No mother fucking secrets thread. There is now

No mother fucking secrets thread. There is now.

Secrets - tell 'em.

Secrets/advice/vent

SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG

I know you are but what am I?

What's YOUR secret faggot?

I used to fap so hard to this 1990's porn, back in the 1990's, that had this big titted chick getting fucked in the ass, but totally topping the guy. "Yeah, fuck my asshole you worthless piece of shit. You're not even good enough to fuck this asshole are you?"

I didn't know BDSM or any of that shit then. It excited the shit out of me because of how ironic it seemed -- getting railed in the ass is definitely getting "taken", but there is she getting her asshole reamed and just giving him shit.

Wish I could find it again. Something about "PEaches" in the title of the porno.

>yes, on VHS, you rented from the back room of your local video rental store. no porn vids on the internet yet. Talking 1991. Pre-internet web browser. yes, there was a day.

>pic not related

Give me some advice Sup Forums

How do I get a gf if I'm an ugly 5'4" manlet? I wouldn't say I'm completely beta, but I still suck at talking to people

how old?

do you have any money?

are you funny?

I'm 19

Currently a student but living at home, don't work

People know me for being funny, but it's just a coping mechanism for my depression. My sense of humor is pretty satirical and ironic.

I impregnated my cousin

wait a few years. graduate, get a job, you'll figure shit out.

I mean, go for it now, but don't be surprised if your success starts in your mid/late 20s

you'll be fine

did she deliver?

yes

I spend literally every day thinking about people I'd rather fuck than my girlfriend of 4 years.

I've been Cumming on my sister while she's sleeping for over 2 years.

so you are your own uncle or something?

I said she's my cousin not my sister.

you think she's sleeping

>would you sleep through someone jizzing on you?

I fantasize about killing people. Pretty much always by strangulation/suffocation. Mainly by hanging or putting them in a vacuum bag until they expire. I've never killed anyone, nor do I necessarily want to due to the consequences, but I think about it often.

I think I could probably get away with it if I was careful, too... especially if I convinced them somehow (probably at gunpoint) to hang themselves or get in the bag voluntarily or drugged them first so there was no struggling to deal with.

There.

nice quads

>I could probably get away with it
said every person now in prison

BTK baby. BTK

He's a lying faggot is what he is

Drugging them would likely show up in a post mortem, especially if you're gonna vac pac em, that just seals in the flavour

Pretty much an alcoholic
No one truly knows me

Posted a thread the other day about dogs being scared me, pic related. Can you help being a bad person? Pretty sure my general nature is causing my problems

Of course, which is another reason I don't plan on trying it, haha. A lot of people get caught by doing stupid shit (BTK sent police a floppy disk), but modern forensics is pretty good at catching people.

Well I mean she doesn't react. She's a solid 7/10. But I doubt she knows

momfinger carfriend

1. >you're a faggot
2. >you're dog is a faggot

Fuck me.

again, would ou know if someone was jizzing on you when you were asleep?

maybe your best buddy has been doing it.

would you know?

of course you would fucking know

His MO was actually pretty close to my fantasies... Case the house, break in and wait for them or just break in while sleeping, convince them he "has a problem with sexual fantasies" or is wanted (he mentions both in his confession) and then strangle them.

The main difference is I don't often fantasize about strangling them manually, more like hanging them or putting them in the vacuum bag and then watching them go out. Also I'm not about that "killing a child" thing.

I hate that I'm balding

pussy

If it makes you feel better you look like you'd suit a shaved head

>quads
are you sure about that?

well at least you don't have to worry about getting haircuts anymore.

So you think she knows then? She never brings it up or even acknowledges it. She just breathes like she's asleep.

When I was a kid (maybe, middleschool, don't remember), I was a perfect goody two shoes little boy. My story went something like

> My cousin and I were in the woods
> Came across some old dude's property
> Had a shed, workshop, some heavy machinery
> ..
> Cousin found a bottle of spray paint sitting on the dude's workbench
> Walked up to the forklift the guy has
> And spray painted the window black
> ..
> We left, hopped the fence, walked back to our yard
> I was all freaked out
> And to make it worse, my mom asked why we hopped the fence, told us not to cross through the yards
> She didn't ask anything else
> PHWEW!!!!
> ..
> During dinner, my cousin noticed he had some black spraypaint on the back of his hand
> He showed me, whispered "shhh" at me, and hid his hand

For some reason this bothered me for months. I spent many nights having a hard time falling asleep because I thought we were so bad and did such a bad thing. I was such a pussy

I look back at this and just laugh

who is the cute girl beside you

Yeah, probably. My goal for the vacbag would be to tell them I was a robber and force them into the bag at gunpoint. I'd either have a breathing hole for them and say it was to keep them restrained and then block the hole, or tell them I was just going to close them in without mentioning the vacuum. Those things seal up pretty fast with a reasonably powered vacuum (look up vacbeds if you haven't seen one before), so once they're in it'd basically be game over, especially if they know I'll shoot them if they struggle too much or get out.

