ITT we post useless super powers that we actually have

>ITT we post useless super powers that we actually have

I can slow my heart rate enough to scare the shit out of my doctors

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Schizophrenia.

>tfw i have one of those useless super powers
>abnormal armhair growth

>everyone on this board should have trash detection

I can smell cigarette smoke from very far away. I live in Las Vegas, so I smell it almost every day.

>tfw you dont even have a useless super power

I can tap my fingers real fast
I can raise 1 eyebrow
I can move my ears

How do you slow your heart rate? This is impossible, heart rate is controlled by the ANS which you can't influence consciously

Absorb bad luck could be awesome
>get gambling partner
>reveal your super power
>go to casino
>constantly be right next to him
>absorb his bad luck
>he's left with nothing but good luck
>split winnings 50/50
>mutual masturbation to celebrate new fortune

I Can spit like a cobra by contracting my tong, is very interesting when people first see it. i also can move my left hand veins like a cobra dancing.

actually... maybe i was a cobra in past life lol

Well the one second super strength would be useful if you went to prison, just rip someone's head off their shoulders to establish dominance.

My useless superpower would be i can make anyone poop at will.

I can fall asleep in situations when nobody should be sleeping.

I just focus on it, I don't know how it works, I just know that it does.

Genius

Bearing down stimulates the vagus nerve and in turn reduces heart rate.
The more you know.

i dont know if is the exactly same thing, but by controlling my respiration i can make my heart go to 55 bpm. Was the slowest i could ever go, and i can get there fairly easy

I don't bruise. Or at least, hardly ever. Last time I got a bruise was after a large fall onto my elbow. It swelled up near the size of a baseball, and still hurts months later, but only a faint yellow bruise. Prior to that was some 10 years ago playing paintball. Point blank to the thigh, and that was small too.

youtube.com/watch?v=Cg5j1bzm2c8

50bpm was droping to 47bpm but takes to long getting below 50

Press your eyeballs with your fingers.

Here you go

I crabwalk real good.

to get it lower i think i need someone else to monitor it, cause when i get slow and try to check, it go up lol

So you're a cobrakin? Does your mom know that unless she gives you rats she is literally starving you in the current year?

I weight more than average person.

There was a mudslime kid in tenth grade who could do the spit thing. Fucker went around spraying his spit on all his friends and running away

I can bend the last part of my finger like pic related

I have an inhuman ability to tolerate assholes.

I did this once myself. They hooked me up to a machine a few minutes before givng me anesthetic. I got it so low a nurse came running and I was like "yo, chill, just verifying my meditation techniques"

at the time i was doing 30 minutes a day, every day. one key thing i learned at the time was to relax my face muscles; it seems to be the last thing anyone thinks of--we spend all day with our faces twisted into some kind of display, the muscles actually never get to relax until we sleep. once I could fully relax my face, my internal organs became very easy to manage.

I was born without wisdom teeth, so I won't ever have to get that shit ripped out.

If your 'Merican, that's saying something. (B4 any posteriors become aggrieved, I am 'Merican also.)

The first part is actually pretty common. It's called fleeking. A lot of people (like myself) experience it involuntarily if they smell food.

You relax genius. Kinda like if you wanted your heart rate to go up you'd start moving around, so if you want it to go down to relax your body. That's like saying you don't control your arms, your nervous system does.

When I was in school, we called that "gleeking"

>tap fingers real fast
Not entirely useless... You'd be good at video games where you have to tap buttons very quickly. Although that's still sorta useless unless you somehow find a way to use it to win tournaments maybe.

I can unhinge my thumbs painlessly and effortlessly

Moar of her, plox

One second super strength.... So kaio-ken....cool

Fucking nerd what about fingerbanging bitches

change my heart rate by will, controlling breathe, got gfs scaring the shit out of theirselves

i've got one toe on each foot that i can flex and hit the ground with certain strenght, so i can make people worry about mice and stuff-it may work as a distractive, i don't know

Same dood
>Pic related, my finger.

I have so called "wonderblood" (not sure if that is correct English)
>My blood contains waaaaaaay too many white blood cells
>Whenever I get ill I go trough feeling worse, fever and being fine again in a couple of hours.
>Wounds don't get scarbs but just get sticky
>Can eat certain poisonous substances without getting poisoned

>gleeking. Ftfy

Kek
So many scenarios to imagine
>Twin towers, asleep in his cubicle
>Seal team raid on Osama, falls asleep while being held captive

>gleeking. Ftfy

Guess im a cobrakin! lol xD
fuz ro cobraaa

One thing i find interesting about the cobra spit thin i do is this. if you usually spit in your hand or anywhere else, you can feel a bad odor cause bacteria of your mouth. but if i do the cobra thing, my saliva went out clean and dont smell!

I use that saliva to clean my water googles while rest of people spit on it, ewww

I used to be able to do it with both hands, but now I can barley get 3 fingers to bend slightly

There are supposedly people who learn to control various bodily functions that would normally be unconscious like heart rate, body temperature, etc. I think it's a form of yoga, if I remember correctly, but not the stretching/exercise one that we usually think of soccer moms practising.

it happens a lot when i open my mouth due to feeling sleep, that thing we do if we see people doing. i dont know how to say in murican

never heard of, interesting

OP here, I have the flu right now and I wish I could control my body temperature.

I can do the spit thing too. Its just compressing saliva glands with ur tongue.

I can also lick my own elbow, and move my adamsapple very rapidly

I can materialize sweat out of nothing, indifferent of temperature or situation

I can also shit whenever I want (usually I shit 3 times a day right after eating so my bowels kept clean)

zen meditation will suffice

I can usually cry at will, or at least make people believe I'm ultra sad/upset.

I can move my eyes independently of each other.

I can wiggle my ears.

