly the same thing. If you can walk outside the house without constantly freaking out about being stung by a bee, getting hit by a meteorite or tripping over a small rock then you have confidence in that sort of thing.

As far as being insecure because of the human race, think about cats. They might seem insecure because they are so easily startled, but they are not insecure at all. They are jumpy because they are always on the ready for an attack or ambush. Animals don't normally become insecure about anything unless something went wrong in their lives. Again, you can have confidence in what will happen if you have been through that same kind of thing before without a problem.

So maybe you are using the wrong word. "I'm not a confident fella" taken literally means that you are a paranoid mentally challenged person who sits in a corner crying all day and night, maybe you go to sleep after hours of vomiting because you are not confident that the walls around you will stay up and not crush you.

I would say that you are actually simply socially inexperienced and unwilling to expose yourself more to social situations where you would learn to be more confident with interacting with society.

You probably do not like "loud mouthed" types because they live in the other side of the social spectrum and you are highly intimidated by that.

Imtimidated? no, i socialize just fine most people actually like me, not that i like socializing, or like people for that matter. I'm not very confident because i don't have high thoughts of myself, but on the otherhand i have very low thoughts of people, making them quite less imtimidating.

To a certain extent. I find over-confidence unattractive. I like shyness but not so shy that they can't express their thoughts or anything about them.

So you are comfortable with people who are like you and think lowly of those who are not like you?

I understand that a coping technique is to belittle the things you fear, but to classify most of the human race as below you is a problem.

Thing is humanity is varied and complex. This is a primary reason people can't seem to get along. We have different cultures and histories, both rich and diverse, as well as dark and bloody. People all around the world think just like you -- they do not like others because they are not like them, they belittle them, they resent them -- maybe they don't show it but they still do. It leads to hatred and fear... funny how you in your own little way are being the very thing you despise about humanity.

But I have a feeling things will work out at the end. As you get more acclimated to the nature of humanity, you may perhaps start to appreciate its complexity and hopefully make it work for you rather than work against it.

I see your point, the thing is i hate society even more than people, i'm a NEET and have been for 6 years. You're right, i hold grudgement against people who aren't like me, very subtle tho sometimes i'm not even aware of it myself. Especially when people give me the job rant and how i contribute nothing to society, and that "life isn't meant to be funny" comments. i automaticially group those kinds of people with everything i hate about humanity.
I doubt i'll ever learn to cope with everything tho, i like it in my own little bubble away from everybody else, people can extremely nasty, me included, the logical choice for me is not to take part in any of it.

read/listen to The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker, esp the 2nd half. This will give you a much better perspective on life.

>the logical choice for me is not to take part in any of it.

no the logical choice is to harden up and begin to deal with it, instead of cowering in your bubble like a bitch

What will that achieve me? why should i deal with something i don't have to just because everybody else does? i'll have no part of your miserable way of life.

i'll give it a read tomorrow

confidence, feel better with yourself and your life

I've been neet before, it sucks the life out of you, where getting a job and trying to make something out of your life no matter how small makes you feel a lot better

I doubt it, I don't have any qualities or work experiences, best job i probably could bet is mcdonalds or some supermarket, how would that in anyway make me feel better about myself, or more confident? RN i'm not trying, i haven't for years, so i haven't really failed. But i would have failed life if i ended up in one those places.

Not OP but I've been in a really rough patch and have gotten panic attacks and generalized anxiety after several traumatic experiences the past 2 years.

You're a really intelligent person and I related to a lot of what you wrote, I just wanted you to know that your posts lightened my mood up.

You're a lost cause, even the dumbest fuck working at mcdonalds has succeeded more then you. You are literally the definition of a failure

Yeah, because human who isn't contributing to this shitty society is scum right? what has society done except fucking up the earth, killing idk how many people in war? I'd like to know how many crimes society in general is guilty of.
But if you think flipping burgers is an accomplishment, then you aren't as bright as i first thought you to be.

It's a bigger accomplishment then sitting in your underwear surrounded by frozen pizza boxes shit posting on Sup Forums I'll tell you that much.

I hate to say it user but life is about working for what you get, this has nothing to do with society but simply being human. Humans re not meant to sit on their asses doing nothing it is not good for our brains.

We need work no matter how menial or stupid. I'm certain that even the worst fast food job would begin your path to regaining self confidence and some love for life.

So you're basicially saying that being a drone, just doing what you're told. Is better than being spending most of your time chasing all your curioisities, read about great people. history, independant thought, and the ability to do whatever i want as long as it doesn't cost much .
Most people think like you though, i'm used to getting these kind of comments so theres really no point in continueing this, i find you to be a narrow minded fool and you find me to be a good for nothing failure, and that's okay.

