>start going to Mexican restaurants wearing a trump hat ~June 2016 >sit down and order like I'm going to eat there >see contempt on the face of the staff and yet sit there defiantly >every time the food comes to my table, I ask for a takeout box without eating a thing >mail each takeout box to my older brother, who is a homicide forensics scientist >after 3 months, a takeout box finally tests positive for saliva >he sends it back to me >cut up the food and spit on it a little and make it look like I ate some of it. >send the takeout box to local health department with a letter detailing my suspicions >health department asks if ate it any of it and then asks for a DNA swab after I say yes >I give them my DNA >health department closes down the restaurant about two months later >health department issue subpoenas for DNA samples of everyone >Health department DNA test results confirm that my saliva is on the food >Health department DNA test results confirm that the OWNER'S saliva is on the food >Health department DNA test results confirm that a shift manager's saliva is on the food >Health department DNA test results confirm that two of the cooks and three of the waiters spit on it. >sue the owner for $5,000,000 >owner settled out of court for $1,000,000 Wednesday in exchange for a non-disclosure agreement >my fucking lawyer takes nearly half >$582,463 deposited into my banking account
I'm only 18 and I'm pretty much set for life already. I don't understand why you morons have such a difficult time moving out of your parents house. It's super easy. Get on my level faggots.
>shit that never happened for $500 please >but look, I have paper with stuff on it
Piles of cash or gtfo.
Luke Smith
oh fuck, he wasn't lying.
Henry Evans
OP the first thing you need to do is buy a house 500K does not=set 4 life
Justin King
two trumps enter, one trump leaves
Julian Diaz
sorry i dont have a brother with access to a forensics lab to help me run scams on mexican restaurants
you sound like a fucking gypsy op
Wyatt Adams
No man, don't buy a house, take $250,000 to a credit union, not a bank, and deposit it into a long term COD. Use the other $250,000 to live a life that is free of being tied down, travel places, stay at modest hotels, get a solid 2017 model car of something fit to your practical needs. Enjoy life, in 6 years when your COD matures you'll have the 250,000 plus whatever interested accumulated with it.
Take it and get a house or luxury apartment that fits your needs, and settle down.
Lincoln Flores
...
Nicholas Hernandez
>tfw no brother in forensics to help scam idiots
Blake Torres
Nice fake story Protip: spit doesn't contain DNA
Aaron Powell
600k
Set for life
My sides.
Parker Collins
set for life in 1920
Nolan James
>I've watched too much CSI and don't understand how forensic testing works.
Keep that shit on Sup Forums where the neanderthals will actually buy it.
Kevin Baker
are you fucking retarded?
Ian Carter
No but you must be
Samuel Edwards
>cut up some of the food to make it look like I ate it >tests positive for "saliva" >$1,000,000 in exchange for a non-disclosure
OK
OP's dad is a faggot conservative with no job and told this story to his son who thinks Trump is real.
Chase Davis
Okay, first of all, faggot.
Second, there isn't enough DNA in Saliva for it identify as any one particular person. You'd need blood, you know stuff that ACTUALLY contains DNA.
John King
your most certainly retarded if you think theirs no DNA in saliva i hope you realize every cell in your body has DNA stored in the nucleus
Do you think your spit is loaded with cells? It is not btw When they a DNA test via cheek swap, you literally scrap you inner cheek to get any cells on the swap. They don't ask you to spit on it
Grayson Martinez
bet you feel real fucking stupid now retard
Jason Robinson
this advice is severely autistic
do not waste half of that on a new car and traveling, maybe like 30k you could do that.
Jose Lee
it has already been established that you don't know what the fuck you're talking about
Levi Fisher
cells constantly die and remain in your saliva this is like 7th grade biology retard
Camden Jackson
Honestly just invest that shit into some good dividend stocks. You'll make like 20k a year. That will pay for all the vacations, weed, booze, and smokes you could ask for for the rest of your fucking life.
Of course youll still have to work, and shit. ??? Profit!
Parker Powell
>Thinks DNA just lingers there after cells die, Kek, what are you stupid or something?
Nathan Edwards
Always, but not because I was wrong. Because I'm right.
Chase Rogers
Sue for fucking 5 million dollars? How is that proportional to any perceived damages incurred?
Levi Sanders
Let's see the signed release of all claims and settlement statement
Cameron Bell
Ok let me give you a little cell biology because you have a severe case of autism
First as a human user your body is made up of tiny microscopic organisms named cells
cells make up tissue which then make up organs which then make up organ systems which then make up your body
Now inside cells have organs too they are called organelles
The now first surrounding the cell you have your cell membrane
then you have cytoplasm containing all the organelles
Im not going to go into details on all the organelles because of your autism but long story short cells have a brain called the nucleus the nucleus contains DNA even after the cell dies
This is why saliva and dead cells for that matter contain DNA im sorry you are retarded
Matthew Hughes
As biochemist, I don't believe this story
Andrew Scott
Yeah, this never happened.
Owen Kelly
Your not a bio chemist so stfu
Dominic Taylor
Kek, what is apoptosis...All cell parts are degraded, including DNA
Daniel Garcia
Yes I am and no I wont
Landon Jackson
trips of truth
Chase Smith
Assuming your not a liar >you're a nigger Litteraly nignog 101 >your still worthless Your brother did all the heavy lifting, you can't even scam right >lol my 500k for life muh nigga For some people thats barely enough for a year. Silly poorfags like you will burn through it that in less, 2 years tops. Then you'll crawl back to your bro who actually did something with his life.
Luke Lopez
pics or it didnt happen
Daniel Peterson
Am I supposed to have an ID badge that says biochemist?
Henry Johnson
exactly thats why i tolled him to buy a fucking house so even if his autistic skills can land him a job he will still have a place to live
Chase Taylor
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. >Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.