I think at gunpoint that'd have a reasonable success rate... could also stalk their family and tell them I'd kill their parents, etc. if they didn't get in willingly. Easy to get addresses and names online.

Sorry about that.

nice trips

but wouldn't she wonder about all the dried up jizz on her body? She probably knew what you're doing all the time, and she's not stopping you.

I see it but I'm still too scared to shave it all off
That's true
My niece

positive she knows

how the fuck do you bring that up? 11 year old girls don't know what to say or how to say it

When's the last time you got tested for autism? You think all his hair will just stop growing?

how old is your niece pray tell

had the same thing. but we were swinging on a guy's tree's branches - a weeping willow or some such shit. he came out and spanked us and we ran home. I was terrified for months that my mom would find out.

Hey man, just go for it. If you don't think it looks good, well... hair grows back.

>My niece

you're doing her, right?

8 or 9 I believe
Thanks man, might just do it tonight then

This little thing has always struck me as kinda odd.

In my Spring Semester I had two people in my class. A girl and a guy. They seemed to be good friends. I ended up hanging out with them once. After that day I never really spoke to the guy again, but I still spoke to the girl on a semi-regular basis.

For some reason on the last day of class the Guy very directly said "Goodbye (Name)" but he didn't say it either person near me, who he spoke to as well occasionally, if not more. But the girl, who I actually was friends with did not look at me or say a word to me at all.

It's just odd. This girl gave off, and still kinda gives off mixed signals. While that guy seemed to be trying to get her a sidechick (He had a gf at the time)

I spoke to the girl a few months ago and she asked about him. Apparently they haven't spoken at all since then...

So fuck knows whats going on there.

Maybe you should check yourself up for autism. A shaved head clearly looks better than showing off the sad state of what little bit of hair you still have left.

She's not eleven she's of age.

But I always try to jizz in covert places. Not like on her face anything. So that when she takes her morning shower it washes off

jerked off in church

Is shaving your head not a haircut you fucking retard? You think you shave it once and it's gone for good? Holy fuck

your future user

>pic related

When I was in 2nd grade (elementary school), on the bus ride home, my friend asked me to show him my underwear. He showed me mine first.

He was about a year younger, and looking back on it, I wonder if he was gay. Sometimes when we would play together, he would try kissing me on the cheek. But you know it's too young to tell at that point... I mean he could have just been a weird kid who was acting weird around the cooler, older kid (le moi, )

Anyway, suffice it to say that I showed him my underwear, on the schoolbus. I felt so guilty for doing it. While I was walking home, I thought about admitting it to my mom. Thank fucking god I didn't, can you imagine the jokes my family would make if that story came up?

>8 or 9 I believe

lemme reiterate this user's question:

>He showed me mine first.
He showed me *his first

Hell to the no

No but anyone that's about to go bald should, so you don't end up looking like this

I'm contemplating suicide a lot recently
>inb4 do it faggot and stream it

when i was 12 i was 5'6

we all go through phases like that, it'll get better

Not every girl just goes for tall guys. Obviously it's easier said than done, but you seriously just have to put yourself out there and ask someone out.

ALCOHOLISM ISN'T REALLLLLLLL REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

can i get with her? :D

Girl in pic?

I feel like the reason why I enjoy cringe threads so much is because deep down I know that if I didn't have a gf in high school I could have easily become one of those kids. There have even been moments in my adult life where I was just one drunk text away from making an appearance in those threads and that scares me. I think laughing at the betas and glowing in the schadenfreude is my way of killing that memory.

Doubt Sup Forumsro lost everything to me a few days ago, fuck her

wow a 3 person class

I know, it's embarrassing being a short adult. My little sister had a female friend that was like 5'8" and she was 12. I had to go drop them off at her house.

Ask her not me

I'm genuinely disappointed that I might never get to fuck a family member.

I literally almost stabbed someone in the throat. Like, I tried to. I failed. They stopped me.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me..obviously. If I had succeeded I'd be in motherfucking prison and someone would be dead.

And it was my fault. It's an incredibly long and crazy fucking love/hate story (between the two of us) but this was someone I was in love with and thought they loved me back. Trust me, it's a long story, because that person actually does love me and I'm not bsing, they've since admitted it.

Definitely the worst/lowest moment of my entire life. And I have other pretty shitty moments. Christ, I can't even believe I really did that shit. I truly am a good, kind person, but some people have a super dark side.

There's a quote that I think fits this situation, sorta.

From Kill Bill:
"...and there are consequences to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard"

Now, I'm not a murdering bastard (...I almost was..), but I fully admit I fucking snapped in that moment I got rejected by somebody I had built something with for years. The shitty thing is I premeditated it to some extent. I had the knife in my pocket. But I dunno. I wasn't thinking straight.

I'm fucking ashamed and haunted by that shit, and this whole situation. We were able to work things out, amazingly, and like I said, this whole relationship has been the most insane rollercoaster you could imagine.

