Alright/b/, What's the most pathetic thing you did while horny?

Alright/b/, What's the most pathetic thing you did while horny?

...kissed a guys feet while thanking him for pulling my hair

sniffed my sister panties.

sniffed my roommate's panties
I fucked her the day before and she was out that day and i was so fuckin horny

humped the wooden kitchen table leg when i was like 10 cuz yaknow

made out with my bat shit crazy ex girlfriend

Did that to a sofa. In the crack of the cushions

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I once had sex with a human female in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

GOTTEM

DUBS THEN TRIPS

WTF is she wearing her bikini top upside down?

Posh wank into my last remaining condom whilst I was a poorfag

This screen cap is going right on the fridge

when i was 16 i was at a sleep over (3 of us)
we were all watching porn together
come bed time we all lay on the floor under a big blanket.
everyone is asleep except me (so i thought)
my friend start to pull my pants down
at first i thought i should yell like wtf are you doing.
but my dick is hard from still thinking about the boobies i just saw
so i pretend im asleep as he pulls down my pants and starts to suck my dick

humped my pillow when 10

i cut holes in and fucked a stocking cap

i still have it, it has different sized holes for depending on how tight of a pussy i want to push my dick through

fucked gloves

fucked a christmas santa hat thing

pillows
i fucked a really soft microfiber stuffed panda pillow and my mom found the big yellow stains on it and threw it away

socks

fucked a little fabric sunglasses case once too

I reposted a reddit thread.

ITT: OP's a faggot.

Opened this thread :/

i masterbite once smh tbh

Vibrating toothbrush, it wasn't even mine.

Scowered backpage and fucked the first prostitute that replied.

post pics of roommate plox

Consume mass quantities of weed.

staying in a hotel for work
Rent a porno in the company dime
Fill a shower cap with hotel provided conditioner
Put shower cap between the 2 mattresses
Watch porn and hump it till I cum

I go to a local porn theater and stick my dick in gloryholes. It's hard to pretend it's a woman when you feel a mustache.

Someyime ma duded bring wives/girlfriends though. Thats fun

lol these are somewhat clever yet sad ways to jerk off

wet dreams when i was well past 13

FUCKING MODS
MODS
MODSMODSMODS

On vacation. Was horny and felt like experimenting. Ended up fucking my ass with the complimentary shampoo bottle.

Sent a dick pic on request via text to a chick I matched with on tinder.

Turned out the chick was trolling and sent me a pic back with her and four dudes laughing.

Luckily I think they were just having a laugh.

with the lights off?

what if your third friend was also awake?
also, did you cum?

Made gf give me a handjob in glow in dark pirate mini golf in Chuck e cheese like place.

You fucking animal

Lmoa whoj

a couple

>1: It was winter and super snowing and I was at a park in a section with no people, go inside an outhouse bathroom and used the anti-bacterial stuff to fap with

>2: Stayed at what I thought was my Aunt's place and actually slept in her room. Her closet was open and her bras were hanging in the open. In the dead of night I felt up the bras as I fapped. I also took pictures of the bras. A few days later I found out it was my Grandmother's place and that my aunt was just staying over the same night. In other words, I then deleted the pictures and felt sick at what I was fapping with

>3: Friends and family at the house and I find an IG pic of a girl I like where you can see her bra through her dress. I go up to my room and fap to it and then felt sad at what I did.

Hot, please go into detail.

Things I have beat off with:
Water from a natural icicle as lube
Jap pocket pusi(s)
A pvc blowup doll one time (super shitty)
Bananna Peel (renoved fruit, fucked mostly closed peel)
Glove like that other user did

Scene 75?

>Bananna Peel (renoved fruit, fucked mostly closed peel)
how... how'd it feel

Made a fake lesbo account and used nudes to trade and then just vanish from that person

Came in my cousin's playdough. She's 11.

Used my gf dildo..

Better than the glove, but the shame was... Intense. Banana tasted great beforehand tho, potassium isn't just a meme user, eat healthy and don't fuck anything before you eat it.

