My girlfriend of 3 years is fat and emotionally irrational, and I'm no longer really attracted to her...

My girlfriend of 3 years is fat and emotionally irrational, and I'm no longer really attracted to her. I don't know how to bring this information up to her so I figured I'd come to the best therapists on the internet- Sup Forums. Even if you don't offer a solution, just listening or commenting is appreciated.

She wasn't as fat when we first started dating, but was thinner then she is now. I'd estimate that she's gained at least 25 pounds. It's mostly all in her stomach. Her arms are pretty normal, and her face is normal although you can tell there is more fat there than before. Unfortunately the fat hasn't really transferred so much to her tits and ass. Her tits are an OK size but her belly sticks out further than they do which is distressing. She claims her ass is "great" but really it's kind of flat. She has the bottom part of her ass, but as for the top it's mostly just flat with the rest of her back. Not really much of an arch. And when she wears panties the top of her crack sticks out and I have always hated that.

Whenever she puts on pants or a skirt (she never wears free-flowing skirts, only pencil skirts), she always puts them above her navel as to tuck all of her fat below her waist and not have a muffin top. While I can admire the strategy, it's not a good look. She's been asked a couple times how far along her pregnancy is.

To make matters worse, she was diagnosed with diabetes less than 5 years ago and also has depression. She doesn't have a positive demeanor like I do and is bitchy/naggy a lot, especially when she hasn't eaten. She claims that it's hard to lose weight but she never exercizes. When she is at home (she works about 35 hours a week) she is either sitting on the couch watching old Disney movies or lying in bed (can't even sit up to do this) or reading typical girlish love drama manga. And in her opinions on social issues, she's very much a normie.

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We don't have sex that often anymore, because I just don't find her attractive. She has never and will never shave her vagina so I always get hairs in my mouth when I eat her out. She does have a nice vag but I wish she'd let it shine to its full potential. I'm always doing all the work during sex and she complained about a week ago that it's too vanilla.

Her image has kind of lowered my sexual desire and while I occasionally masturbate, I just don't see other women quite as a used to see them. Although I still look at other women and there's even one in particular who I'm interested in. I see her on a regular basis and she's a thin, intelligent, nice, amiable, slightly-geeky QT. I just wish I were in a position to make a move.

I can't talk to my gf about these issues although I think they're starting to boil to the surface. I pay rent here which means if we split she's moving out, and she'd have to live with her aunt (who wouldn't like that to begin with) or be homeless. She doesn't make enough money to find a place on her own.

Also, if I ever have to tell her things that might make her upset, she will always cry (she is very oversensitive, one of the other reasons I am unattracted to her) and then eventually I will be forced to comfort her and tell her it's alright, which destroys any points I may have made prior. I always seem to end up the bad guy.

I also feel trapped in the relationship because I know my family and my friends both like her. She has already been accepted as part of the family and I know if I got rid of her my friends (although very close friends and very understanding) would probably be upset with me. Two of our friends are having a wedding and both my gf and I are in the wedding party. Fuck.

tl;dr I don't know what to do about my once cute, now fat and unattractive gf. She does nothing to improve her situation and I can't talk to her about things like this. And I am infatuated with another woman.

Honestly man, you have a lot of choices but here are the two I think would be best;

1. Have a REAL deep talk with her, express that she needs to change her behaviour because you're worried about her health and want to see her succeed. Even if she cries, don't comfort her. You can hug her, but do NOT give in and let her forget what you say.

2. Break up with her after the wedding. If you're truly over her and don't want to put any more effort into the relationship just drop her. You have the right and don't feel bad. If she counted all her chickens before they hatched it's not your fault.

Depends on how your feelings are towards her (Not sexual but emotional and stuff)

Best of luck OP.

exercise

Thanks user. I am a bit on the escapist side and I don't like dealing with problems so I think dealing with her is difficult but I'll have to do it.

We have had a talk before (I forget what started it) and she just burst into tears and told me that I didn't know what it was like to have my significant other confirm one of my biggest insecurities. Made me feel like shit but I think she kind of got the point. The only problem was she didn't really do anything about it after that.

I think the most difficult thing will be for me to tell her that I don't find her attractive.

