ITT: Improbable things about yourself that are, in fact, completely true and provable in a court of law

ITT: Improbable things about yourself that are, in fact, completely true and provable in a court of law

I have slept with Minnie Mouse, sleeping beauty and Cinderella several times, over the course of a week.

I am a direct descendant of Charlemagne. I also believe that makes me a distant relative of the late Christopher Lee.

I went on two dates with taylor swift in 2014.

...

I am a complete dick.

I have slept whit ops mom several times , over the course of a week.

Do you work at Walt Disney World?

Nope, at the time I worked at a hotel in the UK

I'm a demon awaiting to be directed to fulfill the destiny of humankind.

your GF is into cosplay.
nice.

got pics?

Good job, man, good job

>your GF is into cosplay

Being this retarded.

saw more than enough naked ladies in my time

Nope, not my GF. Haven't seen her in person for the best part of 20 years, but we are still facebook friends

I make 40k a month operating a web company creating websites and proving marketing tools.

only extraordinary thing that's ever happened to me was meeting Queen E, and Prince C. the latter actually stopped to speak to me for a few minutes, and shook my hand afterwards.

kind of a surreal experience, actually.

i cum inside my little sister almost every night.

Bravo.

I wanted to find out if I was straight or bi, so I paid a couple of trannys to fuck me. Found out I was straight halfway through, but didn't want to be rude, so I let them finish.

>Being this retarded.
Actually, it would be a valid assumption.
>bad b8 m8

Jesus, alright I guess I have to explain.

He works at a Disney park you fuck.

which hole?

No, I don't. I WorkED at a hotel in 1997

You took that photo in 1997 is what you're saying?

I also like to lie on the internet

mouth and pussy sometimes.

Its dubs trufe

>pussy
>sometimes

user, it should be everytime

what? No, I saved that photo from Sup Forums a couple of years ago

yeah but I don't wanna force her.

You will all be sorry when I get my powers back!

More?

in that case. give her fenugreek for a month or two.

she'll be on top riding every night

Why would I be sorry? I never did anything to you

First volunteer.
GOOD.
good...

sounds good but wth is fenugreek?

Wait, WTF does fenugreek have to do with that? Asking because I cook with it all the time.

supposedly increases MEN's libido

and in the proper form, makes women's breasts fuller and more sensitive (and horny)....and promotes lactation in women.

google fenugreek lactation anomns

Huh... I'll be damned. I know brazil nuts have an effect on that, for the selenium, but too much is toxic and mimics radiation poisoning. There are a few other things that can affect pheromone production, virility, semen production, etc. but I've never heard of fenugreek. Interesting.

Everyone is a descendant of Charlemagne, sorry to burst your bubble.

so how do i sneak it in her food?
what does it taste like?

My Grandad is a multimillionaire and I have received a letter from his solicitor that he has left me £3 million in his will (all the grandkids have got it).

I only really remember him from when I was a kid, and haven't seen him in over 20 years.

He is 88 now, and a part of me wishes that he'd die. But I feel like shit for thinking that.

It's actually quite bitter, and has a very distinct flavour. It's one of the spices that gives Indian curries their unmistakable taste. So... she like curry?

I've just re-read that and it sounds like that "my uncle abused me and imma inherit his money" steam givaway copypasta.

Fuck it.

...

tea, cookies and smoothes, cold soups

become the chef for her snacks, and include it in part of the exercise regime weightloss mixture. (tit growth and milk does burn calories, or put jiggly stuff in the right locations)

also, if you have sexytime, or sway over her toys, get her tit toys or nipple vibes.

call him up and ask for vactation advice seriously. it will get him to open up, and a better chance of "ah yes, my shoggot gun...wait, little Jimmy and I talked about hunitng shogs...He will love it!"

everything about me is very probable

as user points out, best in something you can mask the flavor in

>get her tit toys or nipple vibes.
i just love fondling and sucking them.

> So... she like curry?
yes. more than i do actually. can make some for us.
>quite bitter
would it work with coffee too?

I've been here for over 10 years, and it still brings me endless entertainment. I love all you guys

I fucked my gf, her step sister, and stepmom in the same week. Gf was 9/10, step sister 8/10, stepmom 6/10. Only told 1 person because I know nobody will believe it

I fucked a cutie. One-night stand.
A few years later, I met her again. I insist that I know her, she doesn't remember me. Show her pics of herself in my bed as proof.
It wasn't her but her twin sister.

I've never got drunk.

...

4/10 not even nice ass
posting 10/10 for compare

I once blagged licking Marina Sirtis' feet (Counselor Diana Troi in TNG).

Ive brought a man back to life, and cracked his sternum doing it.

still love to rub against her butt while cuddling.

Had a girlfriend
Dumped her in favor of her little sister
Dumped little sis on favor of her even younger sister

awesome. checked.

Well now you're gonna have to greentext, OP.

...

Story time, Niggas.

I was abducted by aliens a few months ago

You serious? What did they do? How do you know?

do you have some more pics of you sister?

yes do u hav mor

Me and my girlfriend are into public sex.

Not much more to say
First girl was a 6/10, we went out but it wasn't that serious.
I met the second while visiting her home. 7/10 flirty as hell, it was only a matter of days before I cheat on first girl with her.
Turned out she only wanted my dick to make her big sis jealous. Sibling rivalry at its finest.
So because neither girls were serious about relationship, I somehow got closer to the third girl. More serious girl, maybe pitied me a bit for her sisters's behaviour lol. 7/10 went steady with her for 2 years all the while the first and second girl were making passes at me again.

So i finally grew tired of the situation and dumped her too.

yeah why?

cause horny

Give us the nudes

Where does it even stop!?!?

Nope, not her

that's hilarious

No, you weren't

I regularaly cheat on my girlfriend and cuck my coworker who is dating my ex, I always nut in her.
I also fuck my ex's friend who is my girlfriends coworker.

Who have the best head, and which ones gave up their ass?

no.

howdare you judge them for all we know they probably spent years working up the couragr to openly speak about their abduction
shame on you!!

then atleast post some more creepshots like the ones on the couch

Nice. I've been fucking my step-sister for almost 3 years now.

No, nobody has been abducted by aliens because we have never been visited by aliens. I have no doubt that we're not alone in the universe, but we're too remote and no-one knows we're here

For something to be proven in a court of law, you require evidence.
Submit evidence.

>aliens exist
>can never detect our radio signals or atomic detonations

No, they can't. We're too fucking far away and even the earliest radio signal hasn't even left the Milky Way yet.

ITT : bunch of liars in their mom's basement

stfu i live in my sister's garage.

>step-sister
but do you feel a siblingly bond to each other as well?
not creep but so tight.

I was willfully homeless during my last 5 months of college, spending all day in class, the library, or gym, and sleeping in my hatchback - in a sleeping bag tucked inside a bigger sleeping bag, as temperatures fell below 0F, and sometimes pissing in bottles.

See

nice

We used to when we were younger but once we hit puberty it got different. Ofc we're not related by blood so it's not the same.

>falls for bait

gr8 m8 but 2 l8

kill yourself

nice pubic area mm

emo yourself

Dressing your dog up doesn't count

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