My WiFi wasn't working but I was able to get a weak unprotected signal so I went and wanked in my backyard

>when i was a teenager
>Was high on xanax, adderall, ritalin, ambien and maybe somthing else while drunk.
>Got a text from hot, super drunk neighbor from a party asking to come over at like 1am
>sneak her into my house (parents home)
>shes now in my room, on my bed, im on my pc talking to her
>discretely rail another good sum of addy or whatever stimulant it was and mistakenly, more ambien, while she was on my bed talking about who knows what
>godmode.jpg ; really starting to feel everything now except the ambien (xanax but on steroids)
>I sit on the bed with her and next thing i know we're making out, then taking off our clothes etc
>Fucking realize that im suffering from an extreme case of whiskey dick, stimulant dick (blood vessles restrict making your dick not only hard to get blood to, but look like a fucking 1/16th scale model of what it should be), and as if thats not enough the ambien starts kicking in.
>im slowly losing all ability to function and talk.
>she asks if i have a condom, and being the fuckwit i was, I didn't. So we just sat there rubbing our fucking crotches on eachother and giving eachother hickys until i go full braindead on her.
>She asks me to walk her out
I don't remember much but apparently it was quit a scene...

>be me
>licked playdough as kid because kid
>will never look at it the same way again
>9.5/10 ingenuity user

Can go into more detail if wanted, left out a good sum, even though i don't even remember half of it...

Fucked this pussy. My buddy is supposed to fuck it tomorrow and I'll be fucking it again soon

I'll post what I got of her

please don't, it's a fucking boring story. sorry user.

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Got super drunk and stoned and fucked a chick I met on OKC who was about 40. The only thing I remember was clumsily pawing at her leathery tits, and she was like, what the hell are you doing?

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aight

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You got a better one?

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Masturbated to CP

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Fucked four prostitutes at once.

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Bought used panties off Craigslist, wore them, and got crabs. Definitely on my top 5 fails kek

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I let a 5 year old girl sit on my lap in a sexual way for bout 4 seconds. I still feel ashamed.

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kek
continue user
ambien stories are the best tbh

One night I went to bed thinking I didn't want to fap, I was super stoned and tired. Once I was in bed I got horny.

So I'm jerkin it, and the stretchy part on my boxers ends up coming over my dick. The pressure feels great - but the boxers don't. So instead I use a pillow to put pressure on my dick.

Been fucking pillows ever since. No ragrats.

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>bought used panties off Craigslist

...what the fuck.

>wore them and got crabs

this takes a special kind of stupid.

all these pics are cum tributes btw so cum to them or print them off and cum on them

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why didn't you make your dick the banana shark 2.0 user?

saved these when someone else posted them. he was right about the slut sending nudes to other guys

Let my mate jerk me off when i was a teeanager. No im still not gay.

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I sniffed my roomastes panties as well, she was a very thin short haired girl, no boobs no ass, I was desperate

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get off r/AskReddit you copypasta you

> i let my dog fuckme in the ass
> male
>33 oldfag
> no girl , or wife ...
>no homo
> no like it ...

>About age 10 or so saw the first Scary Movie
>In the movie doofie sticks his dick in the vacuum cleaner to get off
>About a year or so later, age 11-12
>I tried the vacuum cleaner thing, no idea why, just tried it..
>Actually quite enjoyed this, did this about everyday for a few months.
>I was kept my door locked when I did this...
>One day when I was doing it, my mom picked my lock on the door and saw me doing it.
>She immedaly slammed the door and I stopped doing it from then from guilt..
>But she would occasionally through the years of growing up make random vacuum cleaner sounds at me when in front of family or when no one was around, it get annoying, it bothered me then.
>About a couple years ago, she made the sound, so I said the name of a guy she cheated on her current husband with, and she got silent haven't heard her say anything since..
>I was 12 then, I am 26 now.

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Rubbed dick against brother's leg

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fyahand.com

You stole this from reddit

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hahahaha! That's a great story though, cheers user.

can someone cum tribute these pics? I would but I just finished a few minutes ago on some I printed

>Pic related