I can flex my nostrils and wiggle the end of my nose.

I can hyperflex my knees 90 degrees backwards.

I have perfect pitch and can tune a guitar by ear... but have absolutely zero musical talent and can't play an instrument.

>ejaculate in record time

Warned my girl and she was still surprised.

Invulnerable veins? Cool!

oh yeah, i forgot i had that one too, lol.. )-:

Well I assumed when OP said "useless super powers" the "useless" part was meant in a profitability sort of way. Can't really make money off fingerbanging chicks really good in most countries due to prostitution laws, and the fact that no woman is really gonna think sex is worth paying for just because "you can tap your fingers all fast and stuff."

>cobrakin here

i can also shake my eyes so fast (together) horizontally that people think i am having some kind of attack

Well, not useless but I can vomit at will. Useful for getting out of work.

I can't vomit. It's been 40 years since the last time I vomited. Food poisoning, flu, seasickness, accidentally swallowing a mouthful of tobacco-tainted saliva -- it gives me terrible nausea, but I can't vomit even when I want to for relief.

You know that feeling you get when someone is watching you? I can bypass it and sneak up on anyone real ninja status. There has been only a handful of peopke that can feel my "presence". Oddly enough those people are all trained boxers

Wow, are you stupid.

1 second super strength means your punches kill... that is actually a decent super power

>shhh its a secret

>1 sec superstrengh
enough to beat up people

interesting, tell us more about it

i knew a guy who could do that with both hands pretty fast

I can blink really fast but I'm still a faggot

level 30 wizzard

boxers need to be able to land punches at times when they may not be able to see their opponent clearly or at all, due to injury, blood or sweat in their eyes and in addition need to anticipate where punches are coming from when they may not have any visual cue for the same reasons--on top of their opponent's ability to obfusicate his next attack.

I can lick my elbow.

most pressure points don't work on me.

It's great fun when sparring with friends of mine who took martial arts centered around control/pressure point manipulation because I can just wiggle free from any grip/hold and take them down.

Holy fuck. You too? I'm 33yo i still havent got my wisdom.
Also oddly enough i have NO underarm hair

No you don't, your body runs hot as a reaction trying to burn the virus/bacterial infection out.

If yu lowered your temperature while sick you would only be helping the illness.

i have all my wisdom tooth very well placed inside my mouth (dont u say) . 27yo and no need at all to take it away

Oh also as a dude I can cum and keep going for another round or two and cum again.

Nothing much to tell...i can sneak up on ppl & scare the fuck out of them.

You can. If you're actually interested, I can teach you some biofeedback exercised to learn how to do it. There's a Buddhist discipline called tummo which involves conscious control of the body's thermoregulation. To practice it, monks will strip themselves naked, wrap themselves in a wet blanket, then go sit in the snow to steam themselves dry.

I know I know, I still WANT to, even though I NEED to keep my temperature up

Film or stream yourself drinking a shitload of ipecac or some other emitic without vomiting for the next however many hours, you could make quite a bit of money as a modern day circus freak kinda person. Yeah it would be quite unpleasant but hey, at least it's better than being accused of lying on the internet.

not scared about autoimmune diseases? better check that shit up

Might still want to get them removed because they are often ignored or hard to clean and rot.
Same here man, it's great.

well yeah, its kinda hard to clean it but still, i do
No way im going to remove just to be safe. if some problem emerge, dif story

>revive bugs
bees, not useless.

>1 second superstrength
more than enough time to do a lot of useful things with it. it also says nothing about a cooldown.

1 second super strength basically makes you the best fighter in the world. That's gotta be useful for something, you could make a fortune in fights and such.

This. I can talk to something in my head and it answers, it even makes up a whole adventure for me to live out during psychosis. In a way it feels like being the super hero in your very own hyper immersive adventure game, so I'd say my superpower is having a home entertainment system up there in my brain, hard part is turning it off again.

I can vomit at will. Helps when I want to get out of work/class.

a lot of these aren't useless
even things like trash detection could help if you were a maid or something

you'd still need training to time your use of the one second, but yes you could be a powerful fighter. unfortunately i don't think it would be a commercial success: people don't like to watch fights that end abruptly with a single strike; your promoters would want you to change it up and drop you when you couldn't.

>Trash detection
I think I have that one since I detected this thread

DID. instant friends.

I'm not lying. I have... control issues. I also only shit once or twice a week for the same reason: I hate the idea that my body is telling me what to do, so I refuse to acknowledge its demands. Because I only piss once a day, my bladder has stretched to hold two litres.

I was in the hospital with a serious infection in my crotch and I hadn't pissed despite getting an ocean of saline pumped into my arm. The nurses kept asking me if I was having trouble urinating and I insisted I just didn't have to go. They wouldn't believe me and thought I was just trying to avoid a catheter, so they kept using an ultra-sound on my bladder -- and they were astounded as how much my bladder could hold. They said they'd never seen someone with a bladder so large. One of my proudest moments.

Not the same poster but I saw that once on the discovery channel. At the time i was really into eastern mysticisim & meditated a lot. I started to practice it. One night it was unusually cold & was sleeping with my gf. I remember falling into a deep meditative/trance like state where i only focused on heat. The entire night we were over heated from the amount of heat i was able to produce. Only happened once tho. I havent been able to do it again.

Sleep with my right eye wide open, it follows people around the room and sources of light. Result of several operations on a lazy eye tightening the muscle.

That sounds like the sort of thing that would cause a lot of negative side effects. Like having too much of a certain enzyme or vitamin. Or at worst, you could wind up wirh blood cancer. Have you ever actually talked to a health professional about it?

Hmmm my super powers are pretty useful.

have you ever woken up from something stat startled you in your vision while already asleep?

It's called a toilet.

fuck off superman, you're an asshole