Also I don't ever cook. I kind of know how but I'm not a huge fan of stocking 10,000 different ingredients just to use each one a tiny bit to make something. She is the only one who cooks and she only does it like once a week now. I can't say I blame her there though. That is a personal failure of mine that I will need to overcome.

OP, why have you been with this girl for three years if you don't love her?

And please don't say you do.

Our schedules don't coincide as we both work full time and go to school. So I feel not working out with me will lower the pressure on her. But not a bad idea. She used to go but then stopped. Perhaps if I start exercising (I don't ever, and I have an average body type) it will inspire her.

Hit the gym m9

As someone whose been in a serious relationship with an overweight woman, simply talking about their weight on it's own, or your attractiveness is not the way to go.

Use the fact she has diabetes and depression as reason to work out and eat healthy, something you can do TOGETHER. That way it's not just you saying she's an unhealthy slob and needs to change, but an oppertunity to do it together. Make sure you let her know this is VERY important to you. You want her happy and healthy for a long life together. If she doesn't change then you can say a happy healthy long life with you isn't her priority and you can start the break up process.

Be thankful you aren't married nor have children yet. Your family/friends will start to accept another lady, trust me, i know from personal experience.

I love her but I'm not in love with her. She feels like a close friend.

But really it's because I'm a procrastinator and I don't like facing difficult issues like this. It always bites me in the ass sooner or later. The loss of love has only been in the past year or so.

Me, or her, or both of us?

need more pics to determine your situation op

Well, i didn't really read what you were writing, i just wrote a default answer that, at least according to the internet, can be applied in any case what so ever. But maybe you should start asking yourself the question: "Me, or her, or both of us?" you're welcome

Thanks for the info from experience. I will try this but I think it will involve me putting forth effort into learning how to cook more, so I will have to find out where to start with that.

Also I forgot to mention, and this is kind of a big part of the problem, but lately she has been pressuring me about marriage. Thinks like "when are we going to get married" (said both jokingly and seriously), or "you're never going to marry me". We had talked about it not very seriously a couple years ago. I think the importance she places on the status of it, compounded by the trivial nature with which she mentions it, is actually kind of insulting and I don't like it. I don't want to get married to her until she changes.

And yesterday, after hanging out with her best friend (she doesn't have very many friends that weren't my friends first) who is kind of a fat sorority feminist type, she comes home and she basically asks me "will you marry me"? I recognize this as being a question and not a proposal, and I avoid the question by telling her that I can't take her seriously while she's asking me lying in bed looking disheveled as she was. And I think she got a hint that I don't take her marriage talk seriously. She got a bit offended by it and asked why I don't take her question seriously. Jesus Christ dude, urgh.

It's hard for me to find pics on the net that quite describe her body type and I don't have any of her.

New user reporting in here, not the other guys.
OP i am in the same exact situation, it is almost retarded how similar your description is to my life. There are some minor differences, but its 99% the same.

I know exactly how you feel holy shit, it weighs on my mind so much and idk who to talk to. I'll share what I tried with you though OP.

>weight
I told her and tell her many times to change this. She literally does everything you described, just fucking lazes around and puts on weight, her attitude is just so incredibly lazy in every respect.
I suggested foods to eat, things to avoid, routines she could get into to be less lazy and try to get her to have proper mealtimes to avoid snacking.

Ask away about other things OP.

Wow, that is pretty similar. Does she ever tell you that she just can't seem to lose weight? Does she generally make excuses about other areas of her life?

Was in same boat as you OP, I took the easy way out at cheated on her until she found out because talking to her about EXACTLY what you're talking about never did shit. People like that don't want to change, you have to come to the realization that in that respect you two want to live different lifestyles and this specific aspect of your lifestyles just will not sync. Either have the backbone to drop her or she will turn you into a fatty too dude. Best of luck.

Also post pic of tits, maybe they're nice.

>>Same guy

Again, if she is someone you want to spend your life with, then you need to push the exercise/eat healthy angle based on her depression/diabates and that needs to be done BEFORE marriage. Again, if she wants a long life with you (i.e. marriage), you can insist that long time is healthy and happy (through exercise/eating habits).

Of course if you dont' want to marry her than stop dicking around and move on.

You will never find someone that will make you as happy as this fat bitch. You need to accept being alone or hating the bitch you are with.