>chasing all your curiosities, read about great people. history, independent thought, and the ability to do whatever i want as long as it doesn't cost much .

I bet all you do is eat shit food and watch shit TV and film all day, holy fuck no point talking to someone like you who has already phoned in life.

I like how you post Spike, that lad had a job and when he didn't have any bounties to catch he was a miserable bastard. Had the whole universe to explore but without a job life is fucking pointless

> says everything has a point

Life has no point dumbass get over it

you're just following stereotypes now lol

>I hate to say it user but life is about working for what you get, this has nothing to do with society but simply being human. Humans re not meant to sit on their asses doing nothing it is not good for our brains.

We need work no matter how menial or stupid. I'm certain that even the worst fast food job would begin your path to regaining self confidence and some love for life.

This is literally the most narrow minded thing i read in a while, you yourself must be a very miserable person, or just deluded.

I'll have you know i cook my own food, because pizza is expensive, i quite enjoy cooking tho. I don't even have channels but i do watch alot of scifi stuff. You need someone to control your life, you're scared of the freedom that comes with being a NEET.
That sorta gives me a little bit more confidence, that i can handle and find beauty in this life when most people couldn't.
Also spike was just living a dream, i'm sure you can relate to that.

Says the fucking epitome of a neet sterotype

so user are you happy? Or you talk all this big talk yet are still a miserable bastard

I'll answer that question when you've calmed down.

>pic related
>literally you

...

Sounds good. Where do i find girls like that?

This lol

holy shit you are funny

You're problably thinking of false confidence that most Americans exude. America: Most confident people, dumbest people. Confident dumb people, the worst kind.

I think you're insecure and you hate that confident people are successful. You're bitter. Try harder, bro. I believe in you.

you sound more like a person that lives in a tiny bubble thinking that the bubble is the entire world of experiences and knowledge. Yet that tiny bubble is just that, a tiny bubble. And that tiny bubble can and will get smaller and smaller while making you think its getting bigger and bigger.

4 billion years of evolution, the accomplishments of man, the experiences and knowledge gained by following a certain path of 'work' or just participating in societies is whats life is about. Your are trying to avoid life by creating your own reality, but that reality exists only in your brain cells, it is not real. And your brain cells do not have anywhere near the exposure needed in life to determine that NEET is the best way.

When you cook your own food, do you only use a single ingredient for all meals? Right now this is what your life is like, using only the one ingredient thinking that that is the 'best' way. What happens when you begin to hate that ingredient, when you don't have anything else to take its place. Your choices get smaller and smaller until, perhaps, you make the 'final' choice thinking that is the only option.

Depends.

Some peoples confidence just feels skin deep - they're often the ones investing a lot of time and effort into projecting this self assured, in control, ingratiating vibe. I find they end up boasting a lot, and struggle to keep up a conversation without talking about themselves and their own experiences.

Some people feel actually confident - I find the difference is that they come across calm, comfortable & relaxed. That's attractive.

Are you a woman or man OP? And are you talking about men's confidence?

Because as a man, I tend to find insecure and shy females very attractive.

But there's no woman on this planet that DOESN'T want confident men. In fact, I'd venture to say confidence and social skills are 90% of what women find attractive in men. Looks and success only count for the remaining 10%.

on the otherside you could consider work to be a ingredient i don't like. and it's only logical that i avoid it, no?

no. work is not a single ingredient. its through work (which is a multitude of ingredients) that you expose yourself to what the world has to offer and thereby expose yourself to hundreds/thousands of ingredients of all types.

To quote the book earlier "There are those who shrink back from experience out of greater life-and-death anxieties. They grow up not giving themselves freely to the cultural roles available to them. They can’t lose themselves thoughtlessly in the games that others play. One reason is that they have trouble relating to others; they haven’t been able to develop the necessary interpersonal skills. Playing the game of society with automatic ease means playing with others without anxiety. If you are not involved in what others take for granted as the nourishment of their lives, then your own life becomes a total problem."

Are you really choosing to be this way? Is this what you deep down really want?

Like I said earlier in this thread my options for job isn't that grand, i know what my options are and i don't like them.
A wise man once said
"Don't mistake activity for productivity

I've worked both those jobs (super market and fast food)

are they shit and make you feel shit? sure.

until you get your pay check. It feels really good.

but burger flipping isnt the end goal, its not the be all and end all, its just a step along the journey of life. everyone started their lives in shitty jobs. here's a quote i came up with a few years ago for a friend of mine in a similar situation. it was more of a joke for him but i really like it, i used shift f7 a lot to make it sound good.


Reconsidering the Profligacy

In the absence of a clear direction or distinct goals, construct arbitrary ones. Because it is not about the destination, but rather, the journey. What you learn along the way will help clear the fog of uncertainty and allow for a more considered evaluation toward an profitable objective.