Sigh. Anyone who knows me would never ever expect something like this from me. I am known as a happy, charming, friendly person.

Some people really do lead double lives. I am walking proof of that.

I relate to someone like Walter White or Vic Mackey to a crazy degree. Characters like that really touch my soul because I know what it's like to half a really negative dark side. It's in stark contrast to my cheery, happy side. It's insane.

ps. I would not be surprised one iota to find out I am bipolar.

pss. I might be willing to share more if anyone is interested.

even more so. you think you would sleep right through me cumming on your face? feeling that hot slooge splash down.

>let's find out

uh, how?
if i send a temp email address would you help me out? think she would go for it?

>[email protected] if you want

You know what the fuck I mean. Those are the two others of importance.

Alright fag, let's talk shit:

> 1. Lose weight
Not strictly necessary, but it helps.Also, none of that working out shit... just eat less, it's way more effective

> 2. Don't try to get a girlfriend
I mean I know you want one, but don't carry that mindset when meeting people. When you meet a girl, just have the expectation that you'll be friends. If someday someone comes along that's right for you, fantastic... just don't have the expectation beforehand... it lifts a lot of weight off your shoulders in terms of nerves when getting to know people.
I'm a shy and introverted person myself, I know what it's like to be nervous and be shit at talking to people.

> 3. Fake confidence
I know this is cliche, but seriously. It doesn't really matter if you feel confident... you might feel anxious as fuck, but if you fake it, people won't give a shit. If you do things that you think a confident person would do, then you've tricked yourself (in a positive way) into becoming confident. Just take some risks (not like big fucking huge risks, just like you're leaning on the edge whether or not to go talk to someone, just do it).

They sound like somewhat obvious shitty tips, but yeah they're hard as fuck, especially if you're antisocial/anxiety/whatever. I deal with those problems myself. Trust me, you'll make it.

why the fuck not? she is a hottie

would totally fuck that mouth hard and deep until I came straight down her throat

>you should too user

I'm addicted to whisper

God you're fucking retarded.

I like punishing girls.

The problem is I have to keep escalating it. I can start off with a light spanking but soon I have to be inflicting real pain and humiliation, and there's the danger of long-term physical and mental damage.

I'm a kleptomaniac and I enjoy stealing the most expensive items I can without being caught I've also stolen a bunch of panties from my 10 year old cousin

I'm a piece of shit.
I enjoy treating women like shit. I enjoy making them fall in love with me only to play with their emotions and breaking their hearts after giving them a good amount of fuckings.
I go a little too rough when they ask to be degraded. I spank a little too hard, sometimes with closed fists, I choke a little too tight. I control them.
They always come back for more until they realize what a piece of shit I am.
I know it's wrong and I'm a terrible person for it but in the moment, it feels so fucking good.
Some of them were sluts, but some of them were genuine nice sweethearts with family values and other nice qualities.
Please help, Sup Forums
I restrain myself from dating at all, and I have gotten some psychiatric help, but I am fond of personal advice from "real" people.

hang in there user, you'll get your chance to kill someone and then pay the rest of your life for it

No one is interested you fucking autist.

Boo hoo. Fuck off.

I was sexually assaulted by 3 teenagers when i was 9, im a guy

When I was about 7 years old I was molested by two older boys in my neighborhood. I didn't tell anyone. A few years later one of the same guys molested my little brother. My brother told someone and the guy was arrested and is now a registered sex offender.

Uh nah dude haha
I'm not a pedo, sorry

I'm actually the most interesting person in the world.

I am Walter White.

Nah I'm good.

>(Thanks OP. Don't really need to vent, but got some stuff on my mond

I'm in loved with my lesbian best friend. She doesn't have the slightest clue what so ever.

She thinks and takes everything at face value. So she is completely oblivious.

She knows she has a special place in my heart but that's all.

We've been through a lot with each other.

Got stuck in a thunderstorm climbing up a mountain. Got some dude arrested, helped out some stranded vegans and etc. (Just crazy stuff like that)

We've been through so many adventures. And there finally came a time when I sat back and looked at it all, and realized, I just want to see her smile. I feel safe and motivated when we're together.

It's just weird. I almost got married once to some chick before. Which you'd think that I'd know what love is.

The feelings I have for my best friend are things I've never felt before.

It's dumb, like retardely dumb. Never have I ever wanted to be married or have children.

I always wanted to dedicate my life to work, money, fun and fucking random women.

But this god damn chick man. To simply put it, I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman. I want to her to be my life partner and bare my children.
Shit's dumb. Be good and happy Sup Forums. Don't let life keep you down.

I feel simultaneous hate, love, rage, fury, compassion, and frustration with people in general.

Any actual Ideasds?

Thanks for the tips user, saved.
>Trust me, you'll make it.
One day!

I think you've described every feeling that everyone has with everyone all the time

meh, it's a throwaway so w.e.