That said, sounds like you need to up the antie and get into some BDSM shit. Like make her your fuck toy if she is thinking it is too vanilla. Tie her up and blindfold her. Leave her in bed in that position while you do your thing for a bit. Wax her pussy as part of the her new BDSM lifestyle. Force her to wear a corset to do waist training.

Make the bitch cook for you and freeze shit. This will make it where she will get her blood sugar stable. Buy her the clothing she will be wearing that you want.

When she becomes all irrational and emotional just leave. Like disengage and do not put up with that shit. She needs to learn to communicate and not emotionally abuse her partner. It will feel bad at first, but you are gonna leave her anyways worst case.

TL;DR Get the money you pay in rent out of her being your personal whore. You are in control, start acting like it. She is an object that you need to be more strict with.

No pics of tits, sorry. They're a pretty average size.

I am starting to get a bit of fat on my stomach (still not fat) because of the beer I drink but I keep putting off going to the gym or even just doing crunches at home because I'm a cheap fuck.

I don't want to cheat on her because it's simply not in my set of morals to do so, but I am thinking of some autistic-level psy-ops kind of stuff. Like sharing certain things on social media that I know she'll see. I already don't hold back on Twitter and I've criticized fat people. I'll have to think on it more.

All the time man, its stuff like:
>no time to cook
I cook when I'm over, she lives by herself and that's where we differ OP, but still I make an effort to prepare good food.
>too tired to cook
>i out on weight even though i eat less
>im stressed don't tell me about my weight
>my relative is sick leave me alone
Even things that have nothing to do with eating properly, exercising or being less lazy as you can see.

I would marry her if she exhibited some more maturity in accepting her condition and working to improve it. Despite her weight and some flaws, she is generally acceptable in other areas.

Install a new toilet

Well this is a much more extreme bit of advice but thank you regardless.

>When she becomes all irrational and emotional just leave. Like disengage and do not put up with that shit.

I already do this and the effects are mixed. On one hand I feel good for letting her know I'm not listening to her shit. On the other it brings more issues to surface I think. But maybe that too is good in the end.

Shit, I can't even get her to exercise proper portion control. She will eat dinner and an hour later she will be snacking on dessert. I will tell her "we just ate!" and she will reply "that was an hour ago!"

Or we'll be at a restaurant and after eating dinner she'll order dessert, like a piece of cheesecake or something. At Waffle House she gets their biggest breakfast.

To be fair she has been diagnosed with diabetes relatively recently so I think she just keeps eating like the younger girl she was pre-diagnosis (which probably led to her diagnosis).

Lol from the thumbnail I thought your reply was going to be about purging after a meal.

It's hard to recommend cheating because it helped me ironically but it destroyed her which makes me feel shitty from time to time but at least I'm out of that relationship and found a girl who closer fits me in that respect as well.

But any way. Step up. Stop pussy-footing with hints here and there, deal with it head on if you expect to see results and want to marry her. Not to mention that the subliminal tactics shit will fuck with her mind and could potentially be used to fuel her insecurities.

I bet before this slump she was actually really cool, that's why she won your heart. If you want to marry her, be the change that you want to see in her. Like you said, that the initiative with cooking at home and start running, don't buy shit food like ice cream etc. Step up with those actions if you care. If not, plenty of anons have had other suggestions.

I know from experience that it's hard to spice up a love life with a woman who's declining in attractiveness. It's just putting more work into a situation that doesn't give you much enjoyment.

Sorry OP but she subconsciously knows or believes that she's got you locked up. Once women feel secure in the relationship, they get lazy. They don't start putting in effort again unless they're afraid of losing you, or they're trying to attract another guy behind your back.

Take this, you'll feel better

Honestly OP you should just dump her and get on with life. Fuck the opinions of others. It's not your job to take care of a worthless shitbag for life just because she manipulates you with crying.

That is a good idea. I think I might cook dinner tonight. But what should I do about dinner on nights when I work? Because of my first-shift school schedule I'm going to start working second-shift so that means coming home late at night. I guess I'll just have to make food for myself and let her eat whatever she can find. That will probably lead to her snacking instead of eating a real meal though.

Good point.

Also I find it interesting that I can relate to this as well, being comfortable in the relationship and getting lazy. I sit on the computer a lot and play games or write code and don't pay much attention to her, I don't cook, I don't clean up the house much (to be fair the mess is mostly hers which is yet another issue. women are fucking messy), and I sometimes think about getting ripped to attract other women behind her back.

I'm dis guy >mixed effects from disengaging when she becomes irrational
Yeah I try this too, she doesn't respond well to logical thinking and puts her emotions above all else so it becomes hard to get through all the crying.

She knows I disengage to help defuse the situation but demands I empathise more and give cuddles etc while she has her stupid breakdown. Its like a kid who wants attention and to be told they're right.

>keeps eating like the younger girl she was
Problem is it harms her health. I keep driving it in that dessert makes her fat or that ridiculous portion size is full of saturated fats etc. At first she got angry about it, but with persistence she got the message and will let me have the final say for dessert and stuff.
She still hides the fact that she snacks behind my back and only just found out from a friend of hers that at work she has 'fat fridays' and 'weak wednesdays' where they all order fatty takeaway foods. I was so mad my god.

I think the hardest thing is the fact that I must watch over her all the time like she's a child so she doesn't slack off and microwave insta-meals, leave the fucking chores undone for a month+, sit around and lie idle and other stupid things that are really lazy and irritating.

Are you guys me?

Pretty much same boat.

I tried talking to her a lot, cries, breaks down etc etc

I said fuck this, got up this morning, drill sarge the fuck out of her. Pushed her to do gym.

Two hours later, she thanked me for it and asked when we will do a work out together again.

Now there were tears. And a tantrum. But I just kept calm and told her to do another set and another workout and another. Until we were both tired.

Make it an "us" thing, itll work and she knows full well, if she doesnt get involved, I dont want to be involved with her.

Keep up the good habits regardless. You're gnna have to change a lot as well and if she follows your lead then you will have scored yourself a keeper. Just don't expect her habit of 3 years to change over night, it will take months. Again this is all if you believe she is worth the effort.

You'll be VERY lucky if her habits change based on yours.

Married to a fatty, and was with one for five years prior, they never fucking changed. I eat extremely healthy, do triatholons (since we met, not before!), and in better shape than any point in my life. That never inspired them to start doing shit.

Fat = lazy That's why people are fat, they are lazy, it's not any more complicated than that. either just accept you are with a lazy person, like I have, or dump them. Stop hemming and halling.

Still me here and this guy is right as well.

Also this is all assuming you're in loves and want to really marry this chick. Don't mistake love for a conniving and manipulative bitch tho or else you're gnna end up married to a big fat cunt, literally.

Just curious- why are you with a fat, lazy person?

because she makes me happy. she's very sexual, even after 12 years. she treats me well, does anything for me, and she's my best friend. i've learned long ago to stop caring she's fat and will die way before me.

>make it an "us" thing
I want to, but I'm too busy for the gym, I already play volleyball for a team and can't add more around my schedule right now.
>if she doesn't get involved, i don't want to be involved with her
She knows this, but I really can't understand how she works because when push comes to shove she just breaks down and fucking cries and becomes all ultra self hating. I've never known someone to self destruct so badly that they just can't do the thing they need to do. Unfortunately it's a bad match for me because I am ridiculous and can't accept failure so I can be very harsh on myself to achieve goals.

This is kind of what I'm thinking: Her mom used to be thin and looks generally good but today her mom is a fat cunt who doesn't clean and yells at her family and is generally a kind of terrible woman. She has her very nice moments, and I swear her current husband (not my gf's dad) reminds me of me to some extent. Smart but apathetic.

The good thing is I know my gf doesn't like her mother, so it may work to bring up that she is going to turn into her mother if she doesn't change anything.

Both people should be happy in a relationship and to me it sounds like neither of you are. It's not your job to fix her, and problems she might get due to a breakup is irrelevant to you at that point. She chose to stay in her low paying job and leech of you, she chose to neglect her health since she doesn't want to impress you anymore, and she's depressed because things aren't working out anyway. Just consider that a lot of your friends like her and will probably comfort her so that should ease your mind. And also keep in mind that you might end up alone for a while.

> when push comes to shove she just breaks down and fucking cries and becomes all ultra self hating
I can never understand how people react this unproductively or what makes this their default option.

I think I'd rather be alone than be with someone whose company is